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melrich

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Everything posted by melrich

  1. melrich
    In the short term you probably can't. If you are going to end the relationship, do it with respect, do it face to face, be honest with her, and don't offer unrealistic hope. Hopefully she will one day see that you were respectful of her and she will in turn respect you for that.
  2. melrich
    Don't worry mate. Millions of people have made the same mistake. Next time around (if there has to be a next time) you'll handle it much better.
  3. melrich
    People who end a relationship often move on pretty quickly. They have often known for some time that the relationship is not right and have already done their grieving by the time they tell you it is over. So they are at a different stage to where you are at. Whether you do NC or not, they may never have second thoughts. Or they may have them within hours or they may have them in weeks or even months. I think each case is so different there can be no rules.
  4. melrich
    You did the right thing. You were the bigger man.
  5. melrich
    How old are you?
  6. melrich
    Yeah I think your body is in control now. You just have to trust that it is doing the right things for the baby.
  7. melrich
    2 and a half months is the worst time. There seems to be a very sudden change at 12 weeks when they go from first to second trimester. If her behaviour is due to the hormones (entirely possible and even likely) then hopefully things will change for you in the next couple of weeks.
  8. melrich
    My partner gained 30 kgs first time around (from 55 kgs to 85 kgs) but only about 12 kgs second time. She said she really did not change her eating patterns from one pregnancy to the next (and I didn't see any change). She was back to her pre-pregnancy weight in about 6 months in both cases so the extra weight did not seem to effect how quickly she got back to normal weight.
  9. melrich
    I am in an "age gap" relationship myself (it seems it is usually defined as 10 years+). To a degree I think a lot of the stigma has gone out of it as ages have become more compressed. There are still issues of course when one of the individuals is under 18 or whatever the age of consent is where you are. Having been here (enotalone) for 4 years I have rarely seen anyone criticise and age gap except in underage instances ( the only one I can remember was the 16 year old boy and the 51 year old man).
  10. melrich
    Sleeping in separate beds is more common than you might think. Plenty of people are light sleepers and just cannot get as good a nights sleep when sleeping with someone else than they can alone. I'm hearing you do this for practical reasons and as long as your partner knows that I don't see it should be a significant issue.
  11. melrich
    I think you make some good points butI am not sure where the marriage part fits in. You can have communication issues and resentment building in any relationship, whether you are married or not.
  12. melrich
    It's not a piece of cake but it's also not impossible. Start planning. You will find it is empowering to feel likle you are at least doing something.
  13. melrich
    That may be how you feel but you shouldn't. You have to have fall back positions because you have too much invested in just one outcome. You need to think about fallback positions. You need to mostly think about your son and how this is going to best resolve for him (and that may not necessarily be the 2 of you getting back together.) You need to start thinking about your options and making some plans. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
  14. melrich
    Yeah, shy people are a good case in point. It may just take longer for him to be comfortable enough to show you his true personality.
  15. melrich
    I think it does have some historical basis but I am pretty sure it was commercialised mid 20th century. It is one of the earlier incarnations of things like mother's day and father's day and the more recent derivatives such as secretary's day. No question these sorts of celebrations have been increasingly commercialised and I think that is why some people openly rebel against the retail nature of modern V-Day.
  16. melrich
    Yes compromise might be the wrong word. But if you go into any potential relationship looking for all those traits chances are you may be holding expectations many cannot live up to. People grow into each other in relationships. If you meet someone and they are most of what you are looking for in a person, often you'll discover the pieces that are missing as the relationship develops and you become comfortable with each other. If your expectations are that someone shows you intelligence, humor, sensitivity, confidence, ambition etc in the first few meetings....that's a lot of pressure and it's not always going to happen until there is some bond between the two of you.
  17. melrich
    How old is your son?
  18. melrich
    That is disheartening. Do you have proof of the fact that she is using drugs around your son?
  19. melrich
    Worry about that later. First make sure he is safe and in an appropriate environment.
  20. melrich
    Yes I imagine it is. I am sure they are. That model is hard to find. Maybe you are being too idealistic about this. I mean your description of the type you are looking for is straight out of the link removed "Profile 101". Is there anything you could compromise on?
  21. melrich
    Your son is the most important thing here at the moment. If she is exposing him to unsuitable environments that is the first thing you need to focus on. See a lawyer, get some advice and a court order concerning custody. Once you have your son sorted you can then think about the relationship.
  22. melrich
    Do it as quickly as possible within reason. You'll feel better for getting it out of the way and it'll enable you to move on quicker.
  23. melrich
    I think at 32 you are still very young ( I mean in respect of having time on your side to meet someone and have children). I have seen both sides to be honest. I have seen people run out of time and I've seen people find someone well into their 30s and have happy relationships and children. I do understand where you are coming from but I don't think now is the time to panic or make hasty decisions. But I see where you are coming from.
  24. melrich

    help

    melrich replied to mollymoo's topic in Divorce Advice

    You need to get out of this marriage. You cannot spend the rest of your life with someone you do not love and someone who quite frankly sounds more psychopathic than narcissistic. Once you have come to this decsion yourself you should act quickly to ensure your affairs are in order and you have an escape plan. Then put it into effect quickly and make sure you know who you an trust and who you cannot.
  25. melrich
    For sure some do. If it has been a meaningful relationship most people will miss and greive the good parts of that relationship. I read somewhere once that it takes "dumpers" anywhere from 3 months to a year from the time hey decide to break up to actually doing it. A lot of people agonise over the decision. What can seem like indifference is often a result of the dumper having "prepared" themselves for the break up during this time of consideration. For the dumpee it is often a shock and this compounds the emotions.
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