xmrth

That sounds alot like him, actually. I never really thought about that before, but he definitely keeps everything separate from the other... work, school, family, me and friends are all separate from eachother in what he focuses on.

If we lived together, I would of course see his friends, they would know where we'd live and go there. He doesn't try to hide me or anything which would be the only reason I can imagine being what would not make it any better by living together. I completely understand how living together and beign married doesn't fix things, but this is all about me physically being with him like that. I know he wouldn't say to his friends to not come over. If we lived together he would actually be ABLE to have them over. His house is so small he can't have people over. He doesn't see what's so bad about not inviting me along. He thinks it's okay... I've not hung with his friends and him in 4 years I think it's been. I didn't want to because I got bored and never cared until my mother and friends started saying things... then it got me thinking and I started to care. I am curious if he feels it would be weird to out of 4 years, just bring me over his friends houses and whatnot... like "why now?" sort of. He's never said that but I'm going to ask him about it. I think he should at least once in a while when they actually go out places, like out to eat or OUT someplace that I could get in to. I don't know if he realizes that's all I want... I don't want to interfere with a guys night or a quick visit. I'm sure he likes to have fun, but he doesn't care about going out to any "funspots" like for the summer or anything like that in which I could go along (because he's just at friend's houses mostly, and once in a while a bar, but it seems he doesn't care for bars from what I can see.. and I'm not old enough to go there of course) but I want him to maybe consider it and realize it would be fun and I wouldn't be this bored person not saying or doing anything like I was FOUR years ago... I don't think he realizes it was that long ago and he thinks I'm the same person socially, when I'm not. I have no idea... I just need to talk to him tomorrow about this. I wish I knew what to say without it being like I'm attacking him... If I could hang with him and his friends once every 1.5 months, I'd be fine. I don't know if he realizes that's all I'm asking is just once in a while like that.

He has told me before "you are not my friend, you are my girlfriend" so I don't know entirely what that means other than he doesn't see why I have to be in his friend circle as well as be the girlfriend. He does every single thing a boyfriend could do for a girlfriend except invite me along with his friends! I've hung out with him and his friends before, and I was bored and asked to leave. This was several years ago, and I never really wanted to go out with them again, and it was like this for a while. He always came to my house because of certain circumstances, and I went to his house maybe twice a year, so I was never down his neck of the woods (25 minutes away) and no horrible reasons why I was never over there-- just because his parents were more willing to drive him over here until he was old enough to drive, and his house is so small it's like we're all in the same room with his family when I'm there, so he's just always come over here. I go over his house now that it's nice out and sit on the patio with him so we have privacy. His friends drive by, he waves, some I recognize I wave to as well, etc. So, after highschool things were a little different with his friends and everybody didn't hang out like they used to. Now it's just the guys one-on-one usually, sometimes more. His friends are kind of crazy from what I have gathered, so I wonder if maybe that's why he doesn't see why I should go? There's just SO much to it, if I wrote it all out it would just be for myself, really. Everything makes sense it seems, like it's all because of circumstances, but at the same time, I just wonder if it's right... like could this really be right? If it sounds fishy, he is definitely not keeping anything from me and there's nothing going on. I know it's just the guys for a fact, but I just wish I could go too. I wish he'd want to show me off or something, and I've said that to him before and he just doesn't know why I think he'd want to. And I'm not unnatractive at all, I've always been the girl guys have been attractive to, so I know he's not hiding me for what I look like... and he always introduces me to people right away if I haven't met someone before. Also, he NEVER wants to hang out with me and my friends. He just has no desire to be around a bunch of girls. The only way there'd be guys there too would be to do a double date, and he's not into that. I'm not really either, actually. I know that if we lived together, things would be different-- I just know it, but that's not coming for a while of course. His friends would come over and we'd all hang out and I know I'd just get bored of it eventually and wonder why I cared so much. What I'm wanting to do actually, is to see if I can hang out with them just a couple of times so that I get to know them better and then I will finally just leave him alone about it. I don't know what to say that will get him to take me with him. But even just a couple of times, I'd be set for a loooong time. I wouldn't even care. Any advice on how to ask him without it being an attack or sounding like it's going to be "another one of those" conversations?

I've seen an equal ammount of women being right about who the father is, and the husband/boyfriend/ex is the one accusing the woman to have slept around, as well as the woman really having slept around. If you have any way to contact either of the men, then you can get a DNA test done to see who your father really is. Do you have any way of contacting them, and do you think they'd be willing?

