dnozzle

What kind of specifics are you looking for? Specific stresses? Or what? I do know that she has always felt bad for not being able to give me more time to talk. When we started out, they had joint custody and we would talk for 5 or 6 hours a night. But sure enough, he started to flake on her, and they went to every other weekend, so her time became limited. I understood this completely, but still the lack of time really began to add up. By the time the kids were fed, bathed, played with, and in bed, she was exhausted and ready for bed herself, so the best I could hope for was about 15 min a day before she nodded off. Weekends were worse because she stays busy AND her parents are home. On the weekends she doesnt have the kids (which is actually about 1 a month in practice), she usually goes out with her friends, which turns into an all-night party that affects her sleep for days and thus, makes her unavailable then too. I have been ok with this though. I know she is having a rough time and didn't want to make it rougher. I only asked that we spend more QUALITY time together rather than quantity. Time actually talking about stuff other than what we had for lunch today. As for moving, the first few months we left it up in the air, but it quickly became apparent that her ex would fight any move out of state, so I said immediately that I would move there when the time came. That was never a question. We even looked at general areas of town with good school districts when I was there. Oh one thing that she did say, but did not elaborate on, was that she was not as ready for me to meet her parents as she thought she was. She said she was sorry because she knows that meant a lot to me, but it freaked her out a little bit.

And in case there was any doubt, yes, I met her 2 kids and fell for them too. I had really bagun to think of us as a family.

Because of child custody issues, it is harder for her to move out of state. We only live 350 miles apart, so the travel is not that big of a barrier right now, but it is more about time issues on her end. Babysitters, "alone" time, etc. The plan was for me to move there when I finished school in a year and a half. We were almost halfway there. I have been trying to send small messages here and there, but I don't want her to feel stalked either. 2 days after the NC, I sent her an online birthday card (it really was her bday that day) that simply said "missing you." Then a week later, I sent her one email that said "I love you." She replied with "I know, babe." and some other info about her feeling a little better. I replied to that a day later, and haven't heard anything from her in nearly a week now. The only contact I have planned is to go ahead and send her christmas present to her, and a couple homemade items I had promised to send to her parents when we met. After that, I will drop it. I really do want this to work out. I fell in love not only with her, but with the future we were planning together. But I think she knew me better than I knew myself, and knew that going through this unknown period would be harder for me than just being cut loose. I really do think that is why she tried to do that. To spare me.

Oh, I also forgot to add that I did hear from her a week ago (1.5 weeks into NC) and she thanked me for being so patient with her, and said that she is sleeping a little better and that has her feeling optimistic. I'm not sure that is how I am feeling about it, but I am trying to just concentrate on other things and not think about this too much.

That is my point. There was no ulterior motive, or desire to change the other person in my case. She just had way too much on her plate and did not have time to devote to the relationship right now, so she went NC for a while. Had she said "I want NC until you are able to...." then THAT would have been manipulative, and I would have dropped her like a turd. But she made it clear that this was because of her having too much going on right now, and feeling like she was about to crack from all the pressure from many different sources. Basically, she cut out everything but the essentials of life, leaving only work and her kids on the table at this time.

Standing up for myself is exactly what brought on the NC I am currently in. I pushed for too much when she wasn't able to give anymore, and she had to pull back. Oddly, the break has given me new perspective on how much of a * * * * * i was in the relationship, always catering to her needs and worrying about how she felt, and losing sight of myself in the process.

I really don't understand some people. I see people posting here who are the ones who asked for NC, and yet now they are the ones tormented by it. How exactly does that happen? I think if you ask for no contact in hopes of changing the other person into something they are not, then you are just being manipulative and giving ultimatums. That actually gives me a little bit of hope, since my NC situation was not because of "us" but because she had too much on her plate. Not a lot of hope, but still hope. She did not ask me for anything, other than to be happy.

