Shadows Light

My filters go up when I hear.. "I need you emotionally and for motivation" ok... so to be supportive of each other, can't you stay where you are at.. and he can be emotionally supported and motivated from where he is at???? Right now, financially, the best place for the both of you to be is with your parents. Until you can hit the ground running and find a place to take root. Moving in together would compound to your/his issues right now. I think he needs room to grow a little more. And to be able to do it on his own. Knowing he can make it on his own. I think if you become his "anchor" eventually he'll grow to resent you... because he's man enough to find his way. Leave things as they are. Don't make any big commitments right now, such as shackinig up together. He needs to find a job he LIKES and to look for his own brand of happiness.

Most women climax through direct stimulation of the clitoris. Hunting down the G-spot could take you FOREVER. its almost like looking for the fountain of youth. Go for OLD FAITHFUL.. the CLITORIS... once you've found it. And mastered that technigue.. you can go in search of. Shy_guy_3.... Really??? really really??? This I didn't know. Most young men all they think about is the almighty 'BJ"... agreed, when you are starting out.. you should HONE all your senses. And just the power of touch.. is intoxicating enough without adding the hard-core to it. Enjoy the simple things in life. The small touches before you go further.

Gotta agree with you there... hard and fast is NOT where its at. I think that applies to both. There's a time and place for 5th gear.. and ORAL is not it. At least not for me. Tiredman: No offence taken darlin... just trying to learn and be the eternal student. What works, what doesn't... and why or why not. Grin.. rejection either way can be difficult for some people to take. You have to learn NOT to take it personally. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Again... the two positions hitting the top 5... are 69 and Any version of doggie... Have to agree.

If by red-ring you mean have I ever mistakenly bitten down.. no darlin.. grin.. haven't. GAG REFLEX and all... have never been that careless. I think though if I were surprised by a surprise such as a "GOLDEN SHOWER"... you'd bet the TWINS you'd get a red-ring... if not lose the twins all together. Grin. Ouchie... I don't mean any disrespect Dako.. I know how sensitive you guys are and the mere mention or thought of such a tragedy gets you all jacked up..... Hugs to you Dako.

OK.. Tiredman.. I'll BITE.. (no pun intended).. WHAT constitutes a BAD BJ????? Because there to there are guys who don't know what they are doing down south and could use some... hmmm direction and positiive feedback. (no pun again).

I gotcha the first time. And I'm telling you.. I'd have had an accident of my own and BIT down. oops!

He has not gone to seek counseling or to get help because what he's doing works for him. Take a look at link removed website that talks about people who are angry. Lots of good articles for you about the subject.

I think you've got the gist of it as far as "HICKIES"...try out the tips provided my young jedi.. and may the force be with you.

Agree with Lady Bugg.. being led around by the nose ring is NOT fun at all. A phone call once a week or a few emails... just DOESN'T cut it. You want to be number one in someones life... not an afterthought. Crumbs are just NOT worth it. You get to the point where you PATIENCE has run thin and gone. There's a slew of women out there who would love all the love and attention you have to give. TIME to slam this door shut and pull up the fishing line. DONE DONE DONE. BTW... thanx for this post. I needed it.

When I was younger.. I think the whole ORAL thing put me off. First of all.. Blow Job.. just the word.. whats it mean. I had NO CLUE what to do. do you blow on it?? How do you know you're good at it or what your doing is right?? I didn't have sisters to ask.. nor was I comfortable with my GF's to talke to them about it. Years later... when I got comfortable in my skin, confident... I learned to enjoy oral on the receiving end.. very very very much. I allowed myself to get comfortable. Giving it... Nope.. didn't like it. Didn't enjoy it. But I recipricated. If there was a way to weasel out of it and NOT have to .. I found it. And for me.. I think it was partner specific. My partner, didn't make me comfortable doing that. I felt like it was a have to thing. And for whatever reason.. I felt LESS than with him doing it. And the taste... ohhhh sooo gross.. NO WAY!!!!! But... I've come to appreciate giving as well as receiving. Like the giving... learned that I "LIKE" being in the drivers seat. And I've learned its different with every partner. And the taste.. also very different with each partner. So don't give up on it. As to accidents while giving oral.. I don't even want to think about it. YIKES. No wonder you're leary. I think I'd be to. THAT HAS NEVER happened here. I think the shock of that would probably cause me to bite down!!!! and then it would be a tragedy all around. I dont' think those accidents are all that common. This is the first I've heard of such a thing. Any of you guys want to comment on this???

