tylercdurden2004

You have let yourself go shown by the fact you say there are no friends to fill the void. Get out there and reinvest in yourself. join some new things pick up new hobbies etc and most of all meet new people. A relationship is not about being with someone cause no one else is around. Imagine if she said I was only wiht you cause no one else was around how would you feel.... So work on making yourself as well rounded as possible and enjoying every aspect of your life.

Now eat that enchilada and enjoy it! My favorite mexican food.

Read this over and over again. Maybe this is what she means by taking her for granted. Although it seems on the surface she is taking you for granted deep down it maybe says something different. To me it says two things 1) Anything she does she knows you will always be there for her no matter how she behaves. 2) You take for granted the relationship and that her love for you will always mean you will be together even if she changes. Love and a realtionship are not one and the same. You can have a realtionship without love and love without a relationship. The first is never healthy and thats where you have to use logic cause a relationship is the logical part of the equation. The second although not great is quite normal and is the feelings part of the equation. In sum feelings (heart) and logic (mind) are needed for a healthy relationship. Without either its doomed to fail.

possibly the worst advice ever. You need to implement NC immediately to get away not from her but from the temptation you have to fulfill your obsessive compulsive behaviour. Get some counselling and deal with yourself. I only wish I saw this thread and said it sooner and didnt read 17 or so of the 34 pages.

Friend zone.

absolutely. go out and have fun enjoy yourself and most importantly keep it all light.

Well I point blank asked my girl as we were breaking up how she would feel if I had "friends" sleeping in my bedshe said "It wouldnt bother me". i asked her what turnip truck she fell off! All I could say.

Its never the distance. People will make it work as long as both are willing to make the effort. She apparently does not. I heard it all from my friends when i was in a LDR. Things like "they never work" , "they fail more often". Well truth be told every relationship your in 'fails" until you find the one you want to be with and distance is irrelevant. Yes it makes for different challenges than close by relationships but it also creates soem wonderful opportunies, distance can create that longing for the other person, you get to do things you might put off if you are living with someone etc. The important thing is both people have to want it enough to put the effort forward regardless of distance.

No thats the phermones! Mmmmm.... Tuuurrrrrkey......

Well where do I begin. i had an extremely similar sitiuation insomuch as my ex thought it was ok if guy "friends" shared the same bed as her. i am not sure whether anything happened, but really its irrellevant. The first time it happened I didnt make a big deal of it in fact I didnt say much really, i trusted her. Well a week later I find out she is not sure if she had feelings for him. So I gave her 2 days to figure out what she wanted to do as I was coming in 3 weeks to visit her (we were in a LDR and had been together for 1 year no problems and visited eahc other regularily). 2 days later she was unsure still so I took control and made the decision that I was not going to come to see her, she then begged me to come for us. Very rich. I said you must think I am crazy to wait 3 weeks fly there spend 2 weeks with you in the hopes that you will pick me. That was the end. 4 months later she told me she was not doing well and I ended up taking her back (to make a long story shorter) we were together and lived together no problems. i went to travel and when I phoned her on my way to visit she said her "friend" (different one this time) was coming to visit and was going to stay in her bed. I told her after what happened before I was not comfortable. she did anyways. We stayed together for another 5 months. End of story I realized this wasnt goign to work out, these two incidents plus more made me realize. i came to the conclusion the other day that she possibly has abandonment issues (her dad spent a lot of time away from home in her early years) and some of the things I have reflected on kinda indicate that. What I learned is it is not okay to have someone of the sexual orientation of your partner sharing a bed with your partner. in your case obviously both women and men. Its disrespectful at best extremely hurtful at worst. It not this other girls fault your woman acts this way. I would Kibosh this one ASAP. If you want to PM me feel free.

And ledgend I think we need to have a spray off!

$H!T!!!!! Note to self: Keep secrets to myself.

