tylercdurden2004

I just wan to understand a little more. Do you feel there maybe abandonment issues with yourself? Its definietly not easy in you relationship as you have posted.

And she keeps you.

Well check out a web site and look at the criteria for autism. If you feel that soem apply to you then maybe look at discussing it with a professional. the bigget challenge with autism is there is no scientific test (like with down's syndrome you can see missing chromosomes, or physical traits that indicate a disorder). Its based on a set of criteria and if you fall into a certain amount they diagnose you with ASD. I have yet to hear of anybody being diagnosed with ASD when they really dont have it but there are certainly many people who have been missed, especially those who are say 20 and older and high-functioning. Its a realtively "young" disorder in terms of public awareness. the real problem I think that exists especially if its coupled with a serious illness like bi-polar, is that it effects the very things that may be needed to overcome bi-polar. to give a blanket idea: Autism generally delays or affects a persons ability to interact with people intimately (making getting support from family friends etc more challenging) and it affects the communication ability (autistics generally have a difficult time "clearly" communicating: talking to a therapist family and friends). The concern I would have is if someone is trying to get treated for something like bi-polar, the ASD could infact be hindering the "traditional" treatment route so to say and then the bi-polar is not being treated effectively.

So correcct me if I am wrong here. What you are really looking for are "process" issues as opposed to actual "content" issues. Most (and I will argue all)funny people do not strictly rely on one type or topic of content. I would suggest looking for a book or website on "how" to be funny.

Good to see your getting some truth to the situation. He sounds like a reall nasty piece of work and its good you have him outta your life. I absolutley love this quote and I think every "nice" guy should read it. I know what you are talking about here I am not confused by what you mean by "nice". I think many guys who say they are "nice" are really saying "i've told her everything I think she would want to hear and she still rejected me". on the flip side a lot of women have and idea about what they "want" to hear from a man, and some will go for a man that tells them what tehy want to hear. I know there are men who repeatedly play this card, and it works sometimes but I dont think its evr healthy cause its based a fairy tale.

Find out why you act "defensive". Then deal with it and change your outlook.

Life is very frustrating. And change only happens when your "ready". Ie you change your outlook, your mindset and are prepared to make the changes necessary. Maybe look up on the internet some articles about "managing the change process". Usually they are in the context of the business world, but there principles are she same for all aspects really. Change management derives its theories straight outta psycology.

Listen I am just gonna come out and say it: get over it! I dont think anyone has ever told me the world was going to be lovely nice and everyone would do my bidding. i am assuming you werent told this either? I guess what you are really saying is that women should have all the time in teh day for you. I mean really what else does she need to be doing? Its very common "thread" in the posts by people and the men in particular who "hate dating" etc etc, to blame the others (women, players, other men, whatever helps them). All your doing is avoiding dealing with yourself, the most important person in teh equation. Until you are ready to be honest with yourself you cant even begin to start helping yourself. Good Luck.

Dont know if its so much contempt as selective. I mean if you were gonna be stickin' sumpin' in me I'd wanna make sure too..

Good on ya. i remember your posts from a couple of years ago as I too was going through a break up. It was your letter that inspired me. Well we did get back together lasted approx 1 1/2 or so and recently broke up. Think your better off having just continued with NC. I kinda wish I had the last couple of years back. I could have done a bit more in that time. But its neither here nor there. its good to hear you are doing better.

Nice quote! I think there is the saying the idle hands make work for the devil or something to that effect.

If you guys are looking for help in dating and dont wanna bother with all the dating guides why not pick up a book on Sales. You can find tehm in the business section of any bookstore. At the end of the day the "Sales Process" is the same as dating. You are trying to sell yourself to someone and the principles are the same no matter. You can find many "ethical" sales books but you may have to read through a few of tehm to find the right one. Its where I had my paradigm shift, in Sales class at uni. i went in hating salepeople (all are manipualtive, corrupt blah blah) fortunately my professor was very good and he was able to make me see the light so to say, no matter how many times I went to him and said its useless, i cant do it etc.etc. I even said to him in one class, hey this is just like dating, he just smiled and told me after that yes he agreed just couldnt say it in a classroom setting. Just an idea.

So let me see...your activley not considering your exs feelings and decieving him in order to make yourself feel better. Is that really any different than these guys trying to "trick" you into dating them.

You need to get to that place where you are happy and comfortable with yourself, first. Either you try too hard and as you say screw up or you dont try at all and end up lonely. You need that balance.

He he he, this is similar to a situation I had where a girl I had been with when I left to go travelling phoned me 1 1/2 after we broke up. She basically found someone new 1 month after I left, after tellign me she was going to come and visit etc. Well out of the blue she calls up and says oh I found some books of yours you left em at my place. I couldnt remember leaving any books, but I am forgetful. Then I thought if she really wanted to return them she would have called sooner and would have just sent them to my parents house (since she called to get my number anyways). This all added up to her calling to "check" in on me. Needless to say i was very uninterested in talking to her, especially in light of such blatant attempt at manipulation! Well those books never did get delivered, think she made the whole thing up. I would tell her to mail it to you unless as mentioned before it a very valuble one.

