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SherrySher

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SherrySher last won the day on December 22 2020

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  1. Why? Ultimatums are not punishments. They are self respect and showing a person what you will, or will no longer accept. He needs to get help. Your marriage is continuing to be toxic. The only solution is for him to get counselling. Letting him know that this is the only solution, or the marriage is over, is reasonable. You are giving him a choice, and you are also voicing how unhappy you are, (to the point of breaking). The reason why this man does not take you seriously and refuses to actually get help to fix things, is because you keep bending and don't actually follow through on what you are saying. He needs to understand that you have reached a point now where this is the only choice that will save your marriage...thus, ultimatum.
  2. Marriage only works if both parties are willing to fix the problems, in every means possible, when they come up. That doesn't mean you allow yourself to be treated badly over and over and live with years of abuse. It means, your husband continues going to marriage counselling, as well as personal counselling for the issues he clearly has. The sign that you need to give up and start looking for a lawyer, is when your spouse refuses to get help, and refuses to continue trying to work on the marriage and his issues through counselling. You have literally hit a dead end. There is no way to repair things from here on end. Your only reasonable choice is to now look for a divorce lawyer.
  3. Ego boost. He wants to see if he can still get you to come running. No doubt he is in a relationship and is bored, so decides to play games on the side. This guy is a waste of time. Delete/block. If he continues, report it as stalking.
  4. You responded to him last, it is now up to him to reply to you. If he doesn't, accept that and let it go. Sometimes it doesn't always work out as we hoped, but no worries, there are millions of people in this world, you can try again with someone new.
  5. Okay, caught back up, I hadn't read your previous posts about your girlfriend. I still would like to say though, that if medicated, people with bipolar can lead fairly normal lives and can work in ever kind of job and do well. Unmedicated, however, is a different thing altogether. It's unfortunate that your girlfriend is not taking care of herself. But I still hold true to my opinion on your ex husband, why would you remain in any kind of contact with someone who was abusive towards you? It makes sense to cut ties with him completely. As for your current partner, if she refuses to take care of herself, then yes, you should be considering leaving her too. Being alone is not easy, but to stay around these people who are toxic because you don't want to be alone, is really unhealthy and will start impacting your mental health in very bad ways. I would cut ties with both of them.
  6. I will make two points here and it's up to you in if you take my words seriously, or not. First of all, this man has been mentally and emotionally abusive to you. Please don't justify it by saying it was only for a short time, or only the once, etc. I think women do that far too often to try to downplay an abuser. All it takes is one time. And I agree with your girlfriend, why remain in contact with an abuser, and even more so, why on earth go into business with him? Not only is it complicated, but he is not the person you should be dealing with, on any kind of level. Secondly, I am going to speak up for all of those who are dealing with mental health issues. There is absolutely nothing wrong what so ever with someone telling their partner the issues they face and the struggles they deal with concerning mental health. In fact, that's what you're there for!! To help her, support her, love her, ACCEPT her. If you have any kind of issue with her bipolar at all, then why the heck are you with her? She did not ask for bipolar, she isn't doing this on purpose, it's not her fault! I have zero tolerance for those that are trying to shame someone who is dealing with a mental health issue, or those that have no sympathy, or patience with it. If you're going to continue to date this lady, then it makes sense that not only do you accept her bipolar, but that you educate and learn more about it, so you know how to actually support and help her. Bipolar is incredibly difficult, and although I do not suffer with it myself, I do have a close friend who does and it's not a nice thing at all. *Edit below, did not know that gf was not medicating or getting proper help.*
  7. Thank you!! 🥰 I am trying to view all my challenges? As something to learn from and to grow strength from. I am hoping that this week does bring more peace and calm, for sure. But doing my best to look at the positive side of it all.
  8. I totally agree, however there are times where it can't always be avoided. Sometimes it's out of our control. In those times, it's good to rely on the healing. I think many people run from situations without actually getting help for it. It does work, sometimes for a long time, but it is always a better choice to try to find help to heal whatever caused the trauma in the first place. ❤️
  9. I once again, had another light bulb moment go off for me this week. I had a very stressful week, and I find that in those moments of great stress, when things calm down again, you can sometimes find great clarity about different things in life. (not always, but sometimes). I realized that there is a huge difference between avoiding a situation and actually being healed from a situation. Anytime any of us goes through an upsetting situation, the obvious choice in the future, is to avoid that kind of situation. I had not allowed myself into a certain situation for years...many, many years. I had thoughts on it, and I could see how badly it affected me back then, and I saw how toxic it truly was. But I felt that I had healed from it, and that I was okay now. Well, low and behold, if I didn't find myself in a similar situation after all this time. The deep emotions that had been hidden for years, suddenly sprung back up again...full force. I mean, hyperventilating, crying, hands shaking, stressed out to the max, etc. I was somewhat surprised. I thought I had healed from this!! But avoiding a situation, is not the same as being healed from it. You can run away from a situation, you can push all those feelings back down inside of you and lock them away. You can even convince yourself that it doesn't bother you anymore. But it does not mean you're okay, or that you're healed. I am not healed. I now want to find ways to be healed. Where if I suddenly find myself in this kind of situation once again, it's not going to trigger me this badly anymore. I want to actually be healed from my past, and not continue the avoidance game. I hope this helps someone out there. Much love to you all.
  10. Absolutely. It's good to be able to distinguish between those that are not making efforts due to stress, or struggle and those that have just lost interest....for sure!
  11. I think lots of people confuse actual friendships and you being a friend to someone, but they aren't to you. Key difference: efforts. If it's not going both ways, and you're the one constantly phoning, or messaging, or putting in the efforts, that's not your friend. Honestly, it's taken me many years to finally see this. I think I used to justify other people not contacting me, and was okay that I put in all the efforts, but it does start to feel bad after a while. The way you summed it up, Batya, is perfect! Definitely quality over quantity. When the chips are down, you want to know who is going to be there and who is actually your friend.
  12. Words of wisdom worth sharing: 1.) You can be a friend to someone (phone them, message them, plan outings, etc, but if they're not a friend to you (reciprocating all of those things), then that's not your friend. That's you being a friend to them, but it's not being reciprocated. One way relationship, but not an actual friendship. Those that don't make efforts back, or don't treat you as well as you do them, just let them go. Find actual friends, not one way relationships. 2.) Tolerance in a group, or with an individual, does not mean friendship. They may be polite to you (even friendly), they may tolerate you, but that doesn't make you friends. There is a world of difference between those that just tolerate you and those that are genuinely happy to see you and happy for you to be apart of their lives and want you to be apart of their lives.
  13. Seems harsh, has an obvious disability and started telling you about his problems without actually knowing anything about you. I don't want to give anyone the impression at all that someone with a disability is undateable. Quite the opposite, actually. There are some wonderful disabled people who would make great partners. However, some people don't cope well with being disabled, and it can make them very bitter. I am wondering if that's the case with this man. He has given off red flags already, most definitely. I would advise you to not get involved, but that's just my two cents.
  14. He likes her and is still invested in her. He wants her in his life and he's not willing to let her go. Exe's aren't friends. They've been sexual and romantic, they've crossed the boundaries of friendship. This is someone he used to be very attracted to, maybe even in love with. That being said, the fact that he is still looking her way and wanting her in his life, (in whatever small way), says a whole lot about him. He is still invested, yes. Should it be something for you to consider? Most definitely! She's not going anywhere, anytime soon, and he is still emotionally connected to her. Everyone has exe's, but not everyone actively hangs out with their exe's, or even keeps in touch. Me personally, I'd prefer someone who has left the past in the past. It makes things far less complicated.
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