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chaos

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Everything posted by chaos

  1. chaos
    Not That Different by Collin Raye is a real tear jerker. The Cure's A Letter to Elise is also really good. The song is kinda upbeat but the lyrics aren't.
  2. chaos
    Sounds to me like seeing her is causing you more pain than less. You can't make her love you. Ultimately all you can really do is wait for her to come to you, should she decide to. Keep in contact if you feel you have to, but don't initiate it. Let her call you, let her ask you to do things. Ideally, you would break all contact and not talk to her unless she comes to you wanting to work things out. But, everyone has to realize when the time for No Contact is for themselves. One way or another, everything will work out.
  3. chaos
    Sounds to me like you don't want him to come and if you feel like you should tell him, then tell him. Even if he does move he's still going to be 300km away! It's not like you're going to be running into him... unless he's crazy enough to be driving 3 hours out of his way just to see you all the time.
  4. chaos
    It's completely normal. It's much worse at first but you'll find as time goes on most of those reminders go away and the ones that don't hurt less and less each time.
  5. chaos
    Why do you even want this girl back? She CHEATED on you! As far as I'm concerned that's, by far, the WORST betrayal of trust. Keep up with the NC. Tell yourself it's over because even if she did want to get back together, she'll just do it again. Don't forget what she did to you, don't forgive it, don't excuse it. What she did was unforgivable and you're better off without her. It's going to hurt, probably for a long time, but in the end you'll see that it was for the best. Good luck man!
  6. chaos
    I'm sorry to hear about that. I just found out my ex was in a car accident, nothing really seriuos but she's got a slipped disk and is generally in a lot of pain. It's hard not to care, not to want to be with her and take care of her. At the same time, it's also none of my business and not my place to do any of those things. So many conflicting emotions. I also thought I was doing better but since I found out, I find myself coming home at night hoping she'll be there. I even dreamed about her last night for the first time in awhile... In it she told me that she'd been sleeping with her best friend, who is also a woman, and just as she told me that, her friend pulls up. All I could think is why would she tell me that and then invite her over unless it's jsut to hurt me. Needless to say, it wasn't pleasant. Anyways... Being that I think I can relate to what you're going through, all I can say is don't use it as an excuse to talk to her. It's not your place to take care of her anymore, her illness isn't your problem. I know it's hard but she made her decision and now she has to live with it, for better or worse.
  7. chaos
    You have to stop this. It's over, you have to accept it! You are NEVER going to get over him if you can't cut all contact with him. Whatever he says, whatever he wants it's irrelevant. What matters is you and getting away from this loser. He's a LOSER! You are better off without him!!! The sooner you move the better.
  8. chaos
    All the conflicting emotions really suck, I had the same thoughts when my ex left me. The worst part about it is the total lack of control. You can't make her love you, you can't change her mind, nothing you do will make any difference. It's hard as hell to accept, but she has to make her own mistakes. I'd like to think that someday my ex will see the huge mistake she made when she left me but I'm sure, by the time she does, it'll be too late. Hell, it's been less than 2 months and it's probably already too late. All you can do is accept it's over and try like hell to move on. No more emails, ok? Don't call, don't text, don't IM, nothing. Mourn the loss, take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to. Time is your worst enemy and your best friend right now. Yet another conflict, sucks huh?
  9. chaos
    If he's getting your number illegally turn him in to the police or the FBI. That'll get rid of him.
  10. chaos
    Like I said, I wasn't accusing you of anything. You wanted to know how guys think and that's the thought process they have. I'm sure no one here thinks you're a wh0$#. Nor was I saying it's women's fault. There IS a double standard in our society and honestly, it is the guys problem not the woman's. Unfortunately that doesn't change the rules of the game. Maybe the problem is you're meeting guys in the wrong places. Going to bars and clubs is a great place to meet a one night stand, not a good place at all to meet a potential partner. There's a reason they're called "meat markets". Trust me, there are plenty of guys who want a real relationship. However, a lot of these guys are probably insecure, shy, and/or don't know how to talk to or approach women. I'm one of them, so I should know. There's probably guys in your life right now that would be willing, you just gotta look closer.
