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You can't go through life and expect to not hurt anyone colbysweet. Everyone suffers heartache at some point in their life. It's a growing experience that only makes us stronger. He will get through this and so will you. Trust me, you will. I realise this will be of no comfort right now (it wasn't for me), but time does heal all wounds. Stay strong. Be mature about the situation. Think before every action you make from now on, for his and your sake. If you think by contacting him you'll be giving him false hope, don't contact him. He doesn't deserve to be led on. If you think by apologising to him again he'll only lay on some more guilt (e.g. "You were my one true love", "Life isn't worth living anymore"), don't apologise. You don't deserve to be guilt tripped like that. It's self-preservation mode now, for you AND him. Cry your little heart out colby. Talk to us here, go for a walk, write a letter, paint, eat, scream, exercise, ANYTHING! You can't blame yourself for this. If there was no fixing the relationship or you couldn't imagine a future with your ex, it would not have been fair on you or him to continue. As long as you know you've done the right thing, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Keep us posted colbysweet.

The Orb - Little Fluffy Clouds Goldfrapp - Black Cherry 7 Hurtz - Pump The key for me was (and still is) to keep away from the soppy love songs, or the songs that remind me of her. It kinda turned into a good opportunity to hunt for new songs, artists and genres actually!

I know from my own experience that a little privacy is always necessary in every relationship. I'm extremely impressed with how trusting and forgiving you've been to your man, giving him his space, time, weird online acquaintances, etc... You're being very mature in all of this sera_michele. Well done, keep doing this! Here's my take on the situation. If it was me that was giving my fiancé even the SLIGHTEST impression that something was up when there wasn't, I'd be devastated. I wouldn't want her to think that for at all, and I'd go out of my way to prove that nothing was up because that's the kind of person I am. If something isn't up he shouldn't have a problem proving this to you. Perhaps letting you add her to your IM or watching over his shoulder during a conversation... These do sound a bit overkill and a tad demanding, but I'm not sure what else he could do other than to delete her from his IM altogether. Surely that would prove that he doesn't talk to her anymore right? Anyway... this is a classic case of the "prove that you love me" situation. He might take offence to feeling like he has to prove his love for you, but at the same time, it'd be nice to think that he could see where you're coming from and feel awful for ever giving you this impression. So maybe that's the approach you should take. Let him know where you're coming from. Make him realise that you're not mad at him, but if he could be a little more supportive and prove that nothing was up you'd be overjoyed. After all, you haven't been psycho about the whole situation and demanded reassurance every minute of the day... If you're still suspicious though, and he's still not giving you the piece (peace?) of mind that you want, maybe it's time to take more desperate measures. Like Openminded said, spy away! Maybe install a key-logger that records everything he does on the keyboard? I can't believe I'm actually suggesting the idea to be honest, cause it is a bit nasty. But at least you'll know what he's saying to her, regardless of whether he deletes his IM history or not...

I'm so sorry to hear this patrick. No one deserves this. Least of all good, decent human being like yourself whose only crime was to love someone with all their heart and soul. I can relate to your situation and there's no comfort in what I'm about to tell you, but I'm going to tell you this anyway... You deserve better. You really do! If this person is capable of doing this to you, doesn't that just say how much less of a person they are than you? Like vitalcoaching says, don't fight your grief, but don't let it control you. You need to take this time to reflect on the good and bad of your relationship and come to the realisation that it's over. Cry your little heart out man. Write out all your thoughts of hurt and anger into the computer. Call a friend or talk to us here on this forum. Do anything you have to. I'm truly sorry you had to endure this patrick, it makes me well up inside to read about your pain. I've been there myself, I know what it's like. You're not alone patrick, you're going to get through this! Keep posting!

Don't be embarrassed because anything goes. Actually, good on you for taking some initiative! Sucking on my ex's tongue drove her crazy. She loves it and so do I. If you are both new to kissing then of course the first time something new or strange happens you'll be left thinking "uhhh?". The sooner you (both) realise it has nothing to do with what you're doing, but it's how good it feels, the better. Don't go crazy with your experimentation, but do throw in a few more things over the coming weeks/days. Try gliding your tongue accross his lips while kissing. It's unexpected and it feels nice. Also sucking on his upper or lower lip is extremely sexy. Even just flicking his upper lip with your tongue can have a teasing effect. Have fun.

I myself am one of these "big guys", and it's for that reason that my ex said she was attracted to me. Also because I was a kind, sensitive, loving person, but mostly because she felt comfortable around me, and my big cuddliness had a lot to do with it. My ex was no supermodel herself and this is NOTHING against her. I loved her, still do. I was madly attracted to her. Head over heels even... She loved her food and so did I. She found it easy to eat around me because I wouldn't criticize her over how much she ate, or how often she craved. The hugs were warmer and more fulfilling with her it seemed. It was easy to be affectionate. I don't know what it is, but these feelings can and do exist so don't deny them! When I start looking again for a partner in life, I won't be looking for a drop-dead gorgeous, athletic, big-breasted, long-legged girl. I find myself attracted to normal women. Maybe even heavier women. Women that don't feel they're above me, that I can relate to, talk to, feel comfortable around... I think this is normal. I hate to stick to stereotypes, but I've been let down so many times in the past, and every time I see a gorgeous girl walking down the street now I immediately think to myself "she must have no personality" or "pretentious cow". Stereotypical, I know. Sorry! I guess a lot has to be said for "looks aren't everything" and "the beauty is on the inside". I certainly believe in this, and I wish more people did!

