Daligal83

I stayed for many (bad) reasons. One is low self-esteem. It took me 20 years to get my first boyfriend and I didn't want to wait another 20 for the next one, so I just stayed. Another is that my entire live revolved around him. He wouldn't spend time with my friends or family, so I integrated into his life and didn't have much to go back to. Like someone else said, the fear of admitting defeat, the fear of failure. It was familiar and comfortable and easy. I had something in me that said it was bad to be single. I found out after I dumped him that I LOVED being single. Wish I had known that earlier! Even though he treated me horribly, breaking up with him was really scary. He had been such a part of my life for 2 years and that big of a change is terrifying. It was one of the smartest things I did though. And I don't regret dating him. It taught me what NOT to have in a relationship and I can appreciate my current boyfriend even more

Haha nothing about my thighs or butt is amazing...but I get your point. He knows how I feel about myself and he's always saying the opposite and that he wishes I could see what he does. I just get annoyed with my body cause it's things I truly can't change...like my cankles or the fat on my thighs that aren't in a place you can workout, or the fat over my knees. I won't wear shorts because I just can't stand how my legs look. Batya-he does make me feel better because he doesn't hide how much he loves me and how attractive he finds me and it makes me feel good. And I usually feel great when I'm working out, especially right after...until I look around and see other people in MUCH better shape and know that I will never look like them. Genetics just doesn't make it possible.

I hope everything goes well with your friend. Do you think you could convince her to see a therapist?

I'm just sick of not liking myself. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. I exercise 4 times a week to improve my body and while it's gotten better, I still can't stand how I look. My face has been breaking out in acne lately, which isn't helping me at all. I just wish I could fix these parts of myself, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, it'll never change. My boyfriend always tells me how beautiful I am, and while I believe that he means it, I just can't see what he sees. I'm just really sick of it.

I have a lot of self-respect and I'm very protective of myself...but I can't say I love myself. I have pretty low self-esteem when it comes to 99% of myself. But I don't let it keep me from striving for more or doing my best (usually) and I try not to let others treat me the way I feel about myself.

I think the problem is since it was your first Valentine's Day, you had extremely high expectations and had been building up the idea of what it would be like. The problem is, he had no idea! Valentine's Day is not a huge deal to every person. He did acknowledge it and he celebrated it within his means right now, and I think you should appreciate that. Also, why does it have to be all about you? I understand you were really excited, but it's Valentine's Day for him too. There's no reason why you should sit back and make him plan this perfect day. I don't see anything wrong with having you take one minute to set the table when he has made you this nice meal. I think you need to look at what he does do for you and see his love behind that and see that as romantic. He just can't afford to go all out for you right now.

I'm with the others. He's trying to blame you so that his lie isn't the focus. He definitely did lie to you though, and his blaming you doesn't make any sense since you said yourself that you found out by accident. I think you need to have a talk with him and let him know that it is unacceptable and the quickest way to lose you (if that's how you feel).

Like Batya said, it matters why he has few friends. Are they really close friends and he's just the type to have close friends and not a ton of acquaintances? Or is it because he doesn't like to be around people? The reasons behind this matter. For me personally, I'd prefer to have a social boyfriend. I dated a guy who appeared to have a lot of friends, but once I got to know him I realized that he wasn't close to any of them and couldn't keep any close friends. That didn't work well because he couldn't handle me having any close friends. Now my boyfriend is just as social as I am (or was before I moved here) and while it took me some time to get used to, I really prefer it. He's got his really close friends and then some good friends, and then just people he knows. It works well for me, but everyone will have their own preference.

I think it's good to have a mixture of both. I think when you are in a relationship, it's good to be integrated into each other's lives, but to an extent. Having a life outside of your SO is also very important. Having a girls night, taking a class on your own, etc. Not only does it strengthen your relationship, but I think that it just gives you guys more to talk about. I mean if you do everything together, what's left to talk about? I know how hard it is to move to a new place and meet new people, so I can understand why you are only hanging out with your boyfriend right now. But do you think you could find a way to meet some new people? Join a gym, take a class, maybe some of your boyfriend's friends have some really good girlfriends.

I think that's a valid thing to break up over. Each person has their deal breakers and that's a common one. Just be careful with what he's saying now. If he has actually changed his mind and is considering kids that's one thing, but considering it was why you left I think there's a good chance he's saying it to get you back. It gives you a bit of hope without him actually committing to wanting a child.

Because if you're only applying for jobs that require a degree when you don't have one..."for now" can easily and quick change into a long term situation. What steps are you taking to make sure that doesn't happen?

I think the thing with a lot of women is that our attraction to a guy can change..or maybe that's just me. Everyone has an immediate level of attraction when you first meet, but at least for me that level can change depending on the guy's personality. Like some other posters said, you can find a guy really attractive right off the bat, but if as soon as he speaks he's a jerk or not very intelligent or too full of himself, he definitely won't be as attractive. It works the other way too.

Don't feel abnormal. I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 20. I still have friends who have never had a boyfriend. It's just different for everyone. Take pride in the fact that you won't settle. Like whatsagirltodo said, it'll just happen. I used to think like you and wonder when it ever would happen..if ever..and then all of a sudden it just did. You'll know when it's right and in the meantime, continue to enjoy your newfound social life! The more people you meet, the better chance you have of finding that right person.

I don't think she thinks you're her boyfriend, because you guys never discussed that. But maybe she was under the impression that you guys were headed in a certain direction, and is now frustrated that it isn't progressing. Do you want a relationship with this girl? If you do, maybe you should ask her out on an actual date, so there's no confusion. It's the easiest way to find out if she's truly interested or not.

