chaos

Of course not! But what I want is to be able to enjoy the newness of everything rather than spend all the time I'm not with her worrying if things are gonna work out. I want to stop thinking "OMG! She's the one!" when we've only had one date! If only emotions listened to logic things would be so much easier.

We just met a week ago, at first we've sent a few emails, spent hours on the phone and had one dinner date where, before we knew it, the place was closing. This girl is amazing. During dinner I couldn't help thinking that somehow I won the love lottery. She's been all I've thought about for a week. Now, here's the problem. Almost five months ago the girl I thought I was gonna marry left me and I was devastated. I'm over her, but I'm naturally afraid of getting hurt again. This new girl has the potential to be the greatest love of my life and that has me worried that I'm getting too attached too soon. That I'm just setting myself up to get hurt again. I'm filled with anxiety wondering if she feels the same way, when I can see her/talk to her again. I want to be able to relax and let things take there course, if it's meant to be it'll be. I want to take things slow then decide if she's really the girl for me. I could fall really hard for this girl, really fast, and while, I'm pretty sure she likes me too, without being inside her head, who knows for sure? I guess what I'm wondering is, is this normal? What can I do to calm my nerves and just let things happen in their own time? I have enough self-control to not let my emotions affect my actions so I'm not worried about things getting creepy or expressing my undying love for her on the second date. But I'm spending all my time between contacts worrying if things are gonna work out and I want it to stop! Any advice/comments welcome. Thanks! (edited for length, I have a tendency to drone on)

Turns out I didn't have much reason to be nervous. There really wasn't much attraction. However, she's still a cool person and hopefully we can be friends. I also went to her friends New Years Eve party, which was WAY out of my comfort zone as the only person I knew was the person I met only a few hours earlier. But it was fun, I met some new people, kissed her at midnight, and didn't get home until after 5am. It was MUCH better than spending New Years Eve alone even if it turns out that I never see or talk to any of them again. Seeing as it's how I'm starting off the year perhaps my resolution should be to keep pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone. Maybe by 2007 I won't worry about meeting anyone, nor will I be the quiet guy at the party like I was tonight. :smile:

We talk about all sorts of things, but there's no such thing as an awkward silence online. I can take 30 seconds or so to think of something funny to say, or something new to ask her. In person it's not a witty comeback if it takes you forever to think of it

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just meeting her as a friend, "Just friends!". My biggest worry is I'm not going to be able to think of anything to say and there'll be lots of awkward silences. When I get nervous my mind goes BLANK! I'd like to be relaxed so I can just go with the flow and not be trying to think of things to talk about.

So, I've been talking to this girl online. I think things have been going pretty well and the plan is to meet tomorrow afternoon. If things go well we may go to a New Years Eve party her friend is throwing. What I need is advice on how to not get all nervous and tongue tied so I'm not doing this the whole time!

I'm meeting her tomorrow afternoon. If all goes well we may end up going to a New Years Eve party tomorrow night Wish me luck! Any tips on how to NOT be a nervous wreck would be appreciated... But I should probably start a new thread for that.

I tried eHarmony. Apparently they're unable to match 20% of the people that complete their personality profile. Naturally I fell into that category

Beec: I don't think I would have casual sex. I mean, I'm a guy, so it sounds great in theory. But I also know that it takes awhile before I'm really comfortable with someone, especially when it comes to sex. Usually the first couple times I have sex with someone I'm not even able to finish! My first reaction is to have less respect for someone who sleeps around but, I havn't lived their lives so I can't judge them. I guess I just have to get to know her better and see how it goes. All these thoughts are coming from a couple sentences during a casual conversation. For all I know she's talking about a vibrator! Besides, it's probably too early to be worrying about this stuff anyway. I havn't even met her face to face yet and perhaps I never will. I'm not gonna call it quits just yet... I'm still curious how other people view the number of people their partner(s) have slept with. Do you want to know? Don't want to know? Get jealous or intimidated by it?

