caliboy_2007

My GF of 2.5 years also went on a break for the 3rd time (you can see all my posts before)... and again I saw the phone number of another guy (same guy she was with when she took the first break) on her phone bill 2 days after she asked for the break. It is unbarable for me to do a NC but I have managed to do so for the last 6 days... GOD it's killing me... I go through 100 emotions a day... I wish there was a way that we (that are on this forum) all could actually TALK to each other and share out pains, get together, have some time to forget the past and become stronger.

Thank you Katerimo, The brief story behind my situation is that my GF after 2 years wasn't sure what she wants. She took a break twice from me, went with her ex once and with another online chat guy once (just chatting, no date but she did date her ex in that break she took with me). Then she came back after the 2nd break and said I am who she wants to be with. I took her back of course but I'm the typical nice-guy man and did have problems like "holding on to the soad too tight" and "being there for her every second" and basically she had become all I was about which is not healthy... but we both have changed and I wanted to take this opportunity to have a nice anniversary with her. I just found out she talked to her EX AGAIN this month (twice only - not like every night of course)... I am waiting for her to tell me about it as we have been so great lately. Every one of my friends including my mother tell me that I shouldn't react on only 2 calls to her ex as she might be dealing with some problems with him so I'm trying so hard not to bring it up (because I logged on to her phone account as her - that by itself it not good). So I'm staying calm (trying to) and I'm loving her just as much. If things change, then I know what's up but if not, I'll bring this up to her in a few months.

Thank you heloladies21 but, I am not fake. when I think about it, you're right to a certain point but, the more I think about it I don't understand how she could think that. I have changed a bit too, I'm not needy anymore, not sticking to her alot (not at all), I have really changed my behavior, and most importantly I have changed it for myself, not for winning her. I have my good career now, going to school, good family background. I just hate to be faking everything, like not giving my all to her. How can I expect her to give her all if I'm not. I'm Confused how you see her going away again. Could you please explain. Thanks.

Hello everybody, Me and my GF have been together for 25 months and tomorrow is our our 26th month's anniversary. I want to make it as special as I can afford for her so I went to this outlet mall that she likes and we go together usually that is about 60 miles away from her house tonight (of course without her knowing) and picked up a gift for her. We celeberate our anniversaries monthly and I know this is not like the 24th month or something very different but I just want to make it different out of the blue and tell her what she means to me so her it goes, Here is my idea that I need your help on to make it better: I will be calling her work tomorrow and talk to her friend, I arrange with her friend to take the gift from me and take it to her desk as she goes out for lunch. When she comes back, I want her to see the gift. What do you guys think? ALso, about the gift, I wanted to wrapp her gift into a complete simple white paper and with 26 roses write "4 U". I thought about "LOVE YOU" with the heart sign but that was kinda girly so I thought 4U would be good. Thank you everybody.

Well, I understand you mentioned the reason for breaking up cannot be explained here but that is really what needs to be said. She is hurting really bad right now for obviously the reason that she is shocked as to why you did what you did. If nothing can be explained, I would say maintain No Contact with her. It will hurt her ALOT but still less than staying friends and then seeing you with somebody else later on. It will kill a lover to see their loved one with somebody else. I know it.

Tricia, Please, look at it this way. I know all the feelings you are going through: 1. I don't want him to forget me 2. What is he doing now 3. Is he with someone else 4. Why would he want a break after 4 year "to be alone" 5. 6. etc... BUT, do you see a pattern in this? He is thinking about HIM SELF... so YOU need to take care of YOURSELF. You are hurting right now, you gotta do something about YOURSELF first to not hurt as much (I use the term "as much" because it WILL hurt). KEEP the NC please, let him have what he asked for... let the ball be in his court. You did AS MUCH AS YOU COULD for him, it's now time to trust the phrase "If you love something, set it free... if it comes back it's meant to be, and if it doesn't, it was never yours". We are here for you.

BeStrongBeHappy She wasn't sexually envolved as far as she told me. We're both Virgins so I take her word for it. She did although DATE the guy, her ex, went to the movie together so I can't really say it was a talk/cup of coffee but anyways, She said she really wanted to know what this curiosity was that she had, why she answer his 2nd phone call when she had told him she has a BF. She swears that she has no feeling for the guy. I understand what you said about the concept of break, it's correct. but what bothered me was that: 1: She went out with this guy only 2 days after asking for a break - I couldn't even work for the 1st week 2: She lied to me about him after me asking 9-10 times about her being envolved with anybody during her break. but I'm ready to get over them and go to this relationship with a positive thought and see where things go. friscodj Thanks for your advice. You've been helping me all this time. She said it was a curiosity that why (like I said above) she answered his phone call the 2nd time, when she knew it's him. Why she felt the relationship was weak. Now she says she knows and it's no longer weak. I do see that in her actions as well I must say - she's been more caring, more trying to work things out, more understanding than ever which I make sure I always appreciate her (by words, hugs, gifts, etc). I've told her that trust will come with time. Thank you and I will update this thread as how things go.