Hi Colls, Don't freak out, it's completely natural to feel possessive of your man! I myself have been accused (by my ex) of being too much of a woman at times, reading into things, expecting her to tell me she loves me with each dying breath... Don't do this. Don't over analyse the situation whatever you do! Least of all over ONE occurrence of it. It'll only stir you up and make you start to doubt things that you have no reason to doubt at all. Namely, his love for you. From what I can tell, he loves you very very much. No questions. I don't think it's jealousy that is the core problem here though. I think it's your need for reassurance. This is extremely common, don't worry. I myself am guilty of this! Do realise though that it can be extremely damaging to any relationship. You may say you're jealous, but really all you want is to feel that you're his one and only. His one true love. From where I'm standing I would not worry at ALL about the forgotten "I love you". This is nothing, trust me! He loves you. He's told you this before, and he'll tell you this again. There's no need to panic! Now for some words of advice... Don't demand that he show his undying love to you every second of the day. This can be very draining to any person, and it can make you seem emotionally dependant on him. I'm not saying you have been, but I thought you might benefit from hearing it! Smothering your man is one thing, but making him feel claustrophobic is another. As a male, I have no problems whatsoever telling my partner every second of the day how much I love her. I'm just that kind of person that's all. I don't profess to know what your boyfriend is like, but don't judge him on one missed "I love you". If you confront him about this, or start getting emotional about these things to him he might -- like I said -- start seeing that you're emotionally dependant. This isn't very attractive I hate to say, and it can seem very very scary to him. Next time you hear from him, be happy and cheerful while talking to him. Talk about the things you normally would. Ask how he is, what he's been up to, what he's wearing right now. Be flirty, remind him why he loves you so much. And finally, when the conversation is closing don't test him, that's unfair! Don't wait to say "I love you", but don't put too much emphasis on it. Say it almost in passing, but say it with heart. Something like "Okay baby, well I'd better let you go. You've got an early start tomorrow... love you!!" He'll love this. I know I would... Good luck, take care!

No contact is so extremely difficult for both people, but more so for the person that has been dumped. He's calling and talking to you because he doesn't want to lose that part of his life that he loves so much. You. If he was (or still is) madly, deeply in love with you, by leaving him you're most likely taking a part of him away with you. His calls -- to me -- show his desperation and his need to hear your voice, know how you are, what you're doing, etc... He obviously still cares for you very very much, and he doesn't want to let you go. Actually more importantly, he doesn't want you to let him go. These curiosities still get the better of me. No contact is extremely hard, and I'm still trying to resist calling my ex. She dumped me, but I still worry about her every day. There isn't a day I don't wonder what she's doing, if she's thinking about me, if she misses me, if she's okay... She's wounded me terribly and I'm still picking up the pieces, but I love her. It's stupid, I know, but I want her back. I don't want to live a life of foolish hope though. In the long run it's delaying (and worsening) the pain to think that we could still have a future together. I think of my ex and I miss everything about her. EVERYTHING. Then I suddenly think of the future with her in it, and I become obsessed with having her back and get so overwhelmed with wanting to speak to her. I feel like I still need her, and he feels like he still needs you. Be strong. By maintaining contact with him you're leading him on somewhat. I agree with Neallo. Have one last chat with him and give him closure. The nicest, most flattering thing you could say to him -- in my opinion -- is to tell him that you don't want to live your life without him in it somehow, and you hope that he can still be your friend. But tell him you don't want to be with him anymore. Let him know you love him, but you're not IN love with him. He's most likely in shock and he probably doesn't realise that your mind really IS made up. That's what all of us dumpees think. We go into denial. We believe they'll come to their senses and want us back. As much as I want this to be untrue for my own selfish reasons, I'm slowly starting to realise there's nothing you can do to make an ex want you. I haven't been given the closure I need yet. I still drift through the day missing and loving my ex. I hate no contact, but I'm sticking to it. It hurts me greatly, but the pain won't be forever. The sooner it starts, the sooner it ends.