My question is does, or should, the number of partners a person has had matter? I've recently started talking to a girl online and through the course of the conversation I've come to find out that she's not in a relationship but still enjoys the company of other men, if you know what I mean. This leads me to believe that she's probably been with a lot of men. Assuming this is true, is it something to be concerned about? Is someone who enjoys casual sex going to be more likely to cheat? Should this be a red flag when considering dating or being in a relationship with someone? Perhaps I'm just intimidated as I've only been with a few women, all of which have been, or become, serious relationships. I've never been one to have casual sex even when presented with the opportunity, which, to be honest, hasn't happened in a LONG time. Anyways, I just want to know if I'm being stupid and prudish, or if I should stop persuing anything now. Other than this one issue I've really enjoyed talking to her and we seem to have a lot in common, etc... It doesn't hurt that she's a looker either And don't just read this, REPLY to it!

Dude, go ahead and blame her, she DID give up on you. It's perfectly natural to feel anger at your ex, I'm still feeling it plenty towards mine. I used to believe in "soul mates", "true love", all of that. Since my ex left, I don't know what I believe. I'm starting to think it's all a bunch of crap. Some people never meet their "soul mate" so what's the point of having one if you never meet them? I think you just have to find someone you get along with and who will put as much into maintaining the relationship as you will. THAT is the key to a long lasting relationship, not some fairy tale mumbo jumbo.

I'd say given this history, the things he's said, and your inability to trust him, absolutely do NOT contact him. You'll more than likely end up hurt and he'll go right back to thinking he can "have his cake and eat it too".

I just hope you aren't blaming yourself. Girls at that age have NO CLUE what they want... hell, some of them never figure it out. And absolutely don't feel stupid for posting. Some breakups are worse than others, but none of them are good. You feel terrible, like you're gonna die. You hurt and you cry and you get angry and then you repeat the whole cycle over again. Keep with the NC, get on with your life as best you can. You'll get through this. Dude, you're single and in college... Enjoy it!

Slowly, but surely, you're getting better. I remember when I hit that stage of wanting to cry, but you just couldn't. What would usually end up happening is it would build up for awhile, then I would break down crying again... It's been a couple months and the last break down was at least two weeks ago, maybe more. I'm still pretty emotional... like certain songs, tv shows, movies, hell even some commercials will get me all teary eyed. I feel like a big girl, but, it feels good to get it out. Each time you cry yourself out, you feel a little better afterwards.

"Wreck of the Day" - Anna Nalick Not really a "feel good" song, but it's about moving on. Her whole album is pretty much great.

No offense, but this girl sounds like she's got some serious issues and is in NO WAY prepared for a relationship of any kind. It sucks that you had to get hurt in the process. No Contact, all the way. If she's doing it too that'll make it much easier. Sounds to me like you are a good guy and will be MUCH better off without this girl filling your life with unnecessary drama. It's hard to see now, but I bet once you get over her you'll be thankful she's gone.

I thought I'd work through the need to contact her... now I feel like I need to explain myself. Not to mention tell her off for having the nerve to even say that * * * *. Of course, I won't... I know that if I did it would just make her feel bad and then I'd feel bad for making her feel bad... It's bad enough I feel guilty already. Maybe now she's starting to realize the mistake she made by leaving me... I'm not perfect, but I'm a great guy, but she through that away. Now she has to lie in the bed she made.

And where does she get off saying she's not worth the effort of being friends with? She was worth spending the rest of my life with. SHE's the one who threw that away!!! I'm so angry and hurt... I was feeling pretty good today and she's ruined my evening. Worse, in one evening I feel like I've been set back weeks... Alright, I'm going to bed now... Hopefully this won't keep me up all night... I'm so exhausted...

Ok, so, to make matters worse I broke down and checked her livejournal... This is what she had the nerve to post: other than that i am slightly frustrated tonight... i hate cold people... people who throw away a ton of time, because of their pride.. they don't even want to save a friendship... anyways... i won't start on it... i just am hurt that i am not even worth the effort of being friends with... anywho... enough about that.. How the hell does she expect me to act after she ripped my heart out? Praise her for being such a wonderful friend? I'm hurt that she threw my love for her away, I'm hurt that she's trying to make me feel guilty for trying to move on, I'm hurt that she blamed everything on me when she left when in reality it was probably just to be with another man. I'm hurt that she still thinks so little of me and that she still takes everything I say in the worst possible way. Mostly I'm hurt that I still want to comfort her after what she did to me. I feel bad for making her feel bad... This whole night just sucks!

