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tylercdurden2004

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Everything posted by tylercdurden2004

  1. tylercdurden2004
    Depends what you are trying to change. You cant really change your personality however you can change your behaviors that result from it. I would absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt recommend you pick up some sort of "change management" book these are often found in the business section of any book store and have valubel insights into the psycology of change and how to manage it. Self introspection is a must for a "real" change to occur you have to be completely honest with yourself. Good luck! Tyler
  2. tylercdurden2004
    Hmmm..Refreshed or depressed. Cant decide how I feel now talking to my messengering with my ex form 13 years ago. Seems she still doesnt have a clue about life (which is why I broke up with her). Wow. I mean this girl was a love at first sight thing. Freaky thing was a few days after we first met I was sitting at home thinking how cool it would be if she called and 5 mins later her friends calls outta the blue to say that the ex wanted me to call her. Well we dated and came to realize she had teh personality of an ant. I mean couldnt make one decision or say yes or no. And now I see nothing has changed.
  3. tylercdurden2004
    Yeah its of the utmost importance to grow yourself. As for my exes and what they may or may not be doing i dunno. right now I am Messengering with an ex who is recently divorced. We dated back in high school. She just divorced in December and is now in a realtionship with someone new. Hmmm should I tell her "rebound". Nah think Ill let her sweat it for a bit. The point is I can be a friend and all that but its irrelevant what she does in her life now. And thats how it will be with my most recent ex. She'll contact me (cause all my exes seem to do this) a few years down the road and it'll be total indifference. I just dont care other than as a casual friend who gets updates occasionally. It takes a while to see this especially in the beginning stages of teh healing process. i say dont delay it at all. if they are interested well then maybe you'll here form them in time.
  4. tylercdurden2004
    Yup thats why I say absolutely w/o out a doubt practice strict NC. I mean I have trouble myself adhering to it, at least in the past. This time around I am at the point where I really only want to know what she thought of our relationship so I can make sense of some of teh things and move on with a bit more knowledge. But doing NC to try and get someone back is only a resipe for disaster in my mind cause you really dont concentrate on yourself. I know. This is what happened the first time we broke up. I did NC but in teh back of my mind I hoped it would lead to something. Well it did we got back together and the same stuff happened and now I feel sometimes like I lost 2 years of my life. I could done more stuff if I was single and mayeb even found th girl who was ready to be with me. But what the hey time to move on and look forward to all teh exciting things that will happen to me. The feeling of falling in love again, learning about someone new, the first time making love to someone. i am lucky my ex went back to germany so NC is so much easier and I dont have to see her in bar with a new boy.
  5. tylercdurden2004
    One better its in my sig! Hope I get lucky...er I mean I hope I find a girl who will take long, long romantic walks on the beach covered in rose petals below a eternal sunset. Damn it feels good to be nice!
  6. tylercdurden2004
    Thats funny I hate playing games as well!
  7. tylercdurden2004
    Theres just no hope for pessimists
  8. tylercdurden2004
    Yup and the worst person to lie to is yourself. Which I find many of these "nice" guys have become experts at to the point they never question if they are actually "nice".
  9. tylercdurden2004
    Be yourself. I am a very humorous guy and love joking around so if I approach a woman I will often say something funny. And if they get offended guess what: not really the girl I wanna be dating. Thats why its important to be yourself.
  10. tylercdurden2004
    Well put Cam. I dont really think you can make yourself more clear.
  11. tylercdurden2004
    But thats the whole point of it. You cant keep someone if you dont ask but people will stay wiht you out of fear (of the unknown, loneliness, finding someone else) then someone else comes along and what you believed was a good relationship makes like the titanic. I think even if you are considering this question its pretty much over but there is only one way to find out. As a day to day person you will understand teh concept of it growing naturally. Asking this question is only for when it has stopped growing naturally and you need an answer.
  12. tylercdurden2004
    ..........Agreed.........
  13. tylercdurden2004
    No one said they did.
