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kaboom1218 last won the day on May 4 2011

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  1. Merry Christmas everyone! 🎅🏾I’m usually pretty upbeat or try to be as optimistic as possible and show gratitude for all of my blessings, especially when so many are suffering, but I guess it just hit me today that for the first time in my life I won’t be spending Xmas with my senior parents. I choose to be safe over taking the chance of traveling to see them, but it’s still depressing on top of everything going on in the world. And we’re in different states, so I can’t even do a drive by—a video chat will have to do. I’m sure other people are feeling the same, so maybe this is the place to just express your emotions, especially if you’re alone today. I’ll just tap into my spiritual strength, focus on what I’m grateful for & spend time with friends. Peace & blessings to everyone! 🙌🏽🎄🤶🏽
  2. I've definitely been where you're at--unfulfilled in my career, unsure how to get to a place of happiness and fulfillment in my life. But I focused on finding a career in areas where my passions and strengths lie and I've found my way to a much happier, upward bound life. Maybe consider tutoring, which would allow you to use your education background, but in more of a one-on-one setting with a student vs. being bombarded by a classroom full. Being a nanny/manny is also a similar setup. I'm not sure where you live, but in the States, with the right company, you can make good money doing either one and have the flexibility to attend college at the same time. Just stay hopeful and persistent and things will work out. It's not easy, but not impossible. The Internet provides all kinds of resources at your fingertips, so you just have to do the research. Good luck! ]
  3. No, you're not off-topic, although this thread has been several times as you may have noticed. Actually, I think your post is spot on to how I'm feeling and puts things back into perspective and is the main reason I created the thread. To offer a well-rounded view of what possible scenarios a dumpee might face if contacting their ex. You and I haven't contacted our exes, but still plan to at the right time despite some discouraging comments. Some folks giving that advice, haven't applied it in their own lives and even so, can't determine how your story will end. You know you and your ex's situation the best. I, like you, have been trying to live a full life in the process of dealing with my breakup. And I've done ok, but that nagging urge to contact is still there and almost caused me to call last night. But I talked myself out of it, since I'm unsure if the time is right at this point. You just have to be smart and if you do reach out, make sure you can handle any outcome. You're right. Dignity is important and as long as you can maintain composure and a level of non-chalance, it is something worth doing if you're having a hard time moving on. And as some have said, it may not be a mistake after all and things may end well. It has for some others. Although that word is subjective and even if the results aren't what you wanted, it's a life lesson which isn't a mistake. And why can't there be more power to us if we can muster up the courage to reach out?
  4. Tresqua & NC, I agree with both of your posts in regards to at least attempting to address and resolve the issues. I appreciate that mindset, instead of someone who gives up on the relationship without putting in much effort or giving up at the first sign of trouble. Unfortunately, some of us aren't approached about the issues or given adequate time to try to fix any of them before the other calls it quits. My ex and I had issues, some more difficult than others, that we could have tried to overcome. All relationships do, but I wonder if when some folks enter a relationship, they realize the amount of work it takes and are willing to put it in. But clearly there has to be a strong desire or ability to tackle issues from both parties. And usually you don't find out how willing they are until that adversity arises, despite what they may have said before. Mentioning it isn't enough. There needs to be a desire to come up with a game plan and to stick to it. If more couples did that, maybe there wouldn't be so many on the breakup/divorce forum! Lol. Anyhoo, do any other readers have personal accounts of reconnecting with an ex that they would like to share? That's really the point of this thread, which is why I keep saying that, since it's gotten off-topic several times and I've been trying to keep it on track.
  5. ^^And once again, no one here is a mind reader and instead of ASSuming, which we know what that does, some of us are willing to ASK the other person instead of applying the same, obvious approach that isn't necessarily going to result in the truth or provide any answers. And if someone wants to reach out to their ex, LET THEM do it in peace! It's like it's some people's mission to disrupt attempts at happiness or allowing others to take a risk that may be succeed, at any cost. Even though countless examples of successful reconciliations are stated time and time again. Facts not Fiction, please!
