EatZ

I think it's merely a psychological thing for your boyfriend. Like a previous poster mentioned, it's likely to be the pressure he feels to climax inside you more than his inability to. He knows you want it, he wants to do it for you, but the harder he tries (or thinks about it) the more difficult it becomes. I myself had the same problem for the first few times I had sex. For me it was a combination of nervousness and not knowing what to do, but after a while it became easier. MUCH easier. So easy in fact that I can now make myself climax too quickly if I don't pay attention! It became a matter of knowing what to do and when to do it. Sometimes it requires me to be more relaxed, others times it requires me to be a little rougher (i.e. harder/faster), and other times it just won't happen no matter what I do, for whatever reason (tired, sick, etc...). Unlike the previous poster, I find it hardest in the girl-on-top position since I'm totally out of control of depth and speed. Missionary is the easiest for me, but it all comes down to preference.

It's perfectly normal, there's no need to be alarmed. The fact that you mentioned he tried to be quick makes it all the more believable for me. Just try to imagine a garden hose. You turn it off at the tap, but there'll still be water in the hose, no doubts about it. If there's no pressure to get it out (i.e. more water), or it's not coaxed out (i.e. squeezing or shaking it out), it's just going to leak out at the earliest opportunity. Bad analogy I know, but it makes sense all the same!

I think you should only do this if and when you're ready. Forcing yourself to not think about your ex after a hurtful break-up is a futile exercise -- it's simply not possible! It's in this time of pain you can't help but continuously think about them, the possibilities, the reasons, the if's but's and why's. Everyone wants to sift through their thoughts and feelings and emotions and grieve the loss of a relationship that meant a lot to them. There's no point denying how you feel, or pushing these thoughts and feelings to the back of your mind. It'll only come back to haunt you. If you don't endure the pain now, you will weeks, months, or even years down the track. Like you said though, when you're ready to move on, when you've had enough of your own depression and are READY to fight back, that's when you should start putting the mental road-blocks in place. It's a good method, and it's one that I too discovered without knowing at around the 10th week mark.

I've come a long way from 10 weeks ago indeed! Like I said, there's still a way to go, but there's not much that can stop me now. Since I haven't actively been discussing my own problems on these forums, I'm surprised that anyone had noticed me (let alone how I've been getting on). I'm really heartened that you did deebee. Thanks so much! Take care!

Everyone's idea of how fast a relationship should proceed is different, and I'm definitely not here to judge you at all. But if you've only been dating for just over a week, then yes, I do think it's going a wee-bit fast for my taste. Then again, this is a "swept me off my feet" situation, so do the rules really apply anyway? Is this a rebound relationship? Who knows! People tend to consider a relationship a "rebound relationship" if the relationship eventually fails. I'm almost POSITIVE there's people out there that are in the most loving of relationships who came out of hurtful relationships just prior to the one they're currently in. Who's to say it will or will not fail? How long after a relationship do you have to wait until a relationship ISN'T considered a rebound? I think "rebound" is a convenient label for a relationship that you didn't think you were ready for, or that somehow failed. All in all, don't be worried about it being a rebound now. If you're enjoying yourself and feeling amazing, why would you possibly want to throw that away because it could be coined a "rebound relationship" by some? All I can say is take it easy. Don't get to know each others life story in the first MONTH of knowing each other! Have fun, and don't rush into anything. Like I said, bottom line -- enjoy yourself.

