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shikashika

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Everything posted by shikashika

  1. shikashika
    Kate, I know... I think this topic has gone a little off topic from the original post I know that you were more concerned about the fact that your boyfriend had changed so much... to all of a sudden go to a guy who only only only cares about silicon and dildos. I agree is is very odd. I don't think porn was the cause of this.. but he had a problem with something in his life.. thats for sure... I don't know what it is.. Have you spoken to him about this since the breakup? I don't know if I would... Was your boyfriend obsessed with anything else in his life?
  2. shikashika
    Kate, I've read a bit about your breakup... it seems to me like YOU have all your dignity together... is it that you're worrying about what people will ask you? Or if people will wonder who broke up with who and why? I know thats what I was thinking in my last breakup...
  3. shikashika
    Exactly.. charley.. in nearly all your examples..there is attraction on one person or both person's part! That is not platonic!
  4. shikashika
    paisley... thats a pretty big generalisation you're giving out there I watch porn.. doesn't make me have unrealistic expectations of my sex life. I like a nice glass of wine.. however if I choose to drink and drink and drink.. then it becomes a problem i like to watch a good porn.. if I chose to watch it rather than spend time with my partner.. then it becomes a problem. Porn itself isn't the problem.. I think its people who can't deal with it AT ALL. When I watch a porn,i don't think about the man in it later and think "gosh.. he'd probably make a good husband.. I really wish I could shag him in real life, and we could take a nice vacation together' For me its just something I like to do.. and I've never had a guy who's had a problem with me watching porn.. in fact they've all quite enjoyed it!
  5. shikashika
    I still think the problem Kate was originally talking about was her boyfriends absolute obsession with porn. I don't think one person on this thread thinks that is a good or healthy situation. and I don't think anyone would agree that porn comes IN PLACE of real sex.... I would never want to be in a relationship where the guy watches porn over INSTEAD of having sex with me. I think its quite different when its just in addition... and its not an absolute obsession
  6. shikashika
    What i find interesting on this thread is that so many people talk about their MEN watching or not watching porn. I hear way way way more often about women not liking their man watching porn... but i think I've seen maybe one thread about a guy not liking how woman watching porn. So why do you think it is that women have deal-breakers when it comes to porn but men don't? Many men think its hot /sexy if their women like to watch porn, or masturbate on their own... but many more women have trouble with their man watching porn. In 'real' life my guy friends all think its great if their girlfriend likes porn... but there are more women who wouldn't stand for it. I have to admit.. I like it more and more and watch it more as I get older!
  7. shikashika
    i don't know much about student loans in the States.. I work at a university here and while it can be tough... there is usually someone you can talk to. Can you not get a student loan amount that would cover your tuition? Is there a student financial services office at that particular university is your credit related to your mothers? Can you get a line of credit or anything?
  8. shikashika
    I think of masturbation as an added dimension to one's sex life. I think no matter how great ones sex life is... even if you have sex 3 times a day, there are always extra things one can do than besides sexual intercourse. Why do you think that you are not fulfilling his needs if he masturbates AND has sex with you? Would you get turned on by watching him do it ( I know I love that in a guy! ) I'm sure he absolutely loves the sex with you.. but if he wanted to do it in addition ( meaning that it wouldn't take away from your sex life) would that bother you as well? I guess its just something I get turned on by.. thinking iof my man and porn.. and me!
  9. shikashika
    Because I really don't see what the issue is with a boyfriend of mine masterbating to some porn.. What is is that bothers you about it?
  10. shikashika
  11. shikashika
    I know he has...I look at porn on my own ... I enjoy it! People are kidding themselves if they think this doesn't happen. When I hear people say "My boyfriend/ girlfriend doesn't think about anyone else but me.." I think... is it a problem if he /she does?!?!
  12. shikashika
    Well.. if she was interested, she would have done something... some people, however are very flirty by nature.. they are like that to everyone.. put kisses at the end of their messages.. call people sweetheart etc etc. It sounds like its just the way she is. Maybe its an age thing?
  13. shikashika
    hmnn.. I would never ban anyone from watching porn. If someone has an obsession with porn. I think thats an entirely different story.. and obsession with anything isn't good its Ok to drink.. but obsession with drinking is bad.. OK to shop now and then .. but an obsession with shopping is bad. I would never band a boyfriend from watching porn.. Personally I believe that if guy or girl bas their partner from watching porn.. then they have an insecurity about themselves. Sure sex is special, intimacy brings a relationship closer together, but I don't believe its cheating and I would never ever tell a boyfriend he couldn't look at porn. to me a person telling their partner they can't look at porn is like shouting out " 'you can't look at any other woman.. nope can't think that way either.. its all about me.. me me me me me me me me me me!'
