coollady1957

I am not sure if I am asking any particular question or not, this may be more of a vent, or just a way to get my thoughts out. However, if any of you have any comments, they are more than welcomed. Most all of you regulars know my story. I came here after a relationship where my now EX BF cheated on me. A little further background,,,,,,,, I was married for nearly 28 years until my husband passed away( dec 2003). We got married when I was 18 and he 20. I became involved about 6 months after my husbands death with the guy that ended up cheating on me. That 18 month relationship is history now, and has been for nearly 8 months now. I was supposed to have a date with an old friend several months ago , and he ended up cancelling at the last minute with some lame crazy excuse, which really got me P-O'ed big time. I briefly scoped out the online dating sites but never actively pursued the scenario. However I had a few hits on my profile from a few guys. One of the guys lives only about 30 minutes or so from me. He had emailed me a while back and we have been talking over the phone and online for some time now. HE is 51 yrs old and seems like a nice easy going guy. He has been married twice. The first marriage ended in divorce and his second wife passed away a year ago from COPD complications. HE wants to come over tonight and talk in person , watch tv, shoot pool, etc. WE haven't confirmed it yet though. He called me this morning and I was sleeping and missed the call. I returned his call and got his voice mail, and I am just waiting to hear back from him. This dating scene, or just meeting new people again as a now "single/widowed" , "once cheated on", and" once stood up" woman is so weird to me. I am not and never have been a person that is at a loss for words, nor am I shy but,,,,,,,,,, now I am finding myself very uncertain about meeting guys again. I feel like I am going to come accross as so so soooo boring !!! I am not sure I even know how to entertain someone (not referring to sex, LOL ). I guess I have sort of lost my confidence since the thing with the EX and then getting stood up by the other guy. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth the effort to meet someone. There are many times that I am lonely and wish for a partner to share my life with, but on the other hand I don't went to get serious or deeply involved. At least that is how I feel at the moment. I am not going to call this guy back today. He called me earlier , I missed the call, so I called him back and left a message for him of which he hasn't responded back. Anyway, If anyone has any thoughts to throw out there, please do. Thanks

You could check out this web pages on Kleptomania. They might offer some insight to your problem. link removed link removed link removed link removed

I am sure there is some type of therapy or counseling for this. although I have not researched it. I have heard of people with this compulsive desire to steal things.

I am not that familiar with your disorder of kleptomania. At least that is what it sounds like to me. Maybe you could search online and read up on it, and find some type of therapy or counseling that will benefit you.

You have been in my thoughts daily since I heard of your health concern. I certainly have a good feeling that things are going to turn out well for you. I well understand your anxiety and the need to cry. I have felt that inner turmoil before and it is not fun. I wish the very best outcome for you and that you soon will be back on the road to making your future plans with your fiancee'.

IT kind of means she is shaped nicely in all the right places. Not a skinny stick thin girl, but a girl with some shape and fullness in the right parts.

Wasn't he leading you to believe that he wanted to be with you and saying that he loved you all this time you were together and he was cheating on you ? So why do you believe him just because the words are coming out of his mouth? He can and will say ANYTHING to keep you, these people are smooth talkers. The majority of time, it is just words, and they mean nothing. What has he actually done to help you believe this , other than to just speak the words that you want to hear? I don't think anyone here is claiming, or trying to come accross as an expert or know-it-all. We can only draw our conclusions , thoughts and advice from what info you give us and from our own personal life experiences, from which we gain wisdom and learn many lessons on relationships. Any man or woman , whom can lie and cheat on someone for 8 months , is a chronic liar, cheater, and deceiver. It is not very likely that he will change his ways. Right off the top of my head, I can think of 5 couples that I have known the last few years, either husband/wife or BF/GF where one of them cheated or had affairs,,,,,,,,,,, and of those five couples NOT even one of the cheaters kept their promise to change and never cheat again. NOT even ONE !! Well you can actually make that 6 , including my last relationship where the guy made promises over and over again, but he still kept doing his cheating anyway. Maybe take some time and re-read over your entire thread and think about the replies you have received. As we all know its your decision in the end if you decide to give this guy another chance. I still say Run as far away from him as you can and stay there.