Princess777 definitely has the right idea. Lets face it. Every single one of us on these forums could easily wallow in our sadness forever. We could easily cry and weep and bawl our eyes out daily, torture ourselves stupid over thoughts about our exes. Anything and everything that prevents us from moving on and keeps us clutching to a hope or dream that has done nothing but evaporated by now. We could continue to do this till the ends of time, if we let ourselves. I agree with everyone that says it's much too much for the average person to cope with or be able to do straight after a break-up. Even several months after a break-up. I agree with this, believe me! It's about the same as someone saying to you "There's plenty of fish in the sea", or "You deserve better", or the dreaded "Get over it!". In these extreme moments of pain, these are NOT what you want to hear. Sometimes I feel like the most emotional guy on the planet, and I never thought for a second that I'd ever heal in the weeks just after my break-up. I always thought I'd be scarred by this break-up, and struggle through each day for the rest of my life. I thought I was forever scorned by love, and that I was a weak, pathetic person for not being able to snap out of this depression... ... But after a while, I wanted to be more active in my healing. I knew that time was definitely the best medicine, but that medicine wouldn't work if I was sabotaging it with just as much poison. I had to stop my mind racing. I had to stop thinking "what if", and I had to start thinking about what's going on in front of me. What I had to achieve in the short-term and the long-term, not dwell on the unchangeable events of the past... I had a job that I needed to do well in, and drifting from day to day in complete despair was not doing me (or my job!) any good... for some of you, you'll have kids that you need to stay strong for, or other commitments or daily "things" that can't wait around for you to heal. It really is what you have to do. When you feel strong enough to do it, you have to snap youself out of it and say to yourself "RIGHT! Time for healing!". And this isn't a light-switch change I'm talking about. It's all about baby steps. First you might want to take up some hobby which allows you to be alone with your thoughts, but doing something constructive (or FUN!) with your time. Perhaps something you've wanted to do for a very very long time! I took up astronomy, pool/snooker, running and reading.... I'd say of all of those, reading has been my saviour. Next you might want to start socialising again. Going out with friends and the like. Grabbing a coffee, going to a movie, taking a walk, anything you feel like. It doesn't have to be clubbing and bar-hopping in search of the next "soulmate". NOTHING along those lines AT ALL. It only has to be what you can handle, but it has to be a step towards preoccupying yourself. If you don't start to do things again, you'll be stuck in a rut forever! Soon you'll start to find these things are easy. Perhaps not as enjoyable as they could be, but at least you're doing them, and you'll feel better for being strong enough for getting out of the house and doing something constructive for a change! You'll start to want more happiness. More peace of mind... The next step for me was to stop myself in my tracks whenever my mind started to race and make me sick to my stomach from thinking about my ex. As soon as my mind started to wander, whether it was re-living the dreaded day of the break-up, thinking about the good times I no longer have, or thinking about her smothering her new boyfriend with all the love and affection that I wanted to have, I'd mentally yell "NICK!" (my name) at myself on the inside, and visualise a wall rising up between me and my thoughts. It's was excellent technique for me. It was a way for me to recognise when my thoughts were starting to take control, and actively stopping them in their tracks by diverting my thoughts from "the ex". I know now that the only thing thinking about the ex achieves anymore is working me up and making me angry. Sometimes even making me a complete blubbering mess again. It's just not worth it, I don't want that anymore. I don't NEED it anymore. I'm READY to let go! Granted, it took me about 2 months before I could start doing this, but I don't think I could've done it any sooner anyway. It was a tough road to get to where I am now, but I've made it, and I feel SO proud of how strong I am. I didn't know I had it in me. I've got a long way to go still, but I know it's upwards and onwards. YAY!

I think the hiring of strippers for stag nights comes from the old, chauvinist, stereotypically male attitude towards marriage of "one more night of freedom!". I think this attitude has diminished greatly over the years, and in this day and age a lot of men probably no longer think they need to have strippers at their stag nights. In saying that however, there are still a lot of men out there that would still probably do it (or hire one for their friends), simply out of tradition.

Mahlina is totally right. I guess a lot of what she pointed out could be summed up as intimacy and those all-important "quiet moments" together. It's not about where you put your fingers, or how you kiss her, or how you do this or that or anything else... it's about feeling togetherness. Feeling loved. Having something together that no one else has or will know about. It probably makes me a bit of a woman in many respects, but those are the things I treasure the most too! Lying in each others arms, smelling each others hair, reading a book to each other (or making up stories, I like that idea mahlina!). To be more specific about "what women want in bed" (if that wasn't enough for you), I'd say ask your girl. She'll know this better than anyone else! To be fair, every person is different and enjoys (or "gets off " on) different things. If you're worried about asking her, ask her in a playful manner, I'm sure she'll tell you. Good luck!