OHHH SWWWEEEETSSS... I'm sorry she's been yanking your chain like this. So whats with her boyfriend??? Whats he got that's holding her? She certainly needs to get her priorities straight. She can't sit her A@@ on 2 chairs. If she wants/needs commitment, family, children... and its important to her.. she's NOT gonna change him. I suspect she's one of "US WOMEN" who thinks she's gonna change her man. NOT POSSIBLE. No one can change anyone else. HER BF has it all don't he? Been there done that. He's gotten the family and kids. Had the experience. He's not under any time crunch or have a reason to capitulate. Cards are kinda in his hand really. He can wait her out.. and keep stringing her along until time runs short on her "Internal fertility ticker"... and let me tell you... she will NOT be very happy when she's had to give up those dreams. Eventually resentment will set in when the thrill of the chase has long since passed for her. YOU... I feel for you darling. Been there done it. Been so head over heals in LOVE that... no matter who I dated or what I did.. all I saw was "HIM".. I'd have rearranged the stars up in the sky for him if thats what he wanted. Loving him... was painful because it was like chasing that LOTTERY TICKET... soooooo close but unattainable. Loving him... probably made me miss out on a lot of good people who TRIED to get near me. Ohhh well. When you are ready .. you'll move on. I did. Grin.. and 2 decades later... LOL... aye.. I still think of him. As Kenny Rogers says in his new song..."I can't unthink you, I can't un-love you." grin. Is she your first REAL love. Cause its that first one that takes a piece of heart that we really gets to us.

I agree... I think there is a dilema on both parts. For me, where do I find someone to date??? where do I make contact??? They tell you NOT to go to a bar.... ok.. so where else. Eye contact. Yeah... I think this would work. Tried that.. and either I scare them away or they don't have the "calzones" to walk up to me. I'm easy on the eye... you'd think that would be an asset.. HEII its a liability. Because men find it intimidating to talk to me or try. They fear rejection. So, I can't win. LOL. No easy answers.. I think this is an age old dilema.. the mating dance they call it. For me... I'd rather have a guy walk up to me, or make eye contact.. something.. give me an opening.

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Alchohol certainly contributes to a lot of bad choices we make don't it. Looking at your age bracket... I can remember being a heavy drinker. Done some really stupid stuff. But I can't say I've ever blacked out. I remembered all the stupid stuff.. and I might have used "blacked out" as an excuse to save face. If you think you have a problem with alchohol and you find you can't control it. Get help.. sooner rather than later. Your mother is right. He needs time and space. He's still in contact. He's sending hurtful texts because he's feeling "faced"... he's embarrassed in front of his friend. And you hooked up with a "female" aqcuintance of his. He's feeling threatened. "THEY KNOW" and he might feel like he's being judged by these people... a blow to his EGO. Let it go. Give him time. And see what happens. I know you are feeling crappy right about now. But whats done is done. NO you can't reverse time. You deal with today and look forward. And darlin.. you have NOT ruined your life. You are so young and vibrant and have your whole life ahead of you. YOU have NOT ruined your life. If this thing doesn't kick into gear and he doesn't come around.... it may NOT have survived anyway. Let it go. Lesson learned. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I have a GF who has struggled with some of the same issues you are struggling through now. HER mother was brought into the JW's. Father was a Catholic. It caused a HUGE strain on the marriage. Father loved his wife very much. But she was determined he was a sinner and going to HeII. Mother brought her girls into the religion. For peace sake father allowed it to happen. As the girls grew they found it "confining" and drifted out. My GF was excommunicated from the church, which was just ducky with her. The difficult part was being shunned by her mother and one of the sisters. Years passed. Somehow they've made it work. Parents eventually divorced. The mother will NOT show up to a birthday party for the grand-children. Not part of her religious beliefs. But she will come to a barbacue or other family function. She didn't even attend her own daughters WEDDING. This is something that my friend has had to come to grips with. If she wants a relationship with her mother.. she just has to let her mothers "STUFF" slide. And try not to take it personally. I feel for you. I think the only thing you can do.. is look to YOUR life and controlling YOUR path. Try to remain impartial to your mothers belief systems. Try not to bridge the gap between your parents. And do not allow yourself to be your fathers sole.. emotional support. Dad may be unhappy. But having an affair or looking for love is NOT going to make him happier in the long run. It will add complexity and trouble that he doesn't need. Hurt him in the long run.

You shouldn't get involved. This is your parents relationship. Your dad is putting you in a tough spot. A child should "NEVER" be used for emotional support. And that's what is happening hon. He probably doesn't have anyone to talk to and since you are closest to it.... YOU get it. You might suggest to your dad that he seek counseling as a sounding board, since you field of experience is limited and you are too close to the situation. Tell him you will support him in his decisions and always love the both of them. Your dad may be looking for validation from you that he won't lose you if he splits. Your mom... well, I'm sorry to hear that she is using "EMOTIONAL BLACK MAIL" to force you to her religion. Rarely does coersion work to get someone to totally buy into a religion. Since you are away at college. Concentrate on your studies and building YOUR life. Make friends and widen your circle.

