Daligal83

What makes me happy is knowing that I'm doing something worthwhile. Have you tried volunteering somewhere? Knowing that you are affecting others in a positive way is a great way to feel good about yourself.

That should definitely help. Again, I wouldn't just go NC without telling him because that could affect any future friendship that you could have. Enjoy your time away! That sounds like so much fun

Well if you need time for yourself, keeping in touch won't really do that. I'm not saying it has to be forever, but at least for a little while to get yourself through that hard time after a break up. I tried to do the same thing with my ex because I was afraid to have him totally out of my life. It didn't work though. By keeping in touch and knowing what he was doing, it just made me more upset. I had to completely separate myself from him.

I usually get extremely nervous, because if it's a random guy I don't know who he is or what his intentions really are. If it's a guy I know and I'm not interested, I get nervous because I feel bad having to say no. If it's a guy I know and I am interested, I get nervous because I don't want to act like an idiot. All around anxiety haha. Luckily now I can just say, sorry I have a boyfriend!

You'll miss him at first, but that goes away after awhile. If you want to move on, I think you need to stop contacting him for awhile. I'm not a fan of the cold NC though. I think it'd be better to drop him an IM or voicemail or email and just say that you need some time away from him to regroup. When you are ready, you'll contact him and hopefully he'll want to talk too.

Hey, I have a couple things for you to think about. One is that maybe it's too soon for you to be dating. I believe that after a relationship, you need time to rediscover yourself and fully move on from your ex. I don't think you've given yourself enough tiem to really move on and enjoy a new relationship. The other thing is that you said with your ex, you gave up your friends. You shouldn't have to do this. Being in a relationship isn't about giving up everything from your life to be with that person, it's about enhancing what you've already built up. Maybe you're afraid with this new guy that you'll have to give everything up again, when that isn't the case. Maybe you should tell this guy that you really like him, but it's just too soon after your breakup for you to be in another relationship. Say you want to take things slowly to make sure you've moved on before starting something with him.

Hey I'm in a rush so I can't fully respond the way I'd like, but in general I just want to say that I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sucks and it's not fair. On the positive side, you've seen what she's really like now instead of when you've gotten into a relationship and even more attached to her. I know that doesn't really help any right now, but just keep it in mind. I wish I could give a more detailed response, but I gotta go to my internship and I'm sick and thereforeeee not functioning well right now lol. n83-YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO happy for you!! He will call hun, because you're amazing. Stay positive!

I was in a similar situation, so I can empathize. I had a guy pursuing me, but whenever I showed interested back he'd disappear for a couple days, then come back. It was a cycle that I fully participated in. I was clinging to the way I felt when he actually did show interest. Eventually I got sick of him and moved on. The last few times he texted me over the summer, I didn't even respond. I have class with him still and he can't even look me in the eye, it cracks me up. You are not an idiot, but I do think you should put an end to this confusion. I'd tell her that you've been patiently waiting for her to figure out what she wants for awhile now, and it's time for her to decide if she want something or not. I'm glad you're seeing other girls though! Not just waiting around for her. Good for you! I think you still think of her because you can't figure out her behavior and it's natural for you to want some closure.

Hey I've been following this thread and need2bme, I have a question for you. I understand that at the beginning when you met this girl, she seemed amazing. But the considering the behavior she is displaying now, why are you sticking around for it? You seem like a very intelligent, mature guy and you deserve better than what she is putting you through. If she's treating you this way in the beginning, what makes you think a relationship with her would be any better?

That's such a good point annie! I don't feel confident a lot since I moved here. Sometimes on an academic level, but mostly in a social/personal level. I haven't found many people that I feel truly get me and accept me here. I was definitely a little depressed last year. I'm much better this year, but I have my bad days. Even though I don't believe the specific things he would say to me, it had to have affected me in some way. I know I'm very aware of money and what my parents spend on me because he made a comment once that I flaunt it (not at all true, his family had more money than mine ever did). That's such a great point.

