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Everything posted by goddess

  1. i totally agree with this, in general, but especially the last sentence. Beware.
  2. I will echo the other posters and say that what he's doing is inappropriate, inconsiderate, immature and disrespectful. I would talk to him about it and tell him that it bothers you. It doesn't matter how trivial something is. If it bothers you, then he should stop his behaviour, out of respect for you. It's not asking for too much. If he continues to act like a teen, then I would definitely consider leaving him. I put up with a lot of bs from my ex in my day but now I would not put up with such disrespect.
  3. Thank you so much, Wiseman. I appreciate it. Enjoy the rest of your day.
  4. Hi everyone. I used to be able to log onto this site and it would automatically bring me to the page with all the new posts. Since the new changes were implemented, I have no idea how to find/see the new posts. Granted, I am not the most technologically savvy person on the planet but why on earth did the administrators change it? I find it very annoying (sorry, administrators). I believe in the saying that "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." I would appreciate some insight. Thanks!
  5. I was in a marriage for 29 years. We had children right away so I was busy with them. Plus, my ex had/has a very demanding job. He told me early on that he was into BDSM. Not my cup of tea at all. That said, he continued to nag me throughout the marriage to partake in scenarios that were very disturbing to me. I honestly tried to please him. The kids got older and his requests/demands became more frequent. It got to a point where I was so stressed because I knew I "had" to partake in things that I found so unsettling that I found it very hard to concentrate on everyday life. I had to plan scenarios for when he was home. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells in his presence. It was talking such a toll on me. I didn't get physically sick but I was in a state of near panic so much of the time. Perhaps you should write down what is troubling you because it obvious that it has something to do with her, or possibly her surroundings. I am sorry you are going through this but the sooner you discover what is bothering you, the sooner you can feel better (hopefully). Also, you might consider seeing a therapist. That may shed some light on the situation. Hope you resolve this soon. (Sorry I concentrated on me but I wanted to tell you what happened to me that caused me to become so highly stressed.)
  6. Firstly, i want to say how very sorry this happened to you. What bothers me a lot is the fact that she outwardly lied to you: "...right now she is not feeling things and she wanted to focus on herself and be alone. When I asked if there was or is someone else she said "No, do you not think I can be alone?!" That, to me, is a red flag. If she truly loved you, she would not have conducted herself that way. However, you yourself said that you "didn't feel the closeness or spark I am used to though." Perhaps you were losing interest as well. Think about it. What you are feeling is normal. Yes, it sucks (big time), but there's no magic switch which you can turn off. You need to heal that that takes time. Plain and simple. I can guarantee you that, with time, your heartache will lessen and your broken heart will mend. It seems to me that her emotional compass is broken. You need to break all ties with her; block her, etc. Do not talk to her, text her or otherwise because, IMHO, she is only hanging on to you in case it doesn't work with the other guy. Do NOT be her doormat, please. Pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and do your best to carry on. Difficult? Of course! But you will eventually find peace and happiness. You will be moving to Arizona - wonderful new start. Best of luck to you, and remember, you don't need someone like her to bring you down. One day, you will look back at this terrible experience and truly realise that you dodged a bullet.
  7. i will echo what the other posters said - NO, do not reach out to her. Period.
  8. I have to echo what other posters have said. Do NOT open the channels of communication with this girl. Put your curiosity to the side regarding what happened with the other guy. What purpose would it serve?? Think about that. She cheated on you. Not good at all. Continue your NC and you'll see that, with time, healing will occur and you will be able to get fully get on with your life. BTW, I am sorry that this happened to you. Keep your head high, block her and be good to yourself.
  9. Sometimes, certain people say that they're OK with something when they really are not. Perhaps he wants to convince himself that he's OK with it for your sake? Do yourself a favour and stop texting the other guy. Relationships are hard enough without you adding drama to them. Besides, that's the point? I feel your bf is walking on eggshells. Don't do that to him.
  10. OMG, I cannot tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of that precious little puppy. My heart goes out to you, ninjabib. I realise that everyone makes mistakes, however, this was TOTALLY avoidable. I dislike pointing fingers but your sister was very irresponsible, knowing that the puppy was able to jump the fence. I know she must be very sorry but that doesn't bring the poor little puppy back. You have every right to feel hurt, angry, enraged and upset. You show great maturity to stay away until you have calmed down. I commend you for that. Take all the time you need. You need it. Sending big hugs to you, my dear.