EXACTLY. The victim gets brainwashed into thinking they are the "cause". The victim starts thinking "if only..." Its called crazy making. HE is responsible for his actions. HE is responsible for his behaviors. I had someone tell me that if I allowed it to happen.. I probably deserved it. Nice eh??? WRONG. Ironically..the statement came from a person who is manipulative and controlling also. HA!.

Nope. You'll never change him. He needs to do that if he wants to himself. He should seek ANGER MANAGEMENT. The issue though.. until he see's it, admits it.. he's not gonna want to change. Its how he's learned to cope. Its working for him. As long as it works for him... why would he change???? NO ONE can change anyone else. Give it up.

I think an abuser can change. If it is their choice to do so. However, I think that the relationship needs to be put on hold. Both should seek separate counseling. And most probably live separately. For an abuser to quit... he needs to be away from the person he's abusing. Its akin to an alchoholic.. who wants to quit, who goes to AA meetings and gets a job at a BAR. Do you think he'll have a tough time staying away from booze working at a bar?? yeah, most probably.

How much does your dad want it??? To be happy? If he is in the situation where his wife is NOT a true partner to him. He can't fix it. She won't fix it.. And he is unhappy.... he does have a choice. Divorce. The financial HIT.. is NOT WORTH thinking about. Its "JUST" money. "STUFF" and money and stuff are transitory. You can't take it with you can you???? I'm sure whatever financial fall he sustains.. he can recoup in a few years time. Religion. "HE" can't divorce because of the religion??? didn't you say he wasn't into it but she is??? Well if you dad files for divorce. Your mother will hardly be excommunicated by her church. She'll be fine. No, your dads "affair" can not be justified. Nor can it be rationalized. "WHO" is rationalizing this? Your dad? He can't have his cake and eat it to. He has ONE BUTT.. he can only sit his BUTT on one chair right? Tell your dad to poop or get off the pot. He can't rationalize an affair.

Cassie.. he's accusing her of cheating because thats what verbally abusive and emotionally abusive people do. He's insecure. And he's trying to manipulate her and control her. To the OP... There's a book on the market... The Verbally Abusive Relationship: how to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans Read it. See if you recognize yourself or him in this book. The abuser.. cycles. You'll have a period of calm (honey-moon phase), and then the build-up, finally the abuse and then back to the calm. Lots of them appologize over and over again telling you how much they LOVE you. And they'll rationalize the abuse by saying somehow "YOU" pushed his buttons. While this is happening. You will walk on egg shells. Wanting to avoid those things that set him off. He's so convincing with his rationalizations, you may start to believe "YOU" in fact are at fault. There is "NO" excuse for him to verbally assault you or emotionally harm you. NONE. These are bruises that are hidden and within. It is insidious. I remember wishing mine "WOULD" hit me. Its tangible. It can be seen. But he wouldn't. The bruises I bore were inside. And with it.. I lost a sense of self-esteem and my ego took a beating. It took a long long time to recognize what was happening. And by the time I recognized it... I thought it was too late for me. Two kids into it. And it was too late. I even thought I'd "FIX" him. "FIX US"... didn't work. When I finally saw that his ANGER was extended to my kids. THAT was the wake up call. When my kids were old enough to start complaining about it and to SEE things and Understand things... THAT was when I knew I had to do something. Pay attention. And get yourself educated on what it is you are dealing with. Find yourself a good counselor who understands what VA/EA is... and bounce your situation off a proffessional. Take care of YOU.. and your baby.

HICKIE's on the inner thighs??? I don't know about having one there...but ohhhh I can imagine the process of getting one would be fun!!!

Best not to worry yourself before you know. Make a doctors appt and check it out. And I applaud you for taking notice and doing something about it. Some people are just too stubborn to go to the doctor and figure things will right themselves. Why put yourself through that. Problems are best solved while they are small and managable.

Its natural to miss the good times.. and the good parts of him. We all do it. Not everyone is 100% bad all the time. And thats when you have to remember all the reasons you left!!! People do change...but its rare. You are making a NEW life for yourself. Take pleasure in that. If you right now had a NEW S.O. in your life... your X's email wouldn't have as much allure would it. There are instances that X's can go on and be coridial and be friends. When "BOTH" are secure enough with themselves to say.."we are better appart then together"... but this is rare. I think all of us who have split...WISH there was a way to be.. amicable. After all.. you do have some beautiful memories with X. He was a part of your life. And that will always be with you. Have to think in terms of TODAY and The future. Leave the past behind you. Good and bad memories.

Ok... I "JUST" read your last post about the feel of a hickey. Well.. just follow my direction in the last post and skip the suction part. The neck is very sensitive to most people. Thats why it feels good. Nibble gently.. graze the edge of your teeth against her neck. Use the tip of your tongue to trace circles on her neck. It does feel good. Skip the Hicky bruising part.. to me it is terrritorial.. like a cat pee'ing on its terrirtory.