tylercdurden2004

Scruff your a cruel bollocks! And I love it. Roy although i dont agree with everything you have said I like your style.

Yeah I asked after she sent it to me. Just never posted it before.

Thats not to cool for him to say. As someone who spent 4 years travelling and had a long distance relationship for a good part of it I would never imagine myself saying that to my GF unless i was expecting something to happen. Obviously hes going to Thialand the land of temptation he must be thinking you might have some worries founded or unfounded so hes definitely showing insensitivity towards your feelings. By the sounds of it I wouldnt hang on to him. Sorry to say this but from my experience it sounds as if hes telling you this so the balls is in your court and not his. Not cool.

I just got inspired to share with those who are interested the email my now ex GF sent me that started us on the path to being together again. Why am I doing this? Well first, I am not a really private person and dont mind sharing my personal experiences, second its is such a common theme on this web site and something everyone I am sure experiences at some point. Third, if you want someone back this is what you may get as their "proposal" and showing this may help people thnk before hand if this is what they really want and how much they need to have said to them. Lastly, hopefully it will just facilitate people to really think about the issue. We broke up and I went away travelling again we were on extremely lite NC. Just a few emails once in a while saying what we were doing. No feelings etc. We had sent our final thankyous already soon after the break up. This mail was sent the day after she phoned me to wish me happy birthday and we had such a good "lite" convo for 1 1/2 hours. Feel free to ask any questions. And yeah she is german so the english may not be 100% but pretty close. Dear Tyler, It is now 24 hours ago that we said good bye to each other on the telephone. It felt so good to talk to you. When you asked me how I am, I hesitated for a second, I was unsure whether I should be honest to you, or just tell you I am alright and everything is ok. I decided the last possibility might be better, as I didn't have the strength to tell you how I feel, and I also thought it might be better if you have time to read this and time to get a clear mind about it. I feel the need to tell you how I really feel. Not only all those unimportant things about my party life for example, that should give you the impression how much fun I have and how happy I am. But to be honest these impressions aren't true, I feel so bloody unhappy. I have been thinking a lot in the last months and weeks. I am not feeling very well, not to say I am miserable. I feel miserable with the situation, with the relation we have, with the decision I made, to be apart from you physically and mentally, to be out of your life. I think it is so important to let the people you love know how you feel, and that we talk to each other. Otherwise I don't know how to deal with this. Although I know we needed our time away from each other, but it didn't do any good for me, it makes me feel worse every day. I had by far the hardest time of my life in the last weeks. I was going through pain and sadness I never experienced before. Actually I still am. I suddenly start crying in the supermarket, I have rashes all over my body, I can't concenterate on anything, I started eating chocolate in massive dimensions (but don't worry i only gained a little bit of weight . I always thought this will be a period of time I have to go through- a time that will be hard and painful- but it definitely exceeded all my expectations. I had so many friends by my side in the last weeks. They were there for me and helped me to detract a little bit. But every night I come home, every single morning my thoughts circle around you. I wonder how you are, what you do, if you feel the same pain like me. These feelings are so new for me as I never had them before- like all the feelings I experienced with you. I know I am only 21, and maybe it is naive to say that, but I feel so much love for you, and I still have so much hope, that one day we might live our lives together. I miss the talks with you, to hear your voice, to hear what you are doing. I miss you as a part of my life. It happened so much in the last months. Sometimes I felt strong, sometimes I felt weak and alone. During the time we broke up it was so much, and it seemed easier to break up with you and therewith be free and go my own way. But nothing has changed in the last weeks. It made it only worse, to know that I have done a mistake that pushes me more and more away from you. I think the decision to break up had a reason, and I needed it to realise on the one hand that I exist as an individual person (you may laugh now, but it was difficult for me always having a boyfriend by my side) and on the other hand to understand what you really mean to me. I understand if you think now, how stupid I am (sometimes I think the same), but honestly I needed this time on my own to know what you mean to me, to understand that this feeling of love can last. Not that I was ever unsure about my feelings for you, but all my experiences from other relationships showed me, that it only needs time and everything will be ok. But nothing is ok! I feel that this- what was and maybe still is between us- is something so special. When I talk to friends and tell them about us, they say it sounds like the "big love". I dont know if the one big love even exists, but I know that you are the person I could imagine it with. There are so many people who never really loved. People I am talking to and who tell me that this will be better soon and that there are so many nice guys out there. I only want to throw up when I hear this! They don't understand anything! Last week I met a friend I haven't seen for a long time. He asked me how I am and I said "bad". He looked at me an asked me what's wrong, and I said "you know, my heart is full of pain". And then he said "but it is almost three months ago that you broke up with Tyler". I wasn't sure if I should be angry that he didn't understand me, or if I should feel sorry for him, that he never had those feelings, that I have for you. It is weird. Sometimes I wonder why I fell in love with someone who lives on the other side of the world and whose biggest dream is, to travel and see the world, while I am in the process of finding out what I want to do in my life. Why the hell did I not fell in love with the guy from next door? But this is how it is, and I never regreted any single moment that I had with you. I am so thankful that I met you. I know that I hurt you a lot- and believe me, I wish I didn't. I know I can't have any expectations of you. First I push you away from me and now I would like to turn back the clock. But I know this is not possible. I did too much to you, I can't ask you to throw over all your plans. And this is not what I want , but I ask you to tell me how you feel and if you see a chance that we converge again. I can't go on with my life like it is now. I need a response from you, to know where I stand, where we stand, if you can even think of a "we". I know that this is probably not the mail you expected to read from me, and I am sorry that it comes so sudden and unexpected. But I had to write this to you to come along with it somehow. I can't deal with it, without knowing that you don't feel the same for me, like I do for you. Tyler, having lost you feels like having lost a piece of my heart. Even in the last weeks that we haven't really been in contact, my love for you feels so much stronger with every single day. No matter what happens, I want you to know that I love you. I love you like I never loved anyone before. It is so hard to describe, to find the right words, but i hope you can understand what i am trying to say. With love, XXXXX

