Jump to content

Daligal83

Platinum Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    3,739

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Daligal83

  1. Daligal83
    Do you like to read? That can really pass the time if you get sucked into a book. Have you thought about signing up for a class in your new city? I'm sure you're really busy with your research, but it might be worth the effort to find some sort of class (exercise, art, book club) where you'd be able to meet people that you already know have a similar interest.
  2. Daligal83
    I think you could write about a more general type of student. Think about things you have not experienced or been exposed to and write about that. For example, since my parents saved up for my college and I did not have to work for that money, I could say that I would want to meet a student that is putting themselves through college. I could learn about time management and stress management and what it's like to have that kind of responsibility so that I don't take my privilege for granted. That's what I got from it.
  3. Daligal83
    I know how you feel. I haven't recently broke up with anyone, but I moved to this city for graduate school and never really found my niche. I had a good friend here that I usually go out with at least once a weekend, but it's the only thing I can count on. It was such a hard transition for me to go from active social live in undergrad to a much less active one in grad school. What I've learned to do is just keep busy. I kind of expect to stay in one night of the weekend. Luckily school work fills up that time and I really should be staying in, and that helps a lot. Why don't you call up one of those friends and ask them to go out to dinner or a movie? It's still relaxing but you get to be a little social at the same time. Another idea is to pick up a solo hobby that you really love to do. I'm a knitter and just started a new scarf and I'm actually excited about spending a lot of time knitting this weekend. Hope this helps some!
  4. Daligal83
    Gotta play up that male stereotype, right?
  5. Daligal83
    Well it's not an easy thing to do. I have such a hard time telling someone I'm upset with them, mostly out of fear of how they will react. So I understand your hesitation. It's much easier to tell other people about it to figure out what's happening. I think it's all about how you approach him. Maybe something like, "Hey I've noticed that you've been acting a little different with me lately, are we cool?" Since you guys are best friends, he should be OK with you asking him.
  6. Daligal83
    Hey Maverick, I'm sorry that this is going on. I know how hard it is when you know something is wrong, but don't know why. You started off your post asking why people hide their emotions. Maybe this is your answer. Don't hide your emotions. Go talk to your best friend and see what's going on. You don't have to make a huge deal out of it, but you should find out why he's acting this way. Since you'd want him to tell you if he's upset, you should do the same with him. Good luck!
  7. Daligal83
    I hope this isn't too harsh for you to hear, but I don't think he's in love with you. He probably loves you, but isn't IN love with you. I say this because typically my type was tall, heavy, dark skinned guys. My boyfriend is tall, but skinny and pale..and I think he is the most attractive guy out there. This is because I am completely in love with him (plus he's just hot haha). The fact that he lusts after this women and is frustrated with you for not looking like them is NOT ok. You deserve to be with someone who can't keep their hands off of you. As for survival tips...are you working? If not, I suggest finding employment. Also he'll have to contribute money to help raise them, right?
  8. Daligal83
    Good for you!! I'm really proud of you. Make sure you stick to that time frame and that he makes lasting changes...not ones that will keep you and then he goes back to his old ways. Keep us updated! Oh and don't feel guilty! You've done nothing wrong.
  9. Daligal83
    If this is something you know you want to do, then I'm glad you got what you were looking for. Those are nice things he does for you...but they are not things that sustain a relationship. Just one question, have you guys tried couples therapy? Is it worth it for you to try that before ending your relationship?
  10. Daligal83
    Hey redneckmama! Welcome to ENA I'm going to be blunt here. Your boyfriend is taking advantage of you. He probably knows he can do better too, but has no motivation. He is living off of you completely and this is not fair. Your title asks if you are ruining a good relationship...but from what you said, where is the good relationship? Besides loving his family, what does HE do that makes this a good relationship? Also, you are enabling him. He doesn't feel like he has to do anything, because you're always there supporting him. He doesn't pay for the mortgage or the other bills, why is he living there? You aren't married. He's been shown that he can slack off and treat you like this, and while you might try to tell him it's not right, he doesn't have to actually do anything. My advice is to tell him he has a certain amount of time to "shape up" basically or else he's out.
  11. Daligal83
    There's a difference between not wanting to live together right now, and not seeing it in the future at all. Has he expressed to you that it's something he wants in the future? Is it possible to move to his city, but still have your own place? That could be better for your relationship, to practice being a couple without the long distance. It can be a huge transition because your patterns no longer apply. Basically, even though he is not ready to make more of a commitment now, I think you need to find out if he plans on it in the near future. Otherwise, what are you guys doing together?
  12. Daligal83
    I think it's up to you guys to decide what works for you. What may be unhealthy for one couple is perfectly healthy for another. If you are both OK with emailing less and it doesn't seem to hurt the relationship, then it's fine. It's kind of a trial and error to see what it takes to make both people happy.
  13. Daligal83
