kboykb

Thanks a lot for the sources Beec! Both of you guys gave some excellent advice, I'm still young and can't get hung up over stuff like this after all. Like I said texting gives me a wall to hide behind but I'll cut that out and see where it goes, it takes me so long to get physical because I wait for that *obvious* sign to do something.. Something else I need to change. (I don't really focus on one type of convo Diggity - but it's usually me asking questions and the girl answer, lol. I'm really bad at just telling random stories, I think I just need more people skills). Off to some studying though on those sites, time to get outta this slump.

Thanks for the reply man, it helped out a lot. I tend to text / IM because I talk much better through them, it allows me time to think etc. to say the right words, I tend to botch things up sometimes in person, but I know this is something I also need to fix, it's like I'm hiding behind a wall. Short dates do make sense and would work out well for me. Since my first gf was so attractive it's kind of messed up my standards for girls, which is another of my faults. #2 thing I need to work out (I'm just making a list of what I should change about myself). lol about the myspace thing, I dunno it's a habit, I certainly shouldn't croon over people's pages though! I know I know gotta tone that down lol.

Here we go again. I've had one gf my whole life that lasted 4 years (quite an attractive girl). It lasted just about all througout the end of my high school and into my senior year of college. Now we've broken up, I'm single and I'm new to this super world of dating. We've been apart for 8 months, and in that time I've only met 2 girls that I'd really want to *be* with (though I have met quite a few others). Here's the story. 1st girl - LOVELY girl!! Very talkative, very funny, really nice. We txted each other 40 - 50 times a day (literally). I moved up on her myspace top spot from like # 24 to #5 in a matter of 2 or 3 days. I just knew we were gonna hit it off. I went with her on a vacation for a day, 3 hour drive. My conversational skills aren't the best but I held my own during the 3 hour drive with her there. She was sick so we had to leave early, on the way back I could tell she wasn't feeling well so I didn't talk too much, you know that nasty feeling u get in ur stomach where u know you need to say something but u just can't? I had that the whole trip.. but she was sick and wasn't really in a talkative mood after all. The next couple of days my 50 txts a day goes down to about 5 or so, and that's only if I initiated the convo with the first txt. My spot goes down on her myspace, kapoot (but she really is a nice girl so we do still talk). I was sad, really sad since she was the first real girl since my ex to show so much interest. Onto the next girl. Again, WONDERFUL girl. This one was VERY pretty!! Gorgeous even. Incredibly talkative, funny, giggily, etc. We go out on a first date, hit it off! It was great, we even ended the night in a kiss. I left, my power was off at my apt. and I told her, so she invited me back to her place, hung out, got another kiss. Yayyy. Spot went up on her myspace from the very bottom to #5 (ominous number?)!! Next couple of days I notice that the only reason we're communicating is because I initiated the convo (usually she'd message me, text me or say something on AIM if she saw me online). Okay, I have no prob starting off the convo.. but I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't msg her first.. when I did we didn't talk for about 2 days. Still we still hung out again the following weekend, she came to my place, talked for a little bit, got a kiss again at the end. Then I txted her, she didn't respond and since I'm not the guy to continuously bother a girl or repeatedly txt her when she doesn't respond back i stopped, we didn't talk for 5 days. Now it seems she's met someone. *sigh* wt f? am I doing wrong?! This has happened 2 times, both with very good girls. I have nothing against them, free will is a part of life but I'd just like to know what's turning them off.. is it my conversational skills? Am I a boring guy? I do hold back from being my really goofy self sometimes. I have confidence in my looks, but looks aren't everything, I really do think it's my personality. I'm just so shy around girls sometimes and I really do hold back from being myself or open. These 2 instances have really took a shot at my confidence and morale, I'm at the point where I want to go back to my ex because I feel like I can't find anyone else, but I'm definitely not going to do that. P.S. ***** I've noticed. Confined spaces hinder me. I SUCK at going out to eat because for some odd reason I find it hard to talk when I'm sitting directly in front of a girl having to look them in the eye etc., but if we're outside in a park walking around I can talk just fine, I'm guessing because I feel a bit more free, but I have to get over this also. P.P.S.***** Maybe it's because I don't have many female friends? The only girls I know are really the girls that I've dated, or family, at work I've realized that it's MUCH easier for me to talk to a coworker of mine who isn't very much attractive, compared to another coworker who is really pretty.

