colbysweet

last week i broke my now ex's heart. i broke up with him, and although i still feel it was the right thing to do, i feel so terrible, i am crying constantly, and i already miss him. i am not in love with him, but i do love him. we were great friends, and i have been friends with him since i was 14. now it's all over. he is devastated. he tells me i was his one true love, and he never wants to date again, that life isnt worth living without me and that life has no meaning without me. its killing me knowing i have caused so much pain, he's a mess. i saw him today and he hasnt showered or slept, he's just breaking down. i care so much for him, to see him like this and know i am causing it is so hard for me. i know what he is going through is worse, but i need some advice on how to get around this.

she needs to go to the doctors and get a test done professionally. that is the only way she will know for sure.

this sounds so weird to be calling him my ex. just over a week ago my bf broke up with me. i wont go into details.. as i have been doing this enough lately... but he didn't do anything wrong, he just didn't feel content with me anymore. we are best friends, and due to our lifestyles we will be constantly bumping into each other. we have talked online, but the conversation gets strained because all i want to talk about is the breakup. i can't help it. i am so used to be able to talk to him about anything i need, but i know it makes him uncomfortable. i realised though, that there is so much i need to talk to him about before i can start to move on. when we broke up it was very emotional and we didnt talk about things properly... like how we were going to see each other and stuff like that. he told my friend he thought we needed to talk more, and he hoped to do it this weekend. so online i told him i thought if we were going to see each other around, we need to know there is nothing more to be said about the breakup, otherwise it's going to be too strained. he agreed, but didn't say anything about when. i told him i wanted to speak to him before i was going to see him at university, as i want it to be sorted by then. university is next week. he didn't make any plans, so i told him it was up to him and left. i am not going to go online to speak to him for at least a week, because i know talking to him about it online is doing none of us any good. do you think i am right to see him just once, to talk things through proplerly? i really think it will help me to move on. he told me when we broke up that he would be here when i was ready, as i said i wasn't ready to be "friends" just now. i don't want to seem pushy, but at the same time i really think it's necessary for me to start to grieve properly.

Thanks for all the replies, they all helped a lot. Crookster man, thanks a lot for your reply especially. What you said, basically summed everything up. It stated exactly what I have been doing, and I am glad that I now know. I am going to try extra hard to relax a little with the relationship, and if I do get unnecessarily anxious, talk to my friends about it rather than him. I just hope that it is not too late. Afterall, you can't change what is already done. But I am pretty sure it's not at the point where it has damaged our relationship or anything, so it should be okay. Thanks a lot.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 7 months now. My problem is that for the last month or so I have been feeling quite depressed. I find myself analysing every little aspect of our relationship and suspecting something is wrong, when it isn’t. When I am with him I feel very happy, but without him I feel terrible. I am feeling so dependant/attached on him. I have no doubt that he loves me, but he takes the relationship a lot less seriously than I do. (He is the smart one, as I am only 19, he is 21 – both being our first relationships…so we really do not need to be taking this too seriously anyhow) But I can’t help it. I can’t stop thinking about him and our relationship. Analysing everything. Even my college is suffering. He also does the same course as me, so I find myself skipping classes so I can see him. He doesn’t really call me that much, unless I ask him to or he is returning my calls. Neither does he sms me much anymore. But this is just him. I have now realised I have to accept it as part of him, as he really doesn’t like talking on the phone for very long. He also won’t organise hanging out much. It’s always me who has to ask when I’ll next be seeing him. This makes me feel demanding, and if I didn’t organise, we would hardly see each other. But in saying all of this, when we see each other he is happy to see me and enjoys himself. It’s not like it’s a chore or anything. Also…..for the last few nights I have been having dreams about him, and I wake up feeling sad… because I can’t get him out of my head. I just want to feel happy without him also. The reason I feel so upset is I can’t handle feeling so dependant on someone. It makes me really insecure, and makes me wonder how on earth I would be if he broke up with me. Plus, him not calling or not organising anything with me, becomes a major problem, whereas before when I was happy, it wasn’t the end of the world, and I didn’t feel like I was being demanding. I really want this to stop, as I don’t want to keep bringing up all these minor problems with him. He doesn’t like talking about them, because he doesn’t consider them problems. (After I say them, I also realise they hardly are problems too) It makes me look negative and whingy, and I don’t want to look like I am trying to suffocate him also. I just want things to be normal again, where I can be happy with him, and also happy without him. Because I know that it will help our relationship a lot. I want to be able to go out with my friends and enjoy myself if he’s not there. In the last month I have brought up more about our relationship than I have in the entire 6 months, and all of it has been pretty unnecessary, and I don’t think that projects me as the person I want to be seen as. I just can’t help it when I get so upset and I think about things so much, I feel I have to tell him. But it never comes out right, and I feel guilty afterwards. I don’t know if it’s depression that’s causing me to latch onto him because he is something that makes me happy – or if it’s me feeling dependant that is making me depressed? Any advice would be appreciated. This is driving me insane, and I’m so scared if I keep carrying on like this I will ruin a good thing. Sorry this was so long.

