EatZ

I don't mean to "go against the grain" here, but I think it's being taken FAR too seriously. Not to say that you don't have a right to be suspicious fire_mouth, but I hope this eases your judgement a little! First of all, not having a mark isn't a tell-tale sign that she didn't have blood drawn. I myself don't leave visible marks after having blood taken. How do I know this? I went looking for marks after my last sample was taken. After much searching (in hope that I could use it for sympathy votes), I couldn't find anything. Secondly, last Monday I was seeing my counsellor (a Doctor of sorts you could say) and I too turned my cellphone off for the duration of my session. I find it's rude to accept calls or have those sorts of interruptions while I'm getting a professional opinion from someone. Maybe she felt the same? Thirdly, sure she waited 2 hours, but I don't think she expected to be there that long. It probably didn't cross her mind to call you and strike up a conversation when she could be called in any minute. There's every possibility that she might very well have been happily sitting in the waiting room, reading one of their 6 month old magazines. You just never know. All in all, I'd say take a deep breath and relax. I don't think anything is going on. You, however, are in a better position than anyone on these forums to tell what's going down. I don't think any expert can tell you for sure that she's cheating on you or not. At this stage is all based on assumptions, and you know what they say about assumptions being the mother of all... Some questions that might put this in better perspective. Has she cheated in the past? Not necessarily on you, but in other relationships? Does she have any male friends that she speaks highly of or talks to constantly? Has she been cold or distant in recent times? Lots of little arguments over seemingly nothing?

Hi Kate! There are several different opinions on exactly how many stages there are and what goes on (emotionally) during them. Usually the debate is between there being 5 or 6 stages, but the book I read taught me that there are 6 stages and their descriptions were pretty accurate. They are: Shock - Disbelief and numbness, marked by difficulty with eating, sleeping, and general functioning. Hope - Active attempts, negotiations, and manipulations, designed to try and win the lover back. Anger - Outward expressions of animosity directed towards the lover. Despair - Inward direction of emotions, including depression and self-doubt. Indifference - No significant emotional response to lover. Growth - Feelings can be expressed in a positive way and transferred to a new relationship. One thing to note is that you'll find yourself moving in and out of these stages constantly, and in seemingly no particular order. This is VERY common, so if some days your feeling fantastic and crap the next, don't despair!

Do whatever you have to Aktrez. Being on the computer every night isn't bad at all really. It's what I did! As for worrying about him, that isn't something you're going to be able to stop yourself from doing. Don't expect yourself to either. Just like you shouldn't expect yourself to get over your pain in a set timeframe, or be a martyr about the whole situation. Wade through your thoughts, feelings and emotions in your own time and in your own way. Your mind will eventually stop racing at a million miles an hour. It'll take some time, but the pain will eventually let up. I'm telling you this from my own experience! What can you do if you can't go out all the time? For me personally, I threw myself into these forums all day every day for about two weeks after my break up. Reading posts from people in all different stages of the healing process helped give me perspective. It gave me a heads-up on what to expect from myself emotionally in the coming weeks, and it also gave me comfort know that there were other people out there as miserable as I was, as awful as that sounds! About four weeks after the break-up I started to read books again; something I hadn't done since high school. I tried to make it a healthy mix of books too. I bought one self-help book on the six stages of grief and loss, as well as some quirky novels and a thriller or two. Books have probably been the saviour for me. Especially in the wee hours of the night when sleep is near-on impossible. If you have a library membership, use it! After that, things I did to preoccupy myself included playing pool with friends and going to (or renting) movies. Albeit costly if you kept it up, but for me, I no longer had a girlfriend to spend my money on. I guess that's where I was lucky... Six weeks after the break-up I took up astronomy as a hobby. There's an observatory all of 2 minutes drive from where I live, so I went there for one of their 50 minute shows. Cost me next to nothing too! Anything else I needed to know I could find on the internet which was EXCELLENT. A very cheap hobby indeed. I can probably identify all of 8 or 9 constellations in the night sky now, and can name all the stars that make each constellation. I've even made an effort to learn a little history behind each of the constellations I've learnt, so I'm very proud of myself. You'll find there's a lot of things to do to preoccupy yourself, it's all about personal taste. I also want to take up dancing and drawing some day, but for now I've got more than enough to preoccupy myself. The key right now is to not get so far gone that you shut down completely and cease to function. Do you have a day job? (Actress perhaps? Being that your name is Aktrez and all). I'm sure you'd love to be able to distance yourself from these feelings while you work, so if you're having trouble let me know and I'll tell you what I did... Talking about your feelings with friends and family would be a great step towards healing yourself and getting back some focus in your life. In fact, I highly recommend it. Don't forget we're always here. Keep posting Aktrez! *hug* P.S. WOW! I had no idea I was giving advice to a celebrity! Miss New York City, my god!

