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ButterflyWrists

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Everything posted by ButterflyWrists

  1. PTSD and depression are awful right now. Baby decided to gum down on my nipples multiple times yesterday. I'm now in spare room fiance is attempting to bottle feed her, from what I gather she's refused 2 feeds :( I feel awful, but I just cannot cope tonight.
  2. The fear mongering is insane. I know I'm apprehensive about having the vaccine, purely due to breastfeeding, however it's for the good of everyone. My brother drives me insane with his drivel. Here acting like we're worse off than America, saying it's media bs to control us... lmao.. anyways...
  3. We need to buy a new tree, ours died over the summer cause I'm useless at watering. But it's L's first Christmas so we shall decorate a little, possibly next week as fiance has a week off yay!
  4. According to my brother the vaccine is made from dead babies *eyeroll* and claiming it's all a political stunt. Ugh conspiracy theorists at their finest...
  5. Yes I don't want a world where children are dying from preventable diseases. It's incredibly frustrating people still believe they cause asd etc. My mum just doesn't like the chemicals in them, she's a very old school hippie, didn't have me vaccinated, although mitch of that was due to me being very poorly as a child. I had meningitis as an infant and still suffer the ramifications of that today (ears).
  6. UK is looking at easing restrictions for Christmas.. I welcome it in some ways, but I know it'll lead to yet another spike. I start back at work next month too. Dreading that, high risk essential job, and wearing a mask all day will kill my ears(I can't wear things behind my ears it irritates the hell out of me and gets painful).. but it'll be nice to see and talk to someone other than my fiance and daughter. I'm apprehensive about the vaccine, although promising, I guess that's my mum's anti vaxx shining through. I I'll be eligible for it due to the work I do, however as I'm breastfeeding I'm not sure. I guess I'll have to wait and see..
  7. Aww pippy! I am so close to where you are, but this pandemic means I can't offer much by way of support. Thinking of you and I hope the surgery goes well xx
  8. I have got separate savings ans my own money going into my account. Can never be too careful, even with how strong we are overall. Thank you :)
  9. I'm having a hard time with nightmares. All baseless but awful and it's impacting my parenting and relationship. Massive change potentially coming up in the new year (buying our first home!) Means I'll have to look for a jew job, which with covid isn't going to be easy, there ate plenty of people who can work better hours than I can. We can survive on just fiance wages, but i don't want to be reliant on him. We will see how it all goes. Squish is going through something arm, wanting to sleep lots, not ready for solids, emotionally anyway physically has hit all the signs of readiness.. she's got even bigger, she's slimming out a little and gaining length, frustrating as it's her body, too long for 9-12 month clothes, bit her arms and legs barely surpass half way 🤣 I'm so proud of her, she's doing so well each day it's life she learns something new. I live watching her grow and teaching her new skills.
  10. She sleeps in her own cot attached to bed righty next to ne, easier for night feedings. She actually does ok getting off to sleep and there's no current need for sleep training depending how long this phase goes on. I mostly try to rationalise my nightmares, harder when I'm in sleep paralysis though. We did slightly better last night and she seemed slightly more settled although she had to have daddy cuddles to sleep after feed so I could get to sleep and she wasn't ready to settle in cot. She wasn't as unsettled through the night.
  11. Hmm, things aren't great atm, had been doing better for a while, but now I'm having nightmares of something bad happening to baby, so I'm having to disturb her to check she's breathing and ok.. she's going through a stage of nightmares and either needs to hold my hand, have my hand resting on her chest, or (her preference) sleep in my chest.. I'm exhausted as I was pretty much awake from 330am cause every time I stopped touching her shed wake up :(
  12. It's especially hard as she passed away the same day baby was born. But she's free from pain she wasn't far off 100 so she had a great long life..
  13. Hey pippy, we're ok! Fiance has some annual leave so I'm off my phone a bit more. We managed to avoid catching covid thank goodness.. hope you're well xx
  14. We say goodbye to my grandma today. I couldn't attend the funeral due to covid, so we're seeing her to rest. Really not quite ready for this :(
  15. Was just shy of 5000 cases today! Half these restrictions aren't new, like table service only, have been required to wear masks in work and shops for a while, and outside workers who can work from home should etc.
