eleanorrigby1

lol! I love that song and would have loved to send that to my ex! I knew my ex was going to dump me, he texted me saying he needed to talk to me, would I meet him at lunch time. I said I was busy in work and ould just see him that night at his as planned, but he was adamant he didnt want me to go to his house he needed to say this at lunchtime. I went for a cigarette break and I had a whinge to my boss he said to me "if he is going to dump you there is nothing you can do about it, but hold your head high and dont let him see your pain" That was good advice, I went to meet him and I was shaking but hid it well, I looked him right in the face while he spoke and i sipped my drink slowly to swallow down the huge lump in my throat. Then when he had finished, I nodded slowly and said "oh okay.. well erm.. kinda dont really want to sit here with you for my entire lunch hour, so bye" and I just walked off and I never got in contact with him again even though it was the worst pain I have ever felt, EVER!

Oh I felt like I was going insane when I went through a bad breakup. Out of the blue my boyfriend who I was totally inlove with said he was sorry but he didnt love me, he had tried but couldnt, bye. a day later he had a new girlfriend, which led me to believe he was seeing her before he broke up with me, so he cheated on me too! I couldnt keep my food down, I threw up after almost every meal for a long time. people thought i was bullemic! I just felt so ill so physically ill, I couldnt sleep properly, walking was an effort, breathing felt painful. I couldnt see the joy in anything. It took a long time to heal, I wont lie to you, but I got there eventually. A song would come on the radio and I would cry, or smell his aftershave on someone in the street and my legs would buckle. I thought i would never find someone as good or as perfect for me as him! sounds ridiculous now. that was 2.5 years ago, I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 months and i honestly couldnt imagine loving anyone else more. I also think he is perfect for me and I worry that if I lost him, how would anyone else be good enough. but then I remind myself, that I have been there once before, and I did. And you will believe me. But at the moment just contentrate on you, see your friends, look after your health. Get plenty of rest. good luck

My boyfriend generalizes, he is always going on about gold diggers and silly women who are blah blah and he says 95% of women arent worth bothering with and only 5% are. He is terribly cynical and it drives me mad!! AGH!! but I always say to him "Its just your past experience! just because the only two other relationships you had in your life were with stupid girls no need to generalise the rest of us!" However, people in general change their minds a lot, I know lots of men who do. Its not just women who do this.

I told my boyfriend that in the past when I was younger I was guilty of cheating, that I never knew what I wanted and I was a coward that I would find a new boyfriend before I ended it with the last one. He seemed a bit taken aback and I worried that I might lose him because of it, but he has realised that it was the old me and now he jokes about it and says "You would have been my worst nightmare a few years ago then!! I would have fancied you, but i would have HATED you! ha ha" You were honest with her and that is really good, however sometimes the truth hurts and it does plant a seed. You need to reassure her, dont get mad, dont be offended if she acts like she doesnt trust you, its her issue not yours.

getting drunk and snogging, it happens! its life. Its horrible when a friend wants more, I have had this happen and unfortunately I have lost those friends. It isnt fair, but then it isnt fair on them either. I think the longer you resist telling him your true feelings the more he or those around him will perceive this as 'playing with his feelings' its horible to feel like the 'b*tch' in these situations when we know we havent done anything wrong. you need to tell him that are afraid to lose his friendship because he is such a cool guy but that from the beginning you never had any ideas about him being anything else, you are sorry but thats the way it is and it isnt liable to change. if he continues making you feel uncomfortable ask him "Do you think we can be just friends? or is this awkward/hard for you?" let him know that his continuing to try and get you is making you feel uncomfortable. Be prepared to risk lose his friendship.

how about just chatting generally to her, mentionning the wedding say how it should be a good laugh, a nice day, then perhaps say "hey, I dont suppose you fancy coming do you?" Like someone else said, weddings are romantic and could spark something off, but only if its there to begin with to some degree. Don't get your hopes up just incase she wants to be 'just friends', but you never know. good luck

this unfortunately has happened to lots of girls i know and myself included. Sometimes they think they are over theit ex and they think they are falling inlove with someone else but then the ex comes back on the scene and throws a spanner in the works. I dont think he meant to hurt you, although that doesnt ease the pain. I also dont think he is behaving weird, I think he is just being honest, he is confused and his ex, who he loved had come back and made him question his feelings and rather than hold onto you like a safety net, he has been brave enough to admit this and tell you that he doesnt know what he wants and he needs the space to work it out. I say, behave as though you are broken up. Dont contact him and he knows where you are if he wants you. He just needs to figure out himself what he wants. he knows your number if he wants to speak to you so why should you call him? if you have to call a guy to remind him you exist its hardly the foundation for a relationship is it?