This sure has been a heart-wrenching thread to read. I'm still teary eye'd even now! There's not much I can say, other than to say we're all here for you when you need us Aktrez. Keep posting. Ranting, venting, spilling. Be as graphic as you want. I personally am a bit afraid to offer advice since I have absolutely no means of comparing my experience to your situation. The sum-total of my relationship experience amounts to 7 months with 1 girl, so... Given what the other posters have said though, time apart does seem like the best thing. First and foremost, so you're unaware of what he's doing and when he's doing it. Seeing his cute new looks or the new people he hangs out with will only make you sink further and further each time. Second of all, so you can give him the space he needs to truly miss you... ... But, seeing as this is impossible right now (moving out that is), the best you can do is to remove yourself from him whenever possible. Force yourself out to see movies, take up a hobby of some sort, etc. Put on a strong visade whenever possible, even though you'll be crying (and weeping and bawling your eyes out) on the inside. I'm incredibly sorry to hear you're going through this Aktrez. The thing that set it off for me was the photo you included in your initial post. ... argh, there I go again! *wells up* You look like such a happy couple, and thankfully -- at least from where I'm sitting -- it seems that there's hope that you will be again. I have no doubts that there's still a chance. Be strong Aktrez. We're here for you.

I can totally relate to being a prisoner of these tidbits of information. These windows into their life. I myself was checking my ex's blog (also known as a "web log", or an online diary) every day after the break-up. Of course, I was checking it daily before the break-up too, but my reason for checking it after was only in the hope that I'd see something that I wanted to hear. Like that she was feeling as depressed and upset about the break-up as I was. That she missed me. Perhaps even that she still loved me. Yet every time -- without fail -- there was an update mentioning how well she was doing and how great the boyfriend was. I'd fall apart. It was literally like being sent back to square one each and every time. It hurt tremendously. To anyone that reads thread, I completely agree with what Technical Support recommends. If you have access to these sorts of information, get rid of them NOW, or at least make it difficult for you to access them. The constant reconfirmation that, (A) They're happy without you, or (B) They're seemingly not thinking about you anymore, will only make you feel awful. Trust me, I know. Ignorance is bliss in this case... As for your question, is it normal to feel anger towards the ex? Perhaps even bitter? OF COURSE! If anything, you have a RIGHT to be angry and hope that they're as miserable as you are. Anger is actually one of the six stages of grief and loss. Of course, these feelings can't go on forever, but it is part of the healing process, you don't have to deny the feelings you have. You're allowed to feel anger for what's happened to you and find comfort in hoping they're as miserable as you are. It's almost a case of doing (or thinking) what you have to to get by. There is one VERY important point to note though. Don't take revenge of any sort. Don't send a spiteful email, or a dozen dead roses, or this or that and everything else... This part is key. You pretty much know the answer to all your questions already. Like you said, there will come a time when you eventually won't care if she's happy or unhappy anymore. By that stage you'll either be able to let go of your resentment for her, or the feelings will have already passed. Good on you for taking healing into your own hands by refusing to succumb to her voicemail and checking her bank balance. I made the same decision myself a few weeks ago, and things have only been getting better. Keep it up!

You deserve better Luke, you really do. I can tell that you're a lovely guy and a good human being, so it makes me well-up hearing the pain you're going through. The feelings are all too dear to me. I can empathise with you fully. The fact that you hung up on her shows me that you respect your right to heal more than wanting to hear her out. Excellent move Luke, really... I can't congratulate you more for doing that! Words of wisdom there. My god, this is so unbelievably true, I don't think I could've said it any better myself. Great insight, especially regarding valuing commitment. Gilgamesh, mind sitting on my shoulder and whispering the same paragraph in my ear all day? Awesome advice, absolutely superb...