Don't be too down on yourself about still thinking of her. She was extremely important to you for a long time... I still think about my gf from highschool sometimes and it's been 14 years. You're doing the right thing by cutting contact, it wouldn't be right while you're with someone else. Have you told the new girl about her? Maybe telling the new girl about the ex and what she's doing and how you feel about it will help you to feel better... getting it all out in the open so you don't feel like you're hiding something from her? Just a suggestion though... you gotta do whatever feels right. Good luck with the new girl... can't say I'm not a little envious.

So, it's been about a month since I last talked to my ex over IM about getting the rest of her stuff out of my apartment. A couple of weeks ago I saw on her Livejournal that she'd gotten into ANOTHER car accident. This is like her 8th one and the weird thing is, it's never her fault. In fact when we first got together she was in a bad one, hit head on while she was stopped at a light by a drunk driver. I was there for her every moment I could be, the hospital trips, staying with her all night in case she needed anything. Basically doing whatever I could for her. Even driving her around over the next couple of months til she got a new car. So, after reading about her accident I got a little depressed. Even though I know she's probably with someone else and it's no longer my responsibility, I felt bad that I could take care of her like I did before. After reading a later update I found she was mostly ok, other than a ruptured disk in her back which will heal in time. She's in pain and can't work for awhile, plus her car will take a while to get repaired... Anyways, a week ago I decided to cut off all ties. I deleted her IM's, removed her as a friend on myspace and stopped reading her livejournal. That last one's been kinda hard as I still want to know how she's doing and if she's seeing somebody else. Tonight I come home from work and move all of her stuff that was in my computer room out and moved a bookshelf in. It looks nice and helps change the room from what it used to be. I take my shower, eat a nice dinner, watch a little tv... other than a minor headache I'm feeling ok. Then, who should IM me but the ex. I'm going to CA for a week to see my mom for xmas and she's asking me the days I'll be gone. I tell her in short answers. She wants to get the rest of her stuff during that time. I keep everything very impersonal telling her about the form that she needs to fill out and turn in to get off the lease, about getting some dvd's back that she still has, etc... Then I ask if she can take the dining table too, which we never used and she wants. Honestly, I want it out because I'm thinking of getting a bowflex and putting it in it's place. She starts making excuses about why she can't move it yet. I said to just do whatever she can and if it has to stay awhile longer then that's fine. Then she starts telling me how she can' afford to store it and how she can't work right now... Other than her livejournal there's no way I'd know about the accident and I wasn't about to let her know I knew. Typical of her, she never listened to what I said asking me if I could be understanding, even though I'd already told her it was fine. I think she was looking for sympathy and I kinda feel bad for not giving it to her. But, at the same time, it's not my place to be doing that. She obviously doesn't want to get back together and I don't think I'd take her back even if she did. So, why am I feeling guilty? And why did the conversation annoy me to the point I started getting short with her? Well, I think I know the answer to that one at least... it's because she always wants to read into what I say instead of just taking me at my word. I told her if she couldn't take the table it was fine but she still tried to make me feel like I was being the bad guy... ](*,) Even though I feel bad for saying it, the sooner she gets completely out of my life the better... Sorry for the long post... I havn't had to rant like this in awhile.

Where are you meeting all these women? I've yet to meet anyone.

Don't apologize, we've all had our super long posts. Unfortunately there's nothing I can tell you right now to make you feel better. All I can say is do what you can to move on. You're going to need time to heal, so do whatever you can to make the time pass as quickly as possible. Do things for yourself that you like doing, hobbies, watching a movie/tv, shopping, whatever it is. The other big thing is don't contact him. Anything you do to try and get him back will likely only push him farther away. If he wants you back he will make the first move, but don't sit around waiting for him because there's no guarantee it'll happen. If it gets to be too much talk to your friends/family or post here, there's lots of support to be had.

No, SOME guys take things for granted. "Guys" are not ALL the same, why don't women understand that? That would be like me saying all women are lying * * * * *es because that's the way my ex was. It's not true and it really pisses me off when women do that. Maybe that's why some women can't find a good guy as they only seek out the guys that meet their low expectations.

I felt exactly like you do right now when my ex left me. She blamed everything that went wrong in the relationship on me and I let her. I felt I'd taken her for granted and made lots of mistakes. Truth is, I wasn't perfect and neither was she. In fact, if anyone took someone for granted it was her taking me for granted. I did so much for her and she just through it back in my face. You'll begin to see, once the emotions aren't so intense that she's not nearly as good as you think she is right now, and you aren't NEARLY as bad a person as she's made you feel you are.