Kyoshiro Ogari

I can't even get each of them in separate shots.

I plead the 5th.

If it was me who farted, I'd be rather embarrassed, but probably say something to the likes of, "No hole is safe when you're doing me, Babe." And then things will really get awkward! Was it the loud, trombone-esque fart, like air exploding out of a balloon, or was it a fading whimper, like Wile E. Coyote falling off of a cliff, concluded by a small pop? Either way, it's hilarious. Well since he broke the wind, I guess it's your turn to break something, huh? Man these jokes could write themselves. lol, the rest of your life. I can see you at 85 years old on a rocking chair, drinking lemonade and fanning yourself on a hot day, probably wearing those ridiculous hats old people wear, and then all of a sudden bursting into an uproarious laughter as you reminisce about The Fartcummer. Well I am sure it happens to a lot of people. You can tell him that. If he has a great sense of humor, it can be a memory you two can share for the rest of your lives. I wouldn't bring it up though inless he is really uneasy the next time because of the fart. But whatever you do, the next time he comes, DO NOT do that slow motion backwards move from the Matrix to avoid the oncoming fart. I think he won't take it too well.

YOU: "Hi, I was wondering if you would like to go out to a movie sometime?" HER: "Oh that's very sweet of you, but I am married/have a boyfriend/gay." YOU: "Great! Bring 'em along. The more the merrier. I am going to invite a few of my buddies along, I figure we should all have a good time!" HER: "That's nice. Hey, are... are you crying?" YOU: "No, I have something stuck in my eye, it's nothing. *sniff* Well, I'm off to pierce my nipples to forget about the pain you've just caused in my heart, have a nice day." HER: "What did you just say?" YOU: "...oh, you heard that..."

I feel you Kevin, when I am attracted to someone, saying, "Hi" can be a daunting task. Even breathing out "H...", or squealing out "...I!" can be a monumental hill to climb. And then when I open my mouth, Klingon-speak comes out.

What happens if he says no? If your answer didn't include... - The world will implode - You will implode - They'll cancel Sesame Street ...then you're good to go.

You can stop right there. Hot or Not is not a reliable source because you have angry people who will rate you low regardless or will simply press "5" to bypass you for someone else, like always choosing "C" on an SAT. Try using us as a source, we're more honest than that puppet show over there.

Nerves and elbow. Once that's healed and once you can have sex without worrying about pregnancy, you'll be fine.

I am feeling that I am getting worse, albeit slowly. It started Saturday when I had a bad stomach ache from what appeared to be a mini virus. I was walking around the living room in pain. My father spent 99% of his time in the living room, he even slept there until my mother woke him up. Not seeing him on the couch began to hit me, since I avoid the living room during the night. I was sick to my stomach and then the mental pain made it worse. Then last night, I was watching a Yankee game, and one of their players made an outstanding catch. When something like that happens, I usually run to the living room to ask if my father had seen it. When the catch was made, I rejoiced for the team, then second later I somewhat slumped into my chair, dejected that I cannot share this experience with my father. He was not a passionate baseball fan like me, but I always joked around when some big event happened. Like if the Yankees were down 12-0 and they scored a run late, I'd sarcastically say something to my father like, "Get those rally caps on, here they come!" Football season is going to be tough. We both root for the same team, a non-local team, and none of my friends root for this team. They are not expected to be good this year, but they could do something positive or even overachieve. I cannot imagine enjoying anything about a sport me and my father are/were so passionate about. Some of my niggest moments with him involved football. The realization hasn't fully set in since his death was a traumatic, unexpected shock. I had a dream about him last night where he knew he was going to die, down to the very minute, and he was hugging everyone goodbye, sort of non-chalantly. Then he was walking around calmly, waiting for it to happen. It was pretty weird. I just paused for a few seconds to daydream that he's actually dead, and I still cannot believe it. I can see myself achieving something and my mother telling me that "he would've been proud." That won't cut it for me. I want him TO be proud. I want his physical body to hug me, not his spirit to flicker in what could be an imagination.

Yeah, sure, show them the true you through your words as they immediately skip down to see your pic. Hey, if they like your pic, maybe, just maybe they'll read your profile. "Be yourself" works for everything except for the shallow world of internet dating, where a picture is worth more than 1000 words. Even that annoying guy on eHarmony changed his tune to something to the likes of: "When compatibility is enhanced by physical attraction..."

I have a nose fetish. No, actually it's an Eskimo Kissing fetish because I've seen some stuff with nose fetishes that disturb me. I have another fetish and I bet I'm the only one who has it because when I mentioned it to a few of my lady friends, they all said, "That's a new one." At least it's harmless. And it all began when I was in 1st grade, something that happened by accident with my first and only girlfriend. Go figure.

