Cardinal

Stress is a major libido killer, second only to hormonal problems (low testosterone for example). He could have a hormonal problem but likely at his age it is more stress/anxiety related than anything else. His level of attraction for you has nothing to do with this problem imo. The main thing you need to do is take the pressure off. Make it clear to him that it doesn't matter if he loses his erection. It IS completely normal for many men and doesn't even indicate a disorder necessarily. If he feels any anxiety at all in the bedroom, that might kill his erection immediately. Once it has happened the fear and frustration of thinking it will happen again will indeed precipiate it. I have the same problem. If you are willing to take the pressure off and take enough time to learn how to best stimulate him to erection (blowjob, handwork, indirect stuff like kissing, biting, whatever), then he may not have a problem for long at all.

I made that muscle as strong as I probably ever will over the last few months. Clenching those muscles during orgasm won't keep it from happening for me. In fact clenching and unclenching them is what brings me to orgasm. What works for me is stopping all stimulation right before orgasm. I get the contractions and a small amount of ejaculate, but still maintain full hardness. Libido drops a bit like after an orgasm but not a lot. I can usually finish completely within 5 minutes after that if I want. Unfortunately the feeling is not so great. Though it is an orgasm, it feels like stopping short and is not very satisfying. So I don't do it much. Drugs I would assume are probably the easiest way to do this. Anything that lowers libido in some way could foreseeably help. I have heard of this working well with weed before.

Pillows are great! I can't believe some of you haven't done this before. I am also including women in this one as I am sure you ladies can find a use for them! It isn't even messy. A man will usually need to use a condom with some lube inside to keep the friction at a managable level. I would think women could make a far larger mess of a 3 dollar pillow than any man could.

I am not seeing the disadvantages here if it is something you both want. Pregnancy is a risk no matter what if you engage in sex. I don't believe a friends with benefits situation is unique in this regard. So I don't see that as relevant. Sure, more than likely one of you will end up developing feelings for the other and it (the sexual relationship) will end badly. That is a risk you take with any 'friends with benefits' situation. If you don't wish to for this, then it is best to avoid it. Like with many issues this is a risk versus reward situation. I would make your views fairly explicit though if you end up choosing to do this. That way you both know the ground rules and what to expect from it. I don't mean to sound negative towards females, but I do frequently see women carefully guard a man she sees as a friend, specifically staying away from the friends with benefits situation. But many men are not friends with females unless they also would be willing to have sex with them. So it seems there is misperception on both sides. I fail to understand why women feel the way they do as so many men only gravitate toward women they are attracted and would sleep with when looking for female friends. Sure men may value everything about the friendship, but under most circumstances they also are sexually interested. I certainly wouldn't value a female friend any less after engaging in a 'friends with benefits situation'. If anything it might serve to strengthen the friendship and move in the right direction. (I can easily separate sex from emotional attachment) If a male/female friendship cannot withstand enjoyable consentual sex, then how strong is that friendship to begin with anyway? What is it you risk losing exactly?

I really wonder sometimes. My girlfriend swears she is having orgasms and does so easily through vaginal penetration alone (and in many positions). But she got a little perturbed at me the other day. I told her more than 1/2 of all women can't orgasm through staight vaginal intercouse and she looked at me like I was cross eyed. I thought that little tidbit was common knowledge? It gets to be too much for her too and she pushes me away and makes me stop. She told me that IS her orgasm. I think she is a bit confused. I hate to have doubts about this as I feel she should know her own body backwards and forwards but somehow I doubt that is the case. She is also unable to put in to words what an orgasm feels like for her. Tough for me to judge. She tells me each orgasm she has is distinctly different. How to find common ground?

I am glad you seem to have enough self control to make an informed decision and the willingness to say no and wait until you a ready. You have far more restraint than I. If I were in that situation, once I figured out how to avoid pregnancy there is little chance I would have said no. Good luck to you!

I wouldn't worry about it too much. The ladies get more of a surprise to watch it grow. It also makes it easier to take off your pants. Fighting against yourself trying to slide your pants down over your schlong may be funny and all, but it is hardly smooth. In the event that I am already hard, I have her take off my pants. If she has trouble....then maybe she won't be so upset when I can't get her bra strap undone.

Same reason other guys already posted. It is a great visual and auditory aid to masturbation. Sex toys are more of a tactile aid. Stories are more of a literary aid. Other than than it is just a normal fantasy for guys. I think if you are really trying to understand it, you might do best trying to see the full extent of how it is a fantasy. Imagine doing anything to any man you would ever want to. Likely there is some equivalency to porn. If a guy likes watching cheerleaders at a game for example, but would like to imagine them naked, well he can see pictures of that to safely fulfill his fantasy.

How about you sit down on him from the top. Use a lot of lube and make very certain the tip of his unit is lubed up well.