1. Thank you all so much for saying I'm a good girlfriend You guys are so nice! I'm the lucky one though. He's an amazing boyfriend. I don't know how I didn't grab him when we first met. 2. Carnelian, thanks for all the tips. I want to learn the right language, so don't worry! I love the basketweave stitch, except that it's not the mindless knitting I'm used to. But I love making something that looks interesting. One of my goals after I graduate is to knit more complex things and learn more crafts, like wheel pottery. 3. Zaphod, that picture reminds me of this cookie monster poster I had in my room when I was really little...and it used to give me nightmares and I had to put it in my closet. I'm not a freak...I swear...haha

What do you mean if the colors aren't fast? I'm thinking I might just let it curl, he can uncurl it by hand when he puts it on haha. I could easily mess this up.

I think dating is still definitely out there. While my boyfriend and I were making the transition from friends to relationship, we went on dates. They might not have been the fanciest things, but we're college students. One I remember in particular is we went to this plaza on the canal and we got ice cream, walked along the canal, went to a bar, walked along the canal more, just talked the whole time. It was amazing. I've also had other guys before him take me out on some nice dates. I think if you find a guy who won't do that and that's what you want, it's a good sign you might not be a good match.

I hope he has the same reaction you guys are having I really want him to like it. How do I keep the colors from bleeding? Should I stop at the place I bought them ask the woman that works there? I've been working on this thing for about a month and a half and I don't want it to get ruined haha.

I am knitting the scarf. I looked it up online and it said to pin the scarf to an ironing board, take a dish cloth and make it damp, then put it on the scarf and steam it. Then it said to leave the scarf pinned until it's dry. Is that right? I've never actually done it. My yarn is a mixture of silk and wool, if that makes any difference. Thanks for the knitting help! Since I can't send the scarf (my hands are starting to hurt from so much knitting anyway), I'm trying to think of other ideas to send with the cookies. One is that I had ordered pictures of us for another present that I didn't go through with, so I could run to Rite Aid tomorrow and get a little photo album and send that. Or I could pick up some candies and like a box of hot chocolate mix and put that in there. The box I have is kinda big, not very tall but long, so I don't want just cookies in there. It'll look so empty. Which do you guys think is a good idea, or put all of that in there? I also have a great card to go with it...the front says "Without you, I'm...sad, cranky, sleepless, lonely, lost" (there are picture to go with each word) and then you open the card and it says "sex-deprived" and it has a picture of the character on it's back with stress lines above its head. Then "miss you!" at the bottom. I cracked up when I read it.

My boyfriend has been stressed lately because he has two midterms this week, and a midterm and a lab practical next week, and still has to work part-time. Also he has a bad back and it really got bad over the weekend at work so it's been hard for him to concentrate with that pain. I want to cheer him up, so I've decided to send him a care package. I had been planning for awhile to send him cookies and a scarf that I'm making him. He already wears a scarf I made for him years ago before we were dating, but it was just a plain stitch and all one color. This one is a basketweave stitch that I just learned and has 3 different colors that alternate, so it's harder than anything I've done and a lot nicer. The problem is, I'm not done with the scarf, but I'm definitely sending him cookies. I could stay up tonight and finish it and send it out tomorrow (I already made the cookies). If I do though, the only problem is it curls around the edges and I need to iron it to fix it, but don't have an iron here. So I can either give him the imperfect scarf and iron it when we're home together in about a week, or just mail him the cookies and give him the scarf after I can go home and iron it. What do you guys think I should do? Sorry I know this is not really important...but I just really want to put together something nice for him when he's stressed...especially since I can't actually be there for him.

I know how you feel about this, and it really sounds like she made an honest mistake. Friday night I stayed in cause I was exhausted and counted on my boyfriend's call all night. I had talked to him in the morning and he said he would call me later, but 10:30 rolled around and nada. I got myself all upset and miserable, ended up calling him to say I was going to bed...and turned out he had planned on calling me when he was driving home from shopping with his friend, but his friend decided he wanted to go to a couple more places so it got late. So I was making myself all upset and really for no reason. My guy didn't get all apologetic really either, but then again he didn't do anything wrong. My point is...I know it sucks when they don't call, but if it's not a regular occurrence and you have a good relationship otherwise, I wouldn't get too upset.

Do you think it's possible that you're going after people that aren't a good match for you? If you have the mindset that anyone will do, you're probably giving off that vibe. Are you truly interested in these guys and want a relationship with them? Also, the happier you are with yourself and your life, the more good guys you will attract. I don't think guys want to be with someone to make them feel happy, they want a girl that is already happy and want to be a part of that. So like I said before, I think you need to do some self-reflection and see what you want to get out of life besides a partner and go after those things for now.

1. My first boyfriend said it after 2 weeks and I said it back because I had thought about it...but looking back I wasn't. I think it was too soon and that relationship did not end up going well at all. My current boyfriend said it after 3 months and I knew for sure I was in love with him, and had known for about a month. 2. Like other people said, it's an individual thing. Some people take a very long time and others don't. Just make sure you know it's true for you.

Can you tell us more about the situation? We might be better able to help you.

I think you need to take a close look at your life and do some self-reflection and evaluation. If you feel that you need this person to be happy, it's not healthy. Sure the people we love can enrich our lives, but they should not be the sole reason we are happy. I suggest you work on building up your own life instead of trying to manipulate someone else's.