i was somebody elses rebound. He had just split up with his long term girlfriend when he got with me, literally a week later. we went out for 6 months and then he told me he was sorry but he had tried and didnt love me. It broke my heart and so i would say to anyone thinking rebounding, DONT.

I have suffered with panic attacks since I was 18, they are awful and unless you have them yourself no one could ever understand how terrifying they can be. The doctor prescribed Beta Blockers for me, can;t remember what the make was, but I never took them. Instead I went to Cognetive Behavioural therapy and also person centred counselling, trying to deal with the issues and fears that usually underly panic/anxiety disorders. I havent had a panic attack in over a year. I would recomment therapy over mediciation anyday. All the medication does is stop the brain sending the signal it doesnt deal with the actual panic or reason for it. I hope you feel better soon.

well Im curvy so Im smiling! lol!

the sun never shines in Manchester, England, it just rains! ha ha ha ha POO!!!!!

Why are you sleeping with someone who doesnt want you? Its far more fun with someone who does.

OMG!!!! you are freaking me out!!! my Ex said he had never dumped anyone before, he claimed to always have fallen head over heels inlove quickly with everyone else but not me, i was the first person he ever dumped! didnt love etc i want his usual type either, he said to me once "when my best mate met you he said 'oh she is not what i imagined her to look like'" he then said "I normally go out with really skinny girls.. I could pick my ex up with one arm..." AND?!!!!

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)? I chose to never see my ex again. I remember lying i bed the night of the breakup thinkin 'if we can be friends then I might try and make him jealous, talk of guys that like me...I will lose some weight,... do my hair, make myself look nice... THEN...' suddenly I realised I wouldnt have been his 'friend' I would have been trying to get him back. I was in so much pain, I didnt need any more. I never saw him again, EVER that was two and a half years ago. 2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY? I cried so hard I vomited, I couldnt stop throwing up, I couldnt keep anything down. I got drunk out of my mind, I chain smoked, I talked incessently about how I would never find anyone else i loved as much. I wanted to die, I didnt see the point in anything, i hated my job, i hated my home, i hated my life. everyone tried to support me and i just pushed them away. It got so bad that after a few months my best friend thought I had bullemia, I couldnt stop throwing up after I ate anything. I was just too upset for a long time. 3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before? This was the only time I had ever been dumped in my life properly. I was 23 weeks before my birthday about to turn 24 and everyone said to me "you should have experienced this a teenager, and then you get over it quicker and it hardens you for next time" Im dreading "next time"!! 4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply) i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other both of these and also because any kind of rejection is hard, its horrible to imagine that someone you love doesnt love you, for no reason, but they are quite capable of loving others. he was obsessed with the ex that treated him like * * * *, he got with another girl straight after who cheated on him and was mean. I thought to myself Why didnt he love me? whats sooooo wrong with me? 5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection? oh i answered this before i saw it! lol! YES. I am with someone now, I was single for 2 years and I have been with my current boyfriend for 7 months,. in all that time i have said "I love you" about 4 times. I struggle to say it, I struggle to fully believe him when he says it to me, i struggle to trust him and i am constantly afraid of how much is it going to hurt 'when' he goes. 6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off? the cold way in which my ex acted when he was dumping me has stuck with me so much that i cant remember anything else about him. i struggle to remember any conversations we had prior to that, i cant remember anything we ever talked about or why i loved him. I have pictures in my head, scenes, places, but i cant remember his voice or his face clearly anymore, I just remember what he said when we broke up, its so strange.

I think also, sometimes people just break up with you because it isnt there. I have done this, I have suddenly looked at the person I thought I loved and thought "oh my god, I feel nothing" I have been in the shower getting ready to go out with my boyfriend and felt like its the last thing in the world I want to do. sometimes, you arent meant for each other and it doesnt mean you have done something wrong, or that you arent good enough.

