american dream

thanks for all the replies. it matters a lot to me that some people care. bless up

hey all, well, on the 4th of july 2004 i went through an extremely bad breakup. i had been with my ex for about three and a half years and we had lived together for about 2 years of that time. the synopsis is basically, some other dude at her work was hitting on her a lot (emails, text, lunches, calling, IM's, everything) and i told her i didnt like it. she started seeing him behind my back and eventually, after some really odd behavior, she left me with a dear john letter and i had to have movers come get my stuff out of our condo. it is now almost march, and i am still not over how everything went down. i have an EXTREMELY negative opinion of women now (reinforced by seeing 2 of my best friends go through basically the same situations with similar results). i don't want to think poorly of women because of what this one psycho did to me, but i can't get over it. i think about her everyday. in a lot of ways too. i am very very angry at her. i am bettering myself in body and in my career, for what seems like no other reason than i hope to run into her someday and rub it in her face. i know that is kind of sick, but i don't care. on, get this... CHRISTMAS, i go to my moms house, and the ex lives about a quarter mile away. i avoid going to my moms house just because of this reason. i had not seen her since mid-august when i found out she was cheating. i was driving down the street, and oh my god! she was at the intersection waiting to turn left (onto the street i was going straight on). it is a 25 mph street so i had to go by her kind of slow and i know she saw me. she was alone in her car. i freaked. huge panic attack. i was waiting for her to pull up beside me (she would have had to, there were no real turn offs, except other residential areas which she would have no reason to go into). but she never pulls up next to me. odd. i got my wits about me and decided hey, i will be the bigger person and call her and wish her a good christmas and that way i will come out on top. i ring her, and she doesnt pick up. jerk. so it goes to her voicemail and i leave her a quick message, maybe 10 seconds long. SHE NEVER EVEN CALLS ME BACK. i mean, how rude! i was with her for 3.5 years. i did everything for her. and she doesnt even have the decency to call me back??? one of my buddies said i probably made her feel about 2 inches tall, but i dont think so. i know her very well, and i think she is bitter at me. i don't know why i care, but i do. and i am still hung up on what happened on christmas. am i that easy to let go of? am i so easily dismissed? i just dont understand. how could anyone be so calous? and why do i still think about her every day? somedays it isn't a lot, but other days i dwell on it all day long. i don't want her to ever be a part of my life again as she did some truly atrocious things to me, so why do i even care? how can i let this hate go? thanks for any replys...

Just to be clear: heartbroken13, are you another guy or are you a girl. It was hard to understand from your post. Please use as little of shorthand as possible to get the most accurate feedback.

Hi all, Well it has been 2 and a half months since we broke up. About a month or a month and a half since I last spoke to my ex. I have been holding steady with NC and it has been okay. I have been trying hard to focus on myself, and getting my life back together. I have moved in with my other best friend in a more permanent situation. I have gone on a trip to San Fran to see some friends. I have been working hard at the gym and at my work. I am trying to recenter myself. My biggest hangup has been that I feel like I actually HATE my ex for what she did to me. I have never hated anyone before, and it is eating away at me. I can't seem to let it go. I am so mad at her for what she did, and I would never want to be back with her, so I just don't know why I am so angry. I think about her all the time, and how I would tell her off, and beat up that guy if I saw him. It is like I obsess on little sollioques about how I hate her, and the stunned look it would give her to hear this. I really do hope she rots in hell (or whatever may come after this). The biggest problem for me is that I was raised Christian, but through my own searching I have found Taoism to be the way (pardon the pun) for me. Neither of these outlooks on like say I should harbor such anger at her, but I simply can not shake it. Any ideas? Anyone? I have tried journaling, meeting other people, talking about it with my friends (they say I should hate her), and working out to get the aggression out. I want to be at peace with it.

Wow, she sounds INCREDIBLY selfish. She wants her cake, she wants to eat it too, AND she doesn't want to share it with anyone else. How did you get in the situation where it is okay for her to go out with and sleep with other guys, and let her tell you anything about who you should or should not be talking to. Man up and tell her that if she wants other people you are damn well going to get other women. Never let a woman walk over you like that or they will never stop. Nip this one NOW.

