blueangel

Last night, I gave my heart to Jesus Christ. I felt a rawness in my heart and a wholeness throughout me. Because all through the night, I was fighting to surrender. One moment, I felt great fear because I realized that surrendering to Christ would be a challenge- I'd be taking on his heart, his pain and his passion. My feet began twisting in response- not wanting to let it in, fear of it. Then today, I sat down with a girl named Haileigh in one of my classes and began talking to her about life. Nothing was pouring out of me- it was like suddenly, I was just being honest and real with her. People around us even began listening. Eventually, a girl named Amber and a boy named Sam turned around, laughing and said, "You two are having an intense conversation!" and that was funny. We were like, "Quick, say something shallow!" so I complimented her shirt. Amber: "Yeah, that's all I can handle."

"You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep-seated need to believe." -Carl Sagan "I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is." -Peter Barry "People who sin say this: They had to, to survive. People who sin say this: It's too late now to stop. The shadow called Sin dogs them steadily from behind, without a word. Remorse and Agony are repeated, to finally end up at Despair. But sinners don't know that if they turn around, there is a light... a light which keeps shining on them ever so warmly. A light that will never fade" -Trigun (an anime series) "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -Romans 12:21 "The desire to reach stars is ambitious; The desire to reach hearts is wise" -- Maya Angelou. "The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."- Anne Frank "I think I would like to do something for somebody. I think it's good if someone smiles when you smile at them. The beauty of voluntary acts can foster goodwill in the hearts of others. Love which doesn't ask for collateral gives us respect as people. However, it is wrong to try to sustain that, control love. In time, the strain will bloom into the flower called Lie, the thorny flower which hurts people."- Trigun "A choice between two things. The forked road every person brought into the world must eventually face. A crossroad. Whichever path they choose, they lose something. Whichever path they choose, they are unable to find happiness. But are there really only two paths to a forked road? No. There are infinite paths we should take. There is more than one path we should take. There is more than one path into the future."-Trigun "Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change to world."- Harriet Tubman "May the love deep inside your heart find love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays." -anon "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You have to really love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball "You are what you think, or so you become." -anon “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”. Victor Frankl, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor "This is really the only reason people are ever mean. They have something hurting inside of them, a claw of unhappiness scratching away at their heart, and it makes them hurt so much that they have to push it right out of their mouth to scratch someone else, just to give themselves a rest, a moment of relief."- The Center of Everything (a novel) When all else fails, just believe. Comforting song: "Look After You"- The Fray.

You should never try to avoid being real with someone in a conversation. Just sit down with her in a comfortable setting. Emphasis that you care about her. Then, tell the truth. Let only the truth guide what you say.

Not now. But you will find the light of day again. Tell yourself that. Don't give up just yet. This is the toughest patch to get through. There are ways out all around you that don't include suicide: like changing majors perhaps...? That's what a good friend of mine did who was struggling with the same thing. He was majoring as a computer engineer or a programmer or something like that. But anyways, he began failing some of his classes. He freaked out because he knew his parents worked so hard to get him where he is now. He too has a scholarship. But he changed his major. He's going to go into computer science, but since his qpa is down, he's changing it to a theatre major for now to get it back up (computer science major requires higher qpa to switch to than the theatre one does). So in changing his major, the classes he failed were deleted from his record. He is taking computer classes and lighting classes- not necessarily theatre ones- and bringing his qpa up. After he does bring it up, that's when he's switching again. Because his heart wasn't in the programming. But he didn't kill himself to change his situation. Let go of your fears. They are limiting you from making positive changes in your life. You will find the light of day again. Even if not now.

Find refuge in other's voices if you can't believe.

Good cancels out the bad. Or sometimes a bad situation brings out the goodness in people. You have to see how right now you can use the darkness around you to shine your own light (as my siggy says!). That means: record the transformations you've gone through, the lessons you've learned and the goals yet to achieve> know yourself so you know what to DO with yourself and to understand what hasn't worked before (and why). Turn your fantasies into goals- that's why we have them. The universe gives us desires as a way to guide us. The trouble with humans though is a lot of fear holds us back...from meaningful friendships, open love and kindness and creating from your talents with no regrets/no holding back. There are good desires and potentially harmful desires. The path you choose is your decision, but once you chose, you must not doubt that you can get there. The process of transformation and growth pulls a lot out of person and that's what you're going through now. You're at a crossroad right now of choices. Light or dark. Good or bad. No matter what happens to you in your life, which will you be? You're not alone. There are doors all around you to walk through and that includes to the hearts of the people you know...to some of the people here. And you always have me to talk to. Anytime. Always. About anything. Never hesitate. You are loved, my friend. To dream a different life for yourself is to desire a different life for yourself. The universe wants you to travel that higher road, trust me, to your dreams. But, know this- nothing happens in life ever the way you expect it to. Your life may never be everything you dream it to be because of obstacles or downfalls along the way. These obstacles are tests- they test how much you really want something. You do have to prove that to the universe! The downfalls happen to send to the human soul deeper lessons, which give deeper meaning to a life than pure success in all areas would. The whole point of life is to leave having loved and lost, wept and laughed and to have experienced it all. That is why dreams don't come true so easily- because it is the hardships of the journey which mold us into all that we are. It is the journey that helps us to reach our potential, not just the destination itself. You are a child of the universe! You'll be alright if you let the warmth of that knowledge hug you in hard times- if you know there is a pattern, a purpose, and a plot to everything- if you choose to reach your potential (rather than conform along with everyone else). Choose the path of you. It's time.