Hey, it's been a while... Let me explain: His closest friend (one of them) came back on leave from the army for a week. My boyfriend saw me all of the days except Sunday (I had work all day) and Monday (he had school, work, did his own thing and was busy saying goodbye) So I'm VERY happy he spent so much time with me (last time his friend came back, he didn't so much), and then saw his friend after me for less time. But it bothers me because I was never invited. I don't know why. Supposedly it's boring, it's just him and the other guy, it's just for 10 minutes, or just for one hour... but I don't know why I can't go, too. He says he just goes to see his friend because of obvious reasons-- he could die and it could be the last time he sees him. He admits it's boring, and I know he wouldn't just say that. But I just wish he'd invite me, too. It just makes me wonder WHY can't I go.. why doesn't he want me around his friends... he says he doesn't want me to be there around "all dudes." (he's not controlling at all over anything, he just means that in the sense of guys being guys and this one little girl there) and then says it's boring, etc. He seems to be really close to these people, they've all been through so much, all of his guy friends... so I wonder, is it possible he just really feels more comfortable having his friends separately, and then me separately? He always mentions he's with his girlfriend if his friends call when he's with me. When I drive us around in my car in his town when I visit, he still waves to his guy friends in his neighborhood... with me, so obviousely they see him with me... but doesn't see why I want to hang out with him and them. Again, he says it's boring, they don't talk, "we're not social people, we just sit there, it's boring" so I ask of course, why does he go, and he goes because it's his friends. He does alot of things he doesn't want to, even things he doesn't have to do, with his family for example, that he really doesn't want to do. It's like he knows it's right to hang with his friends even if it's boring because it's his friends. Like it's the right thing to do sort of thing. What do you all think? As long as it makes any sense at all, I don't mind it... but see, my mother and girl friends think it's so wrong... but over all the years he's hung with his friends separately, I've never minded until people started telling me it was wrong! I can't have my OWN opinion anymore! And again, he's only friends with the guys, and there's NO other girls there supposedly. He doesn't care for attention from other girls at all, so even if there were I am not really worried, but if there's girls I think I should go, but there's not any girls. I say this to him and again he explains it's all guys... I just want to know if anyone has heard of these separate friends... friends, and then girlfriend. He doesn't try to hide me or anything... but so then why can't I stop by? Is he afraid of how I will act around his friends? He says no to everything I can think of and just explains his reasons... Sorry this is so long. I tried to keep it as short as I could but I didn't want to leave anything out. I just want an opinion... It's like I have to know if it's right for me to believe it is. I make NO sense.

I know someone who is engaged and they moved in with their fiancé... he said he was going to see what it's like living with him. I've heard alot of problems through him about his fiancé, but they still are living together and are together. I think that everyone probably tests and feels it out when they move in together. Actually, entire relationships are tests anyways. I don't really think she could do anything that bad that he wouldn't break up with her over whether they are living together or not. He probably shouldn't have said it because it sounds really suspicious is all. 1.5 years isn't too early so she probably knows him well enough to be able to tell where it's going to go. She has every right to call it a "test run" in return! But it might lessen the whole point of living together... She might want to talk to him about that and say that nothing should be any different and nothing should be analyzed.

Am I the only person that, no matter how much I trust my boyfriend, just the thought of him out and there being around those single party girls really really BOTHERS me to no end? For my boyfriend, he is always with the guys, but I know that no matter what there's going to be times that they might head out to a party, or there could be a party where they're at... and there's just always party girls who make out with eachother and jump all over guys and things like that. I know they're in my boyfriend's town and one of his friends is "F friends" with one of them... so I always think about what happens if a guys night turns into party girls coming over... it just bothers me so much. It started bothering me again because this friend of his is back in town and his "f friend" may be around... with the party girls. But he says that's not how it turns out, that it's always just the guys, but in the back of my mind I just think that maybe his friend might want the girls to come over or something, or they'd go out... and be in that situation. (and don't say "why don't you go, too?" because I live too far away for me to be able to just show up after they have their guy's night, and different circumstances such as that) And it's funny, because I've been with my boyfriend so long that I know how he would react, and now that I've had my concerns about him being drunk are resolved, he would never let any girl go close to him or try any of the *beep* stuff on him. He doesn't want an ego stroke, he doesn't care what people think of him, so he has no desire for their antics. So WHY can't I just NOT WORRY? It's just the whole possibility of some girl even trying to get with him, or just doing *beep* things in front of him, and I can't handle it. And I don't even know when or if these things happen now anyways, but I know there's obviousely a possibility. He used to go to parties alot years ago when we first started going out (6 years together now). Those things probably happened but I knew nothing would go on. And nothing ever did, even with girls who tried so hard to get with him, nothing ever happened. But just the thought of it now, because I've become so insecure and paranoid, I can't handle the thought. Help me get rid of this feeling. I have nothing to worry about yet I'm letting it consume me. I can't live a normal life, seriousely... what is wrong with me? I'm talking to a therapist as soon as I get back to college (in about 3 more weeks) so until then, please tide me over.

