tylercdurden2004

Stupid it was. My last GF pulled this stunt on me as well. When you are in a committed relationship you should not sleep in the same bed as another man period. Unless of course you are totally cool with your BF doing it and he is cool with you doing it. And more especially with a guy you had previous relations with. I suspect you are more interested in the attention than anything. Good thing your "friend" only tried to get it on with you, eh. Having travelled all over the world and seen many small apartments etc I have yet to come accross one that didnt have enough floor space to accommodate me. Guarantee I am a bigger build than you. You've already broken trust with him in the early stages hard to build that back.

I had an ex GF ask me whether I loved her or beer more.......I dont have to tell what my answer was.

Well she is unsure how she feels about this guy. This should tell you everything after being together for 2.5 years. I had a very similar experience with my last GF. She wasnt sure how she felt about this other guy, I told it was over, she had the audacity to state that we shouldnt break up for US. 4 months later we started the process of getting back together to breakup 1 1/2 years after getting back together. What did I learn: 1) We broke up for pretty much th same issues. I figured out by finally summing up all her actions that this girl didnt "love" me for the right reasons. I knew it woudl end sooner or later after I tallied her actions. 2) If you are even thinking of getting back together make sure you sort out the issues that broke you up in the first place 3) MAKE SURE she has done the same. Dont be afraid to ask the tough questions and do not let your ego (gotta get her back) or your love for her(emotions ruling your thoughts) get in the way of making a decision whether it beneficial in the long run to be with her. The good feelings of having that love back shouldnt outweigh the rationale of beign with her long term. 4) Love and a relationship are NOT the same thing. A relationship should contain love but love does not imply or mean a relationship. A relationship is a coming together of two people where it benefits both parties to be together rather than on their own or more importantly with someone else.

You mean she had 2 years to decide if she wanted to be with you. Why did she not decide then? Talk to her hang out etc but if you are unable to handle just being friends maybe you need to think about looking elsewhere. Sure it can go either way the question is why would it go the way of her deciding to be with you. In short would it be for the right reasons. If she really fancied you do you not think she would have dumped her BF ages ago to be with you. If she really fancied you would she not want to be with you now? Dont let your ego get in the way.

All I can say is dont buy this BS. I am willing to put a small sum aside on a wager that you will be posting here in a month saying how she is now dating some other dude. She wants to be single cause she aint into you and is looking for someone more to her liking. End of story. If you can handle being friends and seeing her with other guys and talking about other guys then go ahead. I say let sleeping dogs lie.

I am sorry you are going through this (ack! there I am apologizing for nothing!) I would ask him why he is sorry. Seriously is he trying his best to make light of the word. I think he is jsut looking for an in hoping you will say "no problem I had a great time with you." Its pretty weak sounding.

You forgot to capitalize my name! For me its more about why waste my time. If I have no feelings for her more than a friend fine but then that begs the question I really have feelings for her" Like I said there are sooo many people out there I would rather meet someone new and interesting than take the safety route with someone "I already know." Its interesting that there is almost an expectation of friends afterwards like its owed to each other. I say bollocks. If your friends great if not great either way it was a relationship that ended and carry on your merry little way. Far too many people on here and in the real world get themselves into trouble playing this silly game of expectations. Whew!

Do you need a brick over the head? She broke up with you ie. she risks losing you because YOU BOTH need a break. Interesting. I would not talk to her anymore because you will only get strung along my friend. She wants to keep you as a friend and someone to talk to for two reasons: 1) As a fall back guy. Someone who admires her so when she is single she can feel good about herself, feel that she is worthy. 2) So she doesnt have to hurt your feelings by telling you she is not into you ie she is not attracted to you. That is the cold hard reality. Dont be her sucker. IN fact next time you talk to her tell her you met a REALLY REALLY great girl the other day and that you cant talk to her because you are talking to the other girl. Touche.

I mean, don't most people still talk when they break up? No and there is no hard and fast rules in this. I think its a bit immature to expect people to be friends after a break up. My ex actually emailed me a few months ago stating: "I think its normal that people talk after they have broken up." Guess I am abnormal. If it happens it happens but you were in a relationship not a friendship with this guy. Friendships end relationships end its best to move on and put it behind you as best you can. There a billions of people on this planet and most of them are great to some degree. If its friends you want go meet one of them. If its reaffirmation of your worth you want then I fear you will be out of luck unless he wants to talk to you.

Never take the backdoor in to a relationship. You probably should have cooled it once you developed the crush for both your sakes.

Yeah dont jump the gun. You need to be looking at 3 months or so before you have put in enough time to know someone well enough to "make" them your GF. Seriously are you sure she is not Charles Mansons daughter. Slooooow down man. Just have fun and enjoy her company nothing will kill the intimacy faster than jumping the gun.

I was going to actually say it my last post but the only thing that doesnt fade is emotions. These occur until you die including humour. EVeryone retains there humour to some degree.

No one can "help" you. Only yourself. People can guide inform and assist you but for making the decision and acting on it its all up to you. Whether he changes is all up to him.

I think it has to do more with "social" skills than anything else. Being able to click with someone is just that, mixed in with a few other things. Having money, great job intelligence etc mean very little when it comes to relationships great bonuses maybe but something to build a relationship on, nah. Its like when I hear people moaning about people who find looks important. Often these moaners try to take the "high road" by stating they look for intelligence etc instead of looks. You hear the phrase "looks fade" as a justification. Well last time I checked intelligence fades, money fades, looks fade etc.

