RN4L_1969

I'm very particular about these types of relationships and who I choose to engage with...and so I know the stigma. To me they're still a type of relationship, just not a traditional one. To me I don't see it as me being a "customer". It's a mutually beneficial satisfying relationship where two people are agreeable to what they're desires are - and the best part...without the drama. And yes, there's no sustenance or a fundamental type of emotional attachment, but it's still a "type" of relationship agreeable by both parties that are enjoying each other - isn't that what we all want? So besides the obvious "title" describing the relationship, is there a difference between a couple, let's say they're bf/gf, or even engaged; and they go out for a nice evening, and he "pays" for everything...the dinner, the resort stay, maybe a gift or two that he buys her and that they also enjoy a night of sex? Again besides the "label" what's the difference? The mind-sets? The lack of emotional attachment? Maybe...but you'd be surprised how many sugar relationships fall into the "love" category. It shouldn't be surprising since sex is involved. The biological chemistry alone will bind two people with the intensity of an act like that. But there are gifts exchanged, dinners paid, getaways taken care of...and if you were to maybe witness a couple like this in public, you most likely could never tell the difference, (maybe of course the age gap, but that's about it). Again...this is how I customize and like these types of relationships to be. The stigma of the wham-bam, and 1 hr visits at the Motel 8 do exist, but that's for sure not how I operate. I've known they're families by name, their situations, their likes and dis-likes, their job, sometimes where they live, and more. It's because I exude a "care" I guess...regardless of what it does come down to at the end of the day. But like I said, I think there's a fine line between the two, and recent research as shown not only the significant increase in these sugar relationships, but how close they really are to traditional ones...

Yep...not new to it...and exactly

Update: I'm back all, how's everyone? No word from Ms. Sniffles. But that was expected...so all good. Had a great trip with my son/granddaughter and the mom. It's a difficult situation between them and so I've been flying there about every 6 weeks or so to be there for him and my gd. He has no family where he's at, (only the mom does); which is part of the tough situation. Anyway, breaks my heart to see him go through this but at least he knows he has me and the rest of family here as strong support. I've always had a solid relationship with my kids. It's funny cause they don't want me in another relationship, (tongue in cheek), cause they think it''l take me away from them...heh, that will never happen! No one comes between my kids and whoever I meet knows that upfront. Ok I digress... So back to the drawing board...but honestly I don't think I even want to date in a traditional relationship again right now. I may want to explore other "types" of relationships which I've had in the past. IDK. Those dynamics never seem to have any drama, walking on eggshells, making sure you don't say something, do something, act something, think something, breath a certain way...before you or they are on to the next. At least with these types of alternative NSA relationships it really is a lot less complicated and both parties are always on the same page and there's no drama whatsoever. I know, it's NSA...meaning no real substance or foundation of a long term commitment; but...maybe that's my way of "taking a break". But OP, you've only had a dating experience with Ms. Sniffles. Yes, and then the 8 months with my xgf. I'm quickly getting tired of putting forth A LOT of effort in every one of these relationships only to end up frustrated with unanswered questions...either about the failed attempt, or myself...It's tiring man....just tiring, and life is so short... One thing I've been hooked on is that show "Love on the Spectrum"...my son turned me on to it. What a beautiful series!! I loved it...definitely pulls on the heart strings... IDK, that's where my head's at...any help is always greatly appreciated 🙂 -Mr. Anderson

Update: So after getting updated on here, at the same time, I just finished a bag of M&Ms Carmel, my new addiction lol, 😯. Not the kid-friendly box, the "share size" 🐖, ugghhh..... Anyway...I'll have to work that off this week in AZ. Just wanted to say thank you all for the continued advice and support throughout all of this. Honestly it's really helped me. Back in the day I'd black out the room and feel sorry for myself for a few days and not talk to anyone. This is far more effective. I may not be on as much this week since I'll be with my son and granddaughter, and working at the same time; but I'll try and take a sneak here and there - I'm already going to miss the convo lol...who knows, maybe I'll run into my next adventure... Talk soon ❤️

We did exchange some texts...even as she mentioned that she was better...so, yea, mutual fizz Thanks @Wiseman2, and this is exactly what I'm going to do....