Ahhh, a ray of hope for all the "nice guys" out there. I consider myself a nice guy myself, so thanks so much for that! *feels better*

Al and Brad were both wrong. Al resorted to profanity and raising his voice unnecessarily. Brad didn't listen and took an "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude, which as Al mentioned, is a bad trait of a CO. I can remember back to informal games I had with friends where scoring was based on goodwill (i.e. no ref). Whenever there was a disagreement it was always going to be difficult to come to a decision. The team that scored was always adamant that they scored, and the team that didn't would always be adamant that the play didn't count for xyz reasons... Like this, it was always a tough situation to be in, so I don't think you should invest too much more time into thinking about this anymore to be honest. Especially since it's in the past. It's almost a case of agreeing to disagree really. You can't win 'em all. Should you mention this to your girlfriend? Only if you feel you have to get it off your chest. Do you know WHY she sided with the other person yet? If you don't, maybe you should find that out and then finally decide to move on. What's done is done. You can't change that she agreed with this other guy and not you. Dwelling on it will only continue to frustrate and upset you. Hopefully, if you do approach her about it, she won't see it as you trying to change her opinion (again). Good luck.

Badkitty is right. I know it'll seem like you don't want to give up on her, but as is so commonly seen on these forums, you can't force a person to love you. Especially if there's someone else in the picture. She said that she thinks she could be making the biggest mistake of her life leaving you. Do you think she was being sincere when she said that? If you think she was, then use it to your advantage. Don't beg or plead with her to come back. Gather up all your strength and put on a strong face. Forge on with your life for now. Whether it means doing well in school, taking up a new hobby, exercising, getting fit, going out with friends and having fun... Don't give her the impression that she's allowed to do this and still be able to keep you in her life. She's made a choice, and now she needs to suffer the consequences of that choice... It's not going to be the biggest mistake of her life if she still has you in the picture, is it? Don't let her think she can up and leave and still have you there in the background. The "nice guy" to fall back on. The safety net. I know staying "friends" will seem quite desirable right now, but do you really want to be hanging around someone you love, only to have them like you back as a friend? It'll only hurt, I guarantee you. Like is said in the movie Swingers, "The only difference between giving up and not giving up, is taking her back when she wants to come back. But you can't DO anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do things to make her NOT want to come back...". In other words, don't chase after her. Don't cry and sob and beg and plead her to come back. Don't force her back into a relationship by making her feel guilty for the pain she's causing. The only thing you can do right now is give her space. I know this will be a very trying time for you Lupe. Again, I'm so so sorry. Try to think of it like this... do you really want to be with someone that falls in and out of love with you when someone new comes along? She sounds like she could be quite an indecisive, flighty person. Your heart isn't a toy Lupe. Don't let her (OR yourself) treat it like it is! You'll be fine no matter what happens. Hang in there mate. Keep posting!

d346, that's an amazing story! Congratulations on getting back together, I'm very impressed with how you handled it. First of all, there's nothing wrong or pathetic about your situation or the actions you took. But remember, what you do in the coming weeks will have an affect on the outcome one way or another. If she's made up her mind, there's nothing really that you can do to change things, but seeing as she's hazy on the whole situation it's definitely best that you think before you act. Regarding what you said. In the event that you get back together, DON'T fall back into that same comfort zone so easily. Don't try to pretend like nothing ever happened. She dropped a bomb dude! It has to be defused... You can't just hide it away and assume everything will be fine. It'll only blow up again 3 months, 2 months, maybe even 1 month down the track. You need to address it as soon as possible if and when you get back together.

