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Chibby33

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  1. Chibby33
    Many of you are very familiar with my story. My ex fiance packed and left 2 months ago. It was bound to happen; I tried breaking up with him twice, I guess it was more of a shock that he finally ended it for me. Depression lingered for over a month - you all know that feeling so I dont have to express the hurt. I am 38 years old and I have been through this path so much more than many of you. Here's what I say to you all. Realize that you are LIFE. Recognize that your soul continues to breath for air, whether you cry in sadness or scream in anger. You may have lost the person you love but you did not lose your soul. It will always be there because you are alive. So we lost our ex's; it hurts doesnt it? But have you really lost much? By all means, grieve. However give up only when you no longer have any source for love - your family, friends, the bill collector (kidding). I grew up in a third-world country in Asia and I have seen poverty and so much tragedy. Be thankful for your pain for it is nothing but temporary. Growing up I've seen people who've lost so much more - a house, a child, an entire family. What mind-blowing, gut-wrenching sort of pain did they experience? It's unimaginable. Unike ours, their scars will remain unhealed forever. Yet while I saw in their eyes the weight of their pain, they kept their faith strong and live on because there is life beating inside them. Please take a moment to inhale deep and exhale slow. Do not forget to breathe. Think about your ex, about the good and bad times you've spent together, then softly whisper "thank you," because no matter how much or how little, they gave us happiness to keep living and sadness to keep learning. Get excited my young friends and celebrate your existence. Be wise, be content. Get ready and fasten your seatbelts because marvelous things are about to happen. I guarantee you.
  2. Chibby33
    liasonred is correct. This time use your head; if it looks promising go very slow. Look at it like a business venture, how much are you willing to invest and are the risks greater than the rewards? How stable does it look? THINK, THINK, THINK.
  3. Chibby33
    So terribly sorry to your pain Adelaida. Everyone in this forum is going through tough break up I assume not all can imagine what you're going through because you're talking about 12 years of marriage and a daughter together. I must say that I do in some level feel your pain as I too lost a marriage a few years ago and we also have a daughter. I do not want to fill up this forum with my story and advise, so should you need to find comfort from another mother, please do not hesitate to IM me. Thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter.
  4. Chibby33
    Blane, you and I need to schedule a time tonight when we will both erase our ex's voice messages!!
  5. Chibby33
    Forget about sending him a thank you. I learned a lot from this forum and sometimes being polite doesnt help you heal. Focus on your recovery, then thank yourself for holding on to NC.
  6. Chibby33
    KUDOS once more Confused! I actually noticed and it saddens me that some say once the relationship ended, it's considered permanent. Except of course if a relationship has become abusive. But in others, we seem to easily toss hope away. Where is the hope for change and to love each other again? If God can forgive, why can't man do the same? That's all. . .
  7. Chibby33
    You are absolutely correct Desert - it's easier said than done especially when at this moment you probably have no room for any other form of feeling besides sadness. I'll be honest with you, it is hard, almost pure torture to go through the stages of healing. All of us in this forum have no other choice but to go through these stages. However your advantage is that you have a great support team here and it's not cliche when we say "we know how you feel." We'll beat this Desert!
  8. Chibby33
    Many thanks Confused. Your post was so simple yet so full of clarity. You've pretty much covered everything written in over 200+ posts since 2002 - congratulations! I have actually been doing your recommendations and now I understand why I should keep doing it. Thanks again!
  9. Chibby33
    Terribly sorry to hear about your grief Desert. I think it's a lot harder to cope in your situation because you were replaced while the relationship still existed. Hopefully once you get your bills squared away you can stay away from being acquaintances - maybe that will help start your healing process. I'm not an expert but I've been on this road so many times - I think the reason why you posted your feelings here is because you have the desire to heal; embrace that idea and that will lead you to a brighter and better future for yourself. You may have heard of this so many times but hang in there. We all are.
  10. Chibby33
    Yes mark, like a very bad investment!
  11. Chibby33
  12. Chibby33
    Ok, that's all I have to say because I'm sure many of you already know (and probably tired) of my story. Seriously when I get sad I know I'll be happy in an hour. And when I am happy, I know I'll be the opposite by dinner time. However, I went out with my brother and he noticed I haven't even mentioned anything about my ex. I think because I'm tired of talking about the breakup or him. Kinda old news already BUT I do still think about him 24/7. Well maybe 23/7 now. Hahaha! Ouch! Darn I have a headache!
  13. Chibby33
    NC - you and I were in the very same situation. How do you handle being alone? I've decided never to marry again, but what if the right guy comes - no marriage, but no relationship as well?? Help me.
  14. Chibby33
    I actually had a feeling it was a hoax. Because the forumer who announced it said that he found out becuase Celticghirl's mom sent him an IM after she got back from the hospital, after Celtic was pronounced dead. Now what kind of parent would immediately go online and IM someone who's not even a relative about her daughter's death?? That doesnt sound normal. Terrible cry for attention. Just ain't right.
