babypink61

summerday, So sorry to hear that hun! I know it's hard letting it go after two years, but I know you can do it! Don't sacrifice anymore for this guy! I know you want to settle down and get married, but do you really think you can trust this guy in the future if you were to get back together? He went on dates behind your back and didn't even have the gut to confess to you until you confronted him about it, is this someone you can see as your future husband? I know NC will be hard, but it's the only way to go. You must resist the urge to have any sorts of contact with him! Go out, keep yourself busy, pick up a new hobby/sport, hang out with your friends! Meet more new people! If you are really having trouble meeting someone that's compatible with you, I'd suggest trying out online dating such as eharmony or link removed. I know a couple of people who met their partners from those sites and one couple is getting married later this year and one couple is getting very seriously involved at this point. Bottom line is, stop wasting your time with this guy, I don't even think he's sure of what he wants at this point. So don't sit around and wait for this guy to get back with you, and don't beg him to come back! Good luck sweets!

Oh man, I know exactly how you feel! My bf used to do the same thing from time to time and it really irked me. But he does it jokinly . . . like I'm a horrible cook so we would always eat out, and he would say something along the lines of "man, I really miss so-and-so, she used to cook for me all the time!" I used to just laugh it off and then finally one day I was like, if you miss her that much, why don't you just get back with her then? That really shut him up. He started apologizing and said that he as joking and blah blah blah and that he's with me now and I'm the only person he'll want to be with. I told him to never make comments like that in front of me again because I take it as a personal insult sometimes, and he hasn't been doing it since. I think the bottom line is that you need to flat out tell her that it bothers you and that she should stop. Those comments are not adding any value to the relationship so why would she want to bring them up in the first place? I hope this helps . . .

Stop the friends with benefits relationship with her, and give the girl sometime to decide what she really wants to do. She might feel angry towards you at the beginning and just not want to deal with it, but if you give her some time to cool down she might change her mind. When my bf and I first broke up I was upset and did not want to even speak to him. But after doing a lot of thinking I really started to miss him and eventually we started talking again and got back together . . .

I'm so sorry to hear that hun! Do you have any family member that would be able to lend you the money so you can try to get another apt on your own? Or another thing I suggest is go on craigslist or link removed and look for a random roommate to live with, a lot of times the rent will be a lot cheaper than if you were to live by yourself. And maybe you can try to negotiate the security deposit with them.

lol I think our sexual relationship is pretty healthy too. But I guess comparing to what it used to be, I guess he's just somewhat concerned with why I'm suddenly not that interested in him sexually anymore. Honestly, even I can't figure out why I'm not that into sex anymore. Has that ever happen to you guys? Sometimes I'm just tired and don't feel like it, but there are times that I just don't feel like it for no reason at all. Like sometimes I rather just snuggle up to him and just hold each other and cuddle or something rather than have sex . . .

So sorry to hear that your engagement didn't work out You were SO good to her and I can't believe she took you for granted! I'm glad you were able to see right through her, you deserve so much better! Looks like you are already take the right steps in putting this behind you . . . as for the ring, that's going to be tough. Because technically, it's a gift, so you probably won't be able to get it back (legally even), unless she agrees to give it back to you.

Thank you guys for the great advice Aschleigh - I will def take your suggestion into consideration. It's like, I know the physical connection is important. But I feel like my bf is putting an emphasis on something that only takes a part of the relationship and not focusing on the other aspects, such as our emotional supoort for each other. Like after he said that to me, I feel like I HAVE to have sex with him, even if I feel tired or am not in the mood at all.

This question was brought up in our conversation between my bf and I the other day. And I'd be interested in hearing everyone's thoughts on this. To me I view the emotional support part of the relationship to be more important than the physical aspect. Sure, sex is something that brings the couple together and makes the relationship more intimate, but do you think your relationship can survive without it? In my previous long-term relationship, my ex-bf and rarely had sex (I don't think he was that sexual or maybe he didn't feel comfortable because he was inexperienced), but I was fine with that because so many other aspects of our relationship made me happy that I was able to see past that. And he was ok with that too. But my current bf has a different take on this. He thinks that a couple cannot be as close as they can't be without sex. Maybe I should bring up the reason to why this topic even came up. We've been together for a little bit over a year and at the beginning of the relationship I'd want to do it all the time. We see each other pretty much every weekend (he lives an hour away) and we would have sex about 2-3 times a day. But now, that number has decreased down to maybe 1 or 2 times a day, or even once every two days, and it's mostly because of me. Not sure if it's because we've been together for a while that my sex drive has gone down. That's pretty normal right? And it's not because I'm not attracted to my bf anymore or anything, it's just that, I don't know, sometimes I am just not in the mood, lol. And when my bf tries to initiate something, sometimes I'd just say, aw baby, I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood . . . I guess he feels somewhat rejected and it turns into a insecurity issue. But I've told him many of times that it's not his problem, but mine. And he has mentioned that sometimes he feels like there's "something" missing between us . . . like we are not as close as we used to be, like part of that connection is missing because we aren't as intimate sexually as we used to be. Can this really affect how close our relationship can be? Maybe some of you men (and women) out there can shed some light on this . . . Sorry for the long entry . . . but I'm just a bit puzzled . . .

