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Thread: Pregnant daughter desires financial help

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Abitbroken...........I live over 3 hours away from them, so that would not be a feasible solution. Now, as a welder, he does travel with the company out of town. He only gets pain when he works, so he might go a week without working. He just turned 30. He is not able to afford even an apt. He lived with his mom and dad until he met my daughter, who graciously let him and his daughters move in. Does he help with the bills? I don't know, she says he does.....but who knows.
    I agree with your first statement. I tried to encourage her to start looking for work, but she didn't want to. She's under the impression that given the fact she graduated Magna Cum Laude, and has many accolades, and some work experience, it won't be hard to find a job. She lives in a city that is Hi-Tech where engineers area dime a dozen. She went on just one interview.
    I don't know...I hope things will work out and they get their act together. Thanks for reaching out! Always appreciated..
    if they can't afford an apartment - that's BS because i could afford one on much less - but it was small and not in a luxury area. A relatively safe area, but not the equivelant of the neighborhood my parents had (after working many decades, etc) - they just need to look in another area or move to where the work is. There are areas of the country where welders are paid more - and housing is the same or only slightly more or even less. Or if he plays his cards right he can find a position and experience so one day he can open his own business and have people under him.

    Honestly, if she had 'good grades" that doesn't guarantee her a job.

  2. #62
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    Why would you bring my divorce into this? I am not even trying to compete with my ex-husband although she seems to resent the fact that I don't do anything for her. She seems to have forgotten that even when I was working two jobs, I didn't make 1/4 of what her father was making as an attorney. But I did the best I could with what little I had. Today, I don't work....I am a caregiver, full time, so I don't have an earned income. I would be nice if she would understand that I am doing the best I can with what little I have. I really don't think you have a good grasp of what my daughter is really like and how could you? I don't recall anything about an Easter outfit, but if I had a fit, then it was probably because she was guilt tripping me into buying it for him. You see...every time I miss a birthday she tells me, using her exact words: "one day you will have to explain why you have missed so many birthday's"...is just one example.
    Yes, we are working on our relationship and she does reach out. Things are getting better for the most part, then there is a set back. But I know she loves me and she knows I love her.
    I NEVER received alimony.

  3. #63
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    So it's not that complicated. She knows you're on a fixed income and told you she's pregnant. When the time comes if you want to be involved, you can get her something you can afford. It seems you still resent her father and therefore resent her.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    even when I was working two jobs, I didn't make 1/4 of what her father was making as an attorney. ...every time I miss a birthday she tells me, using her exact words: "one day you will have to explain why you have missed so many birthday's"...is just one example. Yes, we are working on our relationship and she does reach out.

  4. #64
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    On one of your other threads you described the man she is in a relationship with as a "lovely man with two kids".

    What changed your opinion?

  5.  

  6. #65
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    boltnrun......When I met her boyfriend for the first time, they were already engaged. When I saw her in June, she wasn't dating anyone to my knowledge, but I later learned they met in May. So, when they came down for Christmas (2 years ago), I thought he was very polite, sweet, he made good eye contact, and very engaging. A huge contrast from her husband. We have had a good relationship and have gotten along very well.
    What happened is....over time, my daughter will call me up sharing problems about the relationship and how he threatens to leave almost every week. He has left and moved out on several occasions, only to come back when he needs money for something....how do I know this? She tells me so...
    Then, last December, she got pregnant. She was happy and again, he was not. One night, at 2am, she started having cramps and bleeding. She woke him up and told him she needed to get to the hospital because she thought she was having a miscarriage? So what did he do? Absolutely nothing! He wouldn't drive her, so she got up and got dressed and drove herself to the ER, which took her 30 minutes....She got there safely, thank goodness, and did suffer a miscarriage. Four hours later, she returned home, her boyfriend was getting up and told her he was just about to get dressed to go meet her at the hospital. She told him she lost the baby.
    To be honest, I don't recall his reaction. All I could think about is why he would let her drive herself, in the dark of night, at 2am....who knows....her car could have broken down, she could have run off the road...so many things that "could have" happened, but thankfully didn't ran through my mind. Why didn't he go??? Because they had a fight earlier and he was still mad.... He isn't a real man to me, boltnrun....a real man puts someone's else's welfare above their own and doesn't let his girlfriend drive alone at night, bleeding and having cramps, just because he is mad. No excuse for that kind of behavior. Some of you may disagree. That's fine. But I lost all respect for him that night.