I've found that it's sometimes hard to separate the two. Namely, the fact that she's falling for you at the same time that you've started to have [mind-blowing] sex. I think you're right in suspecting that it's partly post-coital attachment which is heightening her feelings for you. All the same, I don't think you should discount her feelings because of this. She obviously feels that sex with you is incredibly passionate and intimate, and that you know her so well (unlike anyone else has in the past) that you make her feel absolutely amazing. Add to that the fact that you've known each other for 4 years without having met each other I think shows that she DOES like you a lot already. Perhaps more than a friend! Why else would she have kept in contact for so long? Just a thought... I'm not saying your concerns aren't justified, but love is a mix of different things for some people. Women are generally very affectionate, visual/physical beings. Now that she knows this other aspect about you, it's quite possible that it's adding to her becoming even MORE head-over-heels for you! Don't be scared by this, but take it how you want it. Good luck.

A lot of what you said has struck a chord with me, but I guess we will just have to agree to disagree then.

That's okay Beec! Like you said, this debate is as old as history itself, and I don't expect everyone to be of my opinion. All the same, and despite my opinions, I don't think I disagree with anything you've actually said! I agree, if you're not getting the love you know you deserve, or the relationship isn't living up to the bare minimum you expect, by all means, it's time to move on. It's this whole manipulative side to these "strategies" for getting someone to marry you that I don't agree with. The fact that someone will purposefully become cold and avoid the subject of marriage in order to get married... I can't help but see it as petty and -- quite frankly -- nonsensical. The way these "two steps to getting married" came accross initially was very devious. It didn't seem at all about love & compromise, or about listening to WHY your significant other is too scared to marry yet. It was simply about playing games. I have a question for you Beec. Is your relative's fiancé unhappy in the relationship? I can only assume that if she hasn't left him already, then marriage can't be as important to her as the relationship must be... Sure, she's locked into a life-long engagement, but isn't that what marriage is? A life-long commitment? I know people myself to whom marriage is EXTREMELY important. To tell you the truth, I'd probably even lump myself in that category. I want to get married some day. I don't want compromise on this when I finally meet my life partner, but I'm not exactly going to play games with her to make her marry me. I can say that much for sure, and I'm saying this as guy in his 20's. There are many reasons not to force a marriage, and I'm not about to start quoting divorce statistics here. The simple fact that you can't (or shouldn't) force a person to do something they don't want to do should be enough to avoid it altogether. If you do somehow manage to get them to marry you, I would be EXTREMELY fearful of how long it lasts before problems or doubts arise. I still stick by being honest and talking about it before rushing your partner into a decision they're not sure about. Finding out where their fears lie and seeing if there's any way to put them at ease. Setting a secret date to end a relationship is pointless, and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache if you do this. Likewise for pretending to not want marriage in order to get marriage. Should it all really have to come to this? Ultimatums and playing games?

If these bumps are small, hard and white'ish, they're most likely cysts. Or to be more specific, "Pearly Penile Papules". (Someone had fun thinking that name up!) It's actually extremely common. Most guys freak out at first thinking they've contracted genital warts or some sort of STD. Over 30% of men between the ages of 10 - 60 or so have them in varying degrees, so you're not alone. They're completely harmless and you should not concern yourself with them, nor try to remove them. On top of that, they are neither contracted or spread through contact (sexual or otherwise). And no, masturbating will not have caused them. Hope that helps!

I'm not so sure I would've been as composed as you! Well done smiles314. Not many people appreciate just how hard it is to maintain NC without going through a hurtful break-up themselves. It's a hard thing to do, and I'm glad that you didn't waiver. I took interest in this thread (because of the topic) 'cause I too am just over 9 weeks into NC. I myself am still adjusting to my break up, however. I haven't read your previous posts -- you might've known about the break-up longer than I did before you employed NC (I started it the day I was dumped) -- but I'm impressed all the same! I just hope I'll be at the same place you are mentally in the coming weeks! Thanks for that little tid-bit. Keep is posted.

