tylercdurden2004

I believe she said she needs to be herself. Give her that respect. Let it go. A relationship is not just about you. No matter how much YOU want it to work it wont if BOTH people dont want it to work. You cant lie, trick, buy, guilt her into beign with you. Again 6 weeks is a VERY short time let it go and find someone else.

Its only been 6 weeks together I would leave it. If she wants to contact you she will.

I have seen many posts on this subject lately. Although Ii dont understand how a person or man in this case can be intimidated by you material possessions and your career it is very possible that there are some men out there who are. The thing I think might be more worthwhile looking at is your attitude or as the above poster says "vibes." I suspect in these cases it has more to do with the girls attitude that it does her "success." I mean would you date a guy who had a fancy car just because he had a fancy car? Would you date a guy just because he had a good job? Same goes or most men. If indeed you feel you do not NEED a man this may be the vibes you are giving off, even if you dont feel like you are. Quite frankly the statement confuses me because I am unsure about what you mean when you say you dont NEED a man? What is it about a man you dont need? His money? His string arms to fix things? or Do you mean you dont need a man as emotional fulfillment? As an intimate partner? What does needing or better yet WANTING a man entail to you?

I would hold tight to what you are doing. If you feel you need no contact to get over her then impliment it. NC is about you and only you. Its not about getting her back, its not about making her feel bad its not about her at all. From what you wrote it sounds like she wants a friendship on her terms. I went through this with my recent ex. We were together for 3 years and after we broke up I did NC for 2 months and then she contacted me asking if we could talk (over email). I said "yes no problem, what is it that you want to talk about." Problem is she didnt really want to talk like two adults, she wanted me to answer why we broke up why she didnt understand etc. Simply she wanted me to provide her with the answers. Eventually I emailed her asking her some questions which she never answered. She then sent me an email saying "I think its normal that when 2 people break up they still talk to each other." Of course we can talk but not when its a one way street. I realized this was what our relationship was about, about me being open and her not being open. All I can say is it sounds like she is trying to get you to feel bad for not talking to her and is trying to intimidate you into playing her game. So you're a coward for not talking to her? Maybe email her back and tell ehr she lost that priviledge of talking to you the day she broke up with you, or better yet ignore her BS. You owe her nothing, thats what happens when you break up with someone. End of story.

Sure I understand the difference, my point wasnt necessarily addressed to you, but to people in general. Doya's post made me think about my convo I had today. In short there is a difference between happiness, lonliness, and affection but they all go hand in hand and are closely interlinked.

I think this is important to note. Many people feel having someone else in there life is something that will eliminate lonliness and bring them happiness. This may be true but generally only if you can bring yourself happiness and fulfillment. I had this very discussion with my father today in regards to a few of my friends who are in less than ideal relationships. It all stems from them wanting someone in there life that they "settle" for someone who doesnt bring them true happiness. They are so in need of happiness through someone else.

That is the best explaination I have ever read about love.

This is the only part of your post i didnt like.

You cant MAKE her coem back to you. A break is a break up. And continuing to be friends afterwards is often difficult if not impossible. Take some time to work on yourself if she comes back then she comes back there is nothing i repeat NOTHING you can do. I ahve been there done that and bought the T-shirt. Most people have.

I would do nothing. Contacting her friends is a big no-no. Most likely she is unable to be honest with you tell you she doesnt want to continue. Could be something happened in that case I would say if it was important enough for you to know then you would be contacted. Move on at this point.

I see the issue less with alcohol and more within yourself. Alcohol doesnt make someone do something it certainly can help you get up the nerve but again people dont do things under the influence if they dont want to. Maybe I am reading it wrong but I am unsure as to why male attention is so important to you?

Doesnt sound like a healthy relationship all around.

Why is it that you need male attention?

Maybe he feels you arent supportive enough when he is having issues. You can only talk to him!

Perfect girl for me can wear flip flops and shorts as well as a great evening dress and a bit o' make up.

Pineapple.

Is the issue with video games only coming up when you are on the phone? Its sounds like you guys spend time together at least at school. Really the phone should be used if you CANT see each other. Is there an issue with seeing each other out of school?

Thats unfortunate to hear. I guess you can look at it as a learning experience. As for the advice here on this board, alot of it is good alot of it is bad. The main thing is to listen to what people say and think about it nothing more. Its good to have different opinions because when you are goign throuigh something it can help you understand and see what might be happening, irrespective of your feelings.

Alles Klar!

Excellent communication strategy! Communicating may work here but if they are not able to see how each person feels and where they may be coming from in terms of communcation styles they might as well be speaking two different languages to each other.

Next tiem you have sex stop him before he comes. Do this a few times and then talk to him about it! Seriously though it sounds like hes not at all giving or understanding so I dont know how you could motivate him to pleasure you before sex. Unless he really likes foreplay. I would talk to him and say you are unhappy and if it doesnt change you may have to give him his walking papers.

I agree to an extent. It doenst sound like he is withdrawing at all. But having different communcation style can present serious challenges to any relationship, intimate, family, work. Its up to each individual to understand that it takes some work and how much work they are willing to put in. Some people look for "someone who understands me completely" what they are saying is someone who can hear what I am saying. Essentially it adds up to not wanting to work at understanding. In relationships both parties have to "come to the table" sadly some people do not want to understand these differences and feel that people should just understand them. As Ms. Tannen says : "Women and men are inclined to understand each other in terms of their own style because we assume we all live in the same world." It cant be said better than that. Thats why its important to understand how other people may be cdommunicating so you can adapt your style. This is what is known as "Situaltional Leadership." Ideally both parties will have this understanding otherwise one party may be doing all the work.

Of course there is always differences liek I said "tend to." Maybe you date guys who are more "sensitive." Who knows. Men generally fall into "report" style communciation. That is talking abotu facts figure etc. This is why for instance newspapers are overwhelmingly read by men. Women generally fall into "rapport" style communication. That is talking about relationships (not jsut romantic), community etc. This is why "gossip" magazines are more popular with women. As for my reference to relationship talk I used it as a example. To me the way the OP titled the thread says a lot. Its assumed by her that his not talking at length is a sign of not caring. To me it indicates a lack of understanding of what he is thinking or feeling. The book is a great book. Very insightful and offers a lot of clarity into what happens regarding communication. She is a linguist and writes other books regarding cross cultural communication. The main point is women and men learn differnent styles. Doesnt mean everybody form a certain group uses one style all the time. Reading the book however gives again insight into what may be happening. For me I realized years ago that 99% of the worlds problems stem from miscommunication.

A great book I am reading right now regarding the differences in teh way men and women communicate: You Just Dont Understand by Deborah Tannen. It gives some great insight into how men and women resolves issues conflict etc. Your BF may not say much because typically men do not want to always be talking about personally or relationship stuff. For example Ms. Tannen highlights that for most women talking about the relationship is a sign of its healthy-ness whereas for men talking about the realsionship all the time signifies something is wrong. His silence may very well indicate he is happy and trying to get him to talk may make him think that you dont see the relationship that way.

A great website that I used whille backpacking is: link removed and link removed These websites are where people can find someone who is willing to host people in their home for however long the host feels comfortable with. I have used them a lot to meet up with local people and compared to hostels you get the advantage of "local knowledge." From there your host can point you in the direction of where to live etc. Its a great starting point.