I'm already halfway through college and have a job right in my field and have so many connections and almost definite plans for bigger things when I'm out of college. It's not like he's going to ask me to tomorrow or anything. I'm just wondering when I should expect it to come and all else I mentioned. It's mostly up to him as I'm not proposing so I can do what I want in the meantime really, but I understand what you're trying to say. If anything, he is the one who feels that way right now, on top of his parents steering him through big decisions. The more I think about it though, the more I see it's wise to wait. I think about this alot of course, so I realize things for myself as well as through what I read on the forums. The way I'm seeing it is like I said, it's up to him. I've let him know I want it, but I also wanted an opinion of the whole thing with his parents choosing for him. I guess it makes me feel like I'm waiting on someone else's decision rather than his own, which is what I want-- I want his. I thought being engaged after college and then a couple years later would come marriage and it would work out well. When I first posted for advice here, I was thinking maybe 23 or 24 for marriage was good, but now I'm thinking by the time he comes around may be just the right time-- but his parents scare me with it because I don't know if they will change their minds... my concerns are alot with them actually.

Most of all-- make sure you're really ready to have sex. All anyone can really say to a girl buying condoms is "at least she's being smart and using protection." It doesn't matter what you do while buying them but DON'T try to hide them and be all bashful because that just draws attention to it and it looks silly. I've seen so many teenagers being all bashful and hiding behind people... if you're going to buy them, just buy them. Don't go buying things you don't need just to cover it up either unless you really need other things. Go in during a time the store is most quiet. And Trojans are good. Many 36 pack boxes over the years and never once have they broken.

What makes you think he cheated? ONLY because he didn't call you until late Saturday night? I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so quickly without more evidence. Sometimes boyfriends are just busy, particularly for yours as he finally had a weekend off and just happened to have plans, though it's up to you what you think about the place he went to. It doesn't exactly mean he cheated because he went there... At least he called you then and not Sunday or later than that. But what else makes you think he could have cheated?

I saw this article on MSN: link removed "Why the heck doesn't this guy make a move, already? I have no idea. But if you're so interested in this guy, why don't you make a move?"

Thanks for your response Andrea! Another big reason other than the length we've been together is that I want the responsibility because I feel like I'm "done" with everything else and have felt this way for many years now. We could just get a place together for starters but that's another thing his parents say he can't do. He isn't treated like a child at all-- not in the least bit. He has never had any "rules" because he has always been very mature and has never done stupid things over the years, but his parents seem to want to control his movements from here on concerning money and marriage. His reasons for always listening to his parents are because "they've never been wrong." But I don't think that means they've completely right about everything. To answer you on what else his parents seem to have a say in is they also direct him in his career (not what to do, but how to go about doing it and how to be sucessful). Living together is another thing his parents would "kill" him for-- but they don't mind we take vacations alone together or any of that. So I try to imagine if his parents were mine, and I can see where he's coming from having all that direction as it hasn't gone bad, but I can't fully agree that I'd like being told what big desicions are right for me. I'm wondering if this will change in a couple of years or if I'll just have to sit back and go along with it (do you know other cases where the parents have a say in what the male does, etc?) how does that turn out?) I'm willing to wait, but I'd like to better understand the hold up. I try to, but again, I personally wouldn't just not get married/wait if my own parents told me to wait. I'd do what I feel is right and I'm hoping he'll do that, too. He is very mature and would make his own desicions on these things-- if he could.

That's exactly what I need to know, particularly for myself is what actually happens at that point. It's good to know a person's values may not change, because really I have NO idea what it's like. I don't know if I've been drunk because I've only really drank alot once-- with him. I felt dizzy and everything spun around a bit and it was hard to walk straight. But I didn't feel like being crazy or doing anything. I could think PERFECTLY clear and still knew right from wrong. I don't know if that was a buzz or if I was drunk (?). But exactly-- I trust him sober.