  15. Chibby33
    How about trying a dose of prayer? You dont need to kneel down and chant a psalm. Just talk to Him like you talk to your therapist.
  16. Chibby33
    RAMSICKLE - thanks for your new post! I am EXACTLY that way. I have been diagnosed with suffering from anxiety attacks. Even though I let my ex go out or visit his cousin in another state, I begin to be blanketed with fear hours before he leaves. Let me know what you learn please. In the meantime I will try the left-hand exercise.
  17. Chibby33
    BLANE, TAMARA, ELLIE and CASSIE!! You are all fantastic and I do not know how I can express my sincerest gratitude for your words of support and encouragement. Reading your thoughts made my feelings completely turn around! Unfortunately in our case, one finds warm comfort from hearing other people's equal sadness. Perhaps it's the feeling of not being alone in this kind of situation. Let's promise each other that we will get through this together.
  18. Chibby33
    It's been a month and a half since break up. Thought I was doing ok, followed all the rules about NC, never initiated contact (many of you already know my story). But today I am plummeting and fast. Depression has started to sink in again. My brother who's a psychiatrist already warned me weeks ago about this after I bragged to him how better I was feeling. And so here it is. He told me to let it pass but do not dwell on it. And so I am. I am angry. Angry at my ex for not having the courage to tell me it's over long before he left. Angry at myself for letting him come into my life. I know, really I do, that the pain caused by a break up will pass. It always does, I've been down that road many times. But the pain of being alone again - will I recover? When people pass by, I cannot help but look at their ring finger - they have someone. I thank the people who's given me wonderful advice. However as grateful as I am for your time, it seems that some of you are already in a relationship and that's fantastic. However I really would like to hear from forumers who has recovered a break up, still single and happy.
  19. Chibby33
    YES!!! You are absolutely correct Southerngirl! Thank you. I was programmed for so long to clean up other people's mess. I made sure everyone is happy before my own happiness. To be honest with you Southerngirl, I am tired, so tired of being expected to fix everything. Is that the only thing I'm good at? Now that my ex is gone along with his daily problems, what am I supposed to do with all this time? My mind becomes idle and that's when depression sinks in. Sometimes I'd rather have all the problems coming as long as I'm not alone. I talk to God every night to show me his plans and to take the pain away. I am so scared of being alone. I panic at the thought that I have nobody. It's my fault I guess - I didnt train myself to recover on my own. It's always been one bf, after the next. Looking back, I really messed up my life. I was crying as I drove home from work. Loneliness pounds my soul daily.
  20. Chibby33
    Actually I have decided a long time ago that I am not getting married again. My ex husband and I are still very good friends and that's fine with me and my daughter. Dating, yes. Relationships, sure. But not going to get married again. Nothing wrong with others tying the knot again and that's awesome; it's just my own personal choice, that's all. My brother who's a psychiatrist said it best about dating again. "Not yet. Give it a year. REST REST REST. Companionship is not always equal to a relationship. It should never be tied to an intimate relationship always. Companionship can be with a friend, with mom and dad, with me, with frankie. If you are looking for a companionship, go and meet with your friends. If you are looking for an intimate relationship, now is not the time. You split with [ex husband] Dec 2005 and you've only been FREE last August 2006. When was the last time you've enjoyed LIFE? Ask yourself that question. I'm sure you won't find the answer in the last seven years. I'm not saying [ex husnabd] was bad during the 7 years..but you've carried [ex fiance] and [ex husband]'s burden for the past 8 years…isn't it time to unload the burden??? REST…" The thing is, in both relationships, I've always been the one who supported them financially, as well as everything else. I got tired of everyone depending on me for even the little things. I bought the cars, clothes, anything they want and not a single piece of clothing for myself. I really do want someone to take care of me. Not financially because I make a lot, have my own house, etc. , but just to carry the burden in this partnership, that's all. I guess that person will have to be me and that's ok.
  21. Chibby33
    I agree SouthernGirl. Thanks.
  22. Chibby33

    The EX

    Chibby33 replied to always123's topic in Infidelity

    S_finch is right. She is using you as a bridge to get to your guy. It's a classic move i tell ya. She'll befriend you for information, but as soon as she gets what she wants, that is your man, then she will treat you like a piece of rag. May even tarnish your reputation to get you out of the scene. Watch your back my friend.
  23. Chibby33
    You want to make her jealous? Go fill up your car with high quality gas and pay for it yourself. That's right, you paid for your own gas. And might as well pay for mine. Kidding, just making light of the shallow comment she made. Is that all it takes to make her happy? Im sorry my friend but once the holidays set in, gas prices are going to rise and well, there goes her Mr. Wonderful.
  24. Chibby33
    bravegirl, what you can do is send him a final IM or email and release all your feelings for him. Although he's no longer with us, go ahead and give him gratitude for all the things he has done for you and your child. It's never too late.
  25. Chibby33
    The two of you (Scout and Frisco) better be around when my daughter starts dating!!
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