  14. tylercdurden2004
    Stop looking and plow the furrows back into the field so to speak. Use this time to tend to yourself and look for was that you can grow. Love often appears when you least expect, at least that love that nourishes you. Work on getting a positive outlook on love and you will find it. if you look for dirt thats what you will find. It doesnt seem that your head is in a positive space right now.
  15. tylercdurden2004
    Think he meant some. Could be wrong though.
  16. tylercdurden2004
    Yes and by asking that question you will get a better understanding of how they feel today. I think it would be crazy to think that someone actually can predict how they feel in 5, 10, 20 years time.
  17. tylercdurden2004
    Soulmate is the one that you achieve synergy with. That is you trancend a level you can never completely reach on your own.
  18. tylercdurden2004
    Do you have any other extremely repetitive behaviours?
  19. tylercdurden2004
    Mark I am going to be as serious as I can here. i mentioned it in my first post on here. I really think you should check into whether you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Its unhealthy you are obsessing over her and now you are obsessing over this forum. This is now 38 pages long. Are you posting in other forums as well or just here?
  20. tylercdurden2004
    There are two sides to people and everyone falls somewhere onthe continuum between teh two. Logical and emotional. Attraction is the emotional part of the mating ritual so to say and the relationship is the logical part. Its fine to feel attracted to someone but in order for it to be a healthy, mutually benefitial and strong relationship requires the logical part. There are girls in my life that I have been attracted to but for one reason or the other I knew they were not good for me. That was the rational logical part taking over. Its never beneficial to be either completely rational or completely emotional, you have to find the balance point in between the two. We cannot control our emotions, only the behaviors that result from them. Emotional Intelligence.
  21. tylercdurden2004
    First stop trying to get her back and really really truly work on the behaviors you think may make you seem like no-boyfriend material. If you get back wiht her by "exhibiting" behaviors you think she finds attractive you will not have really changed them and in the end teh same old behaviors will resurface and the same things will result. truly take this time to better yourself, not with teh intention of impressing her, but for yourself. If she is there to see the end result great, if not, well also great cause you will have grown.
  22. tylercdurden2004
    An excellent story of growth.Thank you for sharing that with us. Tyler
  23. tylercdurden2004
    i would say we all have done the mistakes as some point, i know I have. Heres teh skinny from my perspective. A lot of play is being given to niceness, wussy etc etc on the site. Well ask yourself what kinda message does it send to a girl when you are not true to yourself and let other people manipualte you. It says on a subconscious level "heres a guy is pushed over easily. When another girl comes along how can I be certain she wont push him over. When something comes up to threaten our realtionship how can I rely on him that he wont turn tail and run, or be influenced etc etc." Its all about being in control of yourself, knowing who you are, and being assertive. Confidence is not a personality trait its a learned behavior. You cant really change your personality nor should you unless there is somethign really wrong with it. but you can learn new behaviors and change old ones.
  24. tylercdurden2004
    Maybe hes distancing himself. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. I would out and out confront her on this. She needs to make a choice. If its something a simple as feeling physically attracted to him its one thing(and I think quite normal). But if its more of an emotional attraction then you have problems. i have never broken up or even entertained the thought of leaving a girlfriend cause I find cindy crawford attractive. Physical attraction to someone else is quite normal. Emotional attraction is more of a problem and she needs to figure out why. Maybe there is something she is needing and its missing from your relationship? Maybe she is looking for something you can never provide? only she can figure that out, but its not your duty to go through the wringer inorder for her to figure this out. And again it depends on how long you guys have been together. if its one week well I would just give her space. if its 2 years into the relationship I would have real concerns that she is still looking elsewhere.
  25. tylercdurden2004
    yes but if you are always thinking you are going to be abandoned you will always self fulfill that prophecy in some way or another. Maybe your not getting close or allowing yourself to get close to him, at least in his eyes? Maybe your acting clingy in order to ensure he doesnt abandon you? Just some thoughts
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