Batya33

That's your opinion, yes. My boyfriend likely would not get turned on or be interested in going because of the cheapness/sleaziness - same with my ex and both were very healthy warm blooded males . ..

There's a middle ground and remember if you don't want to be old fashioned as far as intimacy you can't expect him to be old fashioned or traditional in other ways either. Why not show affection - kiss, make out, whatever but spend time getting to know each other - over time - see each other twice a week tops and most of that time should be spend doing activities in public - let him put more of the effort into initiating and planning and asking and contacting you so that he doesn't get overwhelmed after the initial head over heels phase.

That is true and it is also true that it is rude to do this in front of your s.o. unless she encourages it, as you did when you dragged your ex to a strip club. I'm curious as to why you would presume that seeing women in that setting would necesarily be a turn on? I know men who find those women cheap looking and not attractive.

I would slow things down - let him focus on making plans for the two of you to go on dates- whether free or expensive or in the middle - go out in public and sleep in your own beds. Sounds like it's getting too comfy and domestic for only two weeks. See each other twice a week for now for at least the next month or so - so that you slowly integrate yourselves into each other's life - if he is "the one" he will be "the one" 6 months from now too - why rush things? Wait at least three months to have s_x. Whether he is a good guy you will know by spending time with him over a time period of 6 to 9 months. Spending lots of time with him right now is not the same as getting to know someone over time.

Networking is what got me to where I am today and I have helped many people in small and larger ways get them to where they are today. It is a significant part of my job, particularly in the last few years but really always. It is not fake because people generally assume that one of your motivations for staying in touch is networking and it is a relief to most people because it is a reciprocal relationship and they also need your connections, input, information etc. Sometimes it is not "even" but often it evens out. And then there are mentor-mentee relationships but even there the mentee certainly can help the mentor. Been on both sides of that several times over. I have several friends who I am friendly with and network with and there is nothing fake or forced about it. My advice is to google Olivia Fox Cabanes and buy her relatively inexpensive paper pack guide to networking. I have met her a few times and her book is extremely helpful even for more introverted types.

I think the answer to all your questions is that if you rely on generalizations - and negative ones at that - there is really no point to searching for answers to your questions - if your goal is to have a healthy relationship with a woman. It's totally fine to feel frustrated by your personal experiences with women but once you start to rely on generalizations and what you might see on a tv show or in the media you might succeed in becoming even more bitter/cynical but you certainly won't come to a better understanding of yourself or relationships. It's also hard to answer the questions as posed because of their angry and presumptuous nature.

I am all for taking one's time before committing. In my experience, however, the man typically makes his general intentions known very early on - within the first few dates - that is, I am usually told "I am looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage and family" - of course they don't say they are looking for that "with me" - they don't know me yet nor I, them but they let it be known that their purpose in going on dates with me is to see if we would be compatible for the long term. Then, typically within a month or two of dating, the man asks me to be exclusive. If a man said to me from the get go "I am not looking for a relationship" (for whatever reason or no reason at all) I would say "that's fine, but I am (in general) so it wouldn't make sense for us to date." I might also say "if you ever change your mind about your (general) intentions feel free to get in contact with me and if I am still interested and available I will consider it of course. If a man doesn't tell me his general goals and intentions within the first several dates, I assume he is not looking for a serious relationship. If I were very interested in him, I might say at that point - or find a way to bring up the general topic - that in general I am in the mindset of looking for a relationship leading to marriage and family and see his reaction. I would not pressure him or even mention any specific intention to have a relationship with him (it would be way too soon most likely) but if my stating my general goals scared him away, then I would know we were not compatible.

That may be true but that behavior has no relevance to a healthy relationship - that is simply clingly and needy behavior, period. I wouldn't want to be with a man who assumed that relationship = clingy and needy behavior. Wouldn't make any sense for me to be in a situation of having to "prove" I wasn't like that. Some girls and some guys fall too hard and too fast and some men post about needy/clingy women (of course men who are in healthy relationships typically have less reason to post so you're getting a biased sampling of men). Typically, when a man tells a woman he is not interested in a relationship, it has nothing to do with women in the past being clingy or needy it means "I am not interested in being in a relationship WITH YOU."