That's awful. I'm so sorry. There's no sure-fire way to handle this other than to see it through emotionally. You're no doubt in shock and absolute disbelief right now. Don't do anything irrational at this stage, just be by yourself or with family and friends. Grieve this. Talk it out with them, don't bottle it up or hide it. It's perfectly okay to feel the way you do. Cry your little heart out. Just remember to keep eating and get some rest if you can muster the strength to do so. How long has it been since she made this decision? Perhaps it's time you hide as much stuff as you can that reminds you of her, and distance yourself from her. Do no contact for at LEAST a week (or longer) if you haven't already. She's broken up with you, so now she needs to deal with the repercussions that come with that decision. This will no doubt be a VERY hard thing for you to do because all you want to do is see her and hear her voice and still be part of her daily life in some way, shape or form. You're clinging to a hope that you may get back together, so the thought of leaving her alone will seem to be completely out of the question right now. She has to realise though that she can't pull back to being "just friends" and keep you on a short leash. It's a classic case of trying to have her cake and eat it too. It's OBVIOUS that you're not going to go on the lookout for another partner, so why would want to downgrade your feelings for her? All "being friends" will do is prolong your pain and instil hope that maybe, just maybe, if you wait long enough the relationship might be rekindled. How cruel... I'm not in any way saying "no, you're not going to get back together". There's always a chance... Truth be told, it's probably the one thing that's keeps you going -- the thought that you might still have a future together. I know I felt this way a few weeks ago, and I wouldn't be at ALL surprised if you feel the same. One thing is for sure though. It's FAR too soon to tell. Just know that sometime down the track you'll be happy with whatever happens and you'll grow from this experience. Whether it be in a renewed and happy relationship with your ex, or whether it be in a fulfilling relationship with someone new and a stronger, wiser version of yourself. Keep posting WillAlwaysLoveHer. Tell us more if you're ready for it, we're all here to help! If you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a man who wants to be with his girl every day, or that's somewhat "possessive". I'm that way when I'm deeply in love with someone. I'd hope my lover would find it flattering to be so wanted... ... But crying, obsessing and guilt tripping?? Dear oh dear. Like the others have said, you need to put him out of his misery. Don't draw it out any longer. I can personally vouch for the slow and seemingly less-hurtful method, and it's the most painful thing I have endured to date. Don't do that to him. This break-up will hurt him greatly. It's obvious that he's needy and emotionally dependant, but this will be a positive move for the both of you. He'll grow from this and learn to be stronger and less "clingy" or "smothering". He won't see this now, and I know this won't make breaking up any easier for you, but you're doing him a favour in the long run.

Hit the nail on the head right there kate. For me it was a deep seeded humiliation and sense of rejection that actually prevented me from talking to anyone about the breakup. I was too embarrassed to face my friends and family, and not talking to anyone about it only made things worse. The best strategies for coping? Talk. Cry. Beat up your pillow. Simply let it all out in any way possible. What attitude? I'd say be angry at them. Be angry that they could have done this to you. Be infuriated that after everything they promised you and everything you did for them that they could possibly have made such a fool of you. I've found feeling angry towards my ex allows me to numb my feelings and kill any hope in its tracks. It makes the fact that the relationship is over SO much easier to handle when you don't actually WANT it back. I know now (from my own experience) that clinging to false hope is a very dangerous thing. I still struggle with it every day. I'm 5 weeks into a hurtful break up, and it only takes one thought to bring crashing down... What is the best way to "stick it to" your ex? I'd say the same as you, silence. No contact is a way of saying "I'm stronger now", which for any dumper should be a kick in the teeth. ... Or possibly a god send, if they were feeling guilt for having hurt you...

