nicholascrack

Hey John, I just wanted to say how happy I was to read your message! forty-four days is amazing! You realize that sometimes you have to go through misery and lonliness to get the end result. And you even acknowledged the fact that it isn't 100 percent sure you'll even be friends after all is said and done. John, no contact is lonely. But you've already made it this far. I'm sure there has been healing on your side, as well as hers. I hope you will continue to grow and heal. I hope you will at the very least remain friends. I've learned that the ex somehow knows about the concept of no contact, and the fact that she hasn't reached out after that length of time, does not mean she has lost interest or cares about you. It's not what you think. Stay strong, man! You're doing great. The holidays often have a weird way of changing hearts too. Sincerely, Nicholas

I agree with most of what you both had to say. You go from having the person say they love you, then two days later, after a trip out of town, they don't even pick up your calls. It's getting to be too much for one guy to handle. I am a strong man, I've been shot at, seen friends die in front of me, been arrested, but I kept going. But this thing with this girl just continually beats me down to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go through that again. I did once and I can't do it again. This isn't usually like me. I hate what I've become. I used to not let this petty stuff get to me, but here I am, wallowing in self-defeat. Four months ago, something inside my mind just snapped. I don't know how else to explain it. I was a happy, young, successful, good-looking man. Now I am reduced to this pitiful mess. And that's what angers me the most. I was never like this ever before. I've been with girls that have broken my heart and I would move on so easily. Then you find, "the one," and you start thinking about a future. "When you find the one that's true, that's the one that's gonna do it to you..." I just can't seem to get out of this rut that I'm in. I'd love to be able to just carry on and live my life, but this stuff just beats me down. I never thought I'd be the type to ever want to surrender to this sort of sadness... Sigh... Nicholas

Hey everyone, It's been a while since I've posted anything, but know that I've been reading your posts and appreciating the strength I receive from doing so. The worst part is not knowing what is going on. My ex and I both feel that we want to be together later on, but now is not the right time. In the meantime, she has said that she wants to date other guys. Hmmm...Somedays that sounds more appealing than others. We talk on the phone everyday for hours and hours, see eachother at school and try to hang out with eachother as much as we possibly can. Which is why this weekend is so troubling. She left to go to another town for the weekend for a school event. She hasn't talked to me in several days, doesn't respond to my IM's or my phone calls. It's starting to look like the last time she left me for another guy: she didn't say anything, I found out when we were at the same club two nights in a row. That was so hard on me. It devestated me. I HATE NOT KNOWING. Sometimes I'd rather she call me up and say, I'm dating this guy, maybe we should chill for a while. I would appreciate and respect that. Not answering the phone and not responding to my messages just makes me feel like an idiot. And I hate that. I hate not knowing. I had to read her MSN profile to find out we were broken up last time, "My new boyfriend is the best and I hope you know it." Anyways, maybe there are people out there that know what I'm talking about, that hate not knowing what is going on and feel like losers trying to get in touch with someone that doesn't want to be in touch. Sigh... Your thoughts would all be appreciated. Sincerely, Nicholas

Wow. It sounds like A wanted to move on but didn't want to see you move on. Thats what kind of happens a lot of the time, in my situation anways. My ex talks about wanting to "see what else is out there," so that "she knows for sure things are right," but if I mention I caught a cute girl staring at me in my Fine Arts class, golllly. Its a shame things didn't work out with B. She could have been what you needed to get over A. If you really have to get over A, I'd do No Contact. You're giving yourself a chance to heal. Maybe by the time you haven't spoken in two months, you find a new girl, we'll call her C thats better than A or B combined. If not, you'll be in a better position anyways to deal with A after you've had a little space. My humble opinion, Nicholas