I do and don't agree with these tactics of reverse psychology and setting a deadline. First of all, I totally agree with the idea that if what you're currently doing isn't working, then you need to do something different, or at least approach the situation from a slightly different angle. Hands down. No questions. But going COMPLETELY the opposite way, however, is foolish in my opinion. Not to mention the fact that saying you don't want to get married when you REALLY REALLY do is just plain dishonest. This isn't a game you're playing. This is a relationship with another human being. Step back and take a look what you're actually trying to do. You're trying to manipulate another person into wanting to marry you. Do you really think you should have to do that if you're made for each other? Do you really think you should have to play them to make them marry you? And what if he (or she) takes it seriously? What if all it does is relieve any rush to get married? Do you really honestly think that going cold turkey on the idea of marriage will make them WANT to get married? I don't. Second of all, the idea of setting a date for the end of a relationship is cruel, and I only say this from my own experience. I myself have been led on, unknowingly loving a person with all my heart and soul only to find out eventually that it was all in vain. It ruined me. Don't do this to someone. You either love them or you don't. Don't set an expiry date on your love. Regardless of whether you tell them that you've set a date or not, finding out that a relationship's fate was predetermined by your partner is devastating. You tell them - The thought of the marriage overshadows everything else and your partner feels this IMMENSE pressure, almost like an ultimatum. They can't help but be depressed by this. You don't tell them - They're none the wiser. Things could very well go on as they are for the opposite reasons in A -- They feel no pressure! Then when the relationship ends they have an intense feeling of being lead on. I have no doubts that if you meant anything to them they will be utterly destroyed at the thought that you decided the relationship was over several weeks/months/years ago.I hope I'm not in any way coming accross as insensitive to people that are absolutely DYING to get married to their loves, because I really don't mean to be! I myself want to get married some day, and I hope my future partner is as excited about the idea as I am when we're both ready to make that step. But I really do think these strategies are only going to be hurtful to you if you employ them. Not to mention, hurtful to your lovers. I mean come on. Being totally cold to your partner about marriage? Setting a deadline to break up? These can only be seen as negative! I think the best approach to a commitment-phobe is honesty. Don't nag, don't bring it up over every dinner or during every meaningful conversation you seem to have. Bring it up when you feel they're ready to hear it and talk constructively about it. Be supportive of them. Let them feel like they can tell you their reasons for not wanting to get married just yet and actually ACCEPT THEIR REASONS! Don't challenge them. In the long run, if you love them, the time in which you get married shouldn't be the be-all and end-all for your relationship. It should only be if you love them or not.

All it's doing is training the penis to hold more blood. It's like exercising other muscle on your body, it'll grow the more you work on it. Of course, this doesn't mean it'll keep getting longer and longer and longer. And from my somewhat limited knowledge, jelqing is only really effective in increasing girth, not length. Be careful though. There are several things you need to do while jelqing to prevent causing irreparable damage to your member. If you do it incorrectly -- e.g. with a rock-hard erection -- you can end up bursting blood vessels and the like. If you're going to do it, do it properly and with lots of lube.

It would make it look longer, of course. If you're conscious about how much hair you have down there, consider just giving it a "haircut". Go easy and don't go too overboard. Remember, you can chop off more later if you feel the need. I think the keyword here is to keep it "tidy". Good luck.

If you cannot pull your foreskin down over the head of your penis easily, you might have a unnaturally tight foreskin. This isn't all that uncommon, but more often than not it requires a circumcision. I suggest you consult your doctor about this. He or she will be able to offer you the most sound advice. The earlier you have it done, the less traumatising it'll be to your system.

I totally agree. It's funny... It wasn't until I fell in love that songs started to have more meaning. I can't get away from listening to the lyrics of every song on the radio now. I seem to find a way of relating to ALL them. It's like a curse! How do songwritters know so much!? Daniel Bedingfield - If you're not the one

If they can fall out of love, they can just as easily fall back in again. But like skynet said, something has to happen before they do. Some sort of realisation. Nothing's for certain.

Personally, I would refuse to have sex with someone unless I was deeply intimate them with already. It does nothing for me to have sex with someone I barely know, let alone don't trust fully. Sex is so much better when you feel safe and so much in love with a person. I think the best way to become intimate is to know each other like no-one else would. Share personal time together which is only for the two of you to know. Like the others have said, there are plenty of ways to be intimate without sex. The best thing for me -- and this is personal taste here -- would be to huddle up on the couch on a rainy night and take turns reading a book to each other, or just sit there holding each other tight and keeping each other warm. That's just me...