  16. Pippy it's 8pm, from what I can gather its pubs close at 10pm, back to 2m distancing (not that anyone follows that anyway)... Rosa yeah she's been with me all along thankfully.
  17. Getting a little anxious about what Christmas will be like at this rate.. UK cases have tipped the 4000 a day mark. UK won't close down again, but will likely put a ban on households mixing. I know baby won't remember her first Christmas, but as a whole family I wasn't u's too enjoy it and make memories we can share with her.. life is so crazily different and I feel a little lost..
  18. Happy birthday Rosa Mosse 🙂 Finally got results back, she's positive. None of are showing symptoms as yet, day 9 post exposure now.. 4000 positive tests a day now... We're don't get tested unless we start showing symptoms. 5 days left in quarantine. No more family cuddling baby for a while, mind you restrictions should be tightening again.. aio likely no seeing family for a while.. babies first Christmas this year, I wonder where we'll be for it...
  19. No updates as yet, another 7 days to quarantine to be safe.. none of us are showing symptoms, I'm cautiously optimistic..
  20. And this is why the UK are seeing 3k new cases a day... If you think you've been in contact with someone who has coronavirus, but you do not have symptoms and have not been told to self-isolate, continue to follow social distancing advice. Basically continue as you were. Fiance and I have contacted work and visitors we've seen this week to let them know we MIGHT have had contact with the virus, fiance has been told to work from home and we've been asked to update once we know test results. But if we followed nhs advice it would be overseer a week until told to isolate etc which isn't fair on anyone we come into contact with between exposure and then... this is nuts. Shall update Sunday.
  21. We might have been exposed to covid. Waiting on sil getting tested. She has baby cuddles. I'm a wreck.
  22. I have spoken to the dr and he's prescribed creams for her, which are helping, eczema is so common in my family usually grown out of by 3 years old, only one unlucky cousin has had severe eczema all her life. Thank you! I'm hoping her current creams help so far so good :) she's still scratching at her chest though which is incredibly frustrating for her bleas her. Oh I know it isn't normal, hence I'm under mental health, I'm seeing them again today and hopefully finding a medication I can use, shall also discuss what I post here. I post here for that extra support and to just get it out of my head so I can try and pull out of the negative cycle of thoughts.. I am doing what I can to get on the right track.
  23. I try to fight it with logic is what I mean. I do get up ans go for a walk, we did today, even though pram was with fiance at work, i used my carrier despite the fact I get a sore back from it. And no not at all, in terms of formula and breaking mother's. That's just how it feels for me, she has such a great bond with her daddy, that I fear she would only want him. It's irrational, and even if she did want him more sometimes, it doesn't mean she'd love me any less or med me any less, but the thought kills me. It's not even certain that my breastmilk is causing issue, her bowels are fine, she's not hugely sicky, she's growing nicely, she's generally quite happy, which are all positive signs. I just get worked up and annoyingly fixated on something with a small possibility. She was scratching at herself and refusing boob despite being hungry when I posted, which triggered that upset in me. I think I'm a little sensitive to some of your comments atm, despite them not being attacks and generally being very helpful. On positive, she's mastered sitting up! Still doesn't care to roll over. She loves singing bump the elephant with me (she baubles along) if she's upset 8 out of 10 times, singing will distract her and cheer her up. I love singing together.
  24. Because I already feel like a failure, and without me being her source of nutrition she would no longer need me. Obviously I'll do what it's best for her. But my mental health is tanking at the thought of having to give up. Losing that release if oxytocin etc. It isn't logical but if mental illness could be fought with logic then the rates of mental illness would be a hell of a lot lower.
  25. Baby has quite bad eczema.. not sure if it's down to a potential allergy or just one of those things, it is something everyone has suffered with in my family. I'm scared about it being a potential cow's milk protein allergy, as I'm already a vegetarian and I have dairy in every single meal. I know I could get formula, but I really think formula would screw my mental health up royally.. I know that's selfish, if it's best for baby. But i can't control it with logic.
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