One of the reasons I say increasing male libido is easy is because of HRT or simple TRT (testosterone replacement therapy). The docs can prescribe some very long esters of testosterone and sometimes only give one or two shots a month. Alternatively if you want to avoid liver issues, you can get a transdermal cream to rub on the skin but that is not easy as getting shots (you can give the shots yourself if you want). He will need to make sure it doesn't effect his disease and that he doesn't take too much testosterone (and that he is not at risk for prostate cancer). Even if he does have a history of prostate trouble in the family, his psa values can be monitored frequently and there are good drugs (propecia for example) that can be used to block the dht from testosterone and thus keep the prostate going fine.

First, will he admit that it a mutual problem? Nothing is wrong with either of you, you just have mismatched drives. If so, see if he is willing to take direct steps to increase his drive. For a man, increasing sex drive is very easy to do imo. If he doesn't want to increase his drive then your options are more limited. What are his thoughts more specifically?

He is probably just thick. If so, he may need a magnum or magnum XL. I don't like trojan in general but in the interest of finding a fit.....they are the most readily available in thick sizes. The condom may have more length than he needs but that is alright. I am average in girth. The first condom I tried to put on was a medium. Tight as hell and didn't seem to go on at all. Luckily I tried this in advance of having sex.

Carl, You do have a compelling argument. I am super confident in many areas of life. I think that confidence stems from the fact that I tend to plan well. And whatever it is I am trying to accomplish, I know in my mind it is realistically possible. But I have several individual areas where I am not confident (and based for example on my sales skills in business I have no reason to be confident) There is a difference between confidence and arrogance, and I am not talking about a difference in personality. Someone who is confident can see each step from start to finish when it comes to achieving a particular goal. They may also have positive experiential background like you mention. So in sum, I like the argument you presented.

I hear you. I was just trying to cover all bases as I didn't know what condition she is in and some things need to be done before everyone experiences the most pleasure. Though I love cunnilingus, I think it is more than fair to make sure she shaves before doing it. I sure wouldn't go down on my girl with a sharp stubble and expect her to like it. No more should I expect things to go well if all I get is a mouthful of hair. This is just an issue of practicality for many guys. I guess some of it has to do with trust. My girlfriend completely trusted me. I went down on her briefly once, then the second time she specifically asked me to shave her. This was also prior to having sex iirc. The allure is there from a sexual standpoint, but it is also a good reaffirmation of trust. She trusts me with a very sharp blade in her most sensitive area. That is a good sign. I would go so far as to say that if a girl didn't trust me enough for me to shave her, I wouldn't expect her to trust me in many other ways just yet. Sex involves a lot of trust anytime as there is much damage that could be done.

I am with majorslayer on this one. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to reading a situation and quickly coming to the conclusion that it is best just to give up and end it. Find a new boyfriend. I take it whoever made that comment did so in jest. Some people are indeed too easily swayed by outside advice. It shows weakness on their part imo. If you need to confront your SO and feel you can safely do so, that is the first step I would take too. Lesbian fantasies are normal. Very normal. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I for one am happy he has told you about his fantasies. Just let him know that you have an aversion to doing that and it is something you won't do. But in the same breath, support him and make sure he knows that you care about his fantasies and you are willing to experiment and try things with him. I think you are making too big a deal over this particular fantasy. It is the lesbian fantasy he is into. He is not into any other girl. It is not that he wants to be with her and not you or some ridiculous thing like that. Think about it. If he has a lesbian fantasy and wants to make a reality, his only recourse is to suggest bringing in another lady. A lot of couples do this. If you were with a true lesbian, she would be interested in you only and would be if anything turned off by him. See why it doesn't make sense to worry about her in this scenario? Men often get very turned on by lesbians. It is just plain hot to watch or think about. It really doesn't involve men, or him particularly. Just let him know it isn't something you will ever do with him. No harm no foul. Most likely he will just get that through his head and move on. I have a hard time seeing this as a big problem. Btw, I am really happy your approach of letting go has had an overall positive outcome. Sometimes that sort of freedom is just what is needed.

I have some questions. I have been trying to get my girl into a reverse cowgirl for quite some time now. I know that will feel good for both of us in that other rear entry positions always have. They hit her gspot. And from that position I can reach around and stimulate her breasts and clitoris fairly easily. For the ladies that do this, what is the best way to go about it? All I have been able to tell her is to spread her legs and use her kegels and squatting muscles to bounce up and down. She just hasn't figured out the mechanics out how to get in position yet. On another note, my girl seems to find riding me quite natural. It took her about a week or two to get used to it but now she rides me with reckless abandon. It took her awhile to figure out how to stay in me without flying off the handle literally. She likes grinding back and forth. What I get out of her being on top is mainly the great visual effects. It rarely stimulates me to the point of orgasm. I like it most because it turns her on a lot and I think it is highly important she feel like she can be totally in control whenever she wants.