    And now....she's pregnant again and she tells me he is not happy and threatens to go back home to live with his parents because he didn't want anymore children.
    So, there you have it.

  7. #66
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    He isn't a real man to me, boltnrun....a real man puts someone's else's welfare above their own and doesn't let his girlfriend drive alone at night, bleeding and having cramps, just because he is mad. No excuse for that kind of behavior. Some of you may disagree. That's fine. But I lost all respect for him that night.

    where was your ex who i thought i read they live with? Why didn't he drive her?
    Have you also considered that her boyfriend is setting boundaries? He was clear he would have zero to do with a child. And he means it. maybe she is always overly dramatic and he can't tell fact from fiction and wasn't aware she was actually bleeding. Honestly, i do agree he or your ex or someone in the household should have driven her, but she also needs to get the message loud and clear that this guy isn't with her for the long haul, was clear he can't support another child, or her. She needs to learn that quickly whether she stays with him and actually agrees with her actions or finds a man who wants more kids

    And now....she's pregnant again and she tells me he is not happy and threatens to go back home to live with his parents because he didn't want anymore children.
    So, there you have it.


    Why on earth isn't she on some form of birth control? maybe she has abandonment issues and is purposefully trying to get pregnant (poking holes in condoms, telling him she is on the pill when she isn't) and feels he won't leave if she is pregnant. Maybe its time to have a visit with daughter - have her come to spend the night or something and have your ex watch his grandkid. Its like she needs an intervention. if a guy doesn't want another kid, maybe she should be with someone who does.

  8. #67
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    And now....she's pregnant again and she tells me he is not happy and threatens to go back home to live with his parents because he didn't want anymore children.


    what did she honestly expect? She is either sabotaging her birth control or both of them are complete idiots..i am not sure. She should let him go. File for child support if the pregnancy reaches term , etc, or have him sign his rights off if that's what they both want.

  9. #68
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    MurphyB......No, the "Bank of Grandmother", is closed. She goes to the "Bank of Dad" for almost everything. And what makes me so mad is that, he does it and not only that, he helps her boyfriend too when he needs money for something. My ex is in his late 60's and in poor health. I don't think he will live much longer. I'd like to see him live long enough to see his grandchildren grow up, but highly unlikely. Maybe he feels guilt about something....who knows, but I'd rather he try to talk to her about life and men...acting responsibly...all the things we talked about when we were dating. Very sad.

  10. #69
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    Abitbroken.....he dad was home but sick. Yes, all of them live with him in a house he rents. Setting boundaries..her boyfriend? Yes, I am unclear why she got pregnant if he was so adamant about having no more children. She's been pregnant 3 times. In every case she tells me, the condom must have malfunctioned. She had always wanted another child and I think she didn't care if she got pregnant. I think it was deliberate...but who know for sure.
    So hard to talk about all this, it makes me sad for the children....

  11. #70
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Abitbroken.....he dad was home but sick. Yes, all of them live with him in a house he rents. Setting boundaries..her boyfriend? Yes, I am unclear why she got pregnant if he was so adamant about having no more children. She's been pregnant 3 times. In every case she tells me, the condom must have malfunctioned. She had always wanted another child and I think she didn't care if she got pregnant. I think it was deliberate...but who know for sure.
    So hard to talk about all this, it makes me sad for the children....
    Sounds like she sabotaged it. Unless its being used a second time or one with no lubrication. condoms rarely, rarely break. She also needs a wake up call. In a way, i hope he also learns his lesson and stops having sex with her/leaves. If there is a child, then he will either stay out of obligation or leave them both behind. What kind of parenting environment was it where she is this manipulative as an adult or her self worth is so poor.

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