Hey I just tried it! It didn't work though, I ejaculated before I wanted to. Felt enormously good too, but the goal was not accomplished. But then I tried it again an hour later. Again, premature ejaculation preceeded by a double fart out of nowhere. Then an hour later, yet another burst from the dingaling juice. Gosh darnit, all of my orgasms tonight were through ejaculation. Shucks, I had an ejaculation to masturbation ratio of 1:1. I guess I failed, huh? \\

Go for an approach that's casual and not an automatic bid for being a girlfriend. Approach her as a new friend and not a potential. Take in the moment and don't get so nervous wondering if she'll like you. Don't clog your mind with "what if she likes me" and stuff like that. It can all start with a simple comment. What exactly is the problem you have with the approach? For me, it's being too shy to follow the advice I just gave you.

Thank you again. I am playing a video game during off hours as well as writing. But my father's memory flashes in my head without warning, without some connection triggering it. I did go out to dinner with a few friends of mine last week. I got a little buzzed (I don't even drink unless it's Christmas & New Years) and I felt ok. I saluted my father, but enjoyed the moment with friends. At the same time, while watching X-Men III, I was a bit sad and distracted out of nowhere. So it comes and goes.

Oh yeah, that's called Chicken Surprise. What, there's no chicken? Surprise! Do what I did once when my mom messed up the recipe. Sprinkle salt on the paper with the picture on it and eat that and say that it tastes more like the real thing than the garbage she just served. Oh, and prepare for her not to cook for you for, like forever. Not being sarcastic, but probably because you are old enough to cook for yourself. Cooking as a homemaker vs. just for you and her is different, as she doesn't have to impress you as much with her cooking. Now if you don't have the time as you stated, put all the ingredients on the kitchen counter and have your mom make it to the tee. I did that for my mom one night when I didn't have time to cook chicken and she wanted to know how I like it. What, you've never had Mushroom Surprise? But there's no mushrooms! Surprise! My grandmother cooks the best salmon. I follow the same recipe, get the fish from the same store and copy her recipe to the tee, and it tastes different. Unless you're a 4-5 star chef, everything you do will taste different from everything someone else does. If you don't have time, do what I do. I rarely have time to cook, but I set and hour for myself to prepare my breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next day. Everything is seasoned beforehand and put in the fridge waiting to be fried, baked, sauteed, ect. Then you can just put the dindin in the oven and do what you need to do while it cooks.

I was going to say the same thing, however we all know that initial attraction does come from looks, so I can't fault him on that. I will say that if you are confident in your looks, use that as baiting the fish. Your personality will either reel them in or shake them off the hook.

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your father, nicorette. It sucks, doesn't it? That's an understatement. Take care of your mother. I do believe she can recover, not fully, but enough to live life without this being a handicap. And watch over your brother. A young man losing a father figure can lead to dangerous roads. The dicipline goes and the rebel comes out, and that could lead to some scary outcomes. I believe you have to assume the role of guardian as well as older sis and take a firm stance with him if he walks the wrong path. I don't mean be strict and demanding, but if he does something wrong, lead him to the right. As I read your words, if he is anything like you, he will recover as well. Yes, I thought about that over my life. Of all the friends I kept throughout high school and college, around 10 of them, only 1 lived with both parents. One of my closest friends lives with his stepfather. Another friend is close with his dad, but his parents are divorced. Not only that, my father may not have been rich, but he supported this family like no other. My mother works too, and over the last 10 years I've contributed to the bills, but during my childhood we were never strapped for money. My friends were though, mostly because of a single income I think. You mention thinking about the good times with him. It is hard for me to do so just yet. I realize one thing about myself is that I enjoy the past through reminiscing more than actually living those moments. For example, 12 years ago me and dad worked at the same company. I didn't enjoy myself much because I was also working with a woman I had a delirious crush on, as well as battling low self esteem. But looking back at those days, I enjoyed the morning drives I had with my parents (my father dropped my mother off to work) and the evening drives home with my father. I have a soundtrack saved for every year and if I play the soundtrack for that year, I'm going to lose it. I can go on and on. I am selfish, as I am sure everyone else is who has lost someone. I had my father for 33 years. I want him for 33 more.

If the vagina has an evil scowl and constantly tells me to burn down the church, I may be hesitant in continuing the relationship with the woman. I had a 7-year battle with my left nut who kept telling me to loot the candy stores. Don't want to go through that again. Otherwise the vagina could resemble Carrot Top and I could care less. Ok, maybe a more appealing celebrity like Whoopie Goldberg.