It's not that I don't trust him. It's that I don't know what it's like to be drunk-- so drunk that a person cheats. If a person can still control that part of them while drunk, then I know I have nothing to worry about. I just hear so many stories about people who trusted their boyfriends and they never did anything wrong before, and they cheated while drunk because the boyfriend "didn't know what they were doing." I'm basically wanting to know if it's possible they didn't know. I know my boyfriend doesn't care for anything from any other females. He's told me straight out he has all he wants in me, and even listed the things (because I kept bugging him... that was about 2 months ago, maybe. I haven't brought this up since.) I just really want to and need to know if he can conrtol those sort of actions while drunk. Or if it is possible that a person can. And are all the boyfriends who have cheated while drunk just cheaters in general, and if the alchohol is just an excuse. From what I understand from the comments, it is just an excuse. I'm hoping that's true because then I'd have nothing to worry about.

Here's my question for Andrea: I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We're 20 and 21 years old. He wont get engaged (but particularly, wont get married) unless his parents say it's okay. He says his mother tells him all the time to not get married (not to get married, as my boyfriend says, until he's maybe 25 or 26). I'm sure she might think he's thinking it as we've been together for so long. If we just started dating I might feel like waiting, but we've been together for 6 years now just about, and that makes me feel ready because of the length of our relationship. I feel like it's time for the next step already. Even just engagement and I'll wait a couple years. The thing is, his parents got married at 30 years old-- but they didn't meet until they were around that age anyway. So they might feel like he should do it like they did. My parents were: my mother 18 and my father 24, and they have said since I think my senior year of highschool (2 years ago) that if he wants to marry me then that's great and it's fine with them. Anyways, he said to me that if his parents told him it was okay to marry, then he would. But he needs that okay from his parents. My father tells me that one day my boyfriend wont be listening to them anymore and will marry me if he wants. I've gotten advice on the forum here that it's good to wait anyways, and because of that I believe waiting until maybe 23 or 24 is good (before I thought right now at 20 would be fine, but now I agree that 23 or 24 is fine). Waiting another 2 or so years after I'm out until he's 26 wouldn't kill me, but in any case, I DON'T want to have to wait until his parents say it's okay. Is there anything I can do, or is it true he wont always want to listen to his parents? I just don't want to have to wait years and years for someone ELSE'S desicion... and who knows if they'll tell him to wait until he's 30?? His parents are much older than mine. I'm surprised they don't want him to marry me so they can have grandchildren. I'm actually thinking maybe they'll say that but who knows.

I just can't shake off this fear of my boyfriend cheating on me while drunk. No, he's never cheated on me, but I get so afraid, especially when I hear it's happened to other people. I really just don't know what to do about this fear. I don't think he drinks around other girls, but what if one came into the picture with his friends, or more, and kissed him, then how would he react? I know my boyfriend may not initiate it while drunk-- or could he? It's just the being drunk... while sober he'd never allow the situation to happen. But what if that changes when he's drunk? I don't know if I've been with him while he's drunk so I don't know how he would act-- I've been on the phone with him while he was and he talked weird but talked "normal" if that makes sense-- like he made sense. I've been with him while he's had a bit to drink and he didn't change at all. Maybe he was buzzed? Don't know. Alchohol scares me so much. I think I'm most afraid because I personally don't know what it 's like. I'll be alone with him soon as we're taking a vacation and I'm sure I'll find out during that time for the both of us as to what I'll be like and what he'll be like. I'm just so scared and I don't want to be scared about this anymore! I'm sick and tired of being afraid of this. And like I said, he would never while sober, but it's while drunk that scares me. I get so afraid... I'm so afraid that I'd much rather not hear the worst of it like how your boyfriend cheated. I'd really rather hear how maybe, just maybe, I don't have to worry so much anymore, like your boyfriend goes out and gets drunk and most of the time there's flirty girls there but nothing happens? I really hate this... and no, he's done nothing to make me think he'd cheat. It's just the stories I hear about other poeple's boyfriends cheating while drunk. -edited typo-

I think that what Hope said to say is great. Just go for it. It would be way too frustrating months and maybe years down the line when you have to tell them. Telling them right now is the best as you've been with eachother a few weeks now, and you know it's worth it then. If you're not related, then you're not related!

I really don't see how it can be just 100% okay that he sneaks behind your back with female firends. You could say that about so many other things in life but it doesn't mean that's how it is, hands down. Just because you've not been okay with it doesn't mean he's hiding it from you because you're not okay with it. He should flat out tell you, and if he doesn't, then there could be something going on. From what you said about the instant messaging thing... well I don't see how much fun a car ride can be. And why would she immediately sign off if she had nothing to hide? She could have at least played along, too. If you're alright with him having a female friend then he HAS TO tell you about her. He HAS TO inform you about it. If he's keeping it from you then he is hiding something. Just make sure you've made it clear that he needs to tell you if he's going to have a female friend. What about if you had a male friend? I believe it's only okay as long as both people have it equal. One can't have the opposite gender friends if the other one can't, you know what I mean?

