Cardinal

I knew I would get a lot of crap once you all picked up on the 20 minute thing. All I can say is I have a slow internet connection.

doyathink No I haven't. I'd be hesitant to label this as ED personally as I am still fully functional. I personally don't think it is at a point where a viagra script might be warranted. I don't know if there is any correlation, but I have very poor circulation in my hands and feet (they get much colder than other peoples seem to get both summer and winter). slightlybent: Not quite. Sounds different I don't have near the stress in my life as you do. I am going on 27 and can't really say I have many bad habits. I am glad you recognize where some of the trouble likely is for you. Makes things easier to fix. Though I wasn't notably sexually active, I can remember this happening in my mid to upper teens to a much lesser extent. I would notice it during extended masturbation sessions. At that time it was a very minor nuisance. While it may not be related to how frequently I get off, that might explain why it is worse now than in my teens (that combined with slightly less responsive hpta axis). I always used to do it once a day throughout high school and college. Rarely deviated and rarely went for more than once. Now I am batting 1-3 times per day. So that may impact it honestly. It is kind of frustrating to know how crazy strong my drive is, but to also be limited by the inability to maintain an erection after a certain point. I managed 4 times the other day and had the mental drive to go for a fifth or maybe even 6th. But the physical ability just wasn't there darnit

I have a tendency to lose my erection during sex when stimulation is stopped. I noted that it always happened when I did too much foreplay (> 30 minutes for example). My only solutions have been to either use pde-5 inhibitors to help stay hard or to simply take a prolonged break from all sexual activities (go run an errand or something). Then come back and start fresh. That can be frustrating and annoying though. I have noticed that the same thing happens to me when I masturbate and has for as long as I can remember. I keep stimulation going for about 20-25 minutes, then I notice things start to deflate to my chagrin, much like right after I have had an orgasm. If I let it die completely it can be tough to for me to regain (I have to take my concentration to new levels and possibly introduce new and different stimuli). As far as I can tell this is not related to how high or low my testosterone levels are. It is also not related to how frequent I do things. I don't seem to be losing my mental arousal at all here either. The same phenomenon happens regardless. Why it happens is what eludes me? Is it some kind of biological response to keep from being priapic eventually? Does this happen so predictably to anyone else? I Know many men can stay hard sans stimulation and sans drugs easily for a long long time. I am not one of those and never have been. This is like a refractory period that has nothing to do with having an orgasm and I just don' t yet understand it well. Any ideas?

How about finding somone you know and trust (a simple aquantance who happens to be attractive) and see if he wants to have sex with you. Just make sure he knows it may only be one time and a *uck buddy at best. Most guys will oblige if they are single. For a small price you two could even get std tested beforehand so you know your clean. I think it is often that *uck buddies see each other too much and spend way too much time together in bed. Feelings develop and it is a problem. I dated a girl casually who didn't want to put a label on what we had (it was truly an intellectual friend/physical lover type situation but there isn't a lable for that. Maybe mindhumpers? But anyway....whatever we called it feelings were developed on both sides and it ended badly more or less. Consider what you may get out of the relationship if you do do for it. I know I got several good things out of it that helped me develop as a person. And that was worth it for me. The last thing I am worried about now is running out to find a girl to have sex with. So in that sense my advice is "if you have an itch, don't take a knife to it, but just give it a safe scratch. Give it enough to go away". After over a year, I'd be dying. Heck I might even hit up a bar or a club if it had been that long.

farandaway, We (collectively) who have high sex drives tend to make our own definition of what is normal, without looking at good statistical data. Wanting it once every 5-6 days? Looks very low to me, when in fact it is average. So when he says he doesn't have a low sex drive, he is correct I suppose. He may just be doing you a favor. Perhaps he just wants you to get a realistic feel for what it will be like after you have been together for a long time. He knows what he will want more or less and what he will agree to. Maybe he just wants you to understand that now rather than later, so you can make an informed decision as to whether you want to date/live with him long term.