Why do you conclude that "men are so weird?" because this man wasn't comfortable holding your hand? I had a second date with someone over a year ago who screamed neediness vibes on our second date. I felt so uncomfortable when he took my hand while we walked in the street because it felt too soon and combined with the loud and clear neediness/clinginess vibes it was wayyyy too much for me. I would never take a man's hand in public for the first time - I am not saying to beat yourself up over it - we all make mistakes - me too! - I just wouldn't do that again.

With the utmost respect, how does "clingy, needy and smothering" have any relevance to a healthy relationship? I wouldn't want to date a guy who had that kind of cynical view about relationships, much less my behavior in a relationship and I wouldn't want to use that just to be a "challenge." I take pride in the fact that in my relationships I am not clingy, needy or smothering - we all have our moments of needing some extra TLC and we all have our "needy" times but in general the best part of a relationship is being two independent fulfilled people who have chosen to spend a significant amount of time together and through that to inspire each other to be even more confident and independent. Your characterization is a sad commentary on relationships and I hope that it hasn't been true of yours.

Don't be asexual - just stop chasing men and justifying it by getting drunk and/or claiming they are "shy" - obviously based on his behavior he is far from 'shy" - flirting with you was a bit tacky but he never asked you out on a date, told you he had sincere feelings for you and was interested in a relationship with you - etc. He flirted - many people flirt even if they have a significant other - if it crosses the line it can be tacky but it's not a crime. In the future I would suggest not getting all dramatic (and drunk) over a crush and believing that if a man is sincerely interested in you he will call you and ask you out in advance on a proper date that he plans. Nothing else counts meaning nothing else should occupy your time and certainly should not become the obsession you chose to let it become.

I have several friends who had their first child in their late 30s/early 40s and their second and third children in their 40s - all are fine.

I know at least two happily married couples where that happened. One was young when the "space was needed" (early 20s) and one was more like mid-30s.

That gives more of an explanation. Scary how the kind of misinformation in your original post can spread like wildfire and unnecesarily frighten people.

Don't go by what I say - check out link removed or any reputable web site on women's health.

I confess I have not read the responses - well I skimmed a few. I do not understand why those with traditional or conservative views are judged so harshly as opposed to those with liberal views about sex and drugs - the bias seems to be that it is better to be into casual sex and legalizing drugs. For myself, I try not to judge, I have no interest in casual sex (and I am a very sexual and sensual person) or trying any illegal drugs and I think both of those values have served me very well in my life as far as my mental and phyiscal health and my career/education related accomplishments. I'm just not sure why it's seen as "old fashioned" - I consder myself a very modern person and more specifically, a modern woman.

I respectfully disagree with the fatalistic "either he likes me or he doesn't" For example, I dated someone for two months once who I liked very much. Then we went out for new years eve with his parents, we all had drinks but very moderate. He decided to get very drunk - he told me that was his plan - the more he drank the ruder he was to me even saying that it was "his decision" whether he could stay at my place that night. He then walked out on me shortly after midnight, blew me off for brunch the next day and then left an apologetic voice mail for me a few hours after that. His behavior was a dealbreaker for me even though I had liked him up till then. There was no way i was going to think of the long term - having a family - with a man who would treat me like that after only two months of dating and get drunk under those circumstances. So - yes - I continue to evaluate behavior especially at the early stages of a relationship and I assume the man does that as well. I am NOT saying your behavior was rude or wildly inappropriate but I would consider whether you want to modify your behavior next time rather than relying entirely on "either he likes me or he doesn't" - that can change quickly as you get to know someone, at least in my experience. I too went to schools where people drank and partied a lot. I did my share of going to those parties I just chose not to drink to get drunk. I am not judging you for going out drinking a lot - you apparently know the risks of that behavior very well and have decided the risks are worth it - more power to you! Have fun tonight!