Firsco, Thanks a bunch. I read this a little late but I have essentially done exact thing as you mentioned in this response. I made an environment for her to open up to me and she did when she didn't have to. She also went as far as every detail when she didn't have to, so I take that as a positive sign. I told her it's going to take time for me to trust her again but I'm willing to try. She understands and said will do anything it takes to support me and be with me again. She says, what ever happened made her realize how much she's meant to be with me and made her SURE about that. I made sure those guys are done, at least to her word. She swears that she never had any feelings for either one and I confronted her saying "if you didn't, then why did it only take 1 call with some sweet talking to make you step on a 20 month relationship?!!", she said "I had to figure out this curiosity... this thing that was in my mind... that why I answered his call the 2nd time... that why you were so sure and I wasn't". I understood and said "Time will tell me how sure you are". It's hard to not remember those. I get flashbacks from her being with him at the movies, etc... or her talking to that other chump at nights when I would normally talk to her (let alone that those same nights, probably same time, I was in tears, wishing her best from GOD). but I have to go through it. I don't want to make her feel more guilty than she already does so I'm being quite. Thanks.

Thanks man, I have chosen to stay with her. She was in tears and said that those 2 made whatever "doubt" she had about us to go away and she wants me. She said she's sorry and she now knows that she wants to be with me truly. Nothing will ever happen again and she will never do that. I know this is typical for all the "come back" situations after a party finds out their loved one cheated (it was nothing short of cheating. the next day after the break up she was talking to the EX and in a few days, she started dating him - for once but still, it was dating). So I am going through all my emotions and it's hard but I wanna stay with her. That's my choice. I hope I'm making the right choice. I know that now that I have made my decisions, I HAVE TO drop it. I find it hard not to keep asking her about them but I'm doing my best. She has told me everything there was and I should be ok... I guess it takes time now.

UPDATE I just talked to her this morning. I come to find out from her that she's been with 2 people while on break. 1st one: Her EX (from 3 years ago) that called her saying he still loves her and ...... before me and her go on our little vacation, she never told me anything and the day we were coming back from vacation we had a huge fight and she took the 1st break right then and there. Lasted about 2 weeks, she came back running to my arms. Now, what happened in that 2 weeks: She went out with her EX, still didn't like him, he had the nerves to call her to go to a hotel room with him (she's a virgin), she hung up never talked to him again. came back to me. That's the 1st break. The 2nd break, she took the break, few days later (1 week), she went online chatting not to find a BF, but just to chat, chatted with 5-6 guys, gave her phone# to one and started talking to him. He was serious about getting married (we're not american, the guy apparently was looking for a serious relationship). She told him "No" and they never talked again. They never met each other. The thing that bothered me as well as all the others was that at the first break... her EX knew she had a BF (she told him then) but all he had to do was 1 call and saying nice words and got her to meet him for a movie. How bad is that? I don't know what to do. I said I'll take her back but she has to come clean to me and tell me everything which she did (above). but it hurts that all it took was her EX to call her once and the 2nd time he called she KNOWING it's him, picked up (She has admited to all the above and them being wrong). She said she has now found that I am the one for her and will never let me go. I don't know if I should trust her anymore (if I can or not actually).

Thanks frisco, I've answered the questions: Have you done this? No, I tried asking her for more details but she just wants me to forget it - she even started saying "we were broken up - I don't have to explain you anything" but then she apologized and said sorry but still refused to go into details. According to this link (link removed) that is one of liars' detection signs. Did she meet this guy before the break? Based on what she said, NO. She met him when she was on break. Did she take a break, then meet this guy? Yes Why did she want a break then? To find out her emotions towards me as she put it. She knew I'd be the best guy for her (as she says) but there was something in her that she had to figure out and she says she's not figured it out. Kind of like now BEING SURE I'M THE ONE FOR HER. You need to look to the deeper issues here why she would even consider looking elsewhere to have her emotions desires met. That's what I don't know. She says she was bored. That's just not right I think.

You're right SURVICTOR and also CHATBOT. But, I lean more towards CHATBOT... there's been no pattern of dis-honesty (as far as I know) and I like to move on THINKING that maybe her being with that guy made her decision even stronger towards US (that's also what she says - she says it made her realize she wants to spend the rest of her life with only me). It's just hard to know (what SURVICTOR said) that: - She didn't tell you about the other guy and repeatedly lied and said no and - Whilst you were in tears, she was bored and went online flirting with another guy and giving out her phone number why would she do that if she was in love with me?

Exactly... that's how I wanna think... if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if not, it never was. I really like to think this way but I've been put between a rock and a hard place... I WANNA KNOW the reality.

Could you be more specific? About what part is she not being honest?

Thanks Budman but here is some facts: - No children envolved - We're both Virgins and I'm (now almost - not 100%) sure that she hasn't slept with him - he's waaay far from where she lives - like 5-6 hours and he suggested to come here to see her but she declined. - She said specifically that she didn't want me to think that she took a break FOR THIS GUY or A GUY... she took a break to find out her own feelings which I verymuch believe so, what do you think? I have a feeling we'll be ok but the fact that she TALKED to somebody and GAVE HER PHONE# to somebody is cutting my heart into pieces.