I try to look at it like this too. It was a learning experience, so I don't necessarily regret it. It has made me stronger, because it brought to my awareness that I let people walk all over me at times. I had to learn to stand up for myself, which I am still working on. It also lets me appreciate my boyfriend in a way I wouldn't otherwise be able to. Just the fact that he asks how my day went, compliments me, cares about who I really am, etc...it's amazing to me. I try to take the good things out of a bad situation. Some days are just better than others. I mean I definitely can go for days without even thinking about it, but it's still consistent.

If I were reading this as someone else's post, I'd probably suggest the same thing. I don't know how much it would help right now though. I'm in the field..I have a bachelors in psychology and I'm getting my Master's in social work. I know a lot of the techniques and what they would try to do with me. I just feel like it's not something that is necessarily intrusive on my life. It's not holding me back from achieving what I want to achieve or from forming healthy relationships. I think my problem is that I haven't forgiven him and that has held me back. I try to tell myself that I should because it's only hurting myself and he's not mentally healthy (whole other story that I didn't include). I don't know why I can't though. I also don't know if it's normal to still think about it, or if by now I shouldn't have any thoughts of it at all.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to explain this right..so bare with me... A little over a year ago I broke up with my ex-boyfriend for the second time. A brief rundown, we started dating in October of 2003, broke up in January of 2005, starting to "casually date" (his term) two weeks later until that summer when we became "official" again, and then I dumped him in September/October of 2005. Our relationship was great for maybe 3-4 months, at which time he started to display some not so great qualities that kept getting worse and worse. I believe he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. He would degrade any accomplishments I had (told me that honor societies were pointless because anyone could get in each time I made it into one, meanwhile he wasn't getting into any), refused to spend time with my friends, didn't like me getting close to his friends, got jealous over me spending time with ANYONE else (including family), constantly made fun of how I ran my club, made Jewish jokes all the time (I love a good Jewish joke but his weren't funny and he refused to stop when I asked), made fun of me all the time and wouldn't stop when I asked, would tell me that he could cheat on me and I'd never find out, would tell me that if we broke up he would find someone faster than I would, etc. These are just the things that I can remember. I finally broke it off because I moved to a new city for graduate school (something he never supported and always tried to make me feel guilty for) and his behavior was worse than ever. The breaking point was when I had to get off the phone and he goes "Fine! Just dismiss me like you always do! Just f*** off!!!" That was it for me. I saw him two times since we broke up. The first time he had just broken up with a girl he liked the first time we broke up. I asked if he was in love with her and he told me that he's not sure, if he isn't it's the closest he's ever been. That floored me. He told me he loved me after 2 weeks together and we always said it. He also had two long term relationships before me. I told him this and he said that each love is different. Later on he told me that he still had strong feelings for me. The next time I saw him he was acting like he had changed and wanted to try again. We ended up kissing, but I was very uncomfortable. When I returned back to school, he went MIA. I was pissed off because I felt manipulated again and decided I was done. He IMed me once since then but when he saw that I went home without telling him, we haven't talked since. Now to my question...I am definitely over him. I fell out of love with him while we were still together. I have moved on and am extremely happy and in love. My current relationship is so healthy and wonderful. I consider myself very lucky. However, I can't stop thinking about all the horrible things my ex said to me throughout our relationship. I don't know if it's me being bitter or being angry still, but it bothers me that I still think about it. I have no desire to talk to my ex or see him, but those thoughts just won't go away. Is this normal? He was my first relationship and I know people always say you never forget your first, but it's not like I'm thinking of him in a good way. Any input?

I actually think it's better to have this conversation in person or over the phone if there's a distance issue. Things are too easily miscommunicated through IM and the conversation is too important. While it's great to have that record of what was exactly said, I think the OP would get a lot more out of a face to face conversation.