Fantasia, I REALLY appreciate your posts, all the time. I guess I should clarify, my ex saw the guy but they broke up after just two weeks. She is now single, as am I. We hang out all the time and talk constantly. Her actions during that time with the new guy really hurt me and I have to forgive, but not forget (I'm stealing from your signature ). Its important to do that so that we can move on as individuals and move on as friends, perhaps more in the future. And you put it all into perspective. Tragically, this weekend, I lost a friend of mine. I don't know all the particulars, but he was selling drugs, like me. He was in the middle of getting busted and decided to swallow the drugs and ended up dying of an overdose. I am at a loss of words. It is such a shock to all of us. Of all the ways to go, that is one... Life is so precious. I'm glad I'm out and doing the right thing now. I can sympathize with my friend. I know what he felt. He had gotten arrested three weeks before, and I know what you think, "stupid. why would you go back," but its a different world sometimes. His back was against the wall. When I was getting arrested, if I had had more time, I might have done the same thing, (swallowing the drugs) not knowing the harm it could cause. Its just such a shame... sorry for getting off topic there. Fantasia, you're heavensent. R.I.P. Chason Nicholas

Well, I guess I should give a little background. I'm 21 and made a lot of bad choices. I got arrested for trafficking, and at this age, it feels like everything is over. I try to get a legitimate job but doors close because of my charges. I broke up with my girlfriend of four years about four-six months ago. It was kind of more of a demise than a break-up. A lot of things happened that were traumatic to me; I saw her with another guy two weeks after I got arrested, they had been intimate...these things have had a lasting impression on me. I just can't seem to get past a lot of these feelings. Trying to get on the right track is the most difficult part sometimes... Nicholas

I'm in a very tough period in my life right now and the break up with my girfriend was especially difficult for me. I think its more than just being sad about losing her. Its almost as if I have lost a lot of the joy I used to have. At what point do you have to say, "I need to talk to someone to get out of this rut." Feeling down and out, Nicholas

Sparky, I say you call him up. Five years and she doesn't even mention a guy friend? Calling him instead of you? Call him up, but make sure you aren't confrontational with him. Level with him and say you just want to know what is going on. It could very well be that he also has no idea what is going on. My ex-girlfriend would always call girls up she found on my phone, sometimes even ending up becoming their friend...sigh...good times

lonelynshy, Hey buddy. Some girl is going to find you, unspoiled, unrotten, without any baggage from earlier relationship and realize what a gem that is. That is so rare these days! Girls would probably kill for that. You probably don't have the disgusting and ridiculous habits that others have, such as taking things for granted, having hurt and bitterness built up. Girls wouldn't see that as an inadequecy. Perhaps they'd see that you've never been in a relationship as an asset, and would gladly want to be the first girl you loved. Or something like that, you know what I mean? You're only 20, man. Don't worry!! Nicholas

Goddess, I know exactly what you mean. You're in a class of like fifty people and you don't want to look like some weirdo coming up to a person and just striking up a conversation. I'm in the same boat. There is this gorgeous girl in one of my classes and I feel like there is a bit of attraction there. I'm just not sure what to do. Like you, I've been out of the "game" for a while. It's hard when you're in post-secondary. In high school it was so much easier... Nicholas

Hey man, I wouldn't get too concerned yet. If I'm not mistaken, isn't the prom for at least another six months? That's how it is here in Canada...anyways, I didn't have a date for the prom, neither did a lot of my friends. We got dressed up, got drunk in the limo and hung around the whole time. When it was time for the after-party, we were ready for anything. Don't feel so pressured. You don't need a date to have fun. Go with your parents even. In Canada, its not the prom where the most fun is to be had. It's the afterparty. Remember that: The Afterparty. Have fun, you made it through like twelve, thirteen years of hard work. You deserve this man. Peace

Kay, there is this gorgeous girl in one of my classes. I'm a first year student studying music, and so is she. We are both taking a Fine Arts Introductory course. Problem is, I'm not too sure how to ask her out. I've been out of commission for a good six years due to other relationships, and have forgotten all of my moves. What is the best way to ask her out? She's always around a group of friends, which kind of intimidates me. It's hard to catch her by herself to talk to her... Nicholas