I'm slowly getting better at the convos now, I'm hanging around friends that have girlfriends and just listening to how they talk. Maybe my lack of confidence is what's making it so hard to talk, even with common interests. I just need to feel better about myself. You're right though, with no common interests there's nothing to build on, I dated my ex for 4 years so of course it was more than just asking questions, but maybe that was just because she was an extremely talkative person so it wasn't too hard getting a convo started. When I'm with girls such as myself is when the convo lacks get started. One thing that i've noticed is that like, if there's a 3rd person I speak very easily, like if it's me and a girl, and one of her guy / girl friends are there talking to them also, it's easy for me to speak, but if they leave I feel this weird pressure like "now it's all on you man!", and that's when I start feeling weird.

Alright, being a shy guy and all I've realized that my conversation skills are what I lack confidence in. I honestly think I'm an attractive guy, so I have confidence in my looks, but talking is what holds me back from talking to a girl or making the first move. I've been single for about 6 months now and gone on some random dates here and there, and this is what I've noticed: There are two types of conversations. When you first meet someone, there's the "getting to know you" conversation - during this time all you have to do is ask simple questions and a conversation will start. You can say simple things like "what type of music do you like" - "what are your dreams" - - anything in the form of a question will do. This type of conversation is EASY to me, and most likely is to everyone because you're just getting to know the person and asking questions. The conversation that comes AFTER this conversation is what I lack skills in and inevitably fail at. Once you've been with someone for a couple of weeks or a month or so, you can't just call them and say "do you like" "what is your favorite" blah blah, basically you can't just badger the person with questions anymore once you've actually gotten to know them. This is what happened to me and my ex, our first couple of weeks together were great, but towards the end we had NOTHING to talk about because she'd call and I'd say "how was your day", "what did you do today", but that was it, I suck really bad at just making a random conversation or telling stories by saying things like "guess what happened to me today" - "this guy came in the mall today and he was.. " blah blah. When something interesting to me happened that day, I would actually practice how I was going to tell her in my head, but of course when I went to tell her the story it fell flat or I didn't tell her at all. Hmm, I am asking for help here but I don't know how to put it in the form of a question, lol. This isn't just a rant, it's just a weakness that I've noticed in myself that I need to change asap. People don't just ask questions, they talk, and I have a problem doing that. Asking nothing but questions leads to the uncomfortable silence on the phone, which leads to a loss of interest..

lol Sorry for that "dangerously" - didn't mean it like that. To the first question holy, at times I do, then the part of me that doesn't want a relationship turns me back. I really do think I'm scared - once I get over this little hump I should be okay. Holy you make a lot of good points though and you understand my inne feelings quite well! Communication is a problem I lack, which is why my last relationship turned out so bad. I just let things that I didn't like keep going on and on because I didn't say anything, but this time I will. So I think I'm gonna go through with it! I'll just let her know about how much we should hang out etc., and go from there. (And kissing is indeed fun Diggitiy lol!, don't worry though I'm going to make a move soon) Thanks for the replies everyone!

Holy: Yes yes I know.. we came dangerously close to kissing last night. I'm not afraid of making a move at all.. I don't know what I'm worried about.. it's something I should think about. I guess I just know that if I kiss her it will definitely end up being a serious relationship (i'm not saying i want a fling or anything, i'm just kinda trying to take a break from the big relationships for a while, my last one was 4 years and it kinda drained me...).. ahh I don't know what to do... Virgo: That's definitely true, she can either respect it or not.. i just gotta weigh your and holy's opinions and see which one to do. Thanks for the feedback though guys!