What about the gifts you can't bare to put away? I was dumped by my girl last week. I'm a wreck. I'm dreadfully hurt by the whole break-up, and I've got a myriad of gifts that remind me of her constantly. Even things that aren't really gifts. Things like internet conversations, emails, photos of her/us, songs we used to listen and sing along to, etc... things that are still on my computer. I was brave enough to collect them all of them together a few days ago and hide them in a box/folder out of sight. Everything, both physical and digital... But there's one gift that's still in sight, and I don't know what to do about it. My ex-girlfriend knew (and probably still knows) me better than anyone in my life. Last Christmas she bought me a boxed Pixar DVD set as her present to me, and while it sounds like nothing, it nearly made me cry. I'm a 3D Animator and an absolute Pixar fanatic, so the gift -- to me -- was nothing short of overwhelming. No one else had thought to buy me anything along those lines before. Sure they're just DVD's. Kids movies even... but it was cute and simple. It's the most treasured gift I have from anyone in my life. I still have the DVD's sprayed around the TV beside my bed and I frequently watch/study them, but every time I see them I think of her. In many ways it's torture. She only ever gave it to me out of kindness and love, and I'd NEVER send it back to her because of its value to me. But it has sentimental value too. I see them and can't help but think of her. It hurts. I'm starting to justify leaving them out by classing them as one of those "unavoidables". Like when you walk down the street and see the restaurant you both used to frequent. Or when you sit down on the couch and one of the TV programs you used to watch together suddenly comes on. There's so many things day to day that remind me of her, and I'm starting to wonder if this is just another unnecessary reminder. What should I do about this particular gift?

I didn't mean to hijack this thread either, but I feel like I have after that monstrosity of a post. I'm sorry if it's come accross that way!

Chip, I read this entire thread and shed tears over how similar your situation is to mine. Everything you've said... how you've felt, what you're going through, how you're coping, what you've been thinking... it's like I'm reading something I've written myself. I became friends with my girl back in September last year, and it was November that we started to fall for each other. In February she moved to another town to pursue a degree. We knew about this all along, but we didn't want it to change anything, and it didn't. Until the time she moved we spent every dying moment together. I couldn't move down with her at the time due to a degree of my own, but I otherwise revolved my entire life around her. I would've done anything for her. I was planning and looking forward to moving down and living with her. Dare I say, it was even a fantasy of mine. It got me through the day thinking that eventually I'd be with her. Once she left, we communicated every single day by phone, txt messages, MSN, email, etc... everything. Like you, she was my first love too. She used to compare me to her previous boyfriends and say how amazing I was. She used to say if there was a better way to say "I love you", she would have already said it a million times over because she loved me that much. She used to tell me how proud she'd be to have me spend the rest of my life with her. How gorgeous and sexy I was. How good I was to her. How loving and thoughtful and romantic and PERFECT I was. She used to call me her soul mate. Her future happiness. Her "one"... I'm sure many would think this sounds very dramatic and over the top, but I believed it. I believed everything she said because it was exactly how I felt for her. I'm head over heels for the girl, and I don't doubt for a moment that she might've actually felt this way for a while, but she doesn't now. It's killing me. It was a week ago today that she dumped me. The same feelings you've felt are washing over me constantly right now. The hoping. The shock. The disbelief. The anger. The missing and needing and wanting her. I have no other relationships to compare mine with, but I'm already beginning to agree with the saying "The first cut is the deepest". I still can't believe that she could have done this to me after everything she said. I don't know how someone that said they love you could cut you off so suddenly. I keep hoping that she'll call, and although I know she probably won't, I still hope. I rush to my phone whenever I get a call or txt, always thinking it's her. I check my email constantly. I realise that there probably isn't a future for us, but I can't seem to accept it. I don't sleep. I lay in bed awake at night feeling hopelessly lonely. And if I'm not thinking about her, I'm dreaming about her. Sometimes pleasant dreams, but I always wake to reality. It hard. Everything reminds me of her. EVERYTHING. I drift through the days thinking about her. I have absolutely no purpose or direction at the moment. My motivation is non-existent. The irony is, I've been free of my degree for a couple weeks now, and I had plans to move down to be with her and get a job and start our life together. Now I have no motivation, not even to get a job. I'm at the lowest point I've ever been in my life. I just want to feel better... We used to talk about the future. The future we might've had. I can't help but torture myself by thinking of her. I think about all the things about her that I love and miss, and that I'm scared I'll never find in another person again. I'm depressed, and I keep sinking further and further the more I think of what I've lost. The hardest thing for me has got to be trying to not contact her though. I'm trying not to email her or send her a txt, but I want to let her know how upset I am. How hurt I am. I guess I want her to feel obliged to contact me and tell me how unbelievably sorry she is, but I know she probably won't. I know that she's sorry and that she never meant to hurt anyone, but I still don't think she'll contact me. "Sorry" will never make up for the hurt I'm feeling for thinking she loved me, and for making me think that I was her one true love. Her soul mate. Yet I still want her to contact me and say sorry anyway. I don't know why. I'm looking for closure I'm never gonna get. I do have my moments of hope, but they don't last. I realise I am young and talented. I have my whole life ahead of me. A career too. I'm also a GOOD person, as are you chip. I feel heartened and wise beyond my years knowing that I'm a descent human being. Hopefully one day she will regret what she's done. Maybe one day we'll meet in a supermarket or walking down the street and talk about it. Who knows... Chip, I've sent you a PM with my MSN/etc... I realise that you've done much of your healing already, but if ever there's a person that understands what you're going through, it's me. Please. Don't hesitate to contact me at all. Nick.