Plain and simple. Go to a specialist. I used so suffer from migranes every other day but I then wised up and realized it was from caffeine. My migranes are TERRIBLE, I actually had a 21 year old vomit streak that I lost because my migrane made me so so so nauseous. Excedrin usually knocks out my headaches in 15 minutes to an hour, but the caffeine in it sometimes gives me a "rebound headache" and makes me a bit hyper. If I get a serious migrane, I take two Excederin, get an ice pack and take a nap. When I wake up, I'm refreshed. See a neurologist. And my personal advice, if they push any type of pill on you, ask questions about the side effects and if the pill cures the symptoms or the problem at hand. With any medications, they can get rid of the migrane you have before taking the pill, but they don't nessesarily ge rid of the migrane problem as a whole. Natural medication can also be an option, although the effects will not be as rapid as drugs and it may taker a while. My mother's friend tried acupuncture. She had headaches for 32 years and after her sessions, she's been headache free for 3+ years. I am going to try it myself, but the thought of looking like Pinhead from Hellaiser scares me. Whatever you try, good luck. I know exactly how you feel, so if the methods I try actually work, I'll give you a heads up... no awful pun intended.

Yeah that's what I want too, but since I'm not getting any, I'll settle for the Maxim/pillow combo for now. Damn, soft pillow cases are expensive nowadays.

Racist people suck, plain and simple!! I mean think of the logic: A person is upset or bothered because one color dates another color. If you really think about it, it is the most idiotic thinking that roams this planet. Why should that upset them? What are these two people who love each other and could give a damn about them doing to their person? Are they robbing their home? Making terrorist threats? Is the fear of mix breeding consuming them 24/7? There is absolutely nothing a person can say to defend why a person of one race should not date another. Nothing. I mean come on, what is their problem!? They are his patients, not his parents. This world is not about them and keeping it in the race. I never lose my temper over anything except this. If I dated another race and my friends joked about it, that's fine. I'm all about jokes, even if it's harmless stereotypical jokes, as long as the target is not offended. But if someone were to approach me in a serious tone and objected to me dating another race, I'd say, "It's none of your business who I date", and then end the conversation because everything they say after that won't contribute to my knowledge.

I just thank the stars your username doesn't describe my penis when erect.

I thought the bimbo craze fizzled out? Oh well. An intelligent conversation makes a woman all the more attractive, someone who can debate with you and keep you on your toes, making you all the wiser as you learn something and hopefully have taught something at the same time. A woman who starts her own business from the ground up is not only inspiring, but it just adds to her mystique. The woman who I was in love with who eventually got married, started her own business and is doing quite well. Another friend of mine is one hell of a puzzle solver. That's great company for me, someone who can tackle a challenge with me and if she solves it before me, I don't mind, I just sharpen my brain for the next puzzle. I guess men would find it unattractive it a woman would talk "at" them and not "to" them, sort of belittle them if they seemingly know more about a subject, but that works all accross the board. I don't care though, I act as smart as a Monopoly thumbtack around a woman anyways. And just as useless, who ever picks the thumbtack? Now see, I had this conversation with a lady friend the other day and she couldn't stop laughing when I said that Zeppo and Groucho had the makings of being dictators, but Harpo was more of a right wing fundementalist for the deaf. I'm not even going to get into her reaction about my theory of Chico being the next president of Mexico. And they say I can't hold down an intelligent conversation. Who knew?!

And practice to come, I shall. Practice! Practice! Practice! Practice! And then more practice tomorrow.

Thank you very much, everyone. The realization is starting to set in, even though it's only been 15 days. I cried heavily on sunday. Then I almost broke down for my uncle, his brother, who died of AIDS 15 years ago. He got divorced and started to play the field and ran into a woman who had the virus. At that time, it was a new discovery, about 7 years old. He began to wither away. I saw him one time at the hospital and he was in so much pain. I was too young to understand what was going on but today, I felt SO bad for him. But I am glad my father did not experience that at all in his life. The only time he was in pain was when our football team was losing, which at the present time was practically all the time. I miss him terribly. He had a recent picture of himself on a senior citizen bus pass and I threw it away without looking. It is too painful, I have not looked at a picture of him since the memorial service and I don't plan to for a long long LONG time. It is just way too painful to see him at all. I am already dreading the holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years, when it was the three of us, is going to be so painful I don't even want to recognize the days. The Memorial Service we had for him is also now starting to set in with me. My goodness, I can't believe I was at a memorial service for my father! It was like a fog, a twilight zone, a matrix when I was at the service. He flashes in my head every other minute and occasionally stays there for a few minutes. Last night I dreamed about him. He came home and I was shocked and relieved. I said, "I thought you died." to which he replied, "No, they made a mistake at the hospital." I then grabbed his arm and led him to my mother's room but just as I got there, he disappeared. My mother asked what happened and I said, "I just saw dad,he was right here with me, then he disappeared. It was all a dream I guess." The weird thing about that dream is that it was a daydream only a day before. I am doing better with this, but I am obviously still in tremendous pain.