Perry Ellis 360 is my choice and I get the occasional compliment so it cant be that bad. I like cause I dont know many people who wear it so it makes me a bit more original than I already am. And hey if everyone wears Polo, Dakkar, Obsession how are girls gonna use their keen sense of smell to hunt you down!

JChan, I can totally relate. I am a supervisor and above all a leader to my team and when I broke up with my girl of 3 years 2 weeks ago I knew the show had to go on. I was honest with my team members and told them what was happening and how I was feeling and left it at that. i didnt get into complainign etc cause as a leader you have to respect other people foremost and understand that people arent part of the team to deal with your issues. It depends on the strength of the team and I am lucky that my team which consists of all men is really supportive, in that manly kinda way of course

I like it all BUT it aint much fun spending the rest of my evening gagging on hairs.

Well I am of the belief that a new relationship is the start of a new beginning. This question abou "lying" opens up more than a can of worms and where do you draw the line. What if he/she asks you about previous criminal convictions, how many people you have slept with, whether you have done anything you regret etc. I am of the belief that people grow and change so if its something you are not happy with and "you" have gotten over it and learned your lessons and grew than its really irelevent to the new relationship. If its something you did and could affect the other person ie you have a current criminal conviction that occurred from the age of majority and may affect your ability to work and provide for th relationship then you definitely should tell the other person. If you did something as a minor and it doesnt affect the other person directly then its up to you. I dont know of any realtionship where from the beginning both parties knew 100% about the other person. Thats part of the excitment getting to know someone better. So 1 year down the line you will both know more about each other and some of it will not be comfortable but if after a year there is no understanding of each other then the reltionship is doomed. In your case I would A) NOT cheat B) Work on yourself and the realtionship to make it strong. If the cat does come out of the bag down the road and the relationship is strong then as adults you will be able to sit down and talk about why you cheated and why you werent totally open about it. If its strong they will try to understand how you felt in the situation when tehy asked you about your past etc. Again if its something that immediately affects them tell them if not its really irrelavant. As the matter of morals go, they are extremely subject and each person has their own interpretation as to what is right and wrong. The only morals that are "concrete" we call them laws. This is where the saying "The only good is a good intention" comes from. What one person thinks is "good" or "right" another may not. Ultimately you want to be with someone who shares the same moral outlook on life or else it will lead to a lot tension when it comes to making decisions. If this person is going to dwell on your past and you have made the changes you needed to make you have to ask yourself is this someone you can live with?

Again if you are truly independent you will have walked away from the"wrong" person. Only YOU can give your independance away and if you look at it from that veiwpoint as opposed to someone trying to "take" your independence away from you itll probably give you piece of mind. Just my take though. A realtionship is the logical part of love. You can love many people and have feelings for them but ultimately the one you decide to be WITH is the one that compliments your life to help enrich it to that higher level as you do for them.

Use that emotion to put on the best gig you ever have done!

Yes its not only a woman thing. traditionally its been a male thing but its been more "popular" amongst women in the past few decades. People are all too willing to trade their "independence" to pursue a career but not to pursue a relationship. This I think is often an excuse for saying "you are not the one" and sometimes is a way for someone to justify their insecurities. not dependent: as a (1) not subject to control by others : link removed (2) not affiliated with a larger controlling unit b (1) not requiring or relying on something else not contingent (2) not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct (3) not bound by or committed to a political party c (1) not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood) (2) being enough to free one from the necessity of working for a living d showing a desire for freedom

Insecurity.

Sounds like your playing with fire. You dont seem ready to move on and you are just gonna keep yourself hanging on until she finally finds someone and ends it.

Mmmm...Mate I just broke up with my girl of 3 years last week and the hardest part has been the bigger bed and no good night, and no good morning.

Just be cool. Hang out have fun and worry about yourself. Meet new people at the party and just have fun. And yes its very ok to not be friends, but be polite and cordial. you dont owe her anything and especially if you are still working on getting over her.

Very mature and sounds like you have done a lot of self analysis a key component of confidence Keep up the good work and may you find the strength.