FuriousSam

If you want to know, there's only one way: Ask him.

Here's what I think: Some people never learn. Now, it's ok to get back together, but you should have address his disappearing act and put your foot down on the fact that you don't like it (Right after he did it of course). Now if you do get back together (Which is your choice), I really don't think that he won't disappear on you some other time. But that's just my opinion.

There's only one way to find out. If you want to ask him to go, go ask. Don't wait for more signals if you got some already (Or as long as they were not negative). Guess what happens to people who waits too long? The other party thought that he/she is not interested and they move on.

First of all, treat him like a normal guy. You might like him, but seeing him as some god on Mt. Olympus will only mess you up. Now, since it looks like he made the first move, you have to do something now. You missed your chance on that one, but if you don't do anything about it, it'll get worse. Just simply go up to him and say hi to start a conversation (Once again, by treating like a normal guy, you should have no problem doing this). If he asks you what happened last time (And don't bring it if he doesn't), just tell him what you typed here.

If he really likes her, do you think he would "lose" her number? If he really likes her, do you think he would not call? If he really likes her, he'll find a way to get a hold of her. If you do give it a chance, address this (In a joking manner) because you don't want to reinforce bad behaviour.

You say she doesn't really start conversations with you at all? And then she made no effort to have fun with you regardless of who's friends you guys are out with? I would say those are signs of low interest. Telling her your feelings will only drive her away.

You blame the media for that? They didnt originate it, they simply offere what is popular for women as they are a majority of soap operas consumers. The media is like amirror: it reflects demands of society. And nowdays women say more loudly what they wanna watch. So.."pussification" of men happens not cuz of the "bad" media. The media is just a carrier of info that many consumers wants. I guess since women were oppressed before, some are very happy now with this "pussification" process as it draws power from men and directly gives it to women. Same analogies can be found with any oppressed minoroties: for examle african americam minority was very oppressed before 50s. You took my example out of context, read it again with the rest of it.

dreynolds is right, just because she didn't have fun, don't ignore her by turning up the music. You were acting childish there. And since you two were hanging out with your friends, you should have open her up more by putting her on the spot then tease her about it if she wants to dodge it. Those are your friends, you are her key to them. And about the car comment, you could have say something like, "Oh, I guess next time we'll just have to go out alone then." That would have gotten you a date right there.

Survival of the fittest is the key here. We are programmed through millions of years to seek out the best and to have offsprings with him/her so our children will survive. Why do women seek someone that's good looking, successful, tall, smart, etc... The same goes for men who seeks the 0.7 (Or something like that) ratio. On your very first post in the last paragraph you asked about how we can't shake our primal instinct even though we are more intelligent than chimpanzees. Have you heard of the theory about the Triune Brain? Primal drives has been with us for millions of years while society and even civilizations are a recent development compared to it. When you talked about how there's an unspoken rule in our society, it's more like this primal drive within all of us. There was a thread a few days ago discussing about nature vs nurture and although I believe that nurture is more important than nature, we cannot shake off what was given to us at our births. One note that I do have to point out is that in our society today, there seems to be more of a "confusion" in gender roles. Guys don't know how to be men and women becoming more manly if you will. And that is the conflict between society and our primal instincts. My guess as to the origin of this would be that of the media and how they "pussified" men and confusing the women as well. But there are others who thinks that the women's rights movement has something to do with it. An example of this would be we see how men try to get girls in the movies or soaps (Wine them, dine them, buy them gifts, sing to them, etc...). Then when we do this, we get a completely different response from them and we are left to wonder what happened. Of course a lot of girls will tell you that they love those things if you ask them and that's because they have been poisoned by the media as well.

Are you asking how you can make this work or you want someone to tell you to move on?

Your mindset about women is wrong. Look at it this way: If a woman is only after your money and not you, why would you want her? Money can do a lot for you, but it is not everything. Focus on your good points and change your attitude towards yourself (Also work on your bad points if you feel that you need to change something), then the chicks will come.

So instead of being productive at work, you come on here to rant on how you are fed up being lonely? Are you looking for cyber attention? If you are, you've come to the right place.

If you really liked her, you would have gone out. You don't really like her and you are just telling yourself you like her because you know she liked you.

If you hate being lonely that bad, do something about it instead of sitting in front of a screen and typing it away unless you want an online gf or something. You said you got friends, how close are you with any of them? Don't they have other friends who you can meet?