Siraf is completely right.

Just because he is challenging the things said doesn't mean he hasn't processed them all in at the same time. Challenging someone doesn't always imply ignorance. You dig an argument by opposing it. That's how a person moves past obvious arguments to the real truth (the backing of each argument, what makes it work and why). Real truth should explain everything and leave no questions. A side of an argument can't win unless there are no more doubts concerning it, no more questionings of it, until all has been expained. If a person doesn't agree with your side of the argument, you haven't convinced them well enough through YOUR logic and reasoning. It isnt automatically because THEIRS is faulty or something. Yours is simply being tested to see from what grounds do you claim what you say and if they are sturdy enough to withstand all challenges: to see if they are really true. He's allowed to have questions. He's allowed to disagree. If people simply absorbed advice they are given but doubtful of, they would never understand the reasoning behind the advice and how the reasoner promoting it got there. The backing of the arguments are what he seeks out- to see if they are sturdy, if they can work no matter what. There is no reason for you to challenge him back through means of complaining about his way of challenging you. Sorry the way it's done is making you annoyed, but it's also testing you- as long as it does that, it serves its purpose. No use whining.

I think girls grow more in tune with their body because of their period and other things they have to pay attention to about themselves. They feel pressured by society and other girls to wear makeup which also makes them more prone to internally analyzing themselves, rather than outloud- learning quickly through observing their culture that women must be more polished and less obnoxious/loud/rebellious if they can because it is unattractive. Females teach other females this the most and it is less learned by understanding what males want but by how the females act around them. Many females feel they must be more polished than guys, and this causes them to be stiffer- more repressed as they move through their life. It is through their relationships that have a chance to express outwardly their emotions and so a communicative relationship becomes one of their "needs." Females become more aware of their body at a young age because they start periods young and must pay attention to the warning signals their body sends. These simple factors about a female's development make her subconsciously aware of herself in ways men are often unfamiliar with. Then, there is a female's brain. It works differently than a male's, but lifestyle and environment still take a tool on its development of habits and communication process (what I said above). Oh, I don't know!

You just made me appreciate even more the fact that my boyfriend is older than me, being 20. I choose not to date boys my age and you've confirmed that I shouldn't! I want someone who cares about the world. Most high schoolers don't, but for some reason I do. I am drawn to older males. And he and I don't live in a fantasy. We just happen to live in the brightest part of reality because we are responsible and secure with ourselves. This may or may not have anything to do with gender or having an age gap. Some things are just right for some people.

The type of thoughts you have stir you to your life path. If you give into doubts, your journey becomes uncertain because you decide it to be so. If you trust that you can contribute yourself in any way to the world or to the people around you or to God, then that trust builds a path itself.

That is my opinion. It came from me. thereforeeee it is a fact. Basically, girls and guys are different, yet are also equal. Still, older males have a better ability to be mature than younger ones do (even if they don't exercise that ability)- This is what is appealing to females because of our common "romantic fantasies"- we look for someone who can take us somewhere meaningful. Many may not look for that at first, but subconsciously I think most do, most try in some way. I think men are generally protective of females. That's why SOME are less trusting of "older men" with younger females because visualizing that, they think of an older man as having more "power" over a female and a female becoming more vulnerable in the man's presense in whatever shape or form. Whereas females first think, "more knowledge, more experience- what a turn on. I'm attracted to that." And also, many don't think of themselves as someone they need to watch out for. Humans get themselves into trouble because of an inability to look at the big picture or their actions from an outsider's standpoint, just from a standpoint of thoughts like "here's what I think I want" and that's about it. So some females think of other females as other "me's" and support any "just going after whatever I want" decisions because they are thinking from a "me" standpoint, not necessarily that their friend could be making a bad decision. Guys can be like this with other guys as well. Understand? (neither do I I probably should have just stopped at the first paragraph) Please keep in mind that I'm guessing and throwing out whatever pops in my head that makes sense. Of course there are always exceptions and no true facts in regards to male versus female behavior. Lastly, when I said what I said above, I meant that light heartily- almost like...I don't know....a joke, something to push your buttons. I guess it wasn't apparant enough, huh? I didn't carry accross the right tone there. I'm just a little sarcastic thing, really.