  14. shikashika
    I completely agree DN, Its not fair to say this guy can't compromise or has a lack of respect for this girl or has less morals... ad you say.. its just different I also don't think its fair to 'force' someone to wait until marriage if its not something they want to do. The person who is 'waiting' may get what they want but the other person who is waiting just to please them may become frustrated with the situation. I also think its quite selfish and somewhat disrespectful to expect someone else to give up something they enjoy doing ( sex!) so the waiting-for-marriage person can have their own way. If two people have opposing views on when to have sex.. I don't think they should be in a relationship with each other. Its unfair of the person who is waiting for marriage to expect their partner to change for them, but they aren't willing to give their partner what he/she wants ants by having sex with them.
  15. shikashika
    hey.. you're making HIM out to be the bad guy! From her posts.. I don't really see that. Its not always the person who is 'waiting' that deserves the respect. Alternatively.. one could say.."if she really loved him and respected him.. she would sleep with him.. because thats what HE wants" Why is it always that we have to respect the one who DOESN'T want to have sex? There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting sex in a relationship.. I know I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who wanted to 'wait'
  16. shikashika
    I think it really depends... The person who demands that their partner doesn't do this or that.. may be the one with issues themselves. Asking someone to not look at porn or not be friends with someone isn't asking them to compromise or 'you'll obey me if you love me', its asking them to stop what they like doing. What that person is doing is asking them to agree with them. Just as someone may not like their partner looking at porn.. that partner may think" if she/he loves me they will let me look at porn... or they will let me be friends with Joe or Jane. While one person may feel like their partner is disrespecting them by looking at porn and consider it cheating, and wouldn't do it if they love them.. the person who enjoys looking at porn may feel that their partner doesn't love them because they ar making them stop doing something they enjoy.
  17. shikashika
    i think in many cases, it can help the person heal.. but it is definitely not the bible for all. The problem is.. while it may be OK for some... many many people come on here and read must do NC... Day 4 of NC, Day 23 of NC.... day 375 of NC.. like its a contest to see how far you can go rather than doing what WORKS BEST FOR YOU. If it helps you heal.. great!! and sometimes , especially at the beginning its neccesary...but sometimes people come on and ask a question about a breakup.. and everyone says NC NC NC NC.. without actually asking questions to see if this really is the best piece of advice for that person
  18. shikashika
    Maybe Valentines day was really important to her... I have ready many posts on here today where girls talk about their boyfriends being nice guys and all.. but he can't even get her a card for Valentines day.... Maybe you hang out with her, but you don't do things to make her feel like you care. Or she could be totally over reacting.. Anyway, it sounds like a complete lack of communication on BOTH your parts.. obviously she doesn't feel like you are with her enough and you feel you are.
  19. shikashika
    well.. I don't think a lot of people do have the 'talk' about past partners and all that as one is whipping off a belt! i would be hurt too if I was laying on top of a guy in my underwear and he freaked out adn stopped and wanted to talk about being intimate and past partners.. I have never never once talked about the "when-are-we-going-to-have-sex... and how-many-people-have-you-been-with? with ANY of my boyfriends.. especially the past partners... if it comes up at all... its usually quite a way into the relationship. What I'm curious to know is.. why did it surprise you that he tried to penetrate you.. is it not part of the lustful passion when you first have sex with someone? especially when you are kissing in your underwear..
  20. shikashika
    yeah he sounds like he is being very defensive and taking out his guilt ( whatever that may be.. come on.. EVERYONE knows, including him what he did is completely unacceptable!) on you by acting this way.
  21. shikashika
    the way you are feeling about NOT wanting to have sex... is probably the same way he is feeling about WANTING to have sex. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your religious beliefs.. but also he should have not have to sacrifice his wants and desires as well to wait and not have sex because of you either. It doesn't sound like you are a good match because physical intimacy is very important to many people in a relationship. Personally, if I met a guy who didn't want to have sex with me.. I would walk away then and wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy like that. Likewise, he would be better finding a girl who did not want to have sex either. I would worry if he said he would wait for you.. because then you are getting what you want.. but he is not getting what he wants.. I think both people need to be with people where they both want the same thing in regards to physical intimacy
  22. shikashika
    ok my dear... if your husband is asking any woman but you if she likes having her salad tossed, t here is a SERIOUS problem.. She sounds like a manipulative capital B.. but honestly I don't think your husband is acting any better! to keep up this contact!! What have you said to your husband about all this??
  23. shikashika
    salad tossing is licking the bumhole
  24. shikashika
    Exactly depends on the people.. I know people who have been happily married for over 20 years and they swing from time to time.. They are happy, claim it makes their marriage stronger.. different strokes for different folks! From some people's point of view they truly believe that you have to care for someone very deeply to be able to 'share' them with someone else
  25. shikashika
    Well I don't think No contact is the complete way to go.. I've said it before on here.. but NC is touted as some type of mantra.. sure it may work for some.. but I don't think it heals all people... We are all different. Sure, it may be good initially... and depending on the circumstances... but sometimes its better not to be bitter... and contact that ex... even if you were dumped. I'm one of the non-NCers on here I truly believe it is NOT the best way to go
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