Tinkerbell

As hard as this may be, you must realise that your happiness comes first. I don't doubt that your boyfriend is a great guy, but perhaps he just isn't THE guy. If you're not enjoying yourself anymore, you must put it to an end, and don't let your fear of your family's reaction stand in your way. It's your relationship and your well-being afterall, they don't really have a say. And I completely agree with the being happy with yourself first part: It's extremely hard for a person to have a fulfilling relationship unless they love themselves first.

Question(s): Written by: Wendy Moelker, psychologist in charge of Emergis, Goes, the Netherlands. First version: 22 Jul 2003. Latest revision: 03 Sep 2003. How can "coming too quickly" in men be treated? Is there a premature ejaculation cure? Answer: With medicines, such as serotonergic anti-depressants or SSRIs (Seroxat, Prozac, Cipramil, Zoloft) the ejaculation can be delayed. This medication improves the transmittal of serotonin (a substance in the body) between two nerves. These medicines need to be taken 2 to 3 hours before the expected sexual activity. This can be experienced as a disadvantage, because it reduces the spontaneity around making love. One has to take into account that side effects may happen. Good results have also been obtained with sexological treatments. This treatment is aimed at giving the man control over the ejaculation. A part of this is to withdraw the penis while making love to stop stimulation and thus prevent premature ejaculation. Hey, I really didn't know much on the subject, so I did a search on the net and came up with that...Hope it helps! Oh, and another thing, try to relax when you're getting involved with a girl by focusing on things that DON'T turn you on if you think you're getting close. For example, flowerpots..Hehe

I agree with avman, your bf is probably genuinely concerned. I don't think he is okay with it, and you certainly shouldn't be okay with is since what you're doing is very dangerous. Please talk to an adult whom you trust about what you've been doing.

I'm so sorry that you're going thru all of this..I must point out though that there is no way I am going to give you any ideas on how to end your life. You must have hope for the future, just because things are bad now surely doesn't mean that they will stay that way forever! They are too many followers in this world, cockroaches who never learn how to fly..Yet you take pride in being an individual, so why should you deprive the world of having you? You must try to understand that you're still very young, and although you haven't found love yet, there is plenty of time for this to occur. Don't give up, you deserve to live a long, happy life, and I have no doubts that if you keep on fighting for it, the dream will one day be reality.

Thanks!

Well, I definitely think that the age gap is too large for that point in her life. She's only 19, her life is just beginning, it's the time for experiments and finding yourself! However, you must feel otherwise if you are with her, so just follow your heart. If the two of you are genuinely happy and can see a future together, than keep making an effort to keep the relationship going and ignore the taunting from friends and parents. Afterall, it isn't THEIR love life, it's yours!

In case it doesn't work out the buttocks, does anybody know some good exercises that do?

Hey, I was just wondering, when a person rides a bicycle, which muscles does it work out? By any chance does it help to tighten the buttocks and thighs?

Thank you so much to all of you who have posted, I really appreciate your advice! -xxx-

I don't think you should worry about it too much, espeically since you've only done it a couple of times. As time goes on, you'll learn to know exactly what your boyfriend likes and exactly how you can go about pleasing him. Have you tried using your hand along with your mouth at the same time? Also, make sure he's well lubricated, and becareful around the head as it is VERY sensitive. Remember that males are visually-stimulated; make sure to look like you're really enjoying it!

There's one thing I've forgotten to add..Lately, he's been trying SO hard to be a better person..He's been making such an effort, he really wanted to make me happy and be the perfect boyfriend..It means so much to me that he did all this for me.. My brain tells me I made a mistake, but my heart tells me it wouldn't have been fair to him to lead him to believe otherwise. I feel so sorry, I pray that he doesn't think this was all a game and I just did this for revenge. I don't know if I should call him or email him to let him know this..Hell, I don't even know if he ever wants to see or talk to me again. I know he has a reason to be angry with me, I've just broken his heart, but it was unintentional! I couldn't lie to myself any longer.. All my life, I've strived to be the best person I could possibly be, and right now I feel like a demon for hurting someone so badly...It hurts me too, because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him..