You really need to think of yourself first before you can even begin the think of someone else. And the part about you doing everything. That aint cool and you will reach your limit sooner than later. Better sooner so that you can get on with your life.

You tried all you can she wasnt willing to give you a straight answer and you forced her to lay her cards on the table. Good on ya. you have your answer and can now start the healing process, move on and live your life. I had to go throught the same thing this last week and basically just said let me know what YOU wnt to do so I can make a decision and get on wiht my life. There is no right or wrong in these situations only decisions and you cant go through life not making decsions.

Listen Spectre I personally appreciate the moral stand. i dont think anyone here has really condoned cheating or for taht matter her actions. Its all about her realizing her mistake. Simple-as-pie. I maybe stupid but I have yet to meet anyone who hasnt made some kinda mistake in their life, tried to justify etc. and then when "hey, I really messed up". We all make mistakes and some of us realize this faster than others. As for communication. Why do you think there are so many problems in the world? Lack of effective communcation seems to be a central theme in most of them. So I guess we all shouldnt date or really do anything for that matter until we are all "good" communcators, whatever that may look like. Mayeb you could teach the world a thing. End of the day she shouldnt have cheated, did, realized it was wrong, wrote out specifically what she now thinks about it. So get off the high horse and give it a rest.

No its not a random fact but a fact about how I feel. Everyones different and has differenet opinions and unless your qualified (ie PhD, Masters, or what ever else is regarded as the the essential qualifications) what you say on this website is simply your opinion. So no its not a scientific fact.

Mate I am not sure how old you are but thats irelevant. the best thing to do is date many women. Not be a player, but go out and find more than one girl that you like adn just be fun and have fun. The more you have the busier you are, your chances of finding someone you really like increase. And guess what you wont even notice they didnt call to make plans cause youll be out on a date. And when they call you can tell 'em youll pencil them in. Girls are attracted to multi-faceted men end of story. So do a bunch of different things in your life, keep yourself busy so yu dont sit by the phone and so the girls see you as interesting etc. Ans trust a pinch of competition really gets girls going. Girls are way more competitive than men especially towards each other. Why do you think most have to dress up and put make up on etc. Not for you or me, but so they can be the best looking in the other girls eyes. Telling her you have another date will either get her thinking "S%*t, I better act on this guy before he gets taken" or shell think maybe hes a player and in that case you dont want her anyways cause you arent past teh dating pahse and certainly arent even there!

No i dont really appreciate a girl physiclly cheating on me and, well, depending on the situation I would 90% help her find the door. But if i wasa in a relationship and the girl was becoming "friends" with another guy yeah that aint cool. But again that depends on what I was expecting and what we had talked about the relationship being. End of the day its just as bad cheating emotionally. Cheating is trying to find something from somewhere other than home, emotional, physical or otherwise. I would have to say "emotional" cheaters are more passive aggressive in their behaviour, something I detest. I respect someone more who does something wrong and says they dont care than someone who pretends and lies to themselves that what they are doing is ok. i dont know to many people who think physical cheating is ok but I know a good few who think its ok to engage in "emotional" cheating. Depends on the situation and what each person wants and expects. But if you aint happy with a part of your relationship and cant talk to the other person about it, simply end it and leave the hurt out of it.

Cool I spent 1 year in Edinburgh, well to be honest the pubs of edinburgh. 30 or not take bit of time off for yourself and do things taht will make YOU happy and help YOU grow. Its the old cliche if its meant to be it will be. I definitely thougth after being apart me and my now ex would be together but it doesnt always work out that way and alot of it was she needed her teim to grow as a person without me, adn most likely forever. But now I feeel relief that I can get on with my life and do the things that I want to do and will make me happy. If she comes back well I'll have to decide at that point just like I did last time. If she does not want to truly be with you taht circle will never be complete.

Where ya faye pal! I had abreak up with a girl of one year. Minimal contact, I went travelling again. Phoned me out of the blue. Got back together, came to Australia and we lived together for 6 months great time. Were together for 3 yeaers intotal until this week. SHe wasnt ready and hadnt grown on her own (ie I wasnt the one). It sucks but I am toatlly cool with it. My advice have very little (and very lite) or no contact with her and do something new. If you are under 30 and feeling dismal with the S*** british weahter maybe a one year working holiday visa would be a good idea. Something new for you and gives her the space and time she needs to deal with the stuff she is going through now.

