WillAlwaysLoveHer

I just dont' know how long I should do this NC for. It's been about 1.5 weeks. I see her from time to time on IM, and it seems like she's just waiting there for me to talk to her. Like I said before, she's IMed me before, but I just ignored them (though read them), so she might have gotten the "hint" that I'm not talking to her. She may even be waiting for me now to make the first move. But I dont' want to. Not at this moment anyway. I want her to IM me when she wants to talk about us. But now you got me thinking that perhaps she's mad now and not going to IM me anymore. ARGH! These stupid mind games. She hasn't emailed me either. But then again, she never really emailed me much. But even if she did now, I would still read em, but just woudln't reply. I just have to know what she has to say argh...

Haven't posted in awhile as I didn't think anyone was still replying to this thread...I was wrong: much appreciated. TheDoctor, I hope so. I just hate every minute that goes by. Sutton, I know the future probably doesn't involve her. That's the part that's tough, as you said. I know I will be OK (after 10 years), but there's always that darn void in my heart. das420, I am trying to stay busy as much as I can. To be honest, I've done "quite a bit" since then, but still not enough. I'm hoping to become a big brother and also adopt a dog - crappy thing is I doubt I have time for one. She's tried to contact me a few times, but like you said, I just dont' want to know what she's doing because I'm sure it'll make me feel like crap. But I DO want to know. Argh. It's driving me nuts. Halfdman04, I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like you lost a lot more than I did. I can only imagine what's going through your mind. All I can say is do the same that everyone here has told me to do. Stay busy and dont' dwell on things too long. I, too, am clinging on to hope, even though I tell myself that I may not even want to get back in it because I DO NOT want it to happen again. Anyway - It's been two weeks since and I'm better, but still not competely. There were a few days that I "forgot about her" in the sense that I didn't feel hurt or sad. Haven't cried for over a week, which is good. But I still think of her everyday. Last night (on July 4th) I felt really really sad; being with friends with SOs and people all around holding hands and feeling grateful. It sucked. I had to sit away from everyone to think alone. I thought maybe, just maybe, she'd call. But of course, no call. And tonight, I got the same butterfly feeling that I may not be with her anymore. And the obvious thing to say is, I'm NOT WITH her anymore. But I still want to be. Argh. This whole things sucks. The only snippet of hope I'm clinging to is the last thing "my girl" said to me over IM: she does miss me. Don't know what to make of that "crap". Sigh. The only reason I don't think it means a whole lot is cuz her previous IMs were nothing more than stupid informational propaganda questions - nothing about us. So I ignored them all - didn't reply to them even though my fingers hovered over the keys. *SIGH* Off to bed.

Wow Pebek, 16 years ... that's impressive. You're quite the lady's man. d346, I really hope my situation turns out to be just like yours. I'm feeling pessimistic about it, but it does give me a little scrap of hope. EatZ, you're 100% right that if (but not when) we get back together, we cannot ignore whatever happened in the past and will have to face it at one point or another. But I completely plan on doing that BEFORE ever getting back together. So I went to dinner and a movie (yes, w/ her) last night and it was a lot of fun. Dinner was good, laughed a bunch, and saw a great movie. Did I just say laugh? I guess I did. Even so, we're still not getting back together and I still felt sad, but it was definitely better. But then when I was driving her home after the movie, I felt awkward and sad again. She said that we would talk and see each other again, but w/out specifying more than "just friends" or not. I know that was just her way of saying that we'd stay in touch, but just as "close friends" (for now). Who knows. All I know is that I think I'll stay in NC in the oncoming days/weeks/months to see what happens.

Sadly, it's only been less than a week, and even more pathetic, I've already talked to her a few times since "the day" - to get her perspective on things. The sad thing is, I even asked her to grab dinner and a movie tonight and she agreed. I know this is the absolute worst thing I could do, as I'm only torturing myself, but I keep thinking and trusting her word that "things are not completely over". I truly believe she thinks that, but I also think that the chance of it happening are slim to none. Again, I know that's pretty naive of me, but I want to keep hoping until she says "things ARE over". Plus, I know deep deep down, if things dont' work out, I still want to be close, if not best friends. Just at the moment, I want all or nothing. I guess you can say that my contact with her thus far is an effort (albeit, a pathetic one) to win her back. As far as the things that remind me of her, it's practically everything. A lot of the stuff I own (furniture, appliances, movies), she was there with me when I got it. It all reminds me of her, so the personal stuff she left behind really doesn't add that much more to it. I even told her it's fine and to pick it up when she wanted. If I'm to get rid of anything, it would have to be everything. I know you're thinking this is another idiotic thing, but in a weird way, I see two things from it: 1. In the event we get back together, I want her to know that it was as if she never left, and more importantly 2. If I can get over her with her stuff there, I know I'll be ok. Because again, I know deep deep DEEP down, I want to stay best friends no matter what happens. At any rate, Eatz is definitely right that it IS far too soon to tell. I have to be patient. And Pebek, you're right about hiding the photos. Same goes w/ love letters. What is NC? I see other ppl right that on here. Thanks for replying.

I know there's a lot of people who share my pain, and probably more that have more pain, but I still can't stand it. Me and my girl - well now ex - went out for a few years and now we're on a break, though it seems more like a breakup. She wants to figure things out with her life alone, but wants to remain close. Even though she says it's not completely over between us, she said that we shouldn't pass up anything (worth pursuing) that may come our way. Am I being too naive to think that maybe sometime down the road we'll get back together? I still love her and will always love her, so maybe that's clouding my train of thought. Everything in my place reminds me of her. I cry every night. I dont' know how to handle it. Please help me.