If you have nothing to live for, then just find enjoyment of being. You can be anything you want to be. We have the capacities through our emotions, logic, and even imaginations to make any world for ourselves to escape to at anytime. But need not escape. Need not live for anything. Just be who you are and experience that. Accept that. Find contentment in motionless living- just looking around, no matter what is there and seeing everything as a mirror of the human heart. Every storm cloud that passes your way, every leaf that falls to the ground and every home that is broken. See it all as a mirror and reflect. Just be. When everything blows up in your face, you blow off everything to be alone or somewhere else or with someone else until you are ready to return and pick up the pieces...whether it take a moment or some years. When you fail or become a public mockery, you must make yourself humble so you steadily walk through it to a new horizon. There will always be one that lays ahead if you move towards it no matter what, dropping your fears and insecurities on the road behind you. Remember this: the spirit breaks only once we believe it can be broken.

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It's a fact: we're more mature than males who are our age. We want someone we can learn and grow from- that can truly romance us like a man and not a boy.

Yes, I did that, but it still turned me orange slowly over time. I hated it! (maybe it was just the place, but the experience was still bad) A tanning lotion that worked for me was Vaseline Intensive Care Healthy Body Glow.

THAT turned me orange.

There's nothing that special about it, but some people are obsessed. The first time I went, I went for about seven minutes and each time, that amount of minutes increased. You basically go into a room and there is a white towel, sunscreen (make sure you get some!), tiny eye goggles which you have to wear because of the UV rays which DO go through your eyelids so closing your eyes doesn't even help, and then sometimes a radio close by. You shut the door and spray the tanning bed with stuff that cleans and then dry off with the towel. You do the same after you finish tanning then get dressed in the room The first time was a little scary feeling- I didnt know what to focus on to pass the time, but now I listen to the radio. The lights come on pretty brightly so keep your eyes closed until the timer has gone off, then you can open the tanning bed. Just a note- don't close yourself in all the way. Leave a little crack open. I felt safer when I did that. link removed read this People turn orange when they go excessively and start crisping themselves with the amount of time they spend doing it.

Not all can get the real thing. But yeah- it's totally disgusting. I disaprove of anyone into that (even though a few years ago, I used to be- out of curiosity)

I'm horny now most of the time. Being squeezed (and hard) does turn me on. It isn't just out of "love" that I happen to get horny. I also would like to be bitten. Agreesiveness turns me on. The guy gotta want it and work for it. Move me all around. But when nothing sexual is going on, I usually watch my male teacher's butts and lust about seducing them, tying them to...something.

I have more where that came from. Drop me a line anytime you need it. I'm glad that helped. And wow, you are 15- and have been through such pain. But you know what? I think for the rest of your life, it could and might make you work harder towards happiness and light because you fear going back to that dark place. At least that's what happened to me...

Express yourself. Strive to know who you are. That's what your life will center around. Stepping stones for me were these: praying- sometimes pleading with God- reading books like "Conversations with God" and "Little Soul and the Sun" and "Purpose Driven Life" (when I was thirteen- each made me cry), watch the movies "Before Sunset," "If Only"- starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" and "Final Fantasy: Advent Children"- mainly for the church action scene, ending scenes and the special features. Listen to these songs. (they'll be from me to you!) "The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight"- The Eels "If you see Natalie"- The Eels "Blind"-Lifehouse "I Belong to me"-Jessica Simpson "Hurt"-Christina Aguilara "We Belong Together"-Gavin Degraw "In Loving Memory"- Alter Bridge "Savin Me"- Nickleback "Brighter than Sunshine"- Aqualung And then buy the CD, Nickle Creek. Trust me- it takes you to a peaceful place. It surprised me. Find one person to let your thoughts/feelings out to. Find one person to give everything and let go of everything. Say, "Hi me..." when you look in the mirror in the morning and "Thank you, God for everything..." before you go to sleep at night. Beauty product that is a must: Aveeno Positively Radiant Facial Cleanser, get the daily pads/wipes one that exfoliates as well as freshens.

Everytime I'm bored. About three-four times a day. although, ever since I lost my virginity, that's kinda lessened. As a girl or as just me, I don't really need it now that I got it. It's like... once you get the package, you've seen it and are like, "oh. ok...that's different, I can get used to this..." and move on. I'm a lot more focused now on other things, less bored, less horny- less often.

It seems like you want to run yourself into the ground with all this healthy attitude and action stuff. Be careful. It's okay to feel.

That's nothing to really analyze. Your behavior speaks for yourself- whatever the reason or varius underlying intentions- you are a good person. Helping others. If only I knew how to do the same. What kind of things do you do?