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dnozzle

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Everything posted by dnozzle

  1. dnozzle
    If you think you are in pain and hurting, just imagine how he feels.
  2. dnozzle
    I swear we must share a brain or something. When A pushed me to come up with a list of my own, I finally did and filled it with women I had an actual shot at nailing, like girls I actually KNOW, friends of hers, etc. She didn't seem to understand why my list looked like it did until I explained to her that if she was seriously about opening our relationship up to such BS, then I was going to make the most out of it. She said I can be way too literal at times.
  3. dnozzle
    I agree that it is very destructive. She said she was saying it as a joke (as in "like either of us would ever get the chance") but I didn't see it that way at all because there was really seriously no one I would rather be with than her, and I was hurt that she didn't feel the same way. I think it goes back to an episode of "friends" where they go into the whole list issue. Lots of people I know made up lists after that episode, and I always found it very tacky.
  4. dnozzle
    That's spooky. That is one of the things my GF and I were fighting about too that last week we spoke. She was saying how any Dallas Cowboys quarterback would always be on her free pass list, and asked who was on mine. I told her I didn't have one, because I only wanted her, and found the whole concept disgusting. What is it about this time of year that makes people be mean to each other like that?
  5. dnozzle
    Forget about her and move on. You do not love each other. You love her. If she loved you she wouldn't have cheated on you. You deserve better than that. Time to move on.
  6. dnozzle
    Hey SuperDave, I have seen a lot of your posts here in the last week talking about how great NC is and how it puts you in control when and if things ever work out. I was wondering if you would share your story with us. Tell us about your experiences with NC and how it worked (or didn't) for you. I am now 3 weeks into NC, and I am healing. I know that I will be ok whether I hear from her again or not. I have even had moments of not caring either way. I know that I will make it through this, and will be stronger because of it. I truly thank you for all your advice and support here. When I first read your posts, I wasn't really able to hear you because I was clouded with emotions. But now that I am thinking more clearly, I realize that you are correct in most if not all of your statements, and I would like to learn more. thank in advance
  7. dnozzle
    I used to be very much like that. My favorite thing in the world was to please my woman orally. I saw it as an act of service for her, and that I was going out of my way to give her pleasure, and it became a pleasurable thing for me in the process. What I learned though was that I had some self-esteem issues. I never had an orgasm from recieving oral. I didn't feel worthy of it. I always saw that as something she was doing just to warm me up (not that I needed any) and that I had to hold out for intercourse or she would be disappointed. I also worked on holding off the orgasm for as long as possible to give her as much satisfaction as she could want. It turns out that women don't generally like that as much as guys think they do, and will actually start to see it as their shortcomings if the guy doesn't come in a reasonable amount of time. I did some work on that, and now am able to enjoy sex in most all of its forms, in reasonable amounts of time. I am still able to hold out longer if she signals that I should, but I no longer feel guilty if I have an orgasm after 10 or 15 minutes of intercourse. I think that guys get screwed up information from society as a whole. We are taught that women require oral, and require a guy who can "go all night" so we strive to reach that level. When we finally do, we realize that was all talk and that if a guy does go all night, he will probably only be getting laid once a month, because she won't want to get THAT started again if she has to be up early the next day.
  8. dnozzle
    How long is enough time?
  9. dnozzle
    You make me weep and wanna die Just when you said wed try Lovin, touchin, squeezin each other When Im alone all by myself Youre out with someone else Lovin, touchin, squeezin each other Youre tearin me apart Every day, every day Youre tearin me apart Oh what can I say? Youre tearin me apart It wont be long, yes till youre alone When your lover, oh, he hasnt come home Cause hes lovin oo, hes touchin, Hes squeezin another Hes tearin you apart Every day, every day Hes tearin you apart Oh girl what can you say? Cause hes lovin, touchin another Now its your turn, girl to cry Na na na na na na Na na na na na Na na na na na na Na na na na na -- Journey
  10. dnozzle
    Talk to him about it honestly. If you don't have that in your relationship, then you have no foundation for the future. 6 years is a long time to wait, and it does sound like you may be stalling. Explore your own feelings and fears about being with him fulltime and decide if that is something that makes you happy or scared. Try to get in touch with what it is you are feeling, figure that out, and go from there. Good luck.
  11. dnozzle
    I went through the anger stage also. It is one of the normal stages of coping with loss. Denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance. I started with anger at my GF. How could she do this to me? To US? How do you just walk away from something so good? But then, I turned the anger toward myself and started to realize that I did have a part in it. I had pushed her too hard too fast and didn't listen when she tried to give me warnings that she was cracking from the pressure. Instead of beating myself up for it, I wrote down all the times I wished I could repeat and do differently. Then I wrote down how I would handle the situation if it came up again. It made me feel better to have a plan, and to acknowledge that I DID have a part in what happened.
  12. dnozzle
    Ah yes, I didn't see the movie, but did see the commercials. I found it funny in an abstract sense, but having lived it, most of the humor was lost on me. It was a very traumatic thing for me, and was definitely the lowpoint in my entire dating life. But my point was that sometimes we try too hard to attract. I know that I did. I was always self-conscious around women. Wondering if I was saying the right thing or doing the right thing or if I looked good or not. But once I stopped looking, I found that I became comfortable with myself and wasn't always worried about finding someone because I had given up on that. That's when I met a wonderful woman who changed my life forever (disclosure: we are currently on a NC break for her to work out some stress and schedule issues, but are not broken up per se). In addition, I found that once I started seeing her, and became totally committed to her, women were flocking to me like I was a sale at Dillard's. At first it was flattering but it actually became very annoying. I tried to figure out why this was happening, and finally asked one of them, and she said that I seemed so confident, happy and secure that I was irresistible. She described my personality as "glowing," which is definitely how I felt at the time. Women will respond to the attitude you display. If you feel insecure, lonely, and inadequate on the inside, that will show up on the outside and they will spot you a mile away. But if you can talk to them as people without really caring whether or not they find you interesting or attractive, they will see you as confident and secure, and that will probably give much better results.