Now this is something that I have no experience with - begging, asking, crying, showing my pain. My mother is very stereotypically British, i was brought up with "never show them that you are hurt, EVER" and so I became quite hardened - externally! I remember one time a boyfriend rang me while I was getting ready to go out with him to the pictures, my mum laughs about it, she said she heard me answer the phone and say "hello? yes, oh alright then, bye!" and I hung up, she said "Who was that?" and I said matter of factly "It was **** he just finished with me" then I put my shoes on and said "I'm still going to the pictures, I'll go and ask Jackie" and that was that. When my most recent ex dumped me though, it was out of the blue. He had been round the night before, I had cooked for him and we said goodnight, I love you, to each other. Anyway the next day he came to meet me for lunch and he just sat in front of me cold as steel and he said "I really like you, but...." I said "You dont love me?" he said "Im not INlove with you.." I remember feeling this sharp pain inside my chest and I couldnt breathe properly, I was certain this was the worst pain I had ever felt, or would ever feel in my life. I lit a cigarette slowly, I sipped my drink, he watched me and I said "oh okay then" I stopped and said "can I ask why? I mean, I figure we havent ever argued and I havent done anything wrong?" he said "I have tried, I have really tried but I couldnt, I just cant.." I said "well I have to go because I cant really sit here with you much longer" I dimped my cigarette out and I stood up, I looked past him, and said "bye then" I heard him start to cry, (out of pity probably) and I walked away, my head held high. I was pretending it didnt matter, but my legs were buckling. I walked to my brother's office, I rang him from the reception, he came downstairs and I said "we need to talk outside" we went into the street, down a side street, once I was sure there was no one else around, I fell to my knees and I sobbed so hard I vomited all over my brother's shoes, He held me and I cried mascara all over his white shirt, I was crying, vomiting, shaking, unable to speak. Then I stopped and I got my phone out of my bag deleted all my text messages and his number out of my phone and I went home. I got home, I found everything that would remind me of him and I threw it away. Then I went to my friends and we drank about four bottles of wine and I smoked about a hundred cigs. That was two and a half years ago and I have never seen, spoken to, bumped into anything, in that whole time, from that moment I walked out of the pub. Every now and again a song comes on the radio that reminds me and I feel like I might cry, even though I have someone new. I realise I am not crying over him, Im crying because someone didnt love me, and thats always a had pill to swallow, but I would never have let him know that he hurt me and about two months later he bumped into one of my friends and he said to her "Hows [insert my name]?" My friend said "oh she's great yeah, started a college course ... she's moved out, got her own place now...doing well" he said "To be honest, ive had a bit of a bruised ego, kinda hurt me that she didnt give a * * * *!" my friend laughed and said "oh you know what she's like! *** the only thing that hurts her, is spilling her last glass of wine!" I love knowing that he thought he meant nothing. I dont think he is important enough to know that for the best part of a year he almost destroyed me.

I dated someone for 6 months and he broke up with me and then had a new girlfriend within days. He treated me pretty bad, he was obsesed with his ex and I felt like he used me to get over the worst of the pain. He was with the girl after me for about two and a half years and I have since heard he is back with his original ex. I hate that he didnt love me but he was able to love others. I wonder why he didnt want me. I torture myself over the breakup and he probably doesnt even think about me, it drives me mad and I felt like people thought "for gods sake!! it was only 6 months!!" I remember someone came up to me three days later and said "Why have you got a face on you?!" and I said "because i have just been dumped!" and they said "how long were you together?" I said "Six months" he replied "try three effing years!" and he smirked and walked off. You can't put a time limit on your feelings, on your pain. If you feel bad about it, you dont need an extra helping of feeling bad about the fact that you feel bad. You have a right to feel bad if you do and it doesnt matter how long you were with him. Try not to think about your life as disappointing, think about what you can do to change it? When the ex I refer to above dumped me, I moved out and got rented a flat on my own. I went to night college (still there now) and began a Counselling and Psychotherapy course. Just these little steps, gave me more confidence, independance and loads more friends too so a busier social life!

you cannot possibly love someone until you know them.