  6. ^^Thanks NCforME for giving more examples of successful reconciliations, which will benefit those of us wanting to read encouraging comments. They also contradict all of the naysayers that insist on posting negative comments that are irrelevant to the topic of the thread and keep perpetuating never-ending arguments and tension.
  7. ^^I like that. It is true that the value and dedication to relationships has dwindled and suffered over the years and while some "old-school" marriages lasted longer than they should, they are a true testament to what commitment is all about. It takes equal amounts of effort on both sides for it to work and sometimes pride and ego must be set aside for the end goal to be achieved. A lot of people don't want to deal with the challenges anymore and want to give up at the first sign of trouble. In reference to other comments, unless some posters have a crystal ball, which if you do please predict my future, no one can speak for how some dumpers or dumpees feel unless you ask them or they tell you. People's minds change and all sorts of seemingly impossible situations have turned around. So to assume how any one person is feeling and apply that to every other living person, is silly. Maybe some dumpers, and dumpees still as well, can post their thoughts based upon what happened to them in their lives to clear up some of the debates that keep swirling around here. Conjecture and theory is never-ending, that's why I wanted actual stories from readers' lives that can't be argued with and that speak for themselves. I like that there are a combination of circumstances posted here with a variety of conclusions. That's what I was hoping for and am benefitting from, as opposed to being told how it is as if it's finite without the person knowing for sure.
  8. Very interesting and encouraging observations indeed that are different from what's normally stated around here. Some people almost get guilted by some into not reaching out or following what they're gut is telling them. It's only human. So would you like to share how your real-life "science experiment" worked out? Lol. From your posts, I gather you may have tried to reconcile in relationships or been receptive to it and I'm curious about what happened. If you don't want to say here, PM me if you like. I believe in pretty much everything you say, but as the dumpee, you may think that the dumper has moved on or is disinterested as well, which is why you haven't heard from them and why you don't or are hesitant to make contact. Especially, if your attempts at communication have fallen upon deaf ears or in my case, I said the door would be open and he could come back, but even he knows that can't mean forever. I wonder if he even remembers me saying that. Part of it is a pride thing. Since they left me, they should come back to me too! So, there is just a lot of fear of rejection AGAIN from the dumpee's perspective and other emotions that determine what actions you take and the reason a lot may think it best to wait for them to contact you or walk away all together. I just have to wait for the time I feel most comfortable with reaching out to him and taking the chance, because I know he's the scary type and if he reaches out to me, it won't be for a while. Hopefully he'll prove me wrong. This is an interesting situation. Like a power struggle; turning of the tables. At least you were willing to take him back and try to work on things. Some people give up on situations too easily. Why a lot of relationships don't work these days.
  9. ^^Very well-stated and thanks for bringing the thread back on topic. I was also thinking recently that a job search is similar to love and relationships. Because you do get rejected, knocked around and your emotions put on a rollercoaster based upon the circumstances. But if you want it or to succeed badly enough, then you do have to put your pride aside sometimes and go for it. You may be disappointed and not like the results, but sometimes you may achieve positive results and the effort will be worth it all in the end. I've just recently been through some job situations that required some action, patience and faith, but it all worked out in the end. It's interesting that when it does come to matters of the heart, a lot of other principles used in real life go out the window, because it's supposed to be better to be safe. But better for who? Sometimes you should go with your gut and let your end goal guide you. But within reason and without being annoying or desperate, although I've heard of reconciliations where either side has been very persistent and it worked. I wouldn't recommend that, but if I do feel something is worth it, then I'll pursue it without hesitation. Though my pride will let me know when it's time to move on. Just like in the stock market, high risk, high return. Joswsieg do you want to share some of your experiences that relate to your post?