  11. chaos
    If you want it to work with this new girl than you have to cut contact with your ex. Unless you think you can be just friends, it's not appropriate to be in contact with her when you're with someone else. Does your new girl know you've been in contact with your ex? Does she know about the church invite? If you're hiding things from her that's a good sign you shouldn't be talking to your ex because there's obviously still feelings there. If the new girl knows about everything, is okay with it, and you don't feel like there could ever be anything more than a friendship with the ex, then I don't see the harm. But, from the sounds of it, that's probably not the case.
  12. chaos
    Ok, here's the deal with guys. Most guys want the woman he's with to be a virgin. Maybe it's an ego thing, I don't know. The thought process is something like this, if she'll sleep with us right away, then she'll probably sleep with anyone right away. Most guys don't want the mother of their children to be a s-l-u-t. Nor do they want to have to worry about that woman sleeping around on them, STD's, etc... When guys say they want women to be more open sexually they mean one of two things. One, they just want to be able to sleep with more women and two, they want the woman they're with to be more open to trying different things in bed. There's an old saying, a man wants a lady in public and a s-l-u-t in the bedroom. Just to clarify, I'm mean no offense in what I say as it's not directed towards you. This is simply what a typical man wants and thinks regarding women. Here's the key, focus on one guy at a time. Get to know that guy over a period of a month or so. Not necessarily going on "dates", just hang out, talk, get coffee, catch a movie, whatever. Give it up a little bit at a time, a kiss goodnight, make out a bit after a date, whatever... (NO ORAL!). Then, after x a mount of time, if you're both still interested, then go ahead and have sex. You'll find that the guys only in it for sex will be gone pretty quick, to hell with them, they're not worth a second thought. And that doesn't mean to do that chick thing where you obsess over the guy you didn't have... God that pisses me off!!! Sorry, anyways... Not only will the guy respect you and feel that he's had to work for it, but you'll know he's either REALLY patient (unlikely!), or actually interested in you(more likely!). Plus, when that guy inevitably asks how many partners you've been with, it won't be some huge number that'll scare him away.
  13. chaos
    Well, there is the "third date rule", which basically states that if she hasn't slept with you by the third date she's not going to. For women, I believe it's waiting until the third date to sleep with him. I'm guessing the logic is that by the third date you've either decided you want to be with this person or you don't. I'm by no means saying to follow this "rule" as every situation is different, but... From what I understand it's pretty commonly known. Having never really "dated" the only three women I've slept with (all of which were or became girlfriends) I don't claim to be an expert.
  14. chaos
    A few weeks before she left me she got in touch with this guy she used to work with. They started chatting online all the time, for hours at a time, going out to lunch etc... Then she left me. I asked her if she was leaving me for someone else, she said no. Then proceeded to blame everything that went wrong on me. I honestly don't feel I took her for granted, but maybe I wasn't showing it in the way she needed, I don't know. What I do know is since the breakup there's been suspicious comments on her livejournal like her "spending the day with a wonderful person" and one on his saying his been spending a lot of time with someone "more amazing than breathing". I also know they've been hanging out a lot so... I'm not stupid but, there's nothing concrete and, for some reason, I just need to know for sure...
  15. chaos
    I'm still doing the same thing, checking her livejournal. Maybe this is a lame justification, but I really just want to know for sure if she's seeing someone else or not. I strongly suspect that she is but... In a weird way it would almost be easier if she was, then I'd KNOW what a lying b!#ct# she is. I just want that confirmation so I can say, once and for all, I want nothing to do with her ever again... not knowing one way or another is keeping me from totally moving on.
  16. chaos
    Don't pick up the phone... let her leave a voicemail, email, text msg, IM, whatever... and unless you hear/see the words "I'm sorry, I want to work things out", ignore her!!! Thing is, you're not likely to hear them, and even if you do, would you even want her back after what she did to you?