  13. dnozzle
    How so????
  14. dnozzle
    I sure got to that point. I had just realized that I went on a date with a woman my dad had dated. I gave up forever and swore I would never date again. 2 weeks later i met my girlfriend.
  15. dnozzle
    OK, you know how you are acting right now? Act the opposite of that. Act like you don't care if she stays or not, and mean it, and then she just might stick around. If you fall to the ground kissing the steps she has walked in, she will walk right over you on her way back to another guy...again. But seriously....she sounds like a bad egg to me.
  16. dnozzle
    She is probably trying to show you that she is desireable by giving her number to another guy. Or she could have her feelings hurt that she has been flirting with you so hard and you haven't asked her out. Either way, she really does like you, so if you like her you should go for it.
  17. dnozzle
    Let her go. Seriously. There is nothing you can do to get her back. The only thing you can do is drive her further away by trying. Hang back. Let her come to you. When she does, play it cool and act like you aren't that excited to hear from her and have a lot going on right now. Make her work for it. And also, ask yourself why you want to be with someone who treats you like this and cheats on you. Does that really make you happy?
  18. dnozzle
    You could be talking about my situation here, so I do feel for you. But again, this is all about HER. You need to focus on YOU right now. What do YOU want out of this or any relationship? What is important to YOU? As for her, she is in a confused place right now, and if you don't respect her request for space, you will just confirm her decision for her. Don't do that. Allow her the space to draw her own conclusions and she will. Now I can't promise they will be good, but I can just about promise that not giving her space will give bad results. As for control in a relationship, that is different for everyone. Some people thrive on being in charge of everything. Others thrive on being in charge of nothing. For me, I thrive on equality. You will have to find your own comfort zone of that, and seek out a partner who fits into that situation.
  19. dnozzle
    You might want to consider doing some reading on codependence. It is not your job to help her through this or to feel her pain. Embrace YOUR pain and deal with that while she deals with her own. Then, when and if she decides to come back, you will both be feeling better about yourselves and can start again on equal ground. If she comes back and find that you melted into a puddle without her around, she will be in control from that moment on, and probably won't stick around very long. Ask yourself: would YOU want to be with someone who couldn't function without you on their arm all day? If your answer is yes, then you might have some codependency issues. If the answer is no, then it should be clear to you why it is important for you to start working on healing yourself now. And if she never comes back, at least you have done the work to heal yourself. You will be happier and more prepared to move on to someone else.
  20. dnozzle
    Careful! It is a very normal reaction to think that way, but please please please do not get involved with someone else yet. You need time to heal yourself and get over this relationship before you are ready to try it again. If you jump out there too soon, you are setting yourself (and some unsuspecting guy) up for a rebound relationship, and those can be extremely painful and will only delay your dealing with the grief of this relationship. I wish you all the best.
  21. dnozzle
    I'm right there with you dude. 3 weeks for me too after 1 glorious year. She didn't say she didn't still love me, but that she felt like she was losing herself in the sea of mommy and girlfriend, so she needed to take time for herself. And yes, it does suck. It sucks bad. But the best thing you can do is back off and give her the space she needs to get her head right. If she really did love you, she will realize that. If she didn't, then you are better off finding out now than after you marry her. Remember...if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
  22. dnozzle
    Anything beyond 1 unreturned contact. Contact her once. Leave it in her court, and walk away.
  23. dnozzle
    Nope. Maintain no contact and let her come to you. In the meantime, just try your best to move on and forget about it. I know that is hard. I am dealing with the exact same thing right now, 3 weeks in. I broke down twice and contacted her, and it did not help one bit. One time she sent me a very cold and sterile update on her, the second time she completely ignored me. Both just made me feel worse and let her know that I was missing her and not doing well with the break. I know this is hard, but the only way she will ever decide to come back is to do that on her own. You will never find any words that will convince her, and anything you try will only drive her away more. She may never come back, and that is something that you will need to accept at some point. Don't hold on to that false hope too long, or it will consume you. Instead, try to find something to keep yourself busy and occupy your mind. Take all her pictures and personal items and put them in a box in the closet and stop thinking about them. Change your patterns. Do something you normally wouldn't do, like take a class or join a club or something. Force yourself to get back to you. It really is the only way.
  24. dnozzle
    That is what I had heard too. But I swear something is going on already. As for the side effects, I have had a touch of diarrhea and a mild headache. No big deal on either one because it beats the hell out of crying all day long for no reason. Things look so much brighter already.
  25. dnozzle
    He seems very clear on stating his needs, and I think you should be as clear about stating yours. If you are ok with his partying with girls (and it sounds like you aren't), then be ok with it and don't make demands for him to stop. If that is an unacceptible situation for you, then tell him so, and that until it stops completely and forever, you will not see him again. Period. You deserve better than this. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You seem to know exactly what you want, while he is still straddling that fence. Push him off the other side and tell him that he has to stay there until he is ready to join you on the other side, and then walk away from it.
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