EatZ

Hahah. I think I should know, I wrote it in the other thread that shygirl23 started, asking about whether she was having orgasms or not. Nevermind, it was obviously a very accurate description if it's being reused by a girl. I'm flattered!

Nice copy & pasting bumble_b. I was thinking to myself "I swear I've read that somewhere else!".

I think it's time to get down to the nitty gritty, personally. It's obvious that you two split for a reason. Question is, are you turning a blind eye to that? After all, she is called "the ex" for a reason. Give us some more details. How did you break-up? How long were you together? Why so long in seeing each other again?

The very first one.

I think Ballys' onto it. A lot of people disagree that there are two types of orgasms, but from my experience there are. Namely clitoral and Vaginal. Clitoral being a very quick and intense orgasm that leaves you feeling very sensitive, and vaginal, being a deeper, longer and almost numbing orgasm -- which sounds like what you had.

I think we all know why Dave is like this. It's because he likes you! His feelings DO NOT and SHOULD NOT factor into your relationship with Mike, but you can't discount them all the same. Dave has taken a big hit to his ego since you told him that you weren't looking for a relationship and were happy being friends, only to get involved with Mike shortly after. I'm not saying you have to make excuses for who you do and don't feel attracted to, because you don't! I couldn't agree more with you, I think Dave needs to grow up major bigtime! But if there's anything I've learnt, people like Dave don't see the wood for the trees in these situations. His actions are obviously clouded by his emotions right now, and there's no "voice of reason" behind what he says or do's. (I know do's isn't a word, bare with me)... Like the previous poster said, you need to sit him down and talk with him. And while I think you both should speak to him individually, I think a lot of the responsibility lies on your shoulders. He's a real person with real emotions, and he's obviously being driven by hurt. Be [as] compassionate [as you can]. I think if you can give him some closure and let him down nicely, things will settle down. When you look back on this situation, wouldn't you want to feel like you did everything you could to be at peace with him? ... And if not, perhaps you and Mike should remove him from you life. Do you and Mike really want a friend that can't be happy for you?

There could be a chance that the particular type of pill your girlfriend is taking has reduced her sex drive. I've heard this on many many occasions, but I couldn't tell you which ones are notorious for doing this... Maybe this is something you should explore?

It's very easy to stay stuck in a rut forever if you let yourself, but there's no quick fix for a broken heart. None whatsoever. You HAVE to let it all out, but it's obvious to me that you're not getting to the bottom of what's actually hurting you the most. What aspect of your break-up has left you in such pain? Is it the fear of never finding someone as good as her again? Is it the shock from her loss of love? The fond memories, or the dashed hopes and dreams? All of the above and then some? There doesn't have to be a reason to feel like this, but there's certainly something inside which is stirring you up each time. That or you're just a sensitive guy with a big heart. I think a bit of both... In answer to your question though... Yes, it's possible to get stuck in a rut if you don't take the healing into your own hands at some stage. But it's a matter of time, Duderanomi. When you're ready to move on, you will. If you haven't already, remove all things that remind you of her from your house. Put them into a box and stash them away at the back of the closet. Actively try to stop reading emails, or looking at your phone every 5 minutes to see if she's sent you a text. Your new focus now is on YOU. Like the previous poster mentioned, fill your day to the brim, and nip those pesky thoughts of the ex in the bud whenever they present themselves. Stay active, and stay calm. You're gonna be fine. Take care!

I can tell that it's on your mind a lot, so I don't think you should fool yourself into thinking that you're doing this CD thing for any other reason other than because you love him and want him back. If you do decide to do it, make sure you're ready for the myriad of different reactions you might get from it. I fear for your feelings more than anything else! Note that I'm not saying "don't do it" at all! I think that by doing this, at least you can't say you haven't tried to be mature and thoughtful through all of this. These are tough times, and there's no wrong or right actions. As long as you can look back and be proud of how you handled it, then you've done well. Let us know how it goes!

From all that you've told us, I'd say your chance is as good as any for getting back together with him! No one can tell you for sure what's going to happen though. It's up to you whether you carry on floating in limbo, waiting for him, hoping he'll come back some day. The best thing you could do right now is to be selfish for a while. Take care of yourself. Take the time to figure out what means more to you in life and in relationships. Make those changes to yourself that you've been promising yourself. You won't regret it... And if, after discovering this whole new beautiful, wonderful, enlightened side of yourself, wouldn't he be an idiot for not taking you back anyway?! It if he doesn't, I'm sure it'll come as a revelation that he's obviously not the one for you anyway... ... or maybe you'll come to a point where YOU don't want him anymore. Who knows. But like I said, I think there's every chance. He's said some very heartfelt things so far, and while some of them could be mistaken as sugar-coating, a lot of the rules and boundaries he's set seem to be to protect himself as much as you. I'd say he's just very confused and needs a bit of time... So don't go on waiting for no one. Work on yourself and see where it takes you. Take care!