This is tough for me, although I'm painfully learning this the hard way 🙁 As a positive, optimistic person, I think I give the benefit of the doubt too early to whomever I meet up with, that they will "gel" in someway, shape or form with me; maybe not the "spark" we've been talking about, but at least as friends - one human to another. But yea agree, I've definitely learned over the past, more than none...that my "puzzle piece" never seems to fit...even if I scour the board trying to make it fit...😔

I understand this approach, but for me as a planner, and always looking towards the future; It gives me this: 1. I always have something to look forward to, (hope) - even if it's "false" or "uncertain", because I rather go to sleep at night with "a" comfort of what the future "may" bring, rather than I don't have a clue what tomorrow will bring... With #1, yes, we tend to set ourselves up for disappointment, BUT With#2, I feel your more lost than grounded since you live moment-by-moment, (which is how it should be, yet, with the added mindset that a future is being planned and talked about); but then there's almost the "expecting" that it could end/change the next day - I don't like that feeling of not being "settled"... Here's the thing...it ALL ends at some point or another. ALWAYS. So make the best of it yes, since a lot of the the fun part is planning a future together. Look I know...I planned and planned with both my x-wives and xgf...and look where I'm at? Single and starting over. Would I do it again? 100%. The memories, the adventures, and so forth are only experienced once in a lifetime...and I felt I was truly living in those moments, "without ever thinking" this could be the last moment of us/this. No, why put my head-space there? I want to enjoy those moments for what they are, (and in the back of my mind of course I knew nothing lasted forever, but what's the harm in believing?" JMHO

I am 100% a planner. Some have even told me I missed my call lol. I love to plan and is actually one of the strengths that is a solid quality of mine. But I also think it's important to live in the moment and be present throughout this short life we live It's a tough, but delicate balance. For example with my xgf, we used to talk about "growing old together"...and maybe like I read here, it was out of re-enforcing a positive outlook on life, with of course knowing that there are no guarantees. But it was nice to fall asleep at night thinking, knowing, at least for the moment, that I'll be growing old with someone...Well, you know how it ended...and yea it hurt and I was very sad for months...but I'm over it and moved on. Now I get to add Ms. Sniffles as another failed attempt lol. To add another phrase to your comment about how we don't know what tomorrow brings; one of my favorite Scriptures in the Old Testament is Proverbs: 16.9 :The mind of a man plans his way...but the Lord directs his steps." I love and live by that verse, (one of many); but it's a slice a Wisdom that could always be applied to this life 🙂

Update on Ms. Sniffles:, (yea she gets the red bolded color) So pretty much what I figured. No mention of another date. I'm not bummed, more kind of quizzical, again, trying to figure out what goes on in that "mind", (and not necessarily her), with women in similar situations. Meaning yes, there was never a spark; but there was enough interest to keep us going. I felt it was on her to setup/ask or arrange the next date...it was her who cancelled the day of our date and asked for the raincheck right? Even with several texts going back and forth, seeing if she'll ask about another date, well it never came, (and yes I know...why do that OP if you're not 100% interested in her? And there's no spark?). Well, honestly, it would be nice to keep her as a friend. There may not be a romantic vibe at all, but we have enough in common and get along where it would be nice to stay in touch once in a while and be friends. But I think that's even out the door now...and now I have a little bit of a bitter taste in my mouth about her not even reaching out, not necessarily for another date, but just in general. Now she still might, she knows I'm headed out of town tomorrow, so she still might, but I'm not holding my breath... I've already moved on...I'm in the Matrix again...

Yea that's definitely NOT me! As a parent, yes of course, agree; but when it comes to dating and connecting with someone, and there's obvious chemistry between us, everything from a "how's your day" message to the sex you think about during the work day that's distracting you, I tend to latch on and get emotionally involved. The last time I had this was with my ..., yes you know, my xgf... And to put it in further context, it took me 2 years to finally settle within myself in my divorce with my x-wife. Even though we are still very good friends and have a "different" love for each other now, we're like best friends and always "run by each other" the new person in our lives...we have fun...

Got it....

I wish I had that problem of setting up meets one after another, lol...I have to get the replies/interest 1st to do that since I'm lucky to get 1-2/week haha... But this is a perfect approach - and yes, coffee at first, not El Gaucho 😆

How very true....and how very sad 😞

This needs to be a post-it on my computer.........

Yes for sure, and thank you for the context. But one question: Even with my boyfriend now and we have confirmed we are exclusive and pretty much always were, I still remain detached from the outcome - what will happen tomorrow or whenever. Why on this? I know "guys" have been know to separate their emotions from their feelings, is this what you're saying or...? Curious....