Cardinal

For me yes. Chat forums and online chat have helped me. I am strongly introverted and require little social interaction. Yet somehow the women I have been out with recently see me as quite extroverted. Keeping a conversation going isn't difficult for me. May not be the most interesting conversation in the world, but it works. And I think doing all that I have online over the years has contributed to that. Free flowing thought and the like....

Craigslist can work just like any other dating site. It has its advantages. In cities where it is popular, you have new people posting every day. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out which profiles are fake and who the shills are. It is a very repetetive process for the fakes. They aren't very imaginative. People fall for the same crap. For the record I dated a woman I met off craigslist for 2 months this fall. I sent an email to four women. Got four legitimate replies. She was one of them. We had a great time together. Craigslist is free. Sometimes it is easier to meet women on there since there aren't a bunch of restrictions. Downside however, is that you usually don't know much about who you are meeting.

I met a girl at work one day. She had an amazing personality. We talked for a half hour. I was attracted to that in a big way. We could flirt, talk about anything, definitely sexual things. She was smooth in her conversation, obviously loved men and came accross confident and sexy. But there was nothing I could do to overcome the fact that I wasn't attracted to her. She was overweight (and I may not have even found her to be attractive if that weren't the case). She sounded like she would be an absolute blast in bed. Sexually open, the works. I just couldn't do anything at all to feel a real attraction for her. The physical part wasn't there for me. Looks matter. They have to be there. And this is coming from a guy who wants at the very most a woman who is average looking.

POF has a profile review up in their forums as well. A lot of it is what you say in the initial email and put up in the profile. If in doubt, make a joke! Keep the profile short but give them a taste of your sense of humor. Keep it all positive. Post a good picture. I like business casual. My response rates have been pretty good. If you can swing at least 10% responses, I think you are doing fine. Oh. And read the profiles before you mail. Question for everyone, When you are talking about decent matchmaking agencies, which ones are you referring to? I am not a fan of great expectations (too pricey). But otherwise I would consider it. eharmony comes as close to an online mathmaking agency as I have found yet. My problem with them is that they don't produce enough matches and many profiles have no photo or are non-paying/fake.

It really doesn't matter what women wear to the gym. Whatever they wear, I will find it quite attractive. Some of the best motivation to finish your cardio is watching women workout. There just isn't the incentive to stop early and leave. There isn't much they could wear to cover up. And keep in mind, people sweat in the gym. So lots of clothes or heavy sweat pants etc are often undesirable. What is left are by and large sexy outfits. I don't have a reason to dress up for the gym. There are far more guys there than girls and I am there to workout, not hit on women. I take the attitude that women are there to do the same. If I make a friend there fine. I can ask her out later. If not, I still get in a good workout.

If you define sex as any any act done by a partner that produces or attempts to produce an orgasm through direct physical stimulation, then for sure, sex changes a great deal for 'me' emotionally. At that point, the frustration I normally feel from being around an attractive woman and not being able to do anything about it is then gone. Sex is a boundary of sorts for me. When I know release is acceptable and possible, I give everything I have to a woman emotionally. I literally can't do that beforehand since sex is inextricably tied to emotions for me! If a partner prohibits me from expressing myself that way, then they also prohibit me from expressing my most powerful emotions. In fact, when I tell a woman I love her before having sex, I mean it with my whole heart. But at the same time, it is a very different sort of love than pure romantic love, which for me requires sex to feel it seems. Vaginal penetration isn't the biggest factor for me. It is when I know I will have release and that hopefully she will experience the same. For me it is everything before that point that is emotionally awkward for me....not anything that comes afterward. My point initially was that many women seem to see the actual vaginal penetration as the thing that is 'such a big deal'. It is huge for them. But I see no reason to draw that line there for me. There is a line, but it isn't there. That is one of the reasons I have very little trouble waiting for actual intercourse. I have far more trouble waiting for a woman to be comfortable with me physically in general.

I found a trick that works for me. And it seems to be purely physical and nothing more. For men that get really sensitive at the tip afterwards....pull out before you finish or do something that doesn't stimulate the tip. Get a tight thick masturbation sleeve and use no lube (so it doesn't slide up too far and actually grips). When you are done, just keep going and focus on getting turned on again. But stay at least an inch or two away from the tip. After a few seconds just keep the visual stimulation strong. That is the only little part of it that is mental for me. The sleeve is to trick your body into thinking you are well inside a woman and that by golly you have work to do still. It is the best way I know to keep it up. You can also keep stimulation and pressure on two little round things. That helps. I have done this four nights in a row. First time it worked for me in my life. I thought it was a miracle other men could do it and was sad I couldn't. It is nice because most of the time, one does next to nothing to curb my mental and physical desires. Now I can do two in a row, stop and actually get something else done in my life! Cool. If you find out what causes you to lose it...then maybe you can keep it going. Good luck.