Alright! I met this girl a few weeks back - or rather, we went out on our first date about 2 weeks ago. Now I know a couple of her friends and one came up to me and told me she was excited about our first date, so that kinda showed me how she felt about me. We went on the date and spent a lot of time together. It was cool, no problems. Ever since then we've been hanging out.. a lot. Spending the night over each others' houses and stuff like that (no kissing / making out or anything, just hanging out, which is cool). The thing is... well.. sometimes I like to chill by myself. I do like me time, and usually night time is the only time that I can get it! I don't mind spending 2 or 3 nights a week with her, but it seems like every night she wants to do something , or not even something, just me coming over and watching a movie / spending time with her.. it's kinda overbearing, some nights I just wanna come home from school, lay in the bed, watch tv, get on the computer, and fall asleep. I hate having to make up a tale of having to do school work or something like that to avoid a night with her. It's not that I don't want to spend it with her (because it's nothing wrong with her), I dunno.. Maybe it's because I'm not really in a rush to be in another relationship (she knows) - I think I may need a little bit too much me-time sometimes, but it's just how I am. Or maybe I should just hang out with her during the day so my nights can be free? I don't know, I'm bad at expressing emotions and whatnot - just kinda stuck in a lull here. Any suggestions? Or strangely enough, like all shy people I'm bad at saying "no".. maybe if I just said "I'm a bit tired tonight, we can hang out tomorrow though" it would be okay.. *sigh sigh*

Thanks for the replies guys - Lost, I think that we connected pretty well, which is maybe why I couldn't converse with her as well as I would have liked (like proman said, talking with girls you like can be difficult sometimes). But I wouldn't mind finding one of these conversation groups, I'm sure there's one around the city. Pro it's usually with girls I like, because I can be a completely different (and fun) guy around girls that I'm not really trying to impress. lol and now_better I really did want to get out of there but I didn't know how to say it, felt kinda stupid just sitting around like that. I'm gonna work on this though, thanks for the feedback guys.

Alright, so I went out on my first real date last night (since the break up with my gf 4 months ago). I've been seeing girls here and there, but not really going out on dates. Here's the thing, to some girls I can be a *very* animated person, but to others I just seem to lack in the talking department when I'm around them. Usually when I hang around my cousin (who I look up to and is a very talkative "life of the party" type guy), I adapt to his attitude and if I meet someone in the next couple of days before his personality "wears off" on me, I'm a different guy. I want to get to the point where to every girl I talk to I'm animated, not just to some (who are usually not the ones that I like). But I went out on the date, it was fine actually, we ate out, had some good talking here and there - then back to my place for a movie. So I took her home, obviously if she wanted the date to end there she would have told me, but she invited me to watch another movie over there . After the movie is where my sadness started. Her roommates were there, and I stayed for about 2 hours after the movie ended, they were sitting there having just normal chitchat.. but during this 2 hour time I may have said a little fragmented sentence here and there or just an "oh really" type phrase just to be a part of the convo, but I just couldn't do anything else. I felt like a big lump on a log.. They would ask me questions to keep me in the convo but everything else was stale. Of course I had no idea what they were talking about, and if I was a part of these events I would have been able to say something, but animated people can make something out of nothing really easily.. I speak low (but try my best to speak loudly) - I usually have to repeat myself so they can hear me - I can have a thick / slow tongue at times - and I'm not expressive enough. I can think of funny stuff to say, but sometimes I can't just up and say it, I have to think about it then when I finally do say it it's not funny. Wish there was such a thing as speech articulation classes or something. If I had a northerner's tongue I'd be in heaven, lol. I'm basically a "nice" guy, I won't make any moves unless it's obvious it's what she wants, I'm very respectful etc., but I'm just starting to feel really boring now, almost starting to see why a girl might like the other type of guy.. maybe it's a confidence thing (I do have confidence in my looks, just not my conversation skills), maybe it's a female intimidation thing (though she's a nice girl I don't see why she would) - and maybe this is just a rant, but if you have some feedback I'd love to hear it. Take care guys, thanks for reading. Also there's one challenge I must face in life: personally meeting girls. I've been doing the myspace / online whatever thing and of course you don't have to worry about rejection over the net, but one of my goals is to do the face-to-face thing one day.