I like the old adage, each person is responsible for their own orgasm. I am sure you will do fine on your end. But don't ruin a pleasurable session by trying to force an orgasm. Relax. If you are trying to force it she will know. Plan on staying down there quite awhile. It can take some women much longer than men. I have seen lots of great advice. For someone who has never done it, I like to following approach. After appropriate foreplay, just gently take a mouthful of p**** and start to suck methodically. Do this a minute or two maybe. Then starting at her slit using a flat tongue lick slowly from bottom to top brushing her clitoris lightly with your tongue. Take longer than you think you should at each step. Then proceed to some of the other techniques that have already been gone over. It feels so incredibly wonderful to have a woman's hot, wet moist private parts in your mouth. You will be hooked. Just remember to be gentle. Hopefully she will be able to take over and guide you in how to reach orgasm or heigthen her pleasure after the first bit. Communication is what will matter. As long as you show your enthusiasm I think she will be very pleased. If anything, even if she doesn't come, she will have that much more to look forward too next time. One thing I love to do is lightly penetrate her and gently have intercourse for a few minutes, then go back down there. It loosens her muscles wonderfully. There is more room for your tongue to enter and swirl around and you get so much more of that wonderfully delectable juice. I do that with my girl just to get a bit more out of her. I'd drink of gallon of that sweet heaven if she could give it to me.

I sense you are the more experienced one and the more adventurous. I don't think it is something you would have to talk about ahead of time. Just have everything prepared and before penetrative sex, tell her you are going to do something different FOR HER tonight. Don't say exactly what you are going to do. Leave that to her wild imagination. She may be very anxious. That is okay. You can turn that into extreme sexual excitement once she feels your tongue on her. Just make sure if she doesn't shave that you have a good razor and place to do that. Do it for her before you get started. Very gently. Whatever you do, give her plenty of foreplay leading up to it and linger a bit while you are down there before starting. Make eye contact with her and hold her body like only you know. She will be so crazy by the time you get ready, the first kiss should sends waves of pleasure surging through her body. If things go wonderfully, you might take a break after her first few orgasms. If it is very pleasurable but she wants more, have something else planned that night too. Give her a whole body massage or something else that you haven't done or might now do often. You don't have to focus totally on oral. Just let her know that you are doing this for her and how you want her to feel. That first night and first time you do it. She will remember. Make sure it is all about HER and that she knows that. On a side note, I can't believe you haven't been doing this for her. Shame!!!

I couldn't get an erection the first time I tried. And when I did, it was one pump, two pump, done. I never expect much from the first time with a lady. And I make certain to communicate that to them ahead of time. No reason for extra pressure.

I think the major reasons have already been given. I could postulate one aspect for why young females might do it. I personally believe alcohol does more than loosen women's inhibitions. I believe it has a very direct impact on libido (by increasing it in most cases). And if you aren't used to having such an insatiable urge for sex, then the obvious implication is that it might be a bit more difficult to resist when the opportunity presents itself and you know it will feel so incredibly good. Men know this if they know anything and will take advantage of that.

I used viagra until I was comfortable enough to know I wouldn't lose it. Didn't the first time though and man was that a disappointment.

I would feel very awkward hugging a lady I was interested in on a first date. Hugging is a good way to greet any female friend. I see a female friend, I always walk up to her and hug her. Shows a friendly sort of affection. The only situation where I wouldn't kiss a girl on the first date is if I knew the date went poorly and we wouldn't be seeing each other again. As a man I feel it is appropriate to initiate a full kiss on the first date. Kind of like opening the door for her or paying for the first meal. There is no reason not to do it. If the woman does it, I can see a peck being more than fine (if you tried that with me, my next move would be to hold you and give you a good, passionate and lingering kiss that would make you want a lot more) Anything less can only be perceived as either disinterest or a lack of confidence on my part, neither of which shows my true self.

Oh there is some very serious payback. And my girlfriend knows what is coming to her later on. I just have to be careful not to get her to the point where she runs and hides when I see her.

Hunny, A lot of men like breasts period. Hell if a girl I am interested in needed to have them surgically removed, I wouldn't think a thing of it except to know she doesn't have cancer or whatever else was wrong with her anymore and we could go on living as a happy couple.

It is not always what you say to him, but how you say it. Show the enthusiasm you feel and your sex life will be that much better. Say anything that comes to your mind. If you want to do a little role play or acting, that is fine. You two can laugh about it. Takes the edge off if you say some wacky stuff and he knows you are just messing with him. The tongue is a mighty powerful weapon. I think almost everyone can improve in this regard. Learning to talk dirty is just another way of knowing how to communicate and express yourself openly and without reservation. My next step is to learn to do the opposite. I know some things I say to my girl in bed just don't do it for her. Other things elicit a wonderfully aroused response.