I'm KIIIIINNNDDAAA dating my ex. We hang out almost every chance we get. Its more than friendship, although there isn't much intimate contact. We've been getting closer and closer over the past few weeks. We go on "dates," where we go to dinner, watch movies, hang out at each other's houses and cuddle in bed. Though I am the only guy in her life and she is the only girl in mine, it still seems it is only at a friendship stage. I sometimes think the only reason she isn't moving on is because she doesn't want to hurt me. The last time she moved on, she didn't tell me, I had to see them at a bar, and with everything else going on in my life, I almost fell completely apart. I think she doesn't want that to happen again, because she really cares for me. I tell her that all I want is for her to be happy... Dating my ex. Yeah, its not the least complicated thing in the world to do. We just try to take it one day at a time. Nicholas

Pologirl, I really admire your courage and conviction. I have to be honest, the things I was doing two months ago really sound like your ex. You are doing everything right by the sounds of it. Is this someone you eventually want to get back together with or someone you wanna get over? Nicholas

It certainly reached me, confusseedd. Very good message. A very good friend of mine and my ex's was killed Saturday night in car accident. He was only twenty years old. That sort of event puts everything into perspective, how precious and short life can be. I really appreciated the message. It came at a very good time. I hope the best for your friend. Sincerely, Nicholas

Escalade, You're the man! I had the same situation happen to me a month or so ago, and believe me, I wish I handled it like you did. I think you played things well. I like how you didn't talk about the relationship with her when you had lunch. That is key. You sound like everything is going well. Just be patient, man. Nicholas

I think thats a very nice, friendly gesture, Roxy. Very sweet thing to do.

I'm kind of in the midst of a success story. But I had to make a lot of changes in order to get this far. The reason we broke up was because I was selling drugs and going on a path of total self-destruction. After I got arrested, we got closer and than went through some tumultuous times. Timing was everything. She went out with some guy for a couple weeks, got physical and was dumped rather harshly. I was there when she fell. I started to be the guy she always wanted, the guy I was before I was slanging. I spent time with her and made her feel special. We've had our pitfalls. Sometimes we take four steps forward, and three back. I've stopped selling drugs completely and got into university, the same faculty as her. Now we spend a lot of time together. She showed up at the bar I was at last night and we had so much fun together. My only advice is if you have to change, change. Actions speak louder than words. We're still in the friend stage, but are growing closer and closer each day. It takes work and patience. I don't expect too much, I don't look for signs in anything she does. I take things for what they're worth. That's very important. Don't set yourself up for dissappointment. Don't give up. Many of you on here are great people who deserve happiness.

Hi clarabelle, Sorry to get off topic, but I was curious when you said you were a musician. What instrument do you play? N.

hey mephesto56, Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not really too sure what to tell you, but I liked how you asked if he wanted to watch a DVD at his house with him. Hang out with him, making him feel comfortable and relaxed. Try not to bring up the breakup during these preliminary stages. And although kissing him might seem like a good idea, I'm not so sure I would do it. I often feel like kissing my ex, but I'm scared that there is a possibility of rejection. That would be pretty harsh, I imagine. I know it seems so sudden, but eventually he'll want to talk about it. Guys are like that. I'm like that. Something is bothering us inside, and we just want to get away from everybody, even the people we love. Be patient. Keep your head up. N.