Thanks for the replies. I have no reason to believe that our relationship might end anytime in the near future. (after all who can tell the future) It's just my first real love, and I'm scared of losing something great. I now feel much better about the situation, I think that my problem was letting it bottle up inside of me, and it got to the point where I couldn't hide it from him anymore. I was scared of looking stupid, because I personally thought how emotional I was getting over it was quite silly. I know that I have to be careful not to scare him off - but on the other hand, I do believe also, that I am a little insecure, and if he does love me for who I am, this should not play a MAJOR part in our relationship, when everything else is going so well. I am seeing him tonight; so I am going to explain to him that things are feeling much better now I have gotten it out, and that it was the fact I hadn't said anything that let it get to this point. Also, I want to make sure he knows it not me being obsessive, it's just me dealing with how I feel about him as it's my first time. My boyfriend is pretty level headed and secure. Things like this really don't phase him..... so I should start from now in being more secure, and thinking that this is not such a big deal!

Lately I have been really emotional and scared of losing my boyfriend. Even though things are going great between us. It's almost like it's going so great that I am scared of it ending. Anyhow, I haven't told him this as I didn't want to make a deal out of something that might have passed. But today while we were making love, I started crying. I started crying because it was so intense, it brought up the issues I have been dealing with. Of course we stopped, and I explained it all to him. He said he didn't really understand, as he never thinks about things like that when things are going so well. But he reassured me that I need not worry about losing him, and that I shouldn't dwell on things ending when I don't even know they will... and if they do.... that's something we get to when it happens. Anyhow. I know that it would be a little weird, your girlfriend crying during sex because she loves you so much. So I was wondering if it would be something to freak you out? Like, do you think it could come accross as though I am a little obsessive.

Okay. I am in a similar situation - except I have no problem with my relationship. Communicating is fine between us. I think for starters you may have to slow down a little. You have come out of a very long relationship, and you have been dating this guy for six months. Marriage is a very big commitment. Even if you feel that you could spend the rest of your life with this man, you don't have to rush into getting married. Getting married shouldn't be so that you can make sure you "keep" him and don't lose him. So dating for longer, shouldn't be such a problem. If he hasn't been saying anything about marriage, you should let it go.... as you don't want to rush things for him. I have been very scared of the day I lose my boyfriend, even though I have no reason to believe I will be anytime soon. I have been keeping this from him because I was scared that he would think I was becoming too clingy. But today it got to the point where I started crying, and I HAD to tell him, as he wanted to know what was wrong. Now he proved me wrong. He didn't get freaked out by it. He didn't totally understand me, as he is much more independent, but he was there for me and he explained that I had no reason to be getting so worried. And that was enough to reassure me. Talk to him. Let him know that you are feeling a little insecure. But make sure you let him know that you aren't trying to suffocate him or put pressure on him, it's just that it's the way you are coming to terms with this uncrontrollable feeling of love. I got sent a quote before that you might like. 'Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have.' Talk to him, it's the best way to ease your feelings. Just make sure you don't go too far and scare him.

Lately I have been feeling extremely insecure and dependant on my relationship. Everything is going great, but I am constantly thinking about how much my boyfriend is a part of my life, and how hard it will be for me to get over him if we break up. I have no reason to believe we will break up anytime soon, but I still cannot stop thinking about the sadness that I am going to endure. My friend went through this at the same point in her relationship, and has told me that it does get easier. That you will go back to feeling comfortable again, it's just coming to terms with loving someone so much. She sent me this quote, and I thought it was interesting. 'Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they have.'

... thanks guys. i think what scares me the most, is that this fear is consuming me. for the last few days, i have been thinking about it non stop... it's driving me insane. it even makes me cry. the other day in particular, when i really realised how much i depend on him, i started crying so much that i could hardly breathe. i am aware that i will be upset when/if we break up, but at the moment i feel like it would be out of control. i don't think i could even go to work or function... i feel it's almost unhealthy what i am feeling. he has a lot of things in his life, and i am part of that. whereas, for me, it's just him. when i am out with friends, i still can't stop thinking about him. i even will make my plans around the days he might be free. it feels like i am in that besotted crush stage at the start of a relationship, but after 8 months, it should have become a little easier. i want to be more like him. independent. i don't know if i need to get some counselling or not, just to help me learn how to be happy without him also. i just want to enjoy the time we have, and get these thoughts out of my head.

I am in love. It's like I don't know how to cope with this feeling. It's so intense, and I can't imagine not being with him. He's my best friend. So if I lost him, I would be losing my best friend also. This is a massive chunk of my life. I keep seeing the end, and seeing the pain. Someone once said, they loved someone so much it hurt. I too, feel this. But I am afraid, that loving should not hurt. Living in fear is what hurts. I fear being abandoned. This feeling that I am feeling, (love) is so intense and real, that I never want it to stop. I can almost taste the pain that I will experience when/if this ends. I think in my heart, I believe that it being my first true love, means that it will end someday, and I cannot stop thinking about it. Tonight I was with him and I was laying on his chest listening to his heart beat and my eyes filled with tears as I could just imagine what the end would be like. Then, once I snapped out of it, I was feeling as loved as I wanted to feel. And there I was drunk on our company, feeling that contentment I am holding onto so dearly. I do believe, this is the drunkest on love I have ever been. And at the same time I almost feel angry with myself for falling so deep. I am starting to feel dependant on him, and that scares me. I told him I loved him, and he said it back. But ever since then, I have been scared to say it again. It just so happens that all of these feelings have started, when we have been seeing each other less. (entirely because of hectic lifestyles) Is this maybe me just coming to terms with this consuming feeling of love, that I have never experienced before? Will me being so scared, stop? I need to stop feeling like I need reassurance, when everything is going fine.