shikashika
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Everything posted by shikashika
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I felt horrible when I've been dumped... but when I dumped someone.. I felt a huge sigh of relief.. never guilty I hate to say it.. but maybe he isn't feeling bad at all. I know I wasn't when I broke up with someone. Of course the person who is dumped will feel worse and that sucks
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Are you talking about being in a relationship with a Japanese guy? oh ... my ... god are things ever different in that respect.. Is he Japanese?
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I agree I get much better orgasms with my toys than with a guy.. even if he is really really trying
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ditto!.. today.. just a short casual phone call
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sometimes it take a lot of work for a woman to orgasm.. you do not have a problem.. some people can have an orgasm a lot easier than others
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I agree Mun.. when anyone says' dont' feel like that' they are just disrepecting your feelings
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Everything you just wrote is exactly what happened to me 7 months ago.. I don't know why it happened either.. and I never found out Sorry I can't help.. if i knew I would try to offer some advice
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he admitted that? that wouldn't make me too happy You would think one could commit to ONE DAY of being with his girlfriend.
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Having a problem communicating with girlfriend ...
shikashika replied to DavidLarson's topic in Relationship Advice
I would worry about someone telling me they loved me 20 or 30 times a day.. especially after 4 months.. I would get suspicious and wonder if its fake or if they are just going out with me to boost their own ego.. thats just what it sounds like to me -
I would also wonder ( and it may not be the case in your situation!) because of my past relationships with problems like this.. when a guy can't commit to a daytrip.. or making plans.. or a weekend away.. is he going to be able to commit to anything else? or does he not want to make plans in case something better comes along? I saw this in a previous relationship it was only little things like we be hanging out on a Sunday afternoon..and a friend would call and say "come over and do this" to him.. and he would leave because we 'weren't really doing anything anyway' but really, he was just waiting for something better to come along .. he never met anyone else.. but I don't think he wanted to make firm plans with me.. because he wasn't sure about me
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ok, maybe i missed this before... Is he saying he doesn't like you to hang out with your girlfriends? because if he is doing this.. then it most definitely isn't fair
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I notice you are in Alberta.. are you in Edmonton.. I know they have lots of celebrations on here!
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I understand this too.. I was with a guy who just seemed so "meh.. whatever" (thats what he said!) about everything... It used to drive me nuts because some things we had to plan for and he never wanted to commit to something so far down the road (like a week away!) Nick....I don't think the OP is talking about going out with her boyfriend on boy's nights.. this is what I'm getting at from an earlier post... dont' assume that us girls want to go out with the boys on their boys nights and check out girls and do 'man things'... we don't!!!!.. nor do we want to keep our eye on them ... but it just seems like ( in most of the relationships I know!) the girls are the ones who need to book the car or the hotel.. or make the dinner reservation.. buy the lift tickets.. and then the guy gets in the car in the morning.. everything works out because the girl organised it all...and then he says "See everything worked out..why were you getting so worked up about it all" (BECAUSE SHE MADE THE EFFORT TO BOOK IT A WEEK IN ADVANCE SO THEY COULD ENJOY THeiR DAY/WEEKEND TOGETHER!! ) I know girls are generally more planned than guys... and in general the planners are the one who get everything ready, book the hotels, pack the food etc.. and the non-planner just hops into the car at the last minute an enjoys the ride My parents are like this.. my mum is the one who makes the effort to plan things.. because if she doesn't my they woudn't go anywhere and my dad did nothing to contribute to the trip .. but he enjoys it ( because someone ELSE... my mum.. did all the organising!) Sometimes I think people like this just dont' like making the effort ( like the guy I mentioned) As a planner.. non-planners drive me nuts too.. because of me.. they enjoy the trip more.. because I did my research.. got a good deal, got the discoutns, found the nice restaurants.. they enjoy it as well..](*,)
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back to the main point.. any guy that would try to make you feel bad for what you believe in isn't worth it... He or you should have just both said... "I guess we have different values..we probably aren't such good match" You know my thoughts on women who stay at home to look after their kids!
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I don't think you are trying to control him at all.. or make him feel like he needs to ask for permission... maybe HE just feels like that? I dates a guy like that once... he hadn't been in many relationships... and i think he heard through all his friends that girls didn't like it when boys went out together.. and girls didn't like it if their boyfriends had nights... he ASSUMED that I would think like this too.. when i reality I didn't at all.. In fact.. if he went out with the boys.. I told him to have a good time! But... if he ever wanted to do things with his friends and I wasn't there.. he felt that i didn't want him to be there... it was very difficult for me to communicate to him that I didn't mind all these things.. and he just had a pre-conceived idea that all girls hated boys weekends ( when there are a lot of silly girls that do!!... so he had a good reason to think like that) It got really annoying and frustrating. have you planned anything specific with him? Maybe he just isn't interested in a day out? Is he active? I know some people just aren't interested in sitting adn having coffee or going out for drinks.. but are interested in skiing all day. Or alternatively.. maybe he doesn't like to plan anything and feels like you planning things is a way of controlling him (even though I don't think you are!)
