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Everything posted by Daligal83

  1. annie, I've always struggled with online dating too. I'm tempted to go back to it, but I don't know if I can deal with it. I hear all of these stories about how women get flooded with messages on those sites and that doesn't happen with me. I also feel like my personality translates better in person than over technology, so it's a tough medium to use. I feel your frustration!
  2. I'm a little late to the conversation, but can I add my vote for dresses? I always refer to them as grown up sweatpants. I can't stand jeans and would prefer a dress/skirt and leggings/tights any day. Now I just need to lose weight so I look presentable in all of those dresses that I purchased over the past few years lol. I did just get a new skirt from Old Navy and wore it today for the first time at work. I was told that I looked nice, so that's a bonus! I do really well with online Old Navy purchases, somehow. And for the nail conversation, I have busted toes from running as well. I try to make them look nice, but it's a lost cause. I have gross calluses on the tops of most of my toes. I can't even get a pedicure to fix it because I need the calluses. It's so much work being a female sometimes and I don't even consider myself all that girly or high maintenance.
  3. You open your windows and hope for a breeze haha. I have no balcony, central air, or pool. I also live in a converted Victorian house. I'm sure the homes where annie lives are older apartment buildings and probably don't have those kind of amenities. My best friend has lived in LA, Durham and now Alexandria and she has always lived in apartments like what you are describing.
  4. I love that, Fudgie! That's such a great perspective to have. I'm borrowing it
  5. I may be wrong, but if he doesn't give you a new year long lease, then it turns into an implied month to month lease. That's how it works here. Unless it says something in your current lease that it automatically renews for another year. I'd read through it.
  6. I would make sure that none of your bedding is touching the floor and pull your bed away from the wall. Mice usually run along the perimeter of the room, so those two things should help prevent them from finding their way onto your bed. Did you call your landlord again? If he's not actively addressing this, you can call the heath department and report him. Traps aren't enough. Like someone else said, you have to find where they are coming in and fill those holes.
  7. I think one of the most difficult parts of a breakup is not putting all of the blame on yourself. I don't mean that you think you caused the break up and you are obviously well aware of his faults. I mean that it's hard not to see it as not being good enough or loved enough, etc. That's not really it though. It doesn't have to do with you, it has to do with him. There wasn't anything you could have done or said to make this turn out differently. Or to make him handle it better. It has nothing to do with not being good enough. It just wasn't right between you. And unfortunately, due to some of his flaws, the way it ended makes you feel otherwise. I doubt he's thinking of it like he's dropped you quickly or he took advantage of your kindness, like how we see it. He's in his own world and is acting based on his own thought processes. It'll take time, but once you're out of that break up daze, you'll be able to see that the way he handled everything really has nothing to do with you at all.
  8. Did you check under the stove or behind the fridge? I still never caught the one I saw here. I found a new apartment though! It's smaller and more money, but the kitchen is gorgeous and updated, there's hardwood floors, two closets (I just have one now), free laundry in the basement and off street parking. I told my landlord today and all he said was that he'll give me 24 hour notice of any viewings. I then asked if he can take out my a/c unit whenever he gets a chance, which he insists on doing anyway. He didn't answer. It's so sad because I really love my apartment and the location of it. So much. I just can't deal with the situation.
  9. annie, can you get back into dancing like you were before you moved? You seemed to love it so much and this is the perfect time to add something like that back to your life. I think you're handling everything really well. Cognitively, you know that this is all in your best interest. It's completely OK and normal to be hurting though. We can't necessarily choose who we have feelings for, but we can choose how we act on those feelings. Even though you knew he wasn't right for you, that doesn't mean you didn't love him. Like everyone else is saying, it just takes time and it'll slowly keep getting easier and easier. It's just adjusting to a new norm. Also, for those of you who were talking about adopting older children from the foster care system, I LOVE YOU! I work with children in foster care and there is such a huge need for quality foster parents. It's an incredibly tough job because of the trauma the kids have been through, but they need positive and committed adults in such a big way. You guys are amazing for even considering it. If you ever have any questions or want to talk about the foster care system, let me know.
  10. I can't believe him, annie. He's just so selfish. It's unbelievable. You are too kind and generous to be with someone like him. And seriously....cats? Does he even listen to himself talk? Who says that? I think you should call up some girlfriends and make fun weekend plans. Get back into dancing. Life your life again.