*Said as kind as possible* You might want to take this to Jerry Springer.

Ludacris said it best, "We want a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed." Nuff said!

Thanks for the replys all! It is so cool to be at this place in life and hear from other people that hey, it may work out someday after all. Mahlina and bodina a special thanks. I don't know why exactly, but a special thanks to you two lovely ladies anyway!

Well, to start with be honest. Be very kind when delivering the news. My ex of 3.5 years left me a one page note. That was HELLA messed up. But when I was able to see her, we talked for about 2 hours. The house was quiet, and the room was fairly dark, both of which comforted me. Have tissue around for the tears. If you are seeing another guy already or if you will be soon, DON'T tell him today. Let it be for a few weeks before you let him know. By then he may be no contact towards you, at which point it may be easier for him to deal with. Have your reasoning well defined, and logical (it is hard for men to deal with illogical ideas, like, "I love you but I'm not in love with you). My ex was my best friend, confidant, lover, and my anchor. We have been broken up for just over 2 months, and it is still killing me sometimes. If you two had a great relationship like this, consider why you are doing this. The way my ex ended it (coupled with her crazy lying) means that as much as it hurts I will never be with her again. I will never count her among my friends again. In fact, if she was on fire, I wouldn't put her out. I have grown a deep hatered for her because of her lying at the end. And I have honestly never hated anyone else in my whole life. She went from best friend/lover to the only person I hate. So be honest with him if you truly care for him. If he asks for closure and what he did wrong, don't just give him, "its not you its me", or "you didnt do anything wrong". You want to break up for some reason, so let him know what it is (but be kind), so that in his next relationship he doesnt make the same mistakes.

Dude, it is different for everyone. When I was your age I would get like 5000 erections a day! 3 is totally normal. Don't sweat that at all.

Hi there! Well, if you don't already, start excersing. It is cheap, cus hey, it doesn't cost anything to at least walk down the street. Keep a journal and try to peg down what is causing your unhappyness. Get a dog. I couldn't imagine a day without my dog, she is sooooo loving. Hell, smash a waterballoon on your head. Do something to shake yourself out of that funk. For an inspirational movie, check out Antwoine Fisher. It is really good, and shows you a guy who went through (I assume) a lot more than you or I, and it has a great ending. If you need someone to talk to, PM me anytime, I am always up to chat. Cheers mate!

Well tinkerbell, at least you are SUPA HOT . Dont put up with boneheads like that.

Maybe I am not who you were hoping to hear from, but I feel for you bro. My grandma died of cancer when I was 15 as well. I have a small family so I was close to her and it was rough. I remember listening to Amarillo by Morning by George Straight (I was going through a country stage!) and just bawling my eyes out. She was the first relative I had ever lost. I have lost a few since my grandma, and it does get easier with time and as you get older. People die. If you have a really hard time with loss and greif, check out some movies or books to help you out. A great book is, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven," or "Tuesdays with Morrey". Oddly enough, the movie Fight Club has a lot to say about dying and life, and I find it very insightful. What he says is that, until you realize that you too will someday die, you are useless. You can not free yourself until you truly accept that fact. After that you can live every day like it is your last. A lot of times it is difficult to deal with the loss of a loved one because it forces us to examine our own fragility and the brevity of our time on earth. You will be okay depressedone (I have read your other posts and you seem like a great guy). Just take it one day at a time brother! Hope you feel better soon!

Wow liferedo. Wow. That is the roughest story I have ever seen on here about your ex wife. Just nuts. I was dating an accountant too for a number of years when she started doing the same stuff (no nose candy, but alcohol like crazy). I feel for you bro! You are one tough cookie! Much respect. 8)

Wow I have seen this pattern before. Hopefully what happened to me won't happen to you but... It started here -- link removed and it ended here -- link removed Hopefully this is not where it will go for you, but it doesnt look promising.