What is it that makes you think he is truly sorry, and that he wants only you? Don't you think if he had only wanted you, that he would not have cheated on you for 8 months. What makes you think now that he is sorry, what is it that you are feeling or getting from him that makes you think this? He sounds like a smooth talking, sneaky individual to me. Keeping his phone locked ,,,,,,, hmmm,,,,,, sounds like he is trying to keep you from finding out stuff doesn't it? You are right, you have no idea how many other women he may have been sleeping around with. This may be the only one that you have found out about. Plus on the other hand, if he has been screwing around, you should be concerned about what you might catch from him. STD's are certainly something you don't want.

I agree with the others. I would refuse to lie and make excuses for him. You certainly do not need to be brought in between your mom and dads problem. You do not need the stress and guilt over having to be his alibi and make up lies to your mom. That is so ridiculous for him to have asked you to do such a thing.

I went and read the blogspot thing about this guy. Good thing he is out of your life. Keep strong and make sure that is how it stays. Don't fall back into his trap. You certainly deserve much better.

It means " hitting a brick wall" . ](*,)

No , I wouldn't advise texting. I agree with the taking it slow and don't say or do too much, too soon that might scare him away. Definitely don't mention being addicted to spending time with him. If I were you , when you talk to him in person or on the phone, just let him know how much fun you have when you are with him.

Good for you for getting this guy out of your life. How long have you now been broken up? Yous said recently, but how recent? I had a similar situation but I was only in the relationship for 18 months. There may be some few people who cheat that do change and realize the err of their ways. On the whole I think most cheaters will always continue with it over time, and never truly really change their ways. If you get a chance you can read my first ever thread here about what happened with my NOW EX BF. The link to the thread is below. He was quite a smooth talker and manipulated things to where he could cheat lie and deceive me. I just wish I had learned how he was much sooner. Again, I wish you well and good for you for seeing what a bad thing this man was doing to you.

I used to call my EX BF......... Hon,,,,,,, just short for honey. Honey just didn't sound right , and Hon just sounded more appropriate. Do you think your BF would like for you to use a pet name for him ? Some guys don't like it and some think it is quite amusing and cute for a woman to do that. Just wondered if you think your BF will be open to the little pet names?

I agree sounds like UTI. Hope you are going to the doctor soon.

I found out after I broke up with my now EX BF that he too was a womanizer most of his life. Wish I had known that prior to spending 18 months with him , of which he cheated on me during that time. He and I too had what I thought was a great thing going. Just like you and your boyfriend, we got along great, had a great sex life, went out to dinner, movies, picnics, camping. made special plans for holidays and other occasions. Also again like you , I don't think I am ugly, and I put my heart and soul into making it work with him, and I never understood why when everything seemed so good between us, then " why would he cheat?" When someone cheats on another, it is by a deliberate choice that they go do this. No it was not YOUR fault nor MY fault that these guys cheated on us. They made a conscious choice to live a secret life on the sly all the while making us think everything was great between us. They are liars, cheaters, players , etc.. If they REALLY love someone and have a commitment to make things work, they would have no desire to be with another for any reason. IF they are seeing someone else and cheating on us, then they are not the type of person you need to make a relationship with. You say you want things to stay the same,,,,, honey they will NEVER be the same again. This guy is only sorry that he got caught. He may make you believe that he is sorry , and that he will change...... I highly doubt that will happen. These type of people are smooth talkers, game players and will pull the wool right over your eyes in a heart beat. It is like Hope75 mentioned......... IF that girl had not come over, then how long do you think it would have been before you found out, and how long would he have continued to lie and deceive you? Also as she mentioned as well, this was not a one night stand or a one time thing that the did, and then realized that he screwed up. He has covered this up for 8 months and obviously quite well since you only just now are finding out about his cheating. If you take him back all you are doing is allowing him to have his cake and eat it too, because he will still have you and most likely will still have this girl or some other girl on the sly. He willl have the best of both worlds. These type people ( men and women alike) will do all the right things for a while to make you believe in them again, and as soon as you feel that comfort level again and feel like you can trust them again, is when they will turn right around and start lying and deceiving you again. I Know it is not easy to let someone go and just turn off your love and feelings that you have for them. But he has disrespected you and the relationship by what he has done. He has lied, cheated, manipulated, and played you like a fiddle. I do NOT say that ALL people or all that cheat will continue to do so. I am sure there are some people that make a one time mistake and are truly remorseful for messing up, and are willing to change. BUT......... Based on what you have said about this guy and what his past nature was to be a womanizer, and now he has cheated on you for eight months,,,,,,, then NO , uh unh,,, I never see this guy being straight and honest with you ever again. I know you love him, but if I were you , I would be woman enough to stand up for myself and show him that he is not going to do this to you. Leave him and show him that you will NOT put up with it, and that the cheating was a deal breaker for this relationship. The best thing you could do would be to move on, find someone that really deserves you , respects you and that you can trust. Trust issues will never ever be the same with the person that has cheated on you. There will ALWAYS be a level of doubt about what they are doing and with whom. It is your choice in the end what to do, and whether to follow your head or your heart. I think your head is telling you the right thing and that is to leave him and get out of there. Your heart still has the feelings of what you " thought" you had with him. What you thought you had with him and what you actually had with him was no where near the same thing. I have been through this same type scenario with the same type of guy that you are talking about...........My advice would be to follow your head girl !! Leave him and the quicker the better. Don't let him play you any more. There are better people out there than this guy.