1) I call BS. He knows it bothers you unless he is deaf and/or dumb he knows exactly what he is doing but the satisfaction of doing it outweighs the pain of hurting you. 2) People who have problems with immediate gratification like this are nothing but trouble. Men and women. I learnt this with my recent ex. The thrill of having someone pay attention to them is too much for them to handle. To me it may be only a matter of time before they seek a higher thrill. If he keeps getting away with it eventually he may take that step. I dont see people like this changing much because its a fundamental "flaw" that they have not learned to overcome. The older you get the harder it is to overcome. Babies and little kids need immediate gratification mature people understand teh consequences of their actions. He clearly does not or he does not care. Either was its a lose-lose situation for you. 3) Dont know how thsi applies sounds like you are making excuses for him. 4)I call double BS here. So you mean to tell me if a girl begged him to sleep with her he'd be reeeeeeaaaallllll nice to her and oblige. Maybe its true and he doenst have the backbone to stand up to woman and let them know he wont cross that line again not exaclty the qualities one looks for in a partner. As I see it these are the possibilities: A) He is being nice: In which case you have to wonder where he draws the line on "niceness." B) He doesnt have a backbone: So he is unable to stand up for himself, you and the kids (if there are any). Simlpy cant say no. C) He has issues where his immediate gratification outweigh the long term patience needed for a relationship. Forgoing his own satifaction for that of the relationship. Meaning you are a distant number 2 to him. D) He just doesnt care how you feel. Do you want to be with someone like this? A healthy mature person draws the line in the sand so to say, makes the boundaries clear. He doesnt seem able or willing to do this. He should be making it very clear with these girls he has no interest in them beyond a harmless bit of banter. He certainly doesnt seem to respect you.

Forgive him for what? For looking outside your relationship for something. Quite frankly I dont see how this is forgivable. Its not like he was innoccently flirting with a girl he met. He was actively searching for one. Dump him and move on.

I got invovled in something like this. It was a big guy beating the up a wee girl in the county side of foreign country I was living in. It was automatic after I saw him attack here and I dont even really think I thought about it i jut jumped in and tried to pull him off. This was infront of the whole village and needless to say being an outsider I was worried for a good few weeks whether I'd be paid a visit. Its a tough call because on one hand you want to get invovled to help out. On the other hand you dont get to see the whole picture. Ask any police officer if you should ever get invovled in a domestic between and man an woman and you will get the answer "no". Many times the guy who helped the girl ends up getting charged because she takes the BF side. These situations are very difficult becuase you may get hurt yourself , you may get in trouble with the law and at the end of the day you dont know the whole story.

How long have you guys been together?

I apologize I read it that she had told you this as she was breaking up with you! My bad. In that case I would again tell her your feelings are that you would like to help her pack her bags. Seriously. I have feelings for all my exes. Heck I loved them to some degree or another, but tell a GF I had feelings for them. NO WAY. Firstly because when I say I have feelings I mean I love them but I dont even think of them in a GF way and the love is that of someone you had something special with not someone I want to share my life with. My feelings about my exes are irrelevant because they are minor feelings if you will. Second what the heck would I be trying to achieve by telling a GF I had feelings. Those feelings would have to be strong for me to say anything. My guess is she is playing games or is really having feelings for him and quite frankly I would tell her that you need to go your separate ways until she figures out what she wants. It will save you time and pain and let her know you will not settle for playing second best or even equal with that of an ex.

Its always good to walk the other way. Too many people stick the th friends after breakup thing and hope that somehow it will be ok. Sometimes it is but very rarely I mean very rarely. It usually works until one or the other gets invovled with someone else then the true feelings start to show. Its very difficult to take steps backwards from lovers to friends, that is if the person really loved the other person. Besides there is a planet full of great people if it friends you really want its best to go meet them. Why hold onto something that is in the past? I think its a gerat idea you did NC and seeing your ex was good as well as it reaffirmed your position with her.

The second therapist sounds like a better value at this point. Yes your husband and everyone for that matter needs to own their behaviour before they can change it. Fixing someone is a life long headache.

What would be accomplished by telling her how you feel at this point? To her its really irrelevant how you feel considering she has feelings for someone else. It wont bring her back it wont make her change her mind. In this case tell her your feelings are that you would really like to help her pack her bags.

Where to begin. She likes you: "she says she still has feelings for me, like she cares about me " Yet she doesnt want to be with you? It doesnt make sense to me. She says these things because she doesnt want to hurt you by saying " I dont like you anymore" or " I have found someone else." If she wants to be with she will, plain and simple. She is probably hurt that you dont want to talk to her but if you need time for yourself then you need to do that, irrespective of what she thinks or says. Tell her friends not to contact you either. They werent part of the relationship were they?

She saying she still likes you because she doesnt want to hurt you by saying " I do not like you anymore." If she wanted to be with you she would plain and simple. People dont make excuses when they really want something. Why shouldnt she be with you? What aer her reasons? Is the only excuse she gave you was she needs to be"herself." RULE #1: Forget girls that confuse you. RULE #2: Look at their ACTIONS. Are they congruent with what they say? If not then you have confusion. She says she likes you but she doesnt act like it does she?