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Everything posted by SherrySher

  1. You're not doing yourself any favors by ignoring what he's done, or who he is. You're just delaying the inevitable. Ask yourself why you're so desperate to hang onto a man who is lying or could be doing worse? Are you really that scared of being alone? If so, you need to explore that and work out why you're willing to allow bad behavior, just so you won't be alone.
  2. Yes, it is quite possible that he does love you and hasn't realized it yet, especially if he is not in touch with his feelings due to past trauma. You know this man a lot better than any of us on here, so you would know more on how he is, and what you think he may, or may not be feeling. What caused you two to break up though?
  3. You already asked him though, and he said no, right? Love can come in many forms, you can love your Mum, your sister, your friend, your dog, etc. You can also love someone, but not necessarily be in love with them. Those are two separate things. But I think the one you're thinking of, is a romantic type of love. Does he feel a romantic type of love for you? Does he miss you and feel lost without you, or that he made a mistake? From everything you described, I would say no. He cares about you, he cares if you're okay or not, and I am sure he wishes you well. But as for feeling a romantic type of love, or being in love with you, it sounds as though it never happened for him when it came to your relationship. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, or him....it just means you weren't compatible and sparks didn't fly in that sense. Love isn't something you'd have to wonder about. When you're in love, or when he's in love, it won't be a question, or not being sure, you will just 100% know. I am sorry it didn't happen for you two. I hope you're doing okay.
  4. I really doubt he feels comfortable with that situation too, but when you're a Father, and when you're the partner of the Father, you sometimes have to make sacrifices. Your partner is correct, you are being selfish and not supportive, sending him out alone into a situation where it's less than ideal, but one he has to attend. It is one day, and if you love this man, you would endure it, for his sake (not the daughters, not anyone else). You are in a serious partnership now, and sometimes you have to do things such as this, where it's not what you want to do, but have to do. This is family, and this is what it's all about. It won't hurt you, it may not be exactly what you want, but you should most definitely attend with your partner.
  5. "It looks like he drove her there and she lost control". You better change your tune, and quick!! If you can't handle your temper when it comes to a man, and know when to walk away, you will become someone who better not ever have children and use this same, lame excuse. I mean it. No one drove her to hit, she drove herself there because she has a very bad temper and can't keep her hands to herself. He drove her to be angry, broken hearted, upset, hurt.(That's when she should have walked away, and left for good!). Her anger and temper drove her to take it to the next level and start hitting. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.
  6. You are taking a very deep interest in this particular post and this particular man. That leads me to believe you are the woman in question. I'm sorry, but you can't throw yourself into victim mode and place all the blame on him. Is he a good boyfriend? I think from everything everyone has advised towards him, it would be a resounding, no. He is immature, lacks standards, has low morals (to some degree), and doesn't understand that lying is never the answer. He should have told her right from word one, that he loves porn, and that won't ever change. Then at least he would be fair to her, and fair to himself. But he was a coward, and I think we can all agree on that. However, this woman needs to take accountability for her actions too. If a man treats her badly, she needs to get some reality, realize that this is who he is, stop justifying, stop ignoring it, stop giving chance after chance, and stop going back to him...all for the sake of some kind of toxic love, that is more fantasy, then real. There were many signs as to who he was/is before it got as bad as it did. She should have packed her things, told him she refuses to deal anymore, refuses to lower herself any further for a man who does not have to same standards, or outlooks as she does...and leave!! There are only so many times he can behave badly, and she stays, where it then becomes her own fault. I still stand by what I said previously, he needs counselling on how to behave in a relationship and how to stop the toxic behavior (lying), hiding, manipulating. She needs to get counselling for her anger issues and to learn that you never, ever have a right to ever touch another human being in anger....ever. But NOT TOGETHER. These two people absolutely do not belong together at all!
  7. He needs counselling and help for his obvious immature ways and idea that he needs to lie, instead of facing things like a man. And she needs to be charged, so she understands the seriousness of laying hands on someone else. She also needs counselling and anger management, asap!
  8. You gotta be kidding me! That statement wouldn't hold up in court at all. "Oh, I am sorry I shot this man, your honor, but he really upset me, therefore it's justifiable". Ummm, no. You always have a choice to leave the situation before something bad like that happens. She had a choice to leave him. If he continued to be awful to her, then again, she should have packed up and left, but using her hands is assault to which she should be criminally charged for, and I hope she is.
  9. It's okay to feel how you're feeling. You're slightly in shock, and when we're in shock, our minds sometimes goes numb in order to take the time to process something of this magnitude. It's a type of protection from your mind, so it doesn't feel overwhelmed. In time, while you're processing, you will eventually grieve, but not before your mind is ready. I am so sorry for your loss. It's absolutely tragic.
  10. STOP IT! Don't you dare try to excuse physical violence as deserving because of something someone did. There is NEVER an excuse for it, never!