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke up Easter weekend...He had gone thru a very drastic change for the worst and had hurt me a great deal. He went from being this amazing guy, to this near monster that I hardly even recognized. Anyway, after about 3 weeks of not being together, we decided to give it another shot. I had missed him dearly during this time, and there was no doubt in my mind that I still cared for him despite all the pain he had put me thru. The first time I saw him after the break-up, things felt weird. I just didn't feel the same, it was as tho this big chunk of me was missing. However, I told myself it was just because I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt again and that it would all pass in due time. Unfortunately, it didn't, and today when I saw him, I let him know what I felt. I told him there were 3 parts of me: One that hated him, one that cared for him, and one that was just downright confused. I apolgized for feeling this way, but told him the truth, that I couldn't help it! Although I have forgiven him, it's impossible for me to just magically forget, he has put me through a great deal of hurting, and I don't want to make myself vulnerable.. I was sitting there telling him all this, and looking at him sitting upon my bed, and it just occurred to me that my feelings for him..they just weren't there like they used to be. I said to him "I care about you a lot, but I just don't think I'm in love with you anymore.." The look he got on his face broke my heart. He just got up and left, drove off rather quickly, and left me in the dust. I feel so terribly...I know I must sound like a b!tch..I just don't know what to do..I do care for him, but nothing like how I used to. Is it time for me to end it forever? I'm 17, and I know most of you must be thinking that's much too young to be thinking that you're in love, but trust me, I was very much in love with him. For the majority of those 1.5 years, he was the first thought in my head when I woke up, and the last before I went to sleep..I wish more than anything that we could be happy and in love again, but my heart tells me otherwise. Please, someone help me..

Hmm..I guess it all depends on the situation. I think the best way of going up it is really slow, so you watch all her reactions and if she seems to be enjoying it, then move it further..Maybe start off by playing with her hair, then stroking her cheek, allowing your hand to tickle her neck..Then maybe moving your hand to her thigh, moving it slowly up and down, getting closer and closer to her most intimate area, really bringing the tension up! Ouuu, steamy

I agree with just_smile, but I think what you need to do is follow your heart...Ask yourself which one makes you happier, and stick with that.

I think you should start off by trying to get to the root of the problem, what is it that's making her sad? Is she just down in general? Just try to keep her mind off of it by being positive and cheerful when you're around her, suggest you guys hang out more so you can keep her busy and away from the "cloud" etc..If she appears to be severely depressed, talk to an older person you can trust about it. And most of all, let her know you're there for her.

I think that if you're not comfortable with being so aggressive you should let your girlfriend know. I don't think she'd want to force you into doing something you didn't want to do. However, if you're okay with this, why don't you just ask her what she'd like you to do for her? Honest and openess is important in a relationship, so by building this right away you'd be making the right choice.

Well, it certainly is flattering to have someone be interested in you, whether or not you feel the same way about them. Even if a girl doesn't like the guy asking her out, most of the time, if she's a nice girl anyway, she'll let him down easy. I think it should be taken as a compliment, afterall, if the guy has the guts to confess his feelings he must really like her, and he probably likes her 'cause she's a great girl!

I know you're right, but it's easier said than done.. Thanks avman, I appreciate the advice.

Okay, first of all try to calm down and get a grip. I know this is a hard time for you, but freaking out won't solve anything. Your ex is probably in a great deal of pain right now since this is the second time you've betrayed him. Trust is very delicate, sometimes you can never get it back, and you have to accept this. He allowed himself to be vulnerable and gave you another chance, and you just went and hurt him again for god knows what reason. Right now I think you should just lay off and gave him some space, I strongly doubt he'll believe in you again any time soon. Trying being friends, and if you really want him back in your life, change! Don't be the kind of girl who cheats on her boyfriend anymore! You might want to try and figure out why you did this if you're ever going to stop it from happening again. If you two are able to pursue a friendship, remember not to be too pushy and allow him to want to be back in your life without feeling pressured into it because he fears you'll commit suicide if you don't. If you are truly serious and are really that desperate, I suggest you see your therapist/psychologist, whoever it is you saw before, and get help. Once you're in a better state maybe than you can get back together with him.

Thanks you guys.. I'm so scared of letting go though, what if he finds someone else and forgets about me? I don't mind trying the whole being friends thing, but it would be agony if I was just his acquiantance, a person he talked casually to making small talk on msn once every couple of weeks. I'd rather not have him in my life at all than have so little of him that I'd long for more constantly. I feel like I'm living in the song Walk Away by Christina Aguilera..If you haven't heard of it, here are some of the lyrics: I was naive, your love was like candy artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed I was prey in your bed and devoured completely And it hurts my soul cause I can't let go All these walls are caving in, I can't stop my sufferin' I hate to show that I lost control Cause I keep going right back To the one thing that I need To walk away from If you'd like to see the rest of it to get more of an idea of what I mean, use this link: link removed

Umm..I really don't think there is such a thing yet, but I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know.. Maybe your girlfriend should switch to DepoProvera, it's a shot she gets 4 times a year and it's just as effective as the pill, but minus all the hassle.