Didnt you say you head was already itching a few weeks before you ever got the sunburn at ozzfest ? I still lean toward the Lice thing, but you say your mom see's nothing up there.

I dont know,my first thought was the LICE, but you said nothing there,,, so I dont know.

Hey, nothing wrong with shaving it , if you feel you need to. I guess isle and I were both just curious when we asked that question. Some people are hairier than others or it shows more, I can agree with that. I have black hair, but never had a problem with dark hair on the stomach . I guess we are all different in that way. Some people don't want even light hair to be seen. TO each his own. Just remember if you keep shaving it, get yourself and new razor thingy so you don't pass that staph germ back to yourself.

Has your mom always been this way? Or is this a recent thing with you and her that is going on ? Also what is your moms age ? I am just trying to get a bit more info and hope that you will be able to elaborate a bit more on this.

If I were you, I would just stick with how you are doing things for now. Maybe just seeing her among groups of friends right now is the best thing since she seemed to be moving too fast initially. You have already made it clear that you want to be just friends for now. I would kind of wait it out and see how she continues to act when you are around your group of friends. She definitely needs to be over her EX before getting too deeply involved with you. When and if she seems over her ex then maybe you two could give it another try. Sorry I don't really have much insight on this one.

Yes, thank goodness you found out the cause of your bumps. I agree with Isle that you should completely disinfect your shaver or preferably buy a new one if you intend to shave again. I too was curious at to why you shave your stomach? As a girl I wouldn't think you would be so hairy to need to shave your belly.

You are so right about that ^. She is going to self destruct and take you down with her, and fast if you do not end this completely and permanently. I think you know what you need to do, and you must somehow find the will and determination to go through with it. This certainly seems like a deep " fatal attraction" thing going on with her. This girl is quite disturbed, she doesn't take NO for an answer, and keeps showing up at your place. For you own sake, future, and well being,,,,,,,,,, END IT !! the quicker the better.

I agree with the other posts here. I know from experience that the trust is never ever the same again. There is always that percentage of doubt. For many cheaters their promises to make it up to you and to stop the cheating are just idle words on their part. You say that you and he have been dating 8 months and also for 8 months he has had another girlfriend on the sly. I would definitely NOT take him back if I were you. You deserve a much better person in your life than this guy. YOu should be with someone that can love YOU and only you , and where there is trust and commitment to each other. I doubt that you will ever find that in this guy at all.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with everyone. That was very sweet.