It's imprtant to save money where you can, especially that you're going to be moving into a place with your boyfriend. The best thing you can do is save up money for the computer to pay back your grandparents, and when you pay them back you should definitely do something nice for them-- such as maybe make them a card, and/or take them out to dinner and treat them to something nice to show how you appreciate what they did for you. It will make you and them feel really good about it.

You'll get bored of it eventually. Well, for me it wasn't boring at all for the longest time, then it gets boring. There's more to being intimate than making out-- and that's why. Everything else never got boring, but it gets to a point where making out happens briefly and then on to other things, and that's how it ends up feeling fresh all of the time. I suppose you should just mix it with different things. I don't know how intimate you get with your boyfriend, but being most intimate is more exciting always. Doing the same thing over and over again WILL get boring (and surprisingly making out takes a while until it can get boring), so that's why you're feeling that way.

I think that's really good then because now you will not have to wonder what's on it, and there's nothing to see anyway! But you say he is never on the service anyways... so definitely don't bring it up and remind him about it! =P Just in case, and as you said in your original post, they were all signed off. That definitely means they don't use it much because they probably have other names he doesn't know about, or they just don't use it anymore. EVERYONE on messaging services usually stays logged in all of the time. I don't know why... but in any case, I definitely wouldn't worry about a thing.

The way that I see writers... is that you've got to be really far into it and have a bunch of things done before you can just decide if you want to be or not. But don't let that stop you of course-- it could always be something you do on the side, just maybe not a concentration. That's only from what I myself have realized about writers, and you might have realized it yourself in others. I think anything in the medical field would pay well and be full of great experiences. Or you could take all the catecories you've listed and find similar jobs so that you've got a wider range to choose from.. and read up on all of them. That's a good way to figure out a path to go in a career.

Now that you've gone that far, you're probably going to want to look and go through with it. I definitely would look if there's no way of him knowing you did. If there's anything bad on there then it's good to find out now. It's good to trust, maybe better to... but this is just me-- I'm saying I would look. There's definitely going to be people telling you not to. You're already "that kind of girlfriend" by signing on in the first place, maybe even just by having the idea in your head to... but just remember that if you do find anything bad, how are you going to tell him? In which case, you shouldn't and just work around it having known whatever it is that you may or may not find out. It's risky...

I think it entirely depends on what level of "flirting" he does with other girls. I've met alot of boyfriends of friends and people I know who seem really "flirty" and funny, easy going and friendly. Sometimes I wonder if it's okay that these boyfriends are talking to me so nicely with such a wide smile while their girlfriend is there (or not there at the time) So it all comes down to whether or not you're willing to accept that that is the type of boyfriend he's going to be. I've noticed that guys who are nice to all girls are generally very nice, maybe even over-the-top nice to their girlfriends while guys who aren't as friendly to other girls aren't as nice to their girlfriends. Mine doesn't talk to girls or flirt or act super friendly, and I do like that because then I have less to "worry" about, but in return he's not comfortable in acting romantic or sweet. Very rarely which I do like anyways, but what I'm trying to say is that's the kind of boyfriend you've got, and if he makes you happy and you can trust him, that's all that really matters. Your past relationship problems with ex-boyfriends are going to screw with your perception of where things are going in your current relationship. I get really worried just READING about people's relationship problems, so of course it's going to bother you that you've had bad boyfriends in the past. Try not to think too much of the future... I've found that can help alot. Try to live more in the moment and then you'll really see where things are going.

definitely thank God you're not pregnant with his child or married yet! Regardless whether or not the child is his, for one, he went through GREAT lengths with this other lady. He moved in with her, slept with her, and obviousely put alot of effort and time into her. He could very well do it again. And of course, if the baby is his, she will be in your lives very much for years and years and years. Try to think of this as well as many other things to help boost you to getting over him. He's done so much wrong that you should think of it as being easy to get over him. I had an ex-boyfriend who 'supposedly' didn't cheat, but said that flirting was in his "nature". It was so easy for me to get over him because I didn't need any of that, and now I've found someone wonderful. Think of your ex-fiance as someone who you spent time with in preparing you for that special someone to come! Because basically that's all he was. Now you are very wise from this experience, but don't let it consume you and make you paranoid in a new relationship.