I really don't think that her having more experience than you will change anything in the relationship, especially since it doesn't seem like she cares about something that's so insignificant (Sounds like a good choice of girls to me!) Besides, I'm sure she's happy that you're the holy virgin type rather than the man-wh0re

Hello everyone..I'd like to start off by thanking you for taking the time to read this, and I'll appreciate anyone's input. My boyfriend of nearly a year and a half broke up with me this past Monday. Although things weren't going the greatest in our relationship, I still loved him very much. When we were having our conversation on Monday that eventually led to the breakup, I was hoping that he'd agree for the two of us to go on a break. I found that lately he was letting me down a lot, cancelling plans, and just not being the greatest boyfriend and I was getting used to be disappointed. Also, I have to add that he's gone through a drastic change for the worst during the last couple of months. He went from being the greatest guy I had ever met to this completely different guy who could be very enthusiastic and happy one moment and then moody and angry the next. I often felt, like I told him, that he was dragging me along on a rollar coaster ride. Anyway, he had noticed what was happening to him and he confessed that he wasn't able to feel anymore and that he wasn't happy with himself. On Monday, after not talking all weekend because he blew me off again, I was letting him know that I was sick of being let down, and that he couldn't be happy with anyone else if he wasn't happy with himself first. He told me he had tried to change, and I told him I didn't think he had tried hard enough because he had no motivation (hence the reason I was suggesting a break) Well, he went from being sorry and sad one minute to angry the next and he told me he wanted to break up because he thought he'd be better off without me. Our relationship had been pretty bumpy in the past, and we had gone on breaks before, but this time I could see it was serious so I sent back his stuff with his sister (which has never happened before..) We talked on MSN a little and he told me he didn't mean what he said about being better off without me, and that he regretted his decision but he wasn't going to play me like a yoyo. He said that he thought it would be better this way since he'd never be able to hurt me again. I think it was the next day that he just showed up at my house to return my things..He looked pretty bad, and when I asked him about it later he said that's what happens when he's depressed. I talked to him today, and he said he thinks that we should keep on making contact. He also said he realised that the picture of the two of us was still on his dresser and this saddened him since it made him realise that we have a lot of good memories, with just the ones lately being bad. He said that the pic made him think about getting back together, and then he said "I can't and I won't do that because it'd be mean and it would mean more pain for the both of us." I don't know what to do with myself anymore...I spent the entire weekend with friends, surrounded by people, and yet I still managed to feel so alone. I'm not scared of being alone, I'm scared of being without him. He was my first serious boyfriend and before him I was completely happy with my independent lifestyle. But after we've gone through so much and I feel so strongly about him that I just can't forget him. I keep thinking the phone's gonna ring and it'll be him..I dream about him as though we're still together. I haven't talked to him on the phone in a week and a half (which is a record for us) and the last time I really saw him was a week and a half ago (I don't think the 2 mins he took to drop off my stuff really counts.) I want to be with him again..or at least know that we will be together in the future once he's managed to develop into the better person he once was, the person he really is. I feel physically ill..I told him a long time ago I'd never give up on him, but that doesn't matter much because he's let go of us. Please, somebody help me...

Hmm, I don't think it would be wise to assume that he likes you based solely on the staring and standing close to you. Maybe he's just attracted to you, or perhaps he's a flirt and enjoys being like that with girls. Try talking to him, observing the way he reacts in your presense will give you a better clue as to what he feels for you.

Alright, here I go... A girl's first time can be rather painful, but it's something most girls are expecting. If you start off nice and slow it shouldn't hurt her too much, try fingering her beforehand to loosen her up. Now for the actual sex part, there isn't much I can say. If you plan the whole thing out it won't be natural, and chances are it won't be very enjoyable for her either. I suggest you start off with missionary position (You on top, her on bottom) and see how it goes from there. After a little while if the both of you feel comfortable, you could try having her rest her legs on your shoulders, which is a more intense position. Remember to vary it up, fast, slow, hard, soft, and see what you both like best. Most importantly, try as hard as you can not to be nervous, because if you're nervous your body may not respond as you would like it to.