Otrebla, It looks to be tough right now. A lot of people have told you to let go, which is good advice. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but a similar situation happened with me. My ex and I had been together for a long time. I began to change once I started hanging with my crew and working with them. We split up, but once I got arrested, we basically reconciled and started falling in love. One night I went to a bar. She had said she was having a girls' night out. I saw her there with a group of guys and was obviously angry. I felt cheated and insulted. I threw a drink at her and yelled, "I slept with you four nights ago," just not in those words. The next night, she was at a different bar when I ran into her. I approached her and said I wanted to talk, but her new guy said, "She doesn't want to talk to you, allright?" I was floored. I was devestated. Three years and this is how she chose to tell me? By having me see her at the bar with the guy? Her and this guy were together for a few weeks. They got physical very quickly. Her profile on MSN said that "My new BF is the best in the world..." and all these other things. I was so hurt. She said that this new guy made her happy, spent all this time with her. I was really upset that she went on his bike. The whole reason I never bought a bike was because she said she would never go on it. I wanted a bike so bad! Anyways, the new guy fools around with her and decides he wants HIS ex girlfriend back. So now she is left with nothing. That's when I called her. Now we hang out almost every day and say, "I love you," after every conversation. But those events are not easy to get over. I waited a year before I even touched her breast! She waited a week before she got naked with this guy. That's what hurts the most. I feel so bitter, it is still a very sensitive subject. The point is, sometimes things look bad. Your ex might be so quick to try to forget about you that they throw caution and morals to the wind. Be prepared to move on. If they don't work out, be there as a friend to catch her when she falls. That's all you can do. If you have faith in the love the two of you had, just be patient. In the meantime, work out, hang out with other girls. Have a little fun, man. You've had a rough time. Ease up and live life a little. Trust me, it will help. Do what you love. Keep your head up, playa. Start moving forward, and if it's meant to be, it'll be. Only time will tell. N.

1. About three years 2. It's hard to really say, broke up really around two-three months ago. The line between break-up and together was blurred at times. 3. I became a different person after I began selling drugs, making money, etc. I made very little time for her and her needs. 4. I'm 21, she's almost 20.

I like a girl with a nice natural face, that isn't caked with make-up. I like a girl who wears designer clothes, that looks like they have hundred-dollar haircuts, etc. Nothing catches my attention more than a nice label on a shirt. I look for a nice figure. I'm 6'4", so I like a girl that's tall as well. I hate girls that think they're above a certain person. I get so frustrated with my friends when they see a girl they like and they say, "she's too good for me." Man, nobody is too good for you! If a girl thinks she's too good for me, I'm quick to tell her the truth. Humility with a quiet confidence shows class. One example, I drove my beater to the local convenience store, saw a nice looking girl, and smiled at her. I was dressed in sweats, hair kind of messy. I was just getting cigarettes, right? Anyways, she shakes her head and completely ignores me. THE VERY NEXY WEEK, I'm stopping at the store with my Mercedes this time, dressed in Prada and Versace. THE SAME GIRL is there, and says, "Nice car, handsome." I chuckled and said, "I had the same thing last week when you didn't have time for me." I could tell she felt like a big idiot. So to summarize, I like a natural, pretty face; Tall, long legs; Keen fashion sense; humility with self-confidence. Nicholas

Hey, I'm down with h_b_k_02's idea, getting her to come out and surprise her with a wonderful evening. I myself am faced with a similar query: I am spending the weekend with my ex. HOWEVER, I bring up a couple of points. 1) Getting rejected, especially with the kiss, might really hurt you. You gotta be careful with the way you throw yourself out there. Make sure you're reading her signals right. 2) Make sure she feels comfortable no matter what situation she's in. I don't know a whole lot about your situation, but I personally, am not going to litter rose petals and light candles throughout my room. I think that kind of looks sleazy and planned. Make it look spontaneous. My favorite is, "Oh my God, I just realized I ran out of Dom Perignon. Uh, I'll be right back." I try to give the best advice I can, but it should be noted I've only been with like two girls during the past seven years (I'm only 21), and both relationships were ruined by my selling drugs. Nicholas

Things are going amazingly well with my ex and I. We have hung out so much after I called her up. She wants to spend all this time with me, and suggests things to do together. I've made a point of ditching my friends from time to time to hang out with her, which looks really impressive. She's sleeping over for the weekend. I'm wondering what to do. I don't really want to make a physical move on her; I feel that might cement a lot of our feelings and I want to let it be known where my heart is. I also don't want to look like a sleaze-hound. Help me out ladies, what's the right thing to do?