Heres one of many arcticles I found that may shed some light. I had heard at one point that a significant amount of couple had met in the workplace. Here it says 17%. But then again its not a bad idea to follow the mantra of "dont sc**w the crew" link removed

Yup! I got trapped thinking my positive attitude would rub off. She had mentioned it as something she always admired about me. But in the end I found her bringing me down more that i was bringing her up. I can only smash me napper against teh wall so many times!

Hey Anti, I've put alot of thought into this post here and what I see from my experience is a few things. First off a lot of the people i support aned have supported in the past have had the dual issue of having an autism spectrum disorder along with a mental illness. While is fairly easy to get support, advice, medication for things like bi-polar, autism is much more of a difficult issue to deal with. I have read over some of your previous posts (I hope this is not to intrusive, if it is just let me know). What I see are some things that may be resulting from Aspergers but are maybe bundled up with the bi-polar. First off I really would like to see you get some assistance with the aspergers, if you are not already. Some of the difficulties resulting from the aspergers can make it difficult to deal with the bi-polar. Its very common trait for people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) to have difficulties socailizing with other and to not be able to "feel" intimate (not just relationship wise)with others. This can create problems with being able to receive support from family, friends and therapists etc. I remembr a book I read to help understand ASD when I first started in this feild. Its called Nobody Nowhere and its written by a lady who "overcame" her high-functioning autism. The thing I remember the most was her describing how a normal everyday hug actually caused her physical pain somethign liek 1000 knives sticking into her. She had to learn how to deal with certain situations that were "normal" but would cause her a great amount of pain. This is the difficulty with ASD it takes a totally different approach than you would deal with other mental health issues. So where as going out and meeting people may be good for someone with depression, for someone with ASD it will only compound the anxiety. Similar are the repetitive behaviours most if not all people with ASD display. Sometimes its as simple as flicking a light switch over and over or hand flapping, again sometimes its more complex. Obviously these can get in the way of a so called "normal" life. These are things that medication cant really resolve but that a good therapist may help work out. I used to see a guy in the starbucks in my home town, who I think was involved in some sort of trade,(had his cellphone in case clipped to his belt), very high functioning but I could see he had ASD beause he would sit in his chair and constantly rock back and forth (another common behavior). There are lot of people with ASD, mostly men (4:1 ratio men i have heard that there is a higher incidence of it in places like silicon valley and Seattle and maybe it has something to do with the computer industry, no one is sure why this is. I have also heard that Bill Gates is suspected of having ASD. Its by no means a hopeless affair but it is a very misunderstood disorder and is realtively young in terms of public awareness. There is help available out there but like i said before I think the ASD needs to be dealt with. I see some of the things in your posts that indicate you may be creating situations where your anxiety is increasing. I am not sure which criteria you have met for ASD but knowing those might give you an idea as to how to go about dealing. I will pull away and not post anymore on this unless you request it. May you find strength.

Yeah its normal. Although sometimes I wonder if I feel too good. I felt such relief when whe left, wasnt bad relationship but I was tired of being the positive one and felt like at times she really wasnt carrying any of the relationship. I miss her to death sometimes. But no sickness to the stomach to real twinge of missing the good old times. Think I realized they are in the past and will and must always remain there.

This is just for the emotional aspect of asperger's GILLBERG'S CRITERIA FOR ASPERGER'S DISORDER 1.Severe impairment in reciprocal social interaction (at least two of the following) (a) inability to interact with peers (b) lack of desire to interact with peers © lack of appreciation of social cues (d) socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

Yes I understand what aspergers is, my background of course is with more severe forms of autisic spectrum disorders but they are relatively the same just varying degrees. I have no problem if you want to talk via PM. I think after reading over some of your posts here is, and now I dont know your whole background, but autism is a very misunderstood disorder. I have worked with pretty much every mental disorder there is and always autism is the most challenging. The main difference say as opposed to down's syndrome is that autism affects the emotional and communcation aspects of a person. Have you read any books written by autistic people? Its almost impossible for people who have no training or experience to really understand why and how autistic people do things.

Wow I am shocked. I have read some of your posts and I always find you extremely insightful, I never would have thought of you as having autism. I dont really no where to begin interms of dealing with autism. I work with autism and have for 6 1/2 years i am currently running a program for a low functioning autistic kid. Have you had any type of therapy for autism? I think maybe these other issues are stemming from it. I dont know what else to say really.

Mate teasing and joking around with someone is a compliment. It means she is comfortable enough with you and confident enough to put herself on a limb and potentially risk offending you and I would take that as a good sign. Whether she is interested in something more well you have to test that out and yeah look at the physical signs.

Shes just not into you. Your in the friendzone and unfortunately you have other feelings. Leave and keep the occasional contact, say once in a while to watch a game with YOUR friends. But look for love elsewhere for now.

The secret is we all have