    I forgot to offer my tidbit of advice in my shock. I've been through the decision you are making. I got into grad school about 3-4 hours away from the guy I was dating in undergrad. I also got into the school we were both attending at that time. He didn't understand why I wanted to go to the school farther away, and claimed I was running away from him. What I tried to explain to him (and what he never understood) was that it wasn't about him or our relationship, it was about my education. This was a better school with a program that had a concentration in the field I wanted to go into. It was just a better fit for me than our school. We did break up when I got here (doesn't mean you guys will though...this guy was a complete jerk), but I do not regret it for a second. Now I am dating a guy who goes to where I went to undergrad, so we're doing the LDR thing. It's such a difference between the two relationships, so it's all about what you make it. If you guys have a strong relationship and a plan to eventually be together, you have a good shot. You are young, so it's not a gaurantee that you'll make it, but this is your future you are dealing with here. I think someone else already said this, but what if you stay in CA and then you guys break up for other reasons? You will have sacrificed your education and future career. One quick question...have you been to Cornell to visit?
  14. Daligal83
    Oh wow...I feel old!
  15. Daligal83
    How did you get a 2150 on the SAT? It's out of 1600...
  16. Daligal83
    I think what you are doing is great. I'm doing the LDR thing (actually my boyfriend is in Buffalo! I went to UB for undergrad and am job hunting to go back) and what we do is just chat on the phone everyday and talk online when it works out. I've sent him a care package when I first got back to school in September, but haven't had a chance to put together another one. I just sent him cookies and something for his new apartment and a card, which is has been on his dresser since he got it. We schedule visits when we can, but it's tough because he works part time and I don't have a car. Basically you guys have to figure out what works for you. I think Aurian has given you some great ideas. Just remember to do sweet things for her because she can't get that physical attention. It makes me so happy to wake up to an IM or facebook message from my boyfriend, or to get an email while I'm at my internship. Just little things to reassure me that he's thinking of me while we're apart. If you ever need to talk about it, feel free to PM me
  17. Daligal83
    If it was just any normal day, I'd say see how your boyfriend feels and then go from there. But it's your birthday, shouldn't you want to spend it with your current boyfriend and not your ex?
  18. Daligal83
    When he does something that upsets you, how are you voicing that to him? You have to be careful and see if you are making complaints, or flat out criticising him. A complaint is specific, like "I feel upset when you did so and so." A criticism is "You never respect me and how I feel." When someone is criticized, they will get defensive. While it is important that he treats you well, he's not going to change anything if he feels criticized.
  19. Daligal83
    I think it was based on research. For the criticism, women tend to be more emotional and it can lead to criticism. Men don't enjoy the criticism and it leads them to stonewall. The stonewalling leads to more criticism from the women, so it's circular. It's a demand-withdrawl cycle. I don't know any specific reasons, but everything he talks about is based in research. He did this incredible study of married couples in a "marriage lab" that studied their interactions as well as their physiology. Things like heart rate during stressful interactions, facial expressions. It's pretty interesting.
  20. Daligal83
    That service does sound great. I've never used Skype, but know that some friends have. I'm glad you found something though and that you feel better! I'm in an LDR too, although nowhere near as great of a distance as you guys, but if you ever want to talk about it feel free to PM me
  21. Daligal83
    I'm taking a couples therapy class this semester, and one of the first things we learned and have to have memorized is something called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." This was termed by John Gottman, if anyone is interested in reading his work. He describes these four things as detrimental to a relationship, so I thought it'd be interesting to share with this forum so we can examine our relationships. They are... 1. Criticism (different from a complaint. A complaint is specific and uses "I" statements, such as "I feel upset when you don't call when you said you would". These are not identified as detrimental to a relationship. A criticism is global and implies a defect in the person's character, such as "You are so lazy." This is done by more women than men.) 2. Defensivesness 3. Contempt (Identified a the worst of the four. Occurs when someone acts superior to their partner, such as "You are such an idiot. You can never do anything right.") 4. Stonewalling (This means emotionally withdrawing from the other person. This is typically done by men, so he states that when a woman does this it pretty much means the relationship is over). Just thought this would be interesting to share with everyone
  22. Daligal83
    You cannot have a healthy relationship where one person threatens to commit suicide if the other breaks up with them. It's emotional blackmail. I'd leave now and not let her keep you with threats. If you wait until you're farther into the relationhip, it's going to be even harder.
  23. Daligal83
    I have two thoughts on this. One, I really do think that someone could become more attractive over time. It's definitely happened to me. What you have to ask yourself is if there is any attraction at all. My other thought is that (again this is based on things that have happened to me) maybe you are attracted to her on just a friend level. I know that I've gotten really excited about a guy when I first meet him, but then realize it was just excitement over a new friend and making that connection. By then we've started that dating process and I have to break it off and I feel really bad. So it may be possible that you want her in your life as a great friend, but nothing more. Although if this is not what she wants, that may not be possible. I think you need to ask yourself how you would feel if you lost her. What if you broke up with her tomorrow, and next week saw her with another guy? Would you be jealous? Would you be upset at all? Would you want her back?
  24. Daligal83
    There's a service called Skype that allows you to chat through the computer using microphones. I believe it's free and you just have to download the software and have the microphone, so you might be able to talk to him more than you think. Webcams are great. My boyfriend and I haven't used them because last semester we were able to see each other every 3 weeks or so. My sister and her now husband used them when they were apart and they really found them to be helpful. We also use them as a family to see my nieces. I love it.
  25. Daligal83
    I am a graduate student getting my Masters in Social Work with a certificate in Child Welfare. I plan to go into the Adoption/Foster Care field after I graduate in April...if I can find a job that is.
×
×
  • Create New...