  10. ^^Well, thanks for the first part of your comment, because I try to offer support and have an alternative view of relationships and reconciliation. In relation to your second comment, why rehash something that was water under the bridge and not contribute to the thread with a comment about your own story? "Needling and nagging?" Interesting choice of words, but I know I don't do that and that isn't what I was doing. I would say the poster in question, if I'm to assume to whom you refer, does that sort of thing all of the time. I don't need them posting the same advice on here, seen on countless other threads time and time again, when they have nothing to do with the subject at hand. But since they may "help" others, that gives them the right to brow-beat and dominate threads with their opinion, but no one can challenge them on the same views they repeat endlessly? While some people's posts help some, you can best believe there are others who don't benefit from some poster's approach on this site and have made that clear many times. I just wanted this thread to stay on a more positive note and to let the personal accounts speak for themselves, so that readers could come to their own conclusions about what to do. And not be TOLD what to do. There's a big difference. You can't argue with facts, although some try, and opinions are just that, personal viewpoints. Since part of your comment was positive, I'll still consider it a good contribution to the thread.
  11. @Tresqua...Well, when you explain it like that, you don't seem as heartless, but I don't like when it's assumed all dumpees are desperate, clingy, psycho bug-a-boos that always make a fool of themselves and are desperately clutching at their exes. I only texted my ex once about a serious issue that didn't have to do with the relationship, but he didn't reply as it was only a few days after we'd split and he probably couldn't handle it. But I'm sure he's shocked he hasn't heard a peep from me since and in perfect timing, I got a job elsewhere, so that I wouldn't see him at the one where we both worked and where we met. I think that was no small coincidence and allowed me to heal more easily. Although seeing him on the fly, might have made things less awkward. So I know he's curious about what I've been up to. I wish my ex had given us an opportunity to work on our issues and tried to communicate better ways to make improvements. So I give you credit for at least trying to make the relationship work before bailing and understand why you are keeping it moving. He did mention certain concerns and I would try to ease his mind, but I guess that was more than even I could do. I think we both realized we had some pretty hard-to-surmount issues, like an age gap, being an interracial couple and him having hatin-ass friends, on top of his other issues I believe related to insecurity/lack of confidence. I wanted to create a united front and resolve our issues as a team, but he wasn't ready to ride that train. I'm sure he regrets it, so I may still reach out eventually, but would really prefer he do so first. I do really believe we had great potential, but got caught up in our issues.
  12. Tsk, tsk, so negative. That has no place here. You can call it lame, but it's also lame to place judgement and not even offer an example of why you feel that way. The reference for your comment would be what? Some posters on here are so quick to shoot something down, but usually don't have that type of experience to draw from. It's over until someone attempts contact and then who knows? It may be back on again too. If I feel empowered, that's my perspective and you can continue to remain negative, closed and wondering what if. And I don't have to pretend. My life doesn't revolve around my ex. It never has and never will.
  13. Hey, TT! Good to see ya. Appreciate the input. This has been a very interesting thread indeed. :silly: In your case, how much time passed before contact was made and what were the circumstances leading up to that?
  14. Great point. I was also thinking that it is empowering for the dumpee to approach the dumper, because you can exude confidence and non-chalance, which is very attractive, by letting them know, yah, I'm reaching out, but I won't crumble up and die if you don't respond or in the way I may want. But life goes on and it's your lose if you can't even handle a simple conversation. You have to be very mentally prepared, as you mentioned, but I think it's kind of cool to bring the ball back into your court and to be proactive and not reactive towards them sometimes. I bet you she will contact you in the future. They want what they can't have. Love the avatar by the way. Mariooooooo! Lol
  15. Actually, I don't feel like going all the way back to your original posts, llama, and really haven't seen anything about your backstory. How about you save me the trouble and post it here? I'm sure others are very interested, as I. Plus, I'm going to stay on the 'Getting Back Together' forum because that's an option I consider. Maybe YOU shouldn't be on this forum, since you don't seem like you want to nor condone getting back together, unless under the most perfect, ideal circumstances. But I didn't ask for advice on this thread, I asked for stories. Why that's so hard to grasp, I don't know. And why you'd want to post on a thread that doesn't seem to represent your viewpoint, I don't get either.
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