No matter what you do wrong most people would like to think they will be gievn a second chance. I dont think shes justifying it at all. Cheating isnt always cut and dried. I myself fidn a GF getting into a non-physical intimate realtionship with another guy a bit disturbing, but thats me. EVryone can and should have friend but lines can be crossed and they dont have to be physical or even open and direct regarding attraction. I would be happier with a GF meeting a guy at a bar on a one night stand and banging him than seeing a GF meet a new guy and becoming "friends" with him. GOing out all the time etc. Its totally a personal thing.

well put spectre!

"I don't expect anyone who hasn't been there to understand it," Mate we've all been there before. "Then he got drunk, told her that he was jealous and still had feelings for her. This is what spawned the madness that followed." This didnt spawn the maddness that followed. it was her own insecurity (ies). She easily could have said "thats nice but so-and-so is who I want to be with". but she didnt and be honest with yourself if you have to say to someone that she is your GF, well than the @##$% aint yours. I personally would not say anything to his wife. Although I do love teh idea of the feeling of revenge it would bring. You need to look as much as possible like the bigger man here. you'll just be the messenger shot and it wont really bring you the satisfaction you want. I would however be honest wtih your friends, from your own standpoint, why you broke up. Tell them why you dont feel comfortable hanging out with them when your with her etc. Shes a tramp trying to justify the good person in her and hes clearly not a friend. Let em both be there undoing. There is nothingn you can do to save his marriage, his wife or his future kid. The wife has to figure that out on her own and telling her will only make you look like a tool. PS Tell her for me "not the let the door hit her * * * * * on the way out"

Yeah some guys are understanding but a lot are not. I think at 18 you should spend a long time healing yourself you need it after such a traumatic experience. I myself would have no problem being wiht a girl with past issues of sexual abuse etc. But you need to be able to deal with yourself before you can truly deal with anybody else. Theres lots of single guys out there and at 18 youve got a good 10 years before you may need to settle down. Do the important stuff and take care of yourself first, its all you truly have. Be positive as much as possible and the rest will fall in to place.

Agreed RC. But at the end of the day is this worth continuing, is it worth having her in his life. i suspect not but its not my decision. Mayeb she will smarten up after he shows his strength by not contacting her after he tells her to p#ss off. Showing you are ok showing weakness could be seen as a sign of strength. End of the day if he cant block her texts he should tell her in no polite terms to .....

Hes not the one and your not ready. IT is selfish to keep him hanging on while you "try" to figure out what it is you want in life and who. Not to be nasty or mean but this is exactly how I put it to my GF when I saw she wasnt making the effort for us. Told her she needed to make a decision so that "I" can get on with my life. He may beg to have you back to stay etc.You need to do things in your life for yourself before you can do anything for someone else. It is abdsolutely impossible to care and be there for someone else if you cant be taht way with yourself first. Do it for the both of you and most of all do it for yourself. IT sucks to hear this but itlll suck more down the line to know you feel this way but for reasons of selfishness (didnt want to hurt him, wanted to make sure etc.) you didnt do anything. Doesnt mean you wont get back together but you need to work on yourself.

Why be nice. Tell 'er to p#ss off.

Stop while your ahead. You want people to feel sorry for you. It sucks to think you meant something differeent to him and in the end didnt but these are choices you made. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, learn an move on. Lady Bugg is 100% correct. Keep ignoring the reality, its your choice.

Well said lady bugg! He is an ahole a treated her with loads of disrespect. Most men love the chase or more precisley most men who are looking for a long term relationship want a girl who reepcts herself not a girl who sleeps with them on the first date. Who knows maybe it was his way of testing her.

Dont bother with her. Thsoe questions will most likely not be answered. I had an ex get in contact with me for the second time in 4 years. I emailed a few cordial emails to her. Then all of a sudden she stopped. SHe is with someone else and I was too at the time so I wasnt to concerned by what she had to say. But when it comes down to it I just dont care about her anymore its been 4 years and she is not the type of person I really want in my life and any questions I would have about "us" area really irrelavant. Just leave her be.

Thats a difficult situation man. I work in the mental health field and bi-polar is difficult to deal with especially if the person is not taking care of tehmselves. At some point your going to have to cut your losses and take caer of yourself. Maybe the sister is somewhat right in that being in the situation may be making the situation worse, for yourself expecailly. its great you are so dedicated to your ex and the family but dont forget to take care of yourself.

Ahem. Venus just a question. When you met your BF how did you approach the situation intially? I suspect not my emailing him telling him you have a crush on him.

Your right about spell check but it takes sooooo (spelling mistake?) long. I never said I wouldnt be flattered. Of course I would jsut be hard to respect a girl who presents herself so openly in the first contact. Id kinda be thinking "whats to work towards I already knwo I have her." But no problem keep doing what your doing and then give an update a few years down the road. think coollady spelled it out in the beginning of the post.