  11. I'm so sorry annie I 100% agree with what everyone else has said. It says a lot about his character that he convinced you to stick by him while he was at his worst and now that he's slightly improved his situation, he bails. I know it hurts now, but you don't want to be with someone like that. You deserve SO much better and you'll find someone who is smart enough to realize how amazing you are. Logan doesn't deserve you. We're all here for you and you have a ton of friends there to support you as well.
  12. When I had the mice licking the peanut butter off of the traps without setting them off last year, I joked that of course I can't find a smart man, but I found smart mice. Maybe put less bait in the cup so they have to work harder to get it? The exterminator also told me to put them T shaped against the wall, so when they're running along the wall they'll run right over it. I live in an old house too. This area is mostly Victorian houses that have been turned into multiple apartments. I'm taking a second look at an apartment and there's a good chance I'm going to go for it. I hope your exterminator comes quickly! At least your landlord will hire one! Can you ask the girl that your subletting the apartment from if she had mice while she lived there? I'm sorry about all of this anxiety with Logan He really shouldn't have texted you at work like that. He knows how your mind works and that this would create anxiety and stress for you. It would do that for anyone! Whatever it is that he wants to talk about, you will be OK. Everyone is here to support you!
  13. This is one of the kind of traps I have in my apartment right now: link removed
  14. annie, have you tried the plastic mouse traps? I like them better than the wooden ones. It's harder for them to lick off the bait without setting it off because they have to step on the lever to get to the dish with the bait. It's also easier to clean up. Also, traps are one method, but you have to seal up the holes that they are getting in to really stop it. Your landlord should be taking care of that. You have to fill them with steel wool or that expandable foam stuff. I feel your pain though. I swear I've heard them in my bedroom at night. I tucked in anything hanging off of my bed so they can't crawl up into it. I'm definitely moving because I can't keep living with the anxiety of it all.
  15. justagirl, I live in a house built probably before 1900 and probably hasn't been renovated since the 70's. There are so many holes in this place, it's ridiculous. I also live directly in front of a bar/restaurant, which I'm sure contributes to the problem. Don't worry! Plus you probably rent from a company that would be much more responsive. My place is owned by just this one guy who hates being a landlord or spending money.
  16. I hope so. He caught two last year, so I don't know. If he wants a house full of mice, that's his issue. I just don't want them coming in here. My neighbors just told me that when they moved in last year, they saw droppings. They killed the mama mouse, which I knew about. What I didn't know is that they found a bunch of dead babies under the stove. Gross!!! I can't believe they stayed.
  17. That's a good idea. I can get some from my friend at work tomorrow actually. I didn't see any droppings. I saw the actual mouse. None of the traps have the peanut butter missing, not even the ones that I accidentally set off.
  18. Hahahaha where in the world do I get fox urine? I feel like that would create quite the stench in here. I'm terrified of mice. I know I'm not going to get a lot of sleep tonight. I'm going to think every noise is a mouse and there's a lot of noise around here. And especially since now I have it in my head that it's going through the baseboard heater, which goes right past my bed...it's just not good. My landlord is being a huge jerk about it. It's that he doesn't want to spend the money to address it. It's insanely cheap. The only thing he will still talk about is the traps. I told him someone is coming tomorrow and he said it's not his suggestion. I'm not allowed to have pets here, so no cat. Last year my sister offered to let me borrow her cat, but he said no. I'm allergic to them anyway, but I'd deal with the allergies to get rid of them. She said her cat probably wouldn't actually kill any mice, but the scent of having a cat there may drive them away. Sigh, I think I just need to move. I'm sure this will happen in another place since it's all old Victorian homes around here, but I at least need a landlord that will take action besides traps.