I have to take issue with a couple of these. Grey hair = low testosterone levels. There are plenty of cases where this isn't valid. Some people just go grey at a young age, doesn't mean their test levels are low. Or maybe even correlation != causation here. Old men tend to be grey. Old men tend to have lower test levels. One doesn't imply the other. Baldness triggered by high testosterone levels. Also not quite accurate imo. Baldness is triggered by too much conversion from Testosterone to DHT reaching the scalp. I know people who can run massive amounts of testosterone and not lose a hair for years. And others with pretty low test levels that start going bald before 30. But I do think male sex drive fairly closely parallels free test levels. Free testosterone levels..not total test. The way to figure this one is to get bloodwork done. It is surefire. Other things contribute too, pretty much everything along the HPTA axis could be looked at. Particularly, DHEA, Testosterone, SHGB, LH production among others.

This has happened to me before. I wouldn't even read anything into it. With me, there is going to be verbal communication before sex anyways. I don't assume anything about spending the night together, be it first date or 50th.

darnit! do I have to check every thread before I post. Who brought it back from the dead? haha

Or get polyurethane condoms. I can attest to a nasty stench from Trojan natural lamb condoms.

If you choose to do this, make sure to go to some kind of clinic and get tested for STD's first. That is always a good practice no matter what your age. Oral herpes can be transmitted by kissing and through the exchange of saliva (like drinking after someone who has it for example). So don't worry about the odds, get tested!

At least two things could cause it to slip off. Your own lubrication, i.e. precum could make it down to the base inside the condom. Once that happeneds the whole thing will slide right off. Also her lubrication or additional lubrication you applied can make it down to teh base and get it wet. Once again, it slips off. If she is particularly dry, it will slip off because her vaginal walls will grip and hold the condom tightly with little to no lubrication. Don't put lube down at the base. I have personally also had problems with short condoms. Durex ultra sensitive for example failed on several occasions because the condom was short, I have a lot of precum, and we got lube at the base of the condom. So keep the bottom half dry and lube up the tip and first few inches maybe. Should get rid of the problem I hope. Also, try maybe penetrating only the first 4-5 inches to provide extra assurance that the bottom is bone dry, at least initially so you can get it to where it stays on for awhile. I like a slick lubricant like astroglide applied conservatively (like the size of a few pellets put together) on the tip. Add more only as needed. If you have a short condom and go in like 5 inches+, she will get the base wet almost everytime if there is lubrication....and it will come right off.

Keeping problem foods out of your house entirely is one way to do it. Have only what you want in the house so that you don't have the option to eat things that are not on your diet. Nighttime cravings (see my above post or others from other posters). Also plan to consume those foods specifically whenever you decide to have a cheat meal or to eat at maintenance awhile to reset your metabolism. Bread is one of the worst offenders and a tough food to steer clear from. Eat protein first in your meal. Fill up on it and veggies (this works most of the time). You won't have much room left for bread. If you have sweets cravings splenda can be used to make lots of things and berries are your best bet if you just want to eat a lot of fruit. Mostly water and few calories. Apples also rock. Juices like orange juice have a high concentration of sugar and aren't as filling. So I tend to avoid juices altogether when dieting unless they are calorie free somehow.

With regard to the original posters situation... I realize what works for one doesn't always work for another, but I will give a few suggestions for how to avoid hunger. These have all helped me. 1) Count calories. You can load some of them at night if you are hungriest then. The largest determinant of weight loss is how much of a caloric deficit you have. 2) You can increase calories and activity level proportionately to maintain your desired weight loss. 3) I don't recommend this but many bodybuilders use a combination of Ephedrine and Caffeine during the day (all over the counter) and nicotine gum at night to control cravings. The combination is good from my personal experience but not without some measure of risk. 4) Protein is the most filling macronutrient so, consume as much as is reasonable given your caloric bounds. Get at least 1 gram per pound lean body mass. I recommend 1.5 to spare muslce tissue. 5) Milk the weight training for all it is worth sans overtraining. I had the most success when I combined weight training with about an hour moderate pace on the elliptical 5x per week. Weight training 2-4 times per week for ME 6) You can drink diet soda. The carbonation helps fill the stomach and control cravings. Sugar free gum can be friend or foe depending on whether it gives you too many cravings. 7) You may need a break from dieting and to eat at maintenance for a week at least once every 6-8 weeks of dieting. 8 ) In general, to control cravings mentally, you can make a list of activities (not just physical activities) and pick the most appealing activity when you get the urge to eat way too much or the wrong things.