I won't touch the emotional side of it with a ten foot pole. That would require me to delve into how females think. I think a transition is one of the things that keeps it from being awkward. However, if one or both partners are inexperienced, good luck trying to keep it from feeling physically awkward, haha. The transition can be smooth and quick, or it can be slow and gradual. In any event, as long as it doesn't happen overnight, it has less of a chance of being awkward. To put it bluntly, there is very little that is physically awkward for 'me' about inserting item A into slot B if I have done everything else with a partner. Time doesn't take care of everything though. If all you have done is kiss, I am not sure it would matter that you have been dating 'months'. You are in for very new and possibly quite awkward experience the first time. The only time I can see it having a negative effect is if you royally screw it up (pun intended). That is pretty easy to avoid as a guy if you take it slow and make sure she is comfortable.

I am not a big fan of fraternities or sororities, but they can serve a purpose. If you have those kind of all male clubs at your college, you could work to get in one. If it is like in the states, certain frats always network with certain sororities and you can hook up with girls through those. It is a way of keeping tabs on everyone, you can easily get a relationship out of it. Takes effort though and if you don't like those clubs it may not be worth your time to join. Wasn't for me.

Most young men 'may' not be able to last bareback for more than 10 minutes. But I don't see why that can't be changed by simple increasing the number of daily orgasms a man has until he lasts much longer. There are many people who suggest multiple rounds, which is awesome. But for the men who cannot go multiple rounds, I think a better suggestion is to actually plan ahead! If once a day doesn't let a man last long enough, then move to 2 or even 3 times every day. And if a man doesn't have sex or orgasm for a couple of days, it should come as a surprise to noone if he has trouble lasting!

At walmart you would have a lot of coworkers that you could make personal contacts with most likely. Even if you don't want to ask out a coworker, you can still keep them in mind for future reference. Also, consider online dating. That might work in a rural area if you are willing to travel. Concerning dress, you can never go wrong with business casual. If you are allowed to wear true business casual on the job, I'd strongly suggest it. Blue or white button down long sleeve shirt and khakis or slacks with a good pair of dress shoes. Keep your hair short or medium length and relatively clean cut. The way you dress is probably more important than your physical fitness when it comes to looks. For dates, a solid color polo and jeans or even khakis can't go wrong. This I learned from my female friends! Also, keep clean shaven with good cologne. If you smoke, stop now! You want females to smell pheromones around you or at least good aftershave/cologne.

You are getting 'friendzoned' with every female you get to know. Next time you meet a new girl, ask her out within two weeks of meeting her. Ask her for a date and make it specific. You are already good at making female friends so I know you can talk to women fine. Use that skill. Just don't wait long before you ask them out. If they say, 'lets just be friends', move on to the next one. She isn't interested then. I see your location. I can't suggest specific places to go since i am in TX and haven't so much been outside the states. I woudln't suspect bars to be the best place to look for a long-term girlfriend. They can be good training grounds though. If you can manage to get numbers and dates in bars, you can probalby succeed elsewhere too. Just approach women wherever you see them. Try the mall, bookstore, or gym even. Whatever you can think of. Gas station, grocery store? Whatever.

Let me get this straight. At first you accuse him of being a player and using you only for sex (doing so indirectly but clearly getting your point accross that you don't trust him). Now you strike a deal with him offering sex for essay help? He comes through on his end of the bargain, doing what he can until late in the morning to get it done for you. And to top it all off, you are now considering backing out of a legitimate deal you struck due to pregnancy fears and poor planning (oral sex would be the clear option here and he would probably agree to avoid pregnancy risks). And now I read that your also a virgin? Yikes. I am not sure if I know what to say.

I have had this happen to me. In fact, unless I get a 'sure' or a 'certainly' or a 'you bet', whatever words come out of her mouth mean no. Even after a clear yes, unti the actual date time, she can always pull out. That has also happened to me once or twice. I have often found that these same women cannot give me a direct answer to simple questions. You bet it is irritating! Given my experiences, I find it hard to believe how some women can complain about men who aren't able to hoenstly express their feelings. In my little world, it has definitely been the other way around.

Very good point of how it can all be subjective, haha! My pea brain never considered that a man wouldn't want to be soaked in juices.