  11. OMG!!!!!! Do N-O-T put your little kitties in the utility room, or worse, outside. That's such a cruel thing to do. They wouldn't know how to defend for themselves after living with you for so many years. Your BF is being thoughtless and selfish, big time!! Run the other way!
  12. Absolutely NOT a good sign at all, I agree. I would never ever give up my kitties for a boyfriend. If he truly loved you, he'd love your cats too because they are part of the package deal. That's my opinion.
  13. I totally agree with Lambert! A big NO!!!!
  14. "this has being going on for years" - this is a super huge red flag. Painful as it may be, I would leave him now. He is being totally inconsiderate and very disrespectful. Why would you subject yourself to this awful behaviour? Clearly, he is hiding something or someone. Think about it. As smackie stated, I would have left within a couple of months of dating. Again, do yourself a favour and leave his sorry a**.
  15. He's a child, for crying out loud! Leave him alone. I don't care how young you look. Just think of this whole scenario as an ego boost and leave it at that. But, hey, ultimately, it's your decision. Think it through before you proceed any further. IMHO, this screams read flag!
  16. That your #1 mistake, Rb. Do not dwell on the good memories. Yes, that's human nature. I get it. However, that will definitely hinder your progress. Personally, I found that if I thought of all the bad things in my relationship (and wrote them down), it was easier to move on because that made me realise how messed up that relationship was. I hope this makes sense because, as you mentioned, it wasn't a brilliant relationship. That, in itself speaks volumes. Hong in there!
  17. I am so sorry to hear this. So heartbreaking but I also believe that is the best choice. We don't want them to suffer. Sincere condolences. Shay is so beautiful.
  18. I went through the same emotions that you went through, Jimraynorp, but I'm talking about the demise of a 29 year marriage. It will be almost 2 years now that I've been divorced and I still struggle. I don't fully understand why. Like you, I would never go back to the ex. What I struggle with is the fact that he kicked me to the curb. I occasionally throw myself pity parties but then I come to the realisation that I'm so much better off without him. Still, I cannot seem to get passed the fact that he no longer wanted to be with me after all those years. I cannot describe how much that hurts. I am so very glad to learn that you found your person. I wish you all the best. You sound like a wonderful guy.
  19. Very good point, Holly. If Angela has any close friends or family, their support is invaluable.
  20. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, and for what you are feeling and going through now. I can speak from experience so I will tell you that what you are experiencing is normal. Yes, it sucks but you are in disbelief and shock. I was married for 29 years and I was blinded sided when he said he wanted a divorce. My world, as you can imagine, fell apart and I felt such despair, grief and heartache. I didn't think I could get through it. You have to process your loss, plain and simple. Easier said than done but it's something that you must go through because you loved him. You are human and this is how one feel when we lose someone who we loved. It's the death of a relationship so you will go through a roller coaster of emotions (just like the death of loved one). Have you ever heard of Kubler-Ross's Stages of Grief? If not, here's a link: https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.grief.html I've been divorced for nearly two years now and I feel so much better now that I am no longer in that toxic environment. Do I miss him at times? Yes. Why? Haven't figured that out yet. Would I ever go back with him if he ever wanted to reconcile (although it's highly unlikely)? H*ll no!!! I had a panic attack about one month after the breakup and I couldn't breathe. Nearly called 911. Seriously, I thought I was having a heart attack. Long story short (if that's possible at this point...LOL) I had three more panic attacks two weeks apart last year. Even the doctors were afraid that something was wrong with my heart. I realise now that I had given him the power to do that to me. I tried really hard to maintain a positive attitude and not throw myself pity parties. They serve no purpose other than cause undue stress. I concentrated on all the good that I have in my life and I have plenty of it. Be happy that you are no longer in this toxic scenario. Why on earth would you want that, right? Don't look back, look ahead. And, with time, you will heal and see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there, Angela! Keep your head up high and know that you are not alone. Wishing you all the best.
  21. "If you thought she was going to drink and drive you could have just calmly talked to her "hey, how about I drive you home.." I do agree with the other posters in that he should seek help.
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