Ever since our break-up the ex of 4 years (first-love) acts really weird (we broke up on good circumstances so we're still friends). At first I still called her a lot, but she'd either not pick-up or answer and quickly say I'll call you back. Her "I'll call you right back"'s no longer mean right back - constantly it's the next day when she does. I understand this really doesn't matter since we're not together, but it's just one of the many things that she's acting different about. We only talk when *she* calls *me*, because I'm usually never busy when she calls. She's constantly had little "I miss you" scenes, only to do something weird a minute later. Like 2 days ago she called me crying saying how much she missed me, then she said "I'll call u right back". This made me smile, thinking she wanted to see me or something. 30 minutes later she called me back and was like "guess what I just did!" - I'm like, what? "I just played spin the bottle. I made out with everyone on the bus!!" I'm like.. wow.. well.. thx for telling me that after u said u missed me 30 minutes ago . Also she told me to call her one time, and when I did I spent 10 minutes *listening to her and another guy on the phone talking about how he spent the night in her room at school with her and her friends.. and I'm like.. um.. u 2 have something going on? She says no, then after listening to them talk more she says "I'll call you back".. and of course doesn't. ------- edit.. to make the above not sound so harsh.. when we were together she always told me things I didn't wanna hear. Like she'd tell me when she played dare with friends and kissed other ppl.. she told me when she flashed guys when she was younger, when ppl grab her butt, etc. Maybe she still feels like she can do these things, but honestly I just don't want to hear it, lol. I do still have feelings for her, so now that we're not together I don't want her telling me what she's doing with other guys!!------- I recently noticed that she only calls me after I call her, so I decided to stop calling. When I did we went 3 days without talking. I guess I just need help getting over this lady, I've resolved on no contact and I've put her stuff away.. but little things just keep getting me. I was doing good before she called me after the 3 day lapse with the spin the bottle thing. I'm constantly checking her myspace page to see if she's getting any different friends.. I still.. sometimes look at her.. nudey pictures on my phone (yeah yeah and I'm *constantly* having these realistic dreams of us getting back together, only to wake up and realize it wasn't real and get mad at myself for having another one. On a final note - even if she was to say "I want to get back with you" right now and mean it from the bottom of her heart, I don't know if I would.. I just don't like the way she's acting right now. She's a completely different girl than the one I knew..

I agree with you rob, kind of a shock back into reality, but I just wanna clear up some things. "Have your cake and eat it too." I'm not saying I want to break up with her, have my fun, then get back with her when I'm done (graduation). If she wanted to get back together now then I'd be with her and only her - I'd just have to bear the arguments and whatnot. I'd take her over "college life fun", but I can't now. Sneaking Around - * Yes, some times I waited till she went to bed to go out with the guys, but it's not because I wanted to cheat or whatever (all we usually did was go to a bar, play pool, and come back), it was solely for the fact that I didn't want to go through the immensely serious argument (usually an hour or so long) just because I wanted a night out with the guys (which may happen once every 3 or 4 weeks), and to not sit at home playing my video game all night long. The Future - * I actually was serious about marrying her when she asked if I wanted to and was more than serious about making our relationship last (I wanted it to work out), I let her know that. I even applied to NYU for the Fall. I told her that I'd like to be settled in with my life and content (graduated and financially fit) before I committed to starting a family and so on. Plus in the back of my mind I did feel 20 / 21 was a bit early to be settling down, no matter how beautiful the girl was (though this may be something else to regret). She just seemed to want it at that very moment, but she later agreed that 25 was a good age to wait for. If she's single I more than likely expect her to get another bf in NY, I'm not going to put myself on the throne of "I'm the best thing you've ever had, you won't find another one like me", etc. Sure, I gave her some good times, but love is a necessary thing in life and you have to find it some where. I'm sorry if I came off like a jerk earlier.