I think it's mixture of both. I think a lot of it is just cravings and just feeling the need to eat. But like last night when I went to bed, I had just eaten a snack and my stomach growled. I tend to crave fatty things too. Like for dinner yesterday I had a spicy chicken sandwhich from Wendy's and I'm always craving chocolate. Usually I just get it right before my period and it stops, but this time it's lasting. Luckily I don't keep a lot of junk food in my apartment! It's nice to know this isn't just me, lol.

So, I've noticed over the past year that whenever I get my period I get really hungry. I can't seem to get full. Normally I eat tiny little meals and don't even get enough calories some days of the week. But around this time, I can literally eat all day long and still be hungry. Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like I negate all the working out I do during the other weeks of the month.

I have dated the jerk. He started out treating me really well, and that made me fall for him. He then slowly began to reveal who he really was and by the time he was totally exposed...I was in really deep. I believe I stayed for a few reasons. 1) He was my first boyfriend and my first love, I was inexperienced and naive 2) I was terrified of being single 3) He would say things to make me feel bad about myself like "If we ever broke up, I'd find someone faster than you would" and "I could cheat on you and you'd never find out"...didn't exactly give me the self confidence I needed to make a break 4) I clung to the moments he was good to me Now I'm dating the nice guy and I couldn't be happier. I've gone on dates with nice guys in the past and ended up not wanting to be with them. I think the difference is that with those nice guys, they came on WAY too strong and it freaked me out. With my current boyfriend...he's the perfect mix. He's absolutely amazing to me (I woke up to a love poem today), but he isn't at my beck and call. He teases me (in a good way), lives his own life, and isn't afraid to be his own person. I think girls do want a nice guy, but they aren't as immediately noticeable as the jerks. The jerks definitely stand out because they make themselves noticed. Also they think they're so great, that it makes other people think the same. They have confidence. I believe the older a girl gets, the more she realizes what she wants and tends to go for the nicer guys. Unfortunately, you just have to be patient!

Oh and I'd like to add..that one of the guys included in my number I am ashamed of for many reasons. My boyfriend asked me the question early on and I told him the entire truth, he just took my hand (we were walking outside) and kissed me. It doesn't always turn out bad.

What happens when the relationship evolves into something serious though? Do you then tell your SO the real number? Or do you keep that from them forever? Wouldn't it cause problems if down the road if they find out they didn't know? I've never lied, but then again I have a very small number.

1. a. Got a 3.89 for my first year of graduate school. b. Spent my summer volunteering with teenagers on probation. c. Snagged an amazing boyfriend d. Got into better shape. 2. a. Graduate with a high GPA. b. Get a job in the field I want, and the city I want. c. Take a pottery class. d. Keep getting into good shape.

You're right, that should be focused on too. I still stand by my comment that we should not focus on judging her character for having two children

I agree with n83. I think people are being way too hard on this woman. We don't know anything about her or her situation. I think instead we should focus on whether the OP is ready to be in a relationship that involves children, NOT on the character of the mother. Lets keep in mind here that she has taken responsibility for both of her children, and that is extremely commendable.

A good way to connect with your son is to have him teach you something. You can ask him to teach you to play one of his games, since this is what he loves to do. You have to get on his level and connect to his world. He's not going to be interested in doing the things you want to do. That being said, I agree with the others about doing something with the amount of time he plays video games. I don't think you should take it away all together, but impose a time restriction. You could tell him that he can only play for an hour and a half during the week, and 3 on the weekend. Also, sign him up for some club or activity. He needs to get out and interact with peers. I have a feeling that he avoids people and only plays games because of the insecurity that goes along with being twelve years old. He's starting some very difficult years. If he builds up a skill that he is good at, it'll give him some self confidence.

I've never call them "the girls." I tend to call them "my misquito bites" because they are so small, haha.

I know this is slightly hypocritical since I waited for my boyfriend to say it, but I think at 7 months if you want to say it you should. Unless you feel that he's just really not ready to hear it. You also can't expect to hear it back, so you'd have to want to say it just to let him know how you feel.