I'm sorry mephesto, but I see nothing but hurt coming if you do this. You said you love him sooo much and you want him back really badly, so the whole "I'd only be using him" argument is already out the window. The idea that having sex with him will make him emotional and want you back is a hazy one at best. It's normally girls that feel post-coital attachment, not guys. People can change though, and I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, or that he won't come back. But would you feel good knowing that you manipulated him back into a relationship, or would you feel better if he came back on his own accord? If you want him back and want him back for good, make sure you get to the core of the problem that caused this break up in the first place. The relationship will be doomed to the same fate as before if you just assume "3rd time lucky".

I think regardless of whether you broke up with her because of her controlling nature, or because you broke up with her for this other girl, you've made the right decision. Why? Because first and foremost, you're no longer stringing your ex along. You can't be blamed if you poured your heart and soul into a relationship, tried to work things out and still can't see yourself with her. If you didn't give it your all, however, that's something you're going to have to live with... My advice. If your heart is hurting from breaking up with your girlfriend of 2 and a half years, then take a break from relationships for a while. Jumping in and out of relationships is something a LOT of people just can't manage to do in a healthy way. All you'd be doing is replacing the void that your girlfriend (now 'ex') has left you with. Your ex will be hurt to see you with another girl so soon too, so think carefully about what you do. Take care!

Hmmm, horror stories? I'm not sure if mine can really compare to the other horrific tales people have told already, but my ex DID break up with me over a text message. I found that pretty hurtful. A single, 160 character long text message...

Marriage is a huge decision, I wouldn't take this lightly at all. I think the ultimatum is quite unfair if you ask me -- strict parents or not. By the way you've worded it, it doesn't sound like she's been as warm or loving to you as you deserve. Perhaps it's time you give her an ultimatum in return. She can either make you WANT to marry her, or you won't marry her at all. It doesn't sound like you'd have a problem making the decision if she wasn't so seemingly cold and distant from you. Like the previous poster hinted at, you have to look out for you. It's your happiness that matters. You don't have to be long suffering just for her. She obviously hasn't been making sacrifices or taking risks to be with you. Okay, so her parents are strict, fine... but it sounds like she's the type that would use it as an excuse from time to time too. On the flipside, marriage is a two-way thing. She's obviously willing to marry you, so that should be a true show sign of her love. Or at least, of her and her parent's love...

Hey everyone! Thank you SOOO much for your comments! I'm truly touched that my words have helped so many people. I never expected them to have such a positive impact, I was merely speaking from experience that's all! jarofpinecones, I know exactly what you mean! I found even hearing it over and over from different people made a big difference too. Hearing how all these people from all different sorts of backgrounds and relationships came to the same conclusion that time heals made it so much more believable. victoria, you sound like you're coping AMAZINGLY well for someone that's just come out of a long-term relationship. Just going by what you've said I can tell that you're a lovely, sweet, appreciative, strong minded girl. Just take it day by day, don't force it. I can tell that you want to shortcut it and feel better now, and that's a good sign! But there's a difference between feeling better cause you've let it all out and feeling better cause you've hidden it away. There'll come a day when you're ready to take it that extra step further. You'll know when, trust me. skeeter, we're men of substance then it seems, hahah! I actually pride myself in being in touch with my emotions. I don't think there's anything pathetic or unmanly about it at all, and I'm glad you don't think so either! ladyc, you printed it out!? EEK, now you've got me blushing!! I'm thrilled what I've said means something to you ladyc! The key like I've said time and again is to take it at your own pace. Don't stop doing what feels natural just because you don't think it fits your "healing plan" or something ridiculous. Don't listen to anyone but yourself when it comes to how you feel. If you need to cry, CRY! If you need to throw a wobbly over how unfair life is, go to your room, shut the door, jump into bed and kick and scream to your hearts desire. It's that simple. As for not visiting here for a while, I went through that phase too. I started to think that coming here was reminding me too much of my break-up, and it was! It all depends on the person. I mean, here I am, well and truly healed and still visiting these forums, helping where I can. Like skeeter said, it's just time! Take care all. P.S. I haven't proof read this, I'm INSANELY tired.