I think that's because of the flawed assumption that you can understand "men" as a group - or should even try. Why not look at them and treat them as individuals as much as possible? I say this even though I subscribe to "the rules" - so yes I generalize to the extent that I believe that "most" men who are available (emotionally and otherwise) and interested in a woman will ask her out on a proper date even if he is shy. Beyond that, as far as whether "men" like intelligence in "women" there is nothing productive to be gained from thinking about it from that perspective.

Actually that's completely inaccurate. My sister had irregular periods her entire life until age 40 and had 4 kids between ages 26 and 35 (for 3 of them she needed some fertility drugs, for the last one she did not). Many other friends with irregular periods got pregnant with no problem at all.

Actually, no, it was clear from his emails and his responses that he was interested in taking me out on a date. By way of example only he said that he wished he could treat me to the event but he was strapped for cash, that he hoped i didn't see that as a lack of chivalry, and there were other aspects of the email that made it 100% clear.

I have been in several situations where the man I was dating for a month or more - two or three months - asked me out on a date - the full deal - dinner, in some cases to also stay over for brunch the next day, etc - and it was clear when I got there that he wasn't that interested in seeing me. It was easy for this man to have you meet up with him - no effort, he just invited you to come to where he was - so yes, he wasn't "uninterested" in seeing you but he may not have been too interested either. It is not irrational for someone to invite you somewhere even if he is not that into you, particularly if no effort is involved. I am not saying that he is not interested just disagreeing with your take on it. I've never been drunk - been to many bars in my long life, been a bit tipsy but never drunk. I do not judge people for getting drunk but do not think they should use that as a justification for bad or "off" behavior. In that case, I would say, you chose to drink too much (unless something was slipped in your drink) and took the risk that you would not behave the way you typically do, etc. I am not criticizing you for drinking - I am just saying you made a choice to drink, knowing the risks. My guess is all will be ok today and I am sure you'll think twice next time about getting drunk in this type of situation, and that sounds like a good result to me.

I have had this happen to me - from the other perspective - a few times and recently. A few years ago I met someone at a party. I was not with my bf that evening (for the record, my then bf and I were allowed to date other people). We both are in the same profession. He seemed possibly interested in me but I couldn't tell. He called me and said we should have lunch sometime and we made a plan for lunch during the work day. I had two views on it - that he might have meant it as a date or because we both had the same profession and it was lunch during the day, it might just be a networking lunch which I do regularly. We had lunch and I learned we were not of the same religion which is a dealbreaker for me. He then asked me out and I declined (he did not seem upset as far as being "led on" and we remained in touch as friends. Second, a few weeks ago I met a man at a religious service. My bf was not with me. We started chatting about a non profit organization he is interested in - when he mentioned a particular city he had just visited, I mentioned my bf who had lived there once. I was not positive he had heard me. He emailed me a week later to see if I wanted to receive his newsletter and to see if I wanted to "stay in touch personally" even though he is a struggling artist. I replied "lots of my friends are struggling artists so sure, why not." Two weeks later he emails again, this time asking me to accompany him to an arts related event. I replied - sorry, I can't and I'm getting ready to go out of town with my bf." I also wrote "as I mentioned when we first met, my bf used to live in [city] that you mentioned. It was clear when he replied that he hadn't heard me the first time. So - there is a lot of room for miscommunication. What I would do is continue to ask women out whether for a casual coffee or a formal dinner or a walk in the park, realizing that asking someone out for a saturday night meal is a far more clear indication that it is a real date as opposed to a casual lunch or coffee during the week.

Rejoice that you are not a bridesmaid. Most of the time it is expensive, a time-sucker and a big pain in the behind. I loved being my cousin's bridesmaid but that was different - 8 weeks before her wedding she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he married her anyway and wholeheartedly. I was so proud to be included in that wedding in that special way and I will cherish those memories always. She died 2 years ago (2.5 years after the wedding). I digressed but it is my point - be a bridesmaid only for those who you are really close to, who you believe will continue to be there for you after the wedding and be very selective about who you do this for.