kissonthelips, I had 7 month relationship with a girl that was already involved with someone. How stupid must I feel? I got deeply intimate with her, slept with her, even trusted her with my heart to never break it, DESPITE the fact that I knew she was being disloyal to another person to be with me. That should have been a warning sign right from the start. A sign that she couldn't be loyal. A sign that she couldn't be faithful or trusted. She called me her soulmate, her one, her future happiness. She said she wanted to be with me forever and that while I couldn't have her physically right now, I'd always have her heart and soul (she moved with him to another city about 4 months into our relationship to start a 2nd degree). I fell for all of it. I fell so madly deeply in love that I could honestly see a future for us. And because of who I am, I never forced an ultimatum on her. I never pressured her or demanded that she break up with him and gave her all the time in the world to let him down as slowly as possible. I never wanted to hurt the other guy in all of this, despite the fact that he too was a total jerk and didn't deserve her. He treated her awfully and would never have been the lover that I could've been to her. I was EXTREMELY forgiving of how hard it is to break up with someone, so I kept reassuring her "I'm not going anywhere, my heart belongs to you". My patience resulted in her becoming complacent. Eventually she tossed me aside when she realised she was happy to be alone with him in another city, playing "happy families" as it were. I fell apart. I felt utterly used by her and she ruined my heart as a result. The point of my little story is this. We all do stupid things, but you're NEVER stupid for believing or having faith that the other person was nicer than they actually turned out to be. That's NOT your fault. As for not wanting to break it off because you don't want to be added to one of his little lists... Hunny, who cares?!?! He's a shallow, self-absorbed, one-of-a-kind LOSER. He's under the illusion that he can get any woman he wants. He CAN'T! He can't have you anymore for starters... By the sounds of things he's going to misconstrue the facts regardless of what you do. And besides, if his friends aren't stupid they'll see past his reasoning and see him for what he really is. How could they honestly not see that if he was such a great person, why would all these women be dumping him? If these women are so needy, why is this guy not more than enough for them? If he's so unwilling to give in a relationship, why is he bothering with relationships at ALL?! There's nothing wrong with wanting more from a relationship kissonthelips. Hell, I want more from my next relationship! Next time I'm GOING to be needy. Not to the extent of being emotionally dependant, but I'm certainly going to demand more from my lover. I'm not going stand for being second best, or being "a bit on the side" when I invest all my love into someone. I'm not going to consider other peoples feelings before I tend to my own. Don't worry about him anymore kissonthelips, seriously. Here's two things you could do. Either: A) Move on. or B) Deal him one last blow (your revenge), and then move on. Don't delay because you don't want to be added to his little list. Breaking it off completely will be the best thing you ever do. He'll be nothing but baggage until you do. Do you honestly see yourself with this man in the future anyway? Is he father material? Is he husband material? Is he even MATURE? Good luck hot stuff. Keep us posted!

Hi kissonthelips, I agree with Shy_Guy. You deserve a lot better than this drop kick. I'm totally exasperated by this whole "I'm leaving you because you haven't lost xyz amount of kg's, and that obviously means this and this and this...". Honestly, what is this guy on about?! Losing weight has absolutely NO relation to your tenacity or how you achieve your goals in life. Where does he get off saying this sort of stuff?! What an utter load of crap! You deserve someone that loves you for you, kissonthelips. If you want to know how to smite him, don't give him the luxury of being able to speak to you anymore. End any and all communication with him. If he decides to contact you, either give him a cold response or don't respond at all. He'll either leave you alone (good), or feel awful for how he's treated you (even better). Let him know that there's no "maybe" in all of this. If he thinks he can find someone more attractive, then fine! Good luck to him! He's only going to continue jumping from relationship to relationship, breaking hearts and carrying on as the shallow, mindless idiot that you've described him to be. Good luck kissonthelips, and well done for realizing you don't need to put up with this kind of treatment. I hope you get your Kill Bill moment someday. Take care.

I'm willing to bet she is. Or at the very least, she's being unknowingly selfish. She wants the attention of both men, but she's not willing to make a choice and suffer the consequences. It's a classic case of having her caking and eating it too. I was in an identical situation bexcelant and I know all about the pain that goes with it. If you ever want to talk, send me a PM. Maybe we can chat on MSN sometime...

That's me in my avatar during one of my fits of laughter the other night. I uploaded it all of 3 minutes ago... Oh god, I look like such a dork!!! Check out those headphones! ARGH! *cringe* Hope it gives someone a laugh or two.