How long do you know each other and how well? You really should stop thinking about her. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to do it or else you are only going to drive yourself crazy. She's the only thing that makes you happy? So if she avoids you because you told her your feelings and she doesn't like that, what are you going to do? Things of this nature should always be discussed in person and nothing else. That's my $0.02.

Read what you wrote. Isn't it the same thing with just a role reverse? You are doing exactly what you don't like.

Or more guys should learn how to read woman's subtle language.

People cheat because they can and we always want to do things that are forbidden, it's human nature. However, most people would argue that they will not do it because of our social conditioning.

How about getting to know the parents and letting them get to know you?

This is something that I found really true: "I think love with a woman is what happens AFTER the infatuation has worn off. Sure you still find her physically attractive, but it's not the sex that's the most important thing, it's the trust, the familiarity, the common interests and goals, the mutual support etc. The trouble is most people today don't see this. Sex is all that matters for most men, and emotional drama is all that matters for most women. If either party doesn't get enough satisfaction in these areas, they will just look for someone else to provide it." -- Austin Allegro As for hate, I believe that hate and love are not that far apart like the opposite of the spectrum most people would think. There are many similarities that made me believe that they are very much related; kind of hand in hand if you will. As for trying to control emotions, it is an irrational thing. But yes, over time and many different situations, we learn to accept it more and more and the dealings gets easier.

Love at first sight? You mean Lust at first sight.

Maybe you are too aggressive; either you are "boring" or you scared them away. Guys or rather people in general like to guess which somehow makes it interesting. Another reason is that maybe the guys you are interested in are wussies because they think that guys should take control of thing but you are the one in control. Then there's also that they might not really like you... One thing about pursue, you have to do something like a tug and pull. Keep them guessing while you don't reveal too much. Keep the mystery. As far as number of phone calls, judge by how the conversations go. If you find that it gets boring, not matter how good their voice sounds, cut down on the phone calls. I am a pretty active person, so I like to do things in person, but I don't mind talking on the phone once in awhile too and each person is different.

You can use the hair test. Basically, stroke her hair and see her reaction. If a girl isn't comfortable with you, do you think she would let you touch her hair? So if she doesn't give you any negative reaction, you are good to go. Or you can always try the traditional "What's that over there?" method, lol.

The book teaches you how to turn negative thinking into a positive one. The term is called reframing. Here's an example: Let's take the case of 2 guys in High School. Guy 1 sees a girl he is 'attracted' to and contemplates all the possibilities of a relationship, how beautiful she is, what sex could be like down the road, the dates they could go on, and the endless thoughts that consume his brain prior to taking action. He even incorporates some negative ones as well, such as the potential rejection, her dumping him in the future, or even cheating on him. He takes action finally, or maybe he delays until the moment is right. In any event, he killed the potential learning experience and even potential friendship/relationship by anticipating so much. Worse off, his "frame" of women he's attracted to is negative. This is bad. Now, whenever he sees a girl he likes, he'll feel like he will fail already. That is unless he works up the courage to try again. Otherwise, he will assimilate this vision, this outcome, as if X=Y, as 1+1=2, and now you have AFC-dome. Because he WAS a man here, he feels the next course of action is to SLIDE in there, via a friendship, or wait and wait and wait, or try "to get her to like me through gifts, gloating, and kissing ass." Guy 2 on the other hand views meeting women as an experience. He sees her as cute, and thinks at the very least, it'd be a nice addition to the day to chat with a cute girl. She isn't threatening, she's his type, so if they seem compatible, then maybe there's a future. Guy 2 takes action and succeeds, because he's not pressured to seduce her all at once. He realizes the dance/journey may last only this conversation, or it may last forever, one cannot possibly know WHAT this dance will be, the "thong song" or the "bon jovi always song." He merely does at the moment the thought that comes to him. And succeeds! From then on out, he is conditioned to believe in himself and that it doesn't hurt to meet people, or girls he likes. Why shouldn't he go for girls he likes? What others should he go for, ones he doesn't like, won't treat well, or waste their time? NO! These 2 guys might be the same looking, but achieved different results, partly because of their view on approaching, but also it includes an element of unexpectedness...something where they have no control. Maybe... -she was PMSing. -failed a test. -lost a dear friend. -was recently dumped. -is a lesbian. -doesn't like you. Reframing deals with reshaping, or flipping the coin. In essense, it gives you the tools to realize there's multiple view points to story, so if you're watching a movie, perhaps your friend sees the explosion, while you hear the explosion, and yet another friend FEELs the car exploding. The book is a little tough to read (At least for me) but very well written.

Try this book called Mindlines.