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i think Batya has a good point.. when you were in 'friends mode' for so long.. its difficult to move into that more-than-friends zone.. because when you got to know each other and care for each other.. even if only as friends.. he never had to discuss with you when he was going away with friends and didn't have to tell you why or how long... but now he does... Do you think this could be a reason why?
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hey Blackcat.. I lived in rural Japan for 3 yeas... it does make it tougher when you are living in a foreign country and you have all of this to deal with. i agree with what the others have said... HE has to be the one to come back to you.. but I don't believe that NC is always the best way forward... perhaps limited contact with him...
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So he IS giving you the money excuse... you said it wasn't financial... do you think perhaps it is? Do either of you have a car? would you be happy with just a day trip to Banff or something?
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also I notice you live in Calgary... so its not that expensive just to head to Sunshine or Lake Louise, my brothers go from Calgary to many places just for the day. I'm in Edmonton and go boarding every second weekend nearly and there are some really chap package deals which include hotels, lift tickets, transport to and from the resorts for really good prices
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I can understand its frustrating.. Maybe it is or maybe it isn't a financial thing... you mentioned that you were having a 'girls' night.. so maybe he just extended the boys night into a boys weekend for the long weekend? Since you didn't make specific plans for this weekend, for it to be a 'weekend ' together.. I can see how he wouldn't see any issue with making the plans to stay away longer with his friends.. he wasn't canceling anything with you right?
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If you feel better about knowing 'for sure' then go get tested.. No harm done in getting tested!
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yeah whatever reason he gives... even if he truly is intimidates... it doesn't sound like it would be a good match. If I met a guy I felt intimidated by, I would not want to date him either. I want to be comfortable with who I date. Maybe it has nothing to do with the job.. maybe he is intimidated by some part of your personality..but your saying "its your job' is the easiest answer to give
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In cases like this.. it seems when someone really likes someone, they think its sweet that they went to all that effort... but if they don't the person is a creepy stalker!
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I disagree that society should have a right to dictate who can and can't have a child. I know what you mean about people at work with kids being allowed to leave early.. but if I say 'oh I have a steaming hot date tonight, can I leave early to get ready?"... people would laugh I don't neccesarily think that women who have children are me me me... I only find( at my place of work right now anyway) that the women who have kids talk about their kids endlessly.. (but I love kids so I dont' mind asking or hearing about it )... but they don't want to know about the kinds of things single- me gets up to on the weekend. Still most people are not like this.. i know where I work, fathers can get paternal leave as well.. I know a husband and wife who both work at the same place of work, and they were allowed 6 months off each I believe that we don't just work for ourselves, but we work so that EVERYONE can benefit .. I've never had children... never been married.. but as I said in my previous post... I would be very disappointed if the country i live in takes away the minimum on year leave for mothers. just because I can't benefit from it, does not mean I , or others, should not contribute.. then I guess this could lead into even further discussions like Why should I pay education taxes if I dont' have any kids... or why should I pay taxes that go into fixing the roads if I dont' drive that much. in my opinion, as a society, we should all chip in to benefit everyone. Not everyone is fortunate enough that they can save up to take a year off to be with their child.. or save up to pay for their child's education, or save up to do things that improve their quality of life. I think as citizens of a country it is everyone's responsibilty to make sure everyone is taken care of. Just because someone works hard adn is able to to save up the money to take a year off, or put their child in a daycare, doesn't mean everyone can. People work hard at many professions.. some just pay a lot more than others.
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(sorry just my 2 cents about maternity leave ) 6 weeks!!! thats beyond horrible... third world living conditions IMO. Thank god I'm not a mum going on maternity leave in the the US. Here we get a year.. at my work.. it works out to 95% pay for a year. I really don't see how it is a burden to other employees.. its basic human rights... not a privelege or luxury... I've never had children and I certainly dont' feel any burden.. I'd much rather pay more taxes and have a lower salary..and have benefits like that. I don't mind paying the taxes for it. I think its quite selfish to look at things like things in terms of what *I* get out of it... We should work for the benefit of everyone not just ourselves. Unfortunately its a very me-me me... I-worked-hard-so-I-deserve-it society Wouldn't you , as a woman be happy knowing (even if it means a lower salary, higher taxes) that a woman is allowed a year off to focus on bringing up her child? I know I would. I dont' understand why people have a child if they're going to ship it off to a daycare.... daycare to me is women abusing women... Here, anyway, daycare staff are paid horribly. All these women go back to work, while putting their child in the car of daycare workers who only get a few dollars above minimum wage...