Actually kaboom1218, you're not alone on this! Really early (3:00am) last Thursday morning I was reading a book in front of the computer while browsing over the eNotAlone forums, which I seem to have made a habit of over the last few weeks. It was at about this time when something suddenly made me giggle. I can't even remember what it was. It could have been something in the book I was reading, something in a post someone wrote, or something stupid that I did, but soon enough it turned into little chuckles. Then laughter. And then uncontrollable, bellyaching laugher that I simply couldn't stop! By the end of it I was absolutely BEAMING. I can't explain why, I just was. I was so happy that I actually had to refrain from calling friends and inviting them over to watch me make a bonfire of all my ex's gifts, love letters, soft toys, cards, etc... on my front lawn! Right then, right there. 3:00am in the morning! Knowing that this probably wouldn't last forever (and it didn't unfortunately), I put down my book and decided to write some advice to myself. Not typed up. Handwritten. Pen & paper. Something physical that I could put in my wallet and take with me everywhere I go. It's actually in my wallet as we speak... The things I wrote to myself included some of the objective thoughts I was suddenly having in this amazing moment of clarity. All of them seeming to end with ego stroking compliments to myself and HEAPS of little smilies dotted all over the page. It was about then that I flicked on the webcam and took some photos of myself, grinning from ear to ear. I even recorded a video myself smiling and waving at the camera because I simply couldn't believe how happy I looked. I was so unbelievably happy for being happy! I kept recording and recording and recording, and soon it was almost like I was making a little time capsule of happiness for my future self. I was waving to myself in the future when someday I'd feel the need to dig it up, watch it and remind myself of our liberated and great I felt that night. It was a great feeling then, and even now when I'm back in the doldrums I only need to THINK of that moment and look at the proof and I feel better. I can't WAIT till the next high point now. Especially now since I know they exist, and I can feel that the next one's not far off! It's heartening to know I'm not along on the webcam thing too.

Like odysseus77 said, start no contact now. One (or both) of you obviously still have feelings for the other. Continuing contact in this hurtful, confusing state will do nothing but compound the pain and prolong the agony. It's comparible to drawing out the break up. Perhaps even misleading or giving a foolish hope to one or BOTH of you that reconciliation might be possible. I'm sorry you're so torn at the moment evepm. Start no contact and keep us posted. We're here for you whenever you need to let it all out. It'll take some time, but you'll get through this. You both will. Don't worry about him, he'll be fine.

No Rage, you are NOT a bad person. Don't ever think this! I don't know you from a stranger on the street, but I know already from reading what you've said that this break-up has affected you greatly. You're feeling an overwhelming sense of loss right now, like you've lost a part of yourself. The only way to feel like this is to have invested yourself fully into a relationship and revolved your life around someone, perhaps to the demise of your own. I can tell that you're selfless. You're caring and considerate. You love unconditionally and you have a HUGE heart. You ARE a good person. I can tell this all from what you've said! RE: Boxing up her stuff. That's great news Rage, I'm glad to hear it! While putting these things that remind you of her out of sight will help you greatly, don't be discouraged by the early signs that you're still thinking about her. Quite frankly, there's nothing you can do right now to stop thinking about her, other than perhaps numb your mind with sleep. For a while, you'll only have to look at the spot where a picture frame was and it'll remind you of her. Or you'll see a crease on the pillow and imagine her head having laid there. Your mind is a lot more complicated than you'll want it to be right now. Scientists believe our brain works on memories connected to memories connected to memories... An intricate web of thoughts, feelings and emotions where we can take even the most basic of reminders out of context and relate them to whatever we want. Your mind is going to WANT to make connections to her out of everything. This is natural, and it will only subside in time. The best release -- like I said -- is probably sleep. Time will heal your broken heart, Rage. You don't deserve this at all. I'm so incredibly sorry that you're feeling this pain! My advice is to not contact her, it's time to heal. It feels good to have her asking after to you, seeing that you're okay, but it's only a consolation prize to the reality that you're not together anymore. I know what this feels like, and it hurts! It's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation too. You don't want to guilt trip her and tell her how bad you really feel, because that would only make you look needy and weak. At the same time you don't want to tell her you're okay and that you're coping well. Perhaps even that you forgive her. Because deep down, you don't. It almost seems like she could be looking for closure, or like she wants to feel that she's being as considerate as possible because she doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. If she's seeing people already, then this is almost certainly the case. I don't doubt for a second that she might have genuine concerns for you, but there's nothing she can say to take weight off the fact that you are no longer together. If you feel the need, send her back some neutral txt's. Don't stop yourself if the urge becomes too much. If you've kept up the no contact long enough already, stick to it. It'll feel a lot more liberating in the long run. I've kept no contact up for 4 weeks and 3 days now. I feel so strong for having lasted this long, and to pike-out now would be letting myself down. I'm not going to let myself do it now. Hang in there Rage. You're not alone.