This is Long.* Okay - me and the gf (ex) were together for 4 years. She was my *first* love. I'm now 21 and she's 18. During this relationship we broke up many times (usually her, I only broke it off once, and got her back the next day).. but now we're on the *break*.. as in it's over. She's going to school in NY and I'm in Atl. That's not the reason tho.. All throughout this relationship she's been quite dependent on me.. and fairly clingy.. always wanting to talk about children, marriage.. and I'm the one that's constantly saying "not right now.. maybe a couple years from now.. I"m not ready". So Our 4th year anniversary comes .. affection from her that day feels strange.. the next day she drops "I don't think I'm ready for such a serious relationship" bomb. I'm like that's strange.. all throughout this relationship she's the one that's been pushing it.. But in reality I think she just matured. I'm not angry with her at all.. she got accepted to school in NY and most likely realized how much of a future is ahead of her and doesn't want anything holding her back. Even though not once did I say anything to hold her back from NY.. we agreed to split because of the circumstances. What I"m sad about is this.. well it's more of regret. I only have one more year of college left.. Even though there's nothing wrong with going out to parties.. or hanging out with the guys.. I always had to sneak around whenever I wanted to go out.. and *consistently* flaked off my friends avoiding going out that night so I didn't have to go through an argument with her.. and the arguments were bad.. really bad.. so now I barely have 1/4 of my time left to actually enjoy college life (this doesn't mean i wanna go around getting sick drunk, laying with numerous girls, etc, but .. just to have fun in general). Many of my friends have gfs and they get to go out with out the argument.. aren't stressed.. etc. I know first love is usually a long relationship of commitment and love.. then terribe hurt at the end.. I just hate I got into it at this time.. So now we still talk everyday but they're not normal convos.. they're filled with me trying to think up words to say and not much coming to mind.. same with her.. She talks with a different tone of voice.. and every now and then she'll say she loves / misses me.. and wants to see me, just to change her mind a minute later. (I'm not pleading nor pushing getting her back.. no pressure on her at all). **********problem 2! For what I'm about to say.. please don't think I'm a conceited person.. it's just my mind-set at the moment which I know needs to change. This may just be because she's my first-love.. but in all honesty.. she really is.. a bit better than the avg. girl. ** Pretty.. Captain of the cheerleading team.. I can't think of one person that met her that didn't call her pretty.. **Intellect.. she got accepted into a 2 year (junior / senior) highschool program for people with exceptional talent in an arts field (I actually got accepted also for my visual art talent.. I just decided to not go to the school Singing (voice) is her major and she made it into a school in NY that's in the top 5 nationally acclaimed arts schools.. (think of making it into Princeton academically).. She's very outgoing.. etc.. This puts pressure on me. Whenever I meet a girl I compare them to her.. they may be cute but her voice may not be as. yeah .. her hair might not be long as hers.. Body may not be as shaped.. etc. I want my next gf to be on the same lvl as this girl... and it sucks that I think like this.. maybe I'm putting her on too high of a pedestal and should look at other girls for who they are.. it's just really hard for me.. This may be more of a rant than a problem.. keep in mind i'm not trying to get her back at the moment.. I'm just expressing my current feelings on here.

You guys have a good point that I never even thought of.. I've never thought about myself as a defensive person but I see I am now.. I don't know exactly why that is either so I have some thinking to do. I may just think too much on things.. but thanks for giving me something to think about to fix and that may be another reason Alabama, I'll see what the real one is though.

Hey guys.. alright here's my deal. I'm 21 right now, for the past 4 years I've been in a serious relationship.. which was basically the first real relationship I've ever had (i.e. "First Love"). We've broken up many times before so I'm not sure it's over - but the reasoning for this one is understandable and I'm just taking some precautions (her going to college in NY next year while I stay in Atl.). My problem is this: I let off a terrible aura of being stuck up. When I'm by myself or with friends I'm really carefree and whatnot.. but when I'm at school surrounded by people I don't know, I walk in with a really stoic look on my face .. like I'm in my own zone.. When I look at ppl.. I glance and keep walking.. instead of looking for a minute, then smiling, then turning my head and walking away. I rarely ever start off a convo.. and me being this way just gives me bad results. It's like I try to be too cool for my own good.. in my head it feels like I'm cool but on the surface.. I'm nothing but a guy trying to look good but in reality is getting no friends (guys or girls) from it. What should I do about this? Even when I notice an attractive girl looking at me I do the glance instead of actually letting her know that I acknowledge her. If the person starts off the convo with me it's fine.. I'll open up to them in a heartbeat.. but if it's up to me to start something off a problem arises. I've resorted to meeting ppl off the net from myspace and stuff.. (since on the net I don't have to worry about a bad initial start).. and I've had 2 really bad results from meeting ppl.. so I think I'll stick with meeting ppl face to face now.