I want to thank you all for you comments. I woke up this morning after yet another sleepless night and almost emailed her, but I read the comments here first and decided not to. I have decided to give this until Christmas, and then I will move on. We had a visit scheduled over New Years, and if she doesn't keep that, that will be all the sign I need that things are truly over. Until then, I will just try to be patient and give her space. Hoping for the best but trying to prepare for the worst.

thank you all for the advice. I really do appreciate it. I am home now, and can give more backgroung on what happened. First off, I do believe, truly believe, that she loves me and wants to be together. She has been saying for a while that she is getting stressed, but she has always been a bit high strung in that department so i didnt take it as the warning sign I should have. Anyway, as she got more stressed, she bagan to pull back more and more. The stress comes from many places. Her work is getting insane lately, and is starting to involve some short travel. That means she has to juggle babysitting favors and be gone from home and the kids. Also, she doesn't sleep as well when she is on the road. She also has some financial issues from her ex, and is struggling to pay off her half of his debt. Because of this, she is living with her parents again, with her kids, which has its own stress involved. The parents push her to be hard on the ex and take him to the cleaners on child support, but she is more level headed, and realizes that if she straps him too bad, he will just quit his job and move off. Plus, she doesnt want the kids to think they hate each other, so she is the one doing the work to keep things amicable between them. Throw in the holidays, and the first anniversary of her finding out that he cheated on her while he was away for 2 years (occupational), and it seems to add up to a healthy dose of stresss/depression. She described it as wanting to get in the car and just head off to canada. I asked if she meant without me, and she replied "I mean without the kids too!" She said she needs some time to just get up, go to work, come home, take care of the kids, and go to bed and get some decent sleep. Her concern was that she does not know how long it will take her to feel better, and feels terrible about making me wait around for her with an indefinite timeline. She tried to break up with me over this, because I had said in the past that I do not believe in breaks. I meant breaks where you are free to see other people though, and not this kind of break. She said that I deserve better than a GF who has breakdowns like this and asks for no contact to get her s**t together, and that she wants me to be happy. She said that if I decided to wander off on her, she would not blame me, but that she hopes she can find her way back to me before my heart is broken. I really don't know quite what to make of it. I have had periods of depression before, and know how she is feeling, but I am also wrestling with her having the ability to walk away from someone she was planning a future with. I think the comment about leaving the kids behind shows that she is just in a bad place right now and needs to crawl her way out. Still, it is so hard to not try to comfort her in some way. I know that would only make things worse though, and would delay any possible future contact. It just sucks. We are so damn good together. And we both agree on that.

4 months before we started talking. I know. That is not long enough. We even talked about that fact, and the rebound possibility, and she assured me that I was being very silly to think that she would ever do that. She has said all along (still does even) that she is head over heels for me...but that waiting is hard. We have reasons for waiting. There are things each of us are working on so that we can start off together on a better footing, but I offered to toss those aside and move now if that is what it takes for us to be together. Unfortunately, that doesn't help her current state of being pulled in many directions. Do things like this pass in time? Or are we doomed? I am terrified of not contacting her. All my dreams of the past 6 months now seem to be hanging by a thread, and I do not want to let them go.

Drinking seems to be helping me, although that is probably a bad idea.

I have been seeing a woman for the last year. She is a divorced mother of 2 and lives in another state. We started talking online at first, then on the phone, and after 4 months of daily talking, we decided to meet. All the sparks where there, and things started to progress rapidly. We have had all the talks you can imagine about marriage, family, and our future together. We even met each other's parents. But in the last month, things headed south. She began to seem detached. She would not be around to talk as often, or for as long. I know that she has a very busy life. She is a single mother, working full time, and has a lot going on in her life right now between work and family issues. This is seriously stressing her out, so I tried not to make too much of it. She has always been very apologetic of not being able to give me more time, even when I wasn't asking for more. I made the mistake of telling her that I felt like she was pulling away from me. When we do talk, it is about work or something superficial without much real talking going on like we used to have. Well, this upset her and she said that she doesnt feel like she can give me the time or attention that i deserve. She told me that she needs a break, and doesn't know for how long, because she feels pulled in a hundred different directions and no one in her life is getting the attention they deserve, even her kids. So for now she is focusing on work and being with her kids. She told me that she wants to be with me, and can hardly wait for that day to come, but waiting is hard and she feels like she is about to crack from all the pressures on her right now. I am not sure what to make of this. I do know that she is really stressed right now. Part of it is the holidays, and part of it is the anniversary of the breakup of her marriage. I want to give her the space she needs, but I am afraid of her slipping away. I really do love her and want to be with her forever, but I also don't want to run her off by being too needy. Advice?