She's telling you exactly the things she knows you want to hear right now to ease the pain. Things like "I miss you" or "I will always love you". Those are some of the things the broken-hearted DIE to hear from their ex lovers. I know I do! I'd probably start hoping all over again myself if I was to hear my ex say either of those. She's letting you down in the slowest was possible. She doesn't want to hurt you and this is completely obvious to me, but if she has said she doesn't want to get back together then you should really start taking her words seriously. I'm so sorry. I know this is hard news to bear. I didn't fully accept the news myself when my ex told me it's over. None of us do... The first two stages of loss and bereavement are "Shock" and "Hope". The "Hope" stage, also being commonly referred to as "Denial". I read your post and see the same train of thought I had myself straight after my break-up and it nearly makes me cry. You are reading too far into her "I will always love you and be there for you", clinging to a hope that you'll get back together someday. If she has unequivocally said it's over, then I'm afraid it is. Like I said, she's letting you down in the most humane way possible, and while I admire her for trying to do this, in the long run it's also probably the most hurtful thing she could be doing to you right now. It's terrible. It's as awful as her leading you on or delaying/compounding the inevitable pain. You will never heal if she's around giving you false hope. My ex told me when we broke-up that never in her wildest dreams did she ever want to hurt me. She told me she meant EVERYTHING she ever said to me. She tried to leave me with some comforting words because she felt overwhelmingly guilty for what she was doing, and she wanted me to feel as little pain as possible. And end on a "high note", I guess you could say. I took what she said completely the wrong way and clung tightly to hope for several weeks after the break-up, even though we didn't speak once during that time. I tried using NC back then to win her back, not heal, because I thought that by her saying "I meant everything I ever said to you", then she was referring to the time she said she'd always be there for me. The time she said we'd always be in each others lives. The time she said she loved me, more than life itself... This just isn't true. She was telling me something she knew I'd like to hear cause she didn't want me to hate her or feel bitter towards her. Now, 4 weeks and 3 days down the track, it ends up feeling like a consolation prize that I would rather not have had.

Rage, I still haven't thrown away the gifts and photos and letters and countless other things that my ex gave me, but I've well and truly hidden them, that's for sure! I suggest you do the same right away. Get a box, walk around your room chucking EVERYTHING in it that reminds you of her, and put the box in the back of the closet. And I really do mean chuck them in. Don't be civil. Take it out on the box! Think of yourself actually kicking these thoughts to the back of your mind because you WANT them to stop plaguing your mind. It's mind power. About the hearing songs that remind you of her; I can relate completely. Practically every song I HEAR still reminds me of my ex to this day. Songs I knew she liked. Songs she hated. Songs we danced to. Songs we sang together in the car. Songs we laughed at while watching on TV. Even songs that had absolutely no connection to her reminded me of her, simply because I would think to myself when the song starts "Hey! This one doesn't have anything to do with her!". And there I go again... thinking of her again. This slowly diminishes. So will the pain. You'll see. Allow yourself to grieve this Rage. Right now it'll feel like she's left with a part of you. Like you've lost your identity. If you feel this way, then there's already something positive to come from this relationship ending. If you feel lost without her, and feel like you've lost your identity, you depended on her too much. I did this in my relationship, and I've learnt that I need to be complete within myself before anything else. I COMPLETELY lost who I was when she left me. I didn't know up from down I was so lost. Two nights after I was dumped and in a desperate attempt to re-establish my identity, I shaved off my goatee, changed my hairstyle and lost about 10kg's. (The weight loss happened over a week). Drastic huh?! It's obvious that you invested a LOT into this relationship. I can tell already that you were a wonderful, loving, caring guy that devoted yourself fully and would've done anything she asked of you. Take solace in the fact that you are a GOOD human being. Good things happen to good people. Continue being a nice guy. After you've healed, you'll be a stronger version of yourself. Take care. Keep posting!