I am going to stick with latex. I am one to experiment though and I thought they might end up feeling a little silky, which would have been nice. Right now I am quite satisfied with Crown condoms. I feel like they have the best chance of not coming off during sex for me at least. I have issues with durex and some of the shorter condoms b/c it is really easy to get lubrication, natural or otherwise at the base and then have the condom slide right off.

Anyone tried the natural condoms? They prevent pregnancy but do not prevent the transmission of std's. I got two packs of trojan natural lamb condoms. I opened one up and tried it out. They seem to be long enough (barely), and they are more roomy. They also do a good job of gripping me to where it is a tight, more natural fit. They have a string at the base that keeps it from expanding down there and keeps it on. One problem though.... They stink. They really do smell kind of likes sheep' intestines. I am not sure I want to try this during actual sex! That is one nasty odor! And forget getting or giving oral after that without a good wash in the bathroom. Yuck! They are also quite expensive, but as with many products I am sure there is a way around the expense for an astute shopper. What do you all think about these? I hear they are some of the oldest condoms around, pre-latex in fact. I perhaps can see why they are not so popular nowadays! I would like to note how they feel during sex though (may do so as I have a willing partner who suggested I get them in the first place)

My actual experience has been short but good. I have gone on two dates. The first date I got off craigslist within one day of sending a picture and an email to a girl (I sent four emails, got 4 responses). We are still seeing each other and I couldn't be happier that we met. We talked on the phone for 3 hours the night we met. By the end of the conversation we had shared a lot with one another and knew we wanted to meet. The date went poorly in some ways. She hated the way I dressed, said I didn't really smiile much during the date. She could tell I was nervous. But that withstanding, her only concern at the time was that I might not find her cute. Why, because we knew just what to expect and we both wanted to make that night work. It wasn't experimental. We both already knew we wanted to date one another. It was just a matter of going to a reataurant and formally meeting. Second date...Had a great date, she said she wanted to go on a second. We seemed to hit it off pretty well. She text messages me later that day and says she doesn't want to date me...thinks we'd be better off as platonic friends. No explanation given really. Turns out she had done that with quite a few guys. I hate to say it but that was a waste of time with little chance of success. I learned from that one. I learned that I want to get to know a woman before dating her. At least I want her to know who it is she is meeting!

Batya, You have far more experience than I do with online dating, so it is tough for me to question the advice to meet quick. But..... And no relationship (could be due to other factors than meeting quickly of course, but the fact remains 28 full dates and no success) For some people, I think it may be best to take time to get to know each other pretty well before meeting. This is the strategy I plan to use. I want to talk with a woman for at least a few days or a week before meeting in person. Maybe longer. I am patient. Telephone, im, chat, whatever. I want to know what makes her tick inside and have good chance to establish rapport. It is also a good way to see how two people communicate. Many people can put it together for a good hour or so at a restaurant and show a good face. I am not so sure they could do that talking on the phone for a few hours or chatting daily on im etc, etc. I am advocating better and more thorough communication before meeting. Doesn't have to take forever, it just needs to be done. If you just meet someone based on a photo, their profile, one email and maybe 10 minutes on the phone....no wonder many people don't have a high success rate on dates. Why should you given that? I think the 'need' to date so many people in order to find a match could be essentially eliminated by getting to know them first! I personally don't see the need to spend the time and money it takes to date many people by meeting in person quickly. I wouldn't make it nine months with online dating if I thought I might have to date 25 people to find a match. Seriously.

I agree with Batya and others. I wouldn't continue to do things that may lead you to greater feelings toward him until he discusses his own intentions. This can be as simple as having a good conversations about it...being open, honest and communicating. Then you two can make a decision as to how to progress from there. Open the communication channels first. I am dating a girl casually now, and we both know it will stay casual. She didn't like it when I put a label on it and said what we both knew (she felt rejected), but it was the right decision and we are both still together. We know why things will not work for us long term and are not afraid to talk about the future. I suggest opening up and doing the same. You don't even know how this guy feels. Sure you can assume he isn't attached to you, but you can also ask him to clarify his intentions pretty easily too. Then there will be less uncertainty.