I had a bad experience, I say swap pictures straight away, meet staight away, no one gets hurt that way. none of us would admit to being shallow but looks are important to a certain degree. I chatted to a guy online for two years he seemed perfect, it was all just friends because we both had someone but then I split up with my boyfriend and he asked me out, said he was going to leave his girlfriend because he thought I was 'the one' we met in person and he was really happy with me but I was no attracted to him at all and it didnt matter how wonderful his personality was and how much inlove with his personality i thought i was, I couldnt bring myself to kiss him and he ended up being really hurt. That was two years ago and I still think about him and how sad that whole situation was, we should have met up straight away or left it as e-friends.

I wasn't happy when I was with him, neither happy before, or immediately after When I loved him it wasn't him, it was the person he said he was The person I wanted him to be, the feeling I wanted to feel It wasn't me that he met, or pretended to love She was the one who held me prisoner, the one who cried each night and yet continued to let him use her She thought that she was protecting me inside of her perfect shell But in doing so she began to reject me And hide me, Suffocating me until I was lost Lost in who I thought he was and who he wanted me to be Until no one wanted anyone He no longer wanted me and I wasn't sure who I saw or wanted when I looked at him or in the mirror.. yet it felt like dying to say goodbye And it felt like a funeral in the days that followed and I grieved for the loss of something that never existed The rejection tattooed into me, burned into my flesh Reaching inside, wrapping itself around my lungs and my heart Until I couldn't breathe Until I couldn't feel. Yet in the numbness came me Amidst the chaos and confusion I rode in on my white horse And I picked up the remains of her and I threw them out I didn't need protecting from me I just needed to BE me In the clarity came someone else and then came feeling, Breathing, then Loving, And with the loving came fear but in the fear came understanding and I understand my fear, yet continue to love..

I love you like a rope pulling tight around my heart I love you like I can't breath until we are apart My stomach hurts, my heart beats fast I'm scared to hope that we might last I look at you with eyes that shine, and cannot believe that you are mine When you hold me a lump seems to form in my throat I wear my fear like an old comfortable coat Yet flowers and hearts also dance in my eyes And I know with my breath I could tell you no lies A feeling so rare and so new it's a stranger to me I keep asking all "is this how its meant to be?" But I wouldn't be without it, if it meant no us two I'd rather live in emotional hell than in heaven without you

I wrote this poem last year as I was falling for my new boyfriend. I had been heartbroken in the past: The land lies barren, dry and bare no evidence of the flowers that once grew there The sun seems to shine so much stronger than before yet the flowers stay hidden beneath the floor afraid of the very thing that seems to give life holding onto a memory of their past life where they once danced in the sun and smiled in the rain beautiful, happy, but then came the pain they wilted then fell and turned into stone before crawling back under to be left alone not wishing, not wanting to be set free they could not cope with any more misery.

My current boyfriend said he feels sad that he ripped up all the photos he had of him and his ex when they went to Scotland for the weekend years ago. He said he wishes he would have kept them because he has no evidence of the places they went now and that he did it because he was mad. I would never admit this to him, but I am so glad! i wouldnt want to come accross them. I havent seen a picture of her, I dont know what she looks like and I dont want to either, I would only torture myself that she is more attactive. I say, hide them, dont let your current girlfriend find them. But if you want memories, dont throw them, you may regret it.

sometimes it more interesting if you dont have loads in common because you can then talk about your stuff for ages and 'teach' each other. My boyfriend is a scientist, totally non religeous, into space travel, science stuff and he is football mad! During the World Cup I doubt I will see him, he has England flags everyhere. I am not interested in football, I am religeous and I hate space travel and all sciencey stuff, but when we talk, we never run out of stuff to say because we know the other person isnt going to say "oh yeah i know about that, i agree." we debate and it keeps our relationship interesting. Dont panic about having common ground.

My opinion: You already know what is going on. You are just afraid because you love him and you dont want to be without him. I am afraid you are going to have to be brave and face up to what you know. He has deleted all of your messages. He has saved hers to a folder. I have a folder on my phone and it contained all my boyfriend's messages, only the really sweet ones. I would only delete them if we broke up. Why do you want/need to go through his phone? more evidence?