Like ang3l2004 said, when it starts to overwhelm you and your heart begins to race, stop and promise yourself that you'll think about it later. Tell yourself that when you get home you can lock yourself in your room and think ONLY about how hurt you feel and all the millions of thoughts that rush though your mind at lightning speed. Think, cry, scream, beat your pillow, eat, call a friend, do whatever comes naturally. This really is the best method to allowing yourself to function in any situation, not just work. I know, cause I had to do it myself. It really works! Another good thing to do is to not think too far into the future. Take your day in 15 minute blocks and only try to accomplish the current task at hand. Don't worry about how you're going to muster the strength to drive home after work, or whether you can be bothered cooking tonight. Think about what the most important task you have to do is and do it. Get it out of the way... Write a list of all the things you need to accomplish at work today, and knock them off. One at a time. Easy does it. One last thing you can do is to let the people at work know that you're going through a really difficult time. You don't have to give the people you work with all the gruesome details, but it might be helpful to let them know you've had an upheaval in your personal life. If you have a boss or supervisor, approach them and tell them that you just ended an important relationship. Acknowledge that your productivity might not be at its best right now. Ask them to inform you when they notice things slipping a little, or if your work is not up to scratch. You will usually receive a more compassionate response if you enlist their help rather than try to hide your mistakes, or make excuses after the damage has been done. If you can't do that, maybe talk to a colleague that can act as a monitor for you, to watch your work and cover your back. This sounds like an embarrassing thing to do but trust me... it beats getting fired at a time like this! Besides, you're bound to have a friend at work that would be more than happy to ablige. Lastly, we're here for you Nooxie. After work is over, go home, jump online and vent here. We're more than willing to listen, and we can ALL empathise. We're all at different stages in our healing, and we can give you compassionate, objective advice on anything. I'm sorry for how you're feeling right now. You'll be okay in time. You'll get through this! Be strong. Good luck, and take care! *hug*

He's a busy guy, yet he spends almost all his free time (weekends) with you. Be flattered! He obviously holds you in very high stead and really DOES like you. I know it's hard to be patient when you want to explore within the relationship and see where it will lead, but it sounds like he was really badly hurt by his last girlfriend. It's important that you don't discount that and respect his space if he needs it. You're not wrong in saying that it's it's a confusing situation, but it has only been a month so far. Don't read too much into it, just take it as it comes. Everyone needs friends, and he obviously enjoys your company. If you really want to help him along with his healing though (if you think that's the problem), you need to gain his trust. If he and you both feel like you can share anything with each other, there's a good possibility that he will open up and let out some of that pent up anger and hurt. Another thing, and I'm definitely not accusing you of anything here... but you can't make a person love you/like you. Like I said, it's only been a month. Definitely give it some more time. Even if only a really good friendship comes of all this, isn't that worth waiting for?

I can relate to your situation entirely Edge. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! It's not fair at all! Part of the reason that you feel so happy is because you're clinging to a foolish hope that someday something will happen. I only say "foolish" because you have no guarantee that anything will come of this, not because you're being stupid to do so. No no no, you're not stupid at ALL! Regardless of whether you believe you're chasing a dream or not, you're still going to do it because it feels good. I know I did. And well... I probably still would if I was back in that situation. Why give up something that feels so good, right? When something finally does happen though Edge, you're going to hurt. And it will hurt immensely. You can't even begin to fathom how much pain you will be in, so I'm fore-warning you now. I can tell that you're absolutely head over heels for this girl and it must be nagging at you -- if not tearing you up inside -- that she doesn't reciprocate your love fully. I think it's time to take a good hard look at the relationship and the situation you're in. I agree with what you're doing, and you're being totally mature about it. It would be completely unfair for you to push her to an ultimatum, especially if she does just need time and space to sort herself out. One thing you need to realise though, it's EQUALLY unfair for her to string you along like this. You say she's not toying with you. No maybe not, you're probably right. I believe you're totally right in saying that it's not her intention at all... But in grand scheme of things, your heart is on the line here, and that's not something to be taken lightly. I'd hate to see another broken heart come of all of this, and I really don't think the other posters are that far off when they say she's toying with you. I think you need to know her motives before you get yourself more involved. I don't doubt that she loves you, but when you know in your heart that you love someone and want to spend the rest of your lives together, you don't need a "timeout". I realise I haven't offered any real advice, and I'd rather not give any to be honest. Sorry! It's ultimately up to you what you decide. Good luck Edge, and keep posting. We'll help you any way we can!