  19. Ugh I just saw a mouse in my apartment a little bit ago. He tried to come into the bathroom while I was on the toilet. I'm still very anxious about it and I have no idea where it scattered off to when I screamed at it. I will not be sleeping well tonight. I had a mouse issue last year. We caught two of them and thought we sealed up all of the cracks. I have baseboard heaters though, so I think it can get through there and there's no safe way to fill in holes there. My landlord does NOT care. Seriously, the only thing he will do is set traps. That's it. And blame it on me. My 75 (at the time) year old father drove in and was down on the floor filling holes while my landlord wouldn't. Then he comes to fill in the ones he couldn't get to with that stupid foam stuff. I called him and Facebook messaged him this time. He just tells me that he'll be back in town on Friday. I asked about an exterminator and he says to reset the two traps I set off while cleaning. There are five other traps still set and the thinks this is the solution. I bring up the exterminator again and he says we filled just about everything last year. So I just arranged for an inspection on my own. I can see when he reads my messages and is ignoring me. I think I need to move. I know this happens with old houses, but I cannot handle his lack of action. I'm so freaked out that it's running around my room at night
  20. A couple of thoughts. It's great that now he's saying he loves you, will smoke pot less and get health insurance. It also sounds like he's saying what you want to hear and we know that acting on his words is not his strong point. I'm not saying it's impossible for all that to happen, but just something to keep in mind. You keep saying that you want to see him be a responsible adult, but he hasn't been in that place because of his unemployment. I'd argue that this isn't true. You can still be a responsible adult while unemployed. You spend less and make your time useful. He could have been attending networking events, unemployment support groups, volunteering in his chosen field so it's not a gap of time on his resume, etc. He didn't choose to do this. You don't get a free pass out of being a responsible adult because you lose your job. In fact, I'd say you have to up your responsible adult game by a lot. All that being said, I get why it's so hard to make the decision. Like you've said, it'd be easier if there was a significant triggering event. It's so much harder when your gut and head tell you it just isn't right, but your heart still wants to be with the person. I think in a sense, you're going through the break up while still being with him. If/when it finally happens, you will have already been through the bulk of the heartache as opposed to if you had just pulled the plug immediately. You need to listen to your gut when you're ready though. It's always right. After every dating situation has ended, I always look back and remember how I had a gut feeling that it wasn't a good situation. You also have to take him for who he is, not who you both want him to be. He can say he's that ideal guy all he wants, but if he never actually acts that way...well then he isn't. You guys have been together for 8 months, right? If he hasn't shown you that side of him by now, it's just not there. Maybe it will be years from now, but that's a big maybe. I'm sorry you have to go through this
  21. Not to make you rehash the love thing over and over, but I feel like Logan is thinking about love in a very concrete and logical way while you're thinking about it in the abstract emotional way. He's recognizing all the qualities he loves about you, but not identifying that he has that emotion of love. I think that's where the disconnect is for him and for you. It's hard to know if this is situational or just the way he is in relationships. It could be a combination of both. I think it's possible that part of it is him based on how you guys started dating. If I remember correctly, you guys met and he immediately decided he wanted to be in a relationship with you. That speaks to that concrete thinking regarding relationships. He was acting on facts instead of feelings, since there's no way he could have developed romantic feelings at that level so fast. If this is true, it also explains why he's having such a difficult time expressing his feelings to you and why it comes off so harsh. He's explaining it in factual terms while you're wanting him to explain it in emotional terms.
  22. Good luck with your interview! That's really exciting! And I'm glad you're standing your ground with Logan. You deserve nothing but the best. Ellie, congrats on being pregnant!!! I'm so happy for you!
  23. I agree with the others that you deserve someone who is passionate about you. While I understand that he has been dealing with a lot regarding the unemployment, he also took a long time to get serious about his search. And again while I understand how being in an unstable situation can prevent him from wanting to commit at a higher level, I don't think falling in love falls under that category. You can be in love with someone when you are still figuring out your life. It's a bad time to move in with someone or get engaged, but falling in love just happens. I don't doubt that he has strong feelings for you, but if it isn't progressing past that then it's not fair to you. Is he passionate about anything in his life? I'm wondering if he's not a passionate person or maybe he's depressed. It's hard to feel love when you're in a depressed state. Not that it's an excuse, but could maybe give some insight. I agree that you're doing the right thing by creating some distance. At this point, he's had your unconditional love and support. I think that he's been appreciative of that, but taking it for granted at the same time. He needs some perspective and so do you. You deserve to be happy!
  24. That's great about work! It clearly shows that the issue lied with your old professor. Luckily you ended up benefiting from the whole ordeal! He's coming to the wedding with me No fun story lol.
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