  17. chaos
    I don't know... I figure it'll be a couple weeks til I send it anyway, if I send it. I don't want contact with them, I just want to say goodbye to these people I grew to care for. That's all. I don't want to see them or talk to them, I'm not hoping they'll call me or that my ex will see it and go "aww, how sweet" and want me back. I've no alterior motives or expectations whatsoever.
  18. chaos
    It's been 6 weeks for me. While it's still painful, I don't want her back. You have to realize the pain that these people have put us through. I'm willing to bet none of us deserved it. Most of us are good caring people and our ex's took that for granted, threw it back in our faces. The "right" person would NEVER do that! If you still think they're the only one for you and you still compare everyone you meet to them, then you havn't let go yet. Get angry at them, if it's been 17 or 20 months, get even more angry, because they're still monopolizing your life and they've no right to do that anymore! Best of luck!
  19. chaos
    Yeah, they really did have a positive impact on me. All I really want to do is say goodbye to them and let them know what they meant to me. It has nothing to do with getting the ex's attention. In fact, I hope she doesn't see it because I'm sure that's how she'll take it if she does. It's over between us, I don't want her back, nor do I want anything to do with her again. But she has a great family and I never got to tell them that. Like I said in the letter, I thought of them like my own family... I just want to wish them well.
  20. chaos
    Don't worry, it's not to the ex. Her and I have nothing left to say to eachother. I just wanted to send one to her family, to say goodbye. This is what I was thinking of writing. I'm sorry I didn't get to say a proper goodbye so this will have to do. I want to say that I thought of you all as family and had really hoped to make it official. Unfortunately, it's not to be. I want to thank you for accepting me into your family and your home if only for a short time. Thank you for all the good food and good company. Most of all, thank you for helping to show me the importance of family. It's meant a lot to me and is probably the biggest reason I'm talking to my father again. I miss you all and will never forget you. I wish you long, happy, healthy lives. Merry Christmas, this year, and for all the years yet to come. I'm interested in feedback, should I send it or not, should I say that or not. Anything really. I've been thinking about what I wanted to say and I think that covers everything. I'll tell ya, it was hard to write... I'm all emotional again...
  21. chaos
    Here's a good rule of thumb. When she calls, let it go to voicemail. When you listen to the voicemail... Unless she's apologizing and wanting to work things out, don't call back. She's just trying to get you to make her feel better, so she doesn't have to feel guilty. Well, that's not your job anymore. I've been getting down a bit too. The holidays are generally pretty depressing to begin with, on top of that, it's hard to be without someone you care about. Just remember, once we get through New Years, we're clear until the dreaded Valentines Day.
  22. chaos
    You have to let all that go. Being away for the winter will probably be the best thing you can do. Hell, a lot of us probably wish we could get so far away from our ex's. Try to enjoy yourself, you know it's over, worrying about the past won't change it. What's done is done, what she's thinking or not thinking is none of your concern. By the time you get back, you'll probably be wondering what you were even so upset about in the first place.
  23. chaos
    Several weeks before we broke up they started chatting, more and more, for longer periods of time, and gone out to lunch a few times. When I asked her about this guy she assured me there was no attraction, he was just a friend. When she broke up she assured me there was no one else. Now? It's pretty clear that she lied to me about the whole thing. We don't need women like this in our lives. They can't even respect us enough to tell us the damn truth! The best thing you can do is rid her from your life as soon as possible. We deserve better than this!
  24. chaos
    I think a good rule of thumb is don't read anything into what she says. Unless she comes out and says "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want to try again", she's not interested in anything more than assuaging her own guilt.
  25. chaos
    I gotta be honest, it doesn't sound like you guys had a very good relationship at all. You messed around on him, he messed around on you... The best thing to do is forget about getting back together with this guy. Learn from the mistakes that were made so you don't do them again. It's a long hard road, all us are or have been on it, but you just have to tell yourself that what happened was for the best. We're all going to come out of this as better stronger people. We have to, otherwise all the pain will have been in vain.
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