Layword, I went with the approach of "let love find you" for about 10 years. I never once found love. I think I waited long enough. I agree your approach may work for me, but what if it takes another 10-15 years. We don't even know how long we will live. If you want something you have to go after it. The only time I have ever had any success was when I started dating. Surprise, surprise, I fell in love with a woman after dating her a few months. I set a goal. I worked at it, got to know women in real life, and asked women to date me. I made finding a girlfriend a primary goal. I feel as though 'letting it find you' is too apathetic. I talked with a girl at a busstop the other day. The only reason I talked with her is because she had one incredibly hot backside. Turns out she was really nice but was moving to another city to start a job a long ways away. Otherwise I would have been looking for digits. If I didn't set building a long term relationship as a primary goal, I guarantee I would have never spoken with her. It can take me months to develop friendships. I have been in my current location for about 4 months. I am just now beginning to feel like I have a few friends that could be lifelong. More than acquaintances, real friends. But they are the people I just happen to work with on a daily basis. And very few of them are single women looking to form a lasting relationship! If you are a guy and are any of the following.....I bet you can let love find you 1) Super attractive 2) Confident to the point it shoots out your ears 3) Have a rocking sense of humor 4) Are social, extorverted, a people person...anything like that.

I am the type of man who has never feels instant chemistry with a woman. Even when I fall in love with a woman, there wasn't a feeling of initial chemistry thinking back to when I first met her. It is something that develops for me over time, much like love and much like friendship. And now that I am meeting some women from online dating in real life, I find I am at a bit of a disadvantage. It has come up on my last three dates/meetings that all three women knew if there was instant chemistry. I feel as though I am at a disadvantage in those meetings since I have no way of feeling as they do. Instead I base 'my' level of interest on whether or not I like her personality. I went on a date/meeting with a young woman earlier today. We talked for nearly an hour and I think I correctly judged that 'she' didn't feel chemistry. But I had to base that judgement on clues unrelated to chemistry. I decided to thank her for meeting, complimented her on a few things I really liked about her and went on my merry way. I'd like to know if any of your have noticed the same sort of problem either online or in real life dating when meeting people. And if so, what have you done about it? Toward the end of the meeting I pick up on one of her interests and ask directly for a date suggesting we do one of the things she like to do for fun. Other than getting a yes answer to that question (which I have and often do), I don't know how to get her to open up and let me know if she is really into me. I am big on communication and find it difficult if a woman won't let me know anything. Perhaps it is because the last three women I happen to have met simply weren't looking for a relationship at all. One admitted to having gone on a 'zillion' dates and just liked the attention. The other two didn't seem interested in building a long term relationship. They seemed to be holding out for 'that one perfect guy'. For them dating was just to see if they just happened to strike gold. I'd like to hear feedback and advice on it. -Cardinal

My answer as of right now is to develop the relationship as a whole. It doesn't make any sense to me to specifically separate friendship from the relationship. Why does friendship have to come first? It creates an unnatural scenario. Men and women who find each other attractive have biological incentives to move toward intimate relationships. When one party insists on 'friendship first', it sets boundaries. And those boundaries limit the friendship in my personal experience (not in all cases by any means). I think flirting may be a good way. At least it is a move in the right direction. It shows intent and obvious sexual interest. Female friendships that I make are really limited if they start out as only platonic friendships. So much is possible between a man and a woman that isn't possible between two heterosexual men. So I see the potential for a stronger bond between men and women. Yet for me, it is the whole package that needs to be put together at once. You have to be careful. In many cases looking for friendship first only can actually show disinterest. The key is to make absolutlely certain you indicate you are interested in him sexually. If you flirt, a confident man who is attracted to you will likely take that as a positive sign and make his move in a reasonable amount of time. And so you can avoid the 'friendzone'. When a 'friendzone' situation occurs, I'd like to say the female can keep it from happening. As I see it however, it is really the man's fault if he gets friendzoned and doesn't want to be (lacking confidence to make the move).

Then I will have to hit you up for some advice and new tricks when I get a new partner!

Oooooooh! I think I know what his deal is. Heck. I have a good guess. He doesn't want the libido drop from having an orgasm, or having too many in a day. The positive physical and emotional effects of giving oral to a woman are amplified x 100 so long as I haven't had an orgasm. I can go at it with a kind of passion and raw intensity that I just can't match after I am spent. It is the same kind of feeling a couple might get in a frenzy trying to rip each other's clothes off. It is that kind of craziness. It is also a more consistent and constant pleasure. I don't think I am too far off on this. I have felt the same way more times than I can remember.