More than three days for me. I used to have this happen via wet dreams or pretty much at some point after I had an erection. I can't recall the last time I have gone more than 3 days without getting off.

If I find a woman attractive I find her breasts very sex no matter what they end up looking like. Legs are another matter. I think I would have to see the rear attached to the legs to render an appropriate judgement. Legs have never done that much for me alone. But muscular tight, tanned well shaped legs pretty much implies a rear I am going to be satisfied with. So I guess I go for legs...

I don't know your refractory period. But I think for most men of your age, the longest it could be is about 12 hours before you are capable of achieving another erection. Frankly it could be only 10 minutes for all I know. I was just saying that if you want the most conservative estimate you can wait 12 hours or so. That would just take the refractory period out of the picture. That is all I was saying. I use viagra frequently. If you choose to use it, I think the best way is to dose it in really small amounts to start. 5-10 milligrams is enough for me. I never have used more than 25 mg of viagra. You will likely notice fewer side effects if you start at a tiny dose. It definitely reduces the refractory period. I can do it 2-3 times in an hour on viagra (but then I am pretty much done for a good while). Diet is important. I think taking a good multivitamin/multimineral supplement is very important to ensure proper hormone production. Eat enough total calories to maintain your bodyweight and make sure to get plenty of protein, dietary fat (olive oil or other n-9 fatty acids are great), and good carbohydrates etc. You don't want to signal to your body that you are starving or that you don't have enough vitamins to produce the right hormones. Keep salt intake moderate to keep blood pressure under control and keep bodyfat levels moderate to avoid heart/CV problems etc. Those are just general suggestions but they can help in both the short and long run.

Yeah, I would try doing it more. That is always a good suggestion! Otherwise maybe try taking some zinc or hydrating yourself better. I'd also like to see what the doc says. I am just reiterating what I have heard to do from other people who had this problem.

I know what you mean. It is one thing to get it up 3 times a day alone (erection strength doesn't matter that much) and quite another thing to be able to get it up and keep it up for 30 minutes+ several times a day during sex. My solution has been to use pde-5 inhibitors. Unfortunately for men having a strong libido and crazy desire for sex does not imply the ability to easily obtain an erection. I have used the amino acid L-arginine (AAKG = alpha keto glutarate) quite successfully in the past to help with this. I also regularly use stronger drugs though neither I nor anyone else here will likely recommend their use for recreational purposes. L-arginine is pretty safe and over the counter. Small amounts may have other health benefits too. Staying in good cardiovascular condition also is a big plus. Doing regular cardio seems to help me. I bet just modestly increasing the number of times you did it (focusing on adding the extra times in the morning or whenever you don' t normally have sex, you would be ready by night time with or without assistance. And if you end up doing it twice in one day, take the next day off for example. Just give it a shot by modestly increasing the number of times you do it (maybe start by adding one or two more times per week....nothing drastic. You might not have the libido to want it but your refractory period would be pretty much done if you have waited at least 12 hours and you should not have any major blood flow issues.

It you are coming so fast occasionally that you barely get hard, you do need to clean the pipes more regularly imo. I have experienced that sensation too and it is from having very infrequent orgasms for me. I do two things with regard to timing 1) I make sure I masturbate at least 1-3 times per day...for me that makes it to where I can last plenty long. 2) I time my last masturbation session before sex so that it is soon enough before sex for me to last long, but long enough for me to stay hard (3-6 hours does it for me usually). Masturbation sleeves have also helped me to last a bit longer when it comes to actual sex 'i think'. They definitely help me last longer when I am getting blowjobs. If blowing your load in foreplay is a concern I do suggest trying a a good masturbation sleeve for awhile to condition yourself to last longer (fleshlight is popular and mimics blowjob directly!) I also use pde-5 inhibitors to stay hard but I don't recommmend doing so recreactionally. If a woman is concerned that you are a two minute man on your first sex encounter with her, I would not be too concerned about it if she did not come back. Probably wouldn't work out anyway! Among other things, she is not showing much logic if she leaves for that reason on a first encounter!

Yep....happens everytime I have sex.....if I do foreplay for too long, it sure is going to be tough to get it up and keep it that way. Get down to business within the first half hour or so!