  11. Yeah, lying is never the answer. When you start to hide things, then you know there relationship has gone bad.
  12. Your relationship is OVER. You and her are absolutely incompatible. Your value system and her value system do not match up. They will never match up. You are lying to her, that's reason enough for her to end this relationship with you. Some women do 100% feel that watching porn, is emotionally cheating, and won't deal with it. She's one of them. Lying is not the answer. You should have just been honest and said, I watch it, it's not going to change. Now onto the HUGE issue here......her hitting is 100% an absolute NOT okay, and is abuse!!!! She could be, and should be charged with assault! If the tables were turned, I am sure there would be assault charges. Just because she's a woman, gives her no more reason to EVER lay her hands on you!!! She has NO right, and she has now gone on to being extremely abusive. Understand, there is no saving this relationship. There is no fixing it. It has gone full toxic. You need to both go your separate ways. No more talking. No more contacting one another. This is done.
  13. He was in their house 10 mins? That doesn't seem like anything devious, or something to worry too much about. Is there anything else that gives you the idea they might be doing something wrong?
  14. Convincing yourself, it's not a big deal because he thinks it's not a big deal, is really lowering your standards in order to please him. Comparing it to something worse, is another tactic people use to try to lessen the blow of the current situation, but unfortunately, this man lies to you. I doubt that's something you're ever going to forget, even if you try to push it to the back of your mind.
  15. It's almost a guarantee he will do the above. Try it. But I agree with everyone else, you're ignoring who he is and what he is like, and I don't know why. 3 months in is very short and you don't trust him, and he's probably not trust worthy which is why. Deluding yourself that it's not that bad, won't end well.
  16. I am so sorry, Bolt. My heart is so sad for you. Losing a pet is losing a family member. 😢❤️
  17. I gotta say, OP, Rose is 100% right. He enjoys looking at other women. He enjoys also looking at naked women. He enjoys letting them know. He will lie to you about it, and probably lie about other things too. He will turn the tables on you when you try to talk to him about it, gas light you, call you controlling, crazy etc. This is who he is. Take it, or leave it. It's extremely unlikely to change.
  18. Oh okay, I didn't realize it had been that short of a time...yeah, you're definitely not compatible, especially with this much toxicity happening this soon.
  19. You must have felt some kind of deception vibe coming from him in order to check his account. But when a relationship gets to the point where you're sneaking and checking on him, and asking him questions, when you know the answers, then you know your relationship is already in trouble. Do I personally recommend checking up on your partner? Yes, I do. Life is too short to waste it with someone who is going to betray you, and lie. I know many others feel that if you're doing that, that it's wrong, I however feel we have to keep our hearts safe and if you feel your boyfriend isn't being honest, then check. Who else is going to take care of you? Now, when it comes to your boyfriend in particular, it's not so much the fact that he's hiding the truth about liking naked pictures online. That's immature of him at best. However, what would worry me is that he's comfortable lying to you about anything at all. I know you're trying to justify it by saying, "Oh, he just wants to avoid conflict", but a lie, is a lie and it's never okay. If he is willing to lie to you about anything then: A.) You're not as good of friends as you think. B.) He is bordering on a type of betrayal as he is hiding truths from you and behaving how he knows would be hurtful to you. C.) Has less respect for you if he can sit there and bold faced lie (I don't measure it in white, or small, big...to me, a lie is a lie). I really think you need to reconsider this relationship, because by the sounds of it, it's turning toxic.
  20. I'm not sure what he has to process. You know him, I do not. However, this man created this entire scenario. He chose to make you cry, to walk out of your life, to throw your future away. He continues to choose those things, and not make amends, and not fix anything. At this point, there is no excuses. He does not want this relationship, and he is not trying to do anything to save it. I don't feel any kind of sadness for him. He created the sadness for you, and is only feeling guilt over it. I really do hope you back away from him, and stop allowing him to intrude on your life like this. He's not helping, in fact, he's doing more damage by confusing you and giving you false hope. The best you can do is to stay away from him, and ask him to stop contacting you or your family/friends. YOU need to heal. That's what you should be focusing on right now.
  21. Sounds like guilt to me. I mean, yeah, he obviously has some feelings having been together for 4 years, but what you're describing is guilt, otherwise he would be by your side, begging you to come back, right?
  22. Absolutely! You have great value. You've got a good job, you have a good heart, you're loyal, responsible, etc You ARE wife material. Thousands of men are looking for someone EXACTLY like you. If this bozo can't appreciate what he's got and thinks he can put you on the back burner while he runs around, then he doesn't deserve you. Every decision has consequences, and him walking out on you like this, means he is not allowed any kind of access to you. Having access to you is a privilege, and he lost that when he tossed away all the plans for the future with you. Respect yourself more than tying your heart to some man who is willing to treat you so poorly.
  23. Okay, to be more straight forward on what I was thinking. He wants to go sleep around and not suffer any kind of consequences. It's not just travelling, he wants to be able to hook up with someone when he feels the need.
  24. Oh gosh, well then he's just treating you very badly. Wanting to go out into the world, have a good ole time, and putting you on the back burner expecting you to wait. If he valued you, respected you, cherished you, and felt that a future with you, was at the top of his list, he wouldn't be second guessing like this, or tossing you so easily. Don't let him do this to you! You deserve so much better. Block, delete, move on. Let him suffer the consequences.
  25. Definitely not the same experience as being totally carefree and single.
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