I'm not sure if I really have a side to take on this, but I know how I feel about it, so I'll give you advice based on how I feel. Farting in public? Disgusting. Farting and saying "I farted!" and laughing about it? Childish. Farting around the house? Perfectly alright. Fact of the matter is, we're only human. You can't disown her for what her body does naturally, but you're right. There is a time and a place for it just like ANYTHING else. You don't start kissing and fondling and having sex at a formal dinner. You don't talk in graphic detail about your great aunt's bowel movements to a stranger on the train as part of conversation. Like I said, there's a time and place for everything. I don't mean to be nasty, but I think you're being rather prudish about this. Blame your upbringing, blame your morals, or simply blame what makes you you. Sure, I agree it's not the most attractive bodily function. But do you REALLY think she would go out of her way to do it in the most poorly-timed situations? During dinner, or mid-sex and the like? I highly doubt it. I think her question -- more than anything -- was hinting at a response along the lines of "Do anything around me hun. You can't shock me!". What that would tell her is that you're truly comfortable around her and want to be with her no matter what [she does]. I suppose on a sub-conscious level, she wants to see how much you love her -- with or without her flaws (i.e. farting). What are you going to say when she starts asking you how you'll be when she has her periods? Run for the hills perhaps? Sorry, this is not a bash at all! Hopefully it's just a little insight into what she's thinking, or at least what I think she's hinting at.

I disagree. From what I can deduct from this situation, Matt is truly and honestly just confused about what he wants and needs his space. There doesn't have to be reasons for him to need this break. The hundreds of other seemingly out-of-the-blue breaks and break-ups mentioned on these forums should be a testimony to that fact. Honest truth is, some people DON'T know why they needed a break, but they feel they have to all the same. I don't believe it hints at anything -- LEAST of all cheating. The sad thing about this situation is the fact that there's no way to put any distance between the two of you, because -- right now at least -- the pain and suffering is coming from seeing him every day. Seeing him seemingly "moving on" and having fun with his life. It's what kills us all. It's what was killing me, till it was out of sight. And now, it's definitely out of mind. The fact that he gets to do this while keeping his best friend around for company and helping to pay the rent (sorry, don't mean it to sound as harsh as it is!), is equally terrible. It's too soon to know what Matt's intentions are, but I don't think giving up on him is all that's left to do just yet. My advice? Keep working towards getting time apart. It's the best thing right now. I know it's hard, but I'm sure someone out there has a suggestion that could end all this!

I'm just on my way out to a hair appointment, so I have to be quick! I guess a nastier way to put it would be to say you like feeling sorry for yourself. You find comfort in your pain, and it's almost as if you WANT to feel bad. Perhaps for the sympathy you get. Or maybe because you're secretly waiting for her to apologise for all that she's done to you. I wouldn't say it's a fetish, I'd say it's normal. I went through the same phase in my healing. Feeling sorry for myself, hoping people would recognise my pain and suffering and drown me in sympathy. If there's anything abnormal about what you're going through, it's probably just the fact that it's lasted so long for you. Not helped by the fact that she's still in contact with you! That's my two cents. Hope it helps. Good luck dude!

It's time for you to move on from her, Megastahr. I think that much is clear. You've been devoted to this girl and invested a LOT of love and into her. You've forgiven her and accepted her back into your life six times, but she still continues to be promiscuous and totally unthoughtful when it comes to your feelings. Ask yourself this. Do you see yourself being together forever? Could you marry this girl? Would you WANT her to be the mother of your children? Can you trust her? I hope not, because she's done nothing but toy with your heart all this time. She doesn't want you to ask or bring up what's happened in the last two weeks. What does that tell you about what shes most likely been doing?... And how dare she use that as leverage over you by saying she'll ONLY consider getting back together with you if you don't bring it up. If she can't face up to her mistakes, tough. I'm sorry, but you deserve a LOT better than what this girl is giving you. History has repeated itself over and over and over in this relationship, so I hope you feel confident enough to break free from her now. Good luck dude. Keep us posted.

Wow, two more posts in the same minute... aren't you lucky fire_mouth. But yes, same for what Mar said basically. I especially agree on waiting and observing her behaviour more closely. Good luck!