I am that way as well. Mentally it is not just about giving the orgasm for me. It is the entire process of cunnilingus. I enjoy the physical as much as the mental aspects of it. 100% love every part of it equally. But I won't walk away from a girl with a hard-on. I'd say this man is a bit different than most. Most men won't walk away if intercourse is in the offing. Many women have an absolutely uncontrollable urge to have their man inside them once oral is done (or more accurately they get that urge while it is happening). That urge can't be satisfied by more oral or walking away. Do you feel this way? If so, the best and probably sexiest thing to do is take control when you are ready. Pull him toward you, talk to him, make him understand that there is no telling you no. You want him to get off and you want it to happen inside you....and it has to happen right that instant. Otherwise there is 69.

Here is a response from Nina Hartley on her forum that I think did a very good job of explaining taste in an unbiased manner. One thing I took from it is that a sweet tasting male is exceedingly rare without pineapple! I kind of like the taste description for women. It is so tough to describe what a woman tastes like but there may be some truth to what Nina is saying.

You are definitely further ahead of the game than I gave credit for. And you seem to be every bit as spontaneous as women want and them some (in a good way). From what you have described, your bond is a very powerful bond. You have desires to spend the rest of your lives together. thereforeeee in 'this' particular case, the last thing I would suggest is that 'maybe she isn't compatible with you'. She has demonstrated she can have a very strong drive for sex. And things have been better for you in the past. I don't think you'll ever find a life partner who is perfect regarding your sexual ideals. They are great goals I think, but I don't think you'll get the feeling you want all the time no matter what. So I think accepting that is very important. I think you have something you should work with here and not even consider giving up on based on what info we have. The main thing you should be concentrating on right now is helping her with her chronic fatigue and depression. You most likely are, especially from an emotional standopoint....but I am just stating that I think that issue will need to be resolved before your love-life will flourish again. Same with the chronic fatigue (related to depression). Depression can negatively influence hormone levels, lowering sex drive. Antidepressants (if she is taking any) can reduce her drive....and frankly just feeling depressed does it immediately. You have to help her through that first. That means way more than sex! I feel if there is something you can point to as the problem (depression), there is something you can work toward to improve your situation and relationship as a whole. Hypothetically, if you were dating another woman and you found she had a very strong sex drive, she would probably be just as likely to have issue in the future too that would make the sex life less than ideal. And those issue might be harder to deal with than what you have now. We are all human!

Don't take this the wrong way, but many women seek the same thing you want. They want their men to constantly want them. They want to feel chemistry, passion, primal urges. They want sponteneity, vibrancy. They want to feel the affection, to feel alive, to feel desired. But even a man with the most powerful sex drive doesn't necessarily please a woman who wants all these things. Women simply won't want sex 'all the time' like man (or at least if they do there is some element of hormonal fluctuation). So I think it may be constructive for you to separate sex from all your other emotion-based desires. I think it might help you wrap your mind around how you feel about this woman. Maybe if you can express more clearly to her what you want, you could compromise. If it is sex you are wanting at a particular time, find a place to make it happen. Otherwise don't complain to us that she doesn't want to get turned on without release. That is quite normal and should be very understandable! Many men feel the same way. I have felt that way too...and often. For the rest of it, make a conscious effort not to do the things you know frustrate her (since she can't have you right then and there). Set some boundaries. Cuddle, hold her. Kiss her (but stop short of heavy making out). Know the difference, respect her boundaries. And for crying outloud, stop lamenting about not having enough good places to have sex. Get your butt moving and do the leg work. Make it happen!

I have had the pleasure of working in the mall myself. One suggestion I have is to definitely hit on the hot employees working in the mall. I always appreciated it when women came in and flirted with me. Go to stores you know something about. Believe it or not women do come to and work in 'guy' stores like gnc or radioshack too. You can even premeditate this. Frequent the mall and just start up light conversations. Ask opinions. That gets you in the door right away and you don't need a pickup line! Also, if you are young, consider taking a part time job. I had plenty of opportunities to hit on women working at the mall. It makes the other employees more accessible and you are put face to face with women everyday in a retail situation. They come to YOU. They ask for YOUR advice. It is like the difference between cold calling and getting referral business. The latter is easier. Since I flat dislike bars and clubs, the mall and other retail outlets are really the only other serious option I have considered. It is good to be in an environment where you are comfortable. And if the mall is that place, you may find you have a better 'day game' than anything else.