Welcome to enotalone! I'm worried about your bf's behavior. It seems like he doesn't care that he's jeopardizing not only his own safety, but yours as well! Does this only happen when you guys are in the car? Or does he have similar behavior in other situations? And does he only do this after you guys get into an argument? I think sometimes guys behave recklessly when they are upset over something. Have you talked about it with him and asked him why he would do such a thing? If he's just doing it for fun to mess with you, you really should reconsider your relationship with this guy. Do you really want to stay with someone that's immature and selfish like him? I'm just worried over your safety . . . Now I'm not an expert or anything, but maybe he has some sort of behavioral problem?

Yeah, we def need more info on what exactly that you guys are worrying about. If you both trust each other but are worried that the other person might cheat or find somebody else more attractive, I think it's more of a security or self-confidence issue rather than trust issue. I trust my bf 100% that he would never do anything to hurt me, but sometimes I still get worried when he goes out with his guy friends . . . I would think, what if he finds another girl that's prettier than me? skinnier than me? or smarter than me?

Hmmm I think it depends on the situation. I've learned my mistake of telling my bf TOO MUCH of my past relationships and we have gotten into fights over it. He said he would rather not know . . . but at the time I thought it's good for the couple to be open about their past, I guess not in this case. Sometimes lilttle white lies would not hurt . . . if you apply them to the appropriate situation . . .

I agree with shorty20 that sometimes we women just wanna be left alone! I dun think it's necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes we just feel the need to have our own space and do our own thing. I get like that from time to time, even though my bf would like to see me everyweekend (he lives 1 hour away from me). It's like sometimes I just like to stay home and watch tv all day and veg, but my bf would never wanna do that. That's why sometimes I'd feel more comfortable if he's not with me. But I dunno about the not picking up and returning your phone calls though. Is it cuz you keep on calling her even after she tells you that she wants to be alone?

Hi Diva_Lee, You definitely should NOT be the one doing the apologizing, HE should! He is flat out rude and disrespectful. I read some of your old posts and from all of the stuff you have wrote about him, I think you need to kick this dude's butt to the curb cuz you deserve so much better than him!

Honestly, nothing you say is going to change his actions. He has to be able to see it for himself and wants to change on his own. I agree with ilse that nagging him is not going to do anything. I was a smoker myself (cigarettes) and my bf hates smokers. When we first started dating and he found out I smoke, all he said was, it's not good for you, and that was it. He never mentioned anything about it ever again and never once nagged me to quite or threatened to leave me. I used to get so annoyed when other people lecture me about how bad smoking is for me. I had that "I already know it's bad for me, so tell me something new!" attitude. I know it's bad for me and I felt bad at times so I would try to not smoke around him, but it was hard when we're out together at a bar or club. Eventually I started to feel guilty for smoking and I wanted to quit for my own health . . . and fortunately I was able to overcome my addiction and I haven't had a cigaratte since last June.

chigal28 and boxinggirl89 - Thanks for sharing your experiences with me! i've found them to be real helpful! I just feel relieved that you guys can understand how I feel and are supportive of me, thanks again kellbell - Yes it is the same guys that i broke up with but we've made up since then. He's still having some difficulty getting over the whole issue I posted about and when he gets drunk he has said some pretty hurtful things to me regarding that topic. And that's another reason why I get bothered with the drinking situation . . . .

Hi everyone, Not sure if anyone can relate, but I've been bothered with this issue for a while now. And I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or anything, so I thought maybe some of you can give me some opinions on this. My bf and I are both 25 and we go out with friends on weekend nights maybe once every one or two weeks. I'm not sure if it's because we don't go out that much anymore, that he feels like he has to drink til the point where he gets really intoxicated in order to have a good time with friends. It's like, when he gets drunk he totally turns into a different person. He gets really loud and rowdy and obnoxious and I really don't like that. I mean, we are not in college anymore, so I figured he would tone it down a bit. He doesn't get violent with me or anything, most of the time he's pretty affectionate, but there are times where he would make stupid remarks and we would end up having a fight over it. And he has this problem with not remember anything from the night before so there's really no point for me to talk over the issue with him the next day when he can't remember anything he has said to me. Just one example, the other night we went out with a bunch of his friends and we had pre-gamed at his place before we headed out. He was already pretty drunk by the time we got to the bar. I didn't want him to get sick and throw up so I nicely told him that he shouldn't drink anymore. But he just ignored me. Later on that night he grabbed my beer out of my hand and started chugging it. I told him to stop and just ignored me and ran off. Then he ignored me for the rest of the night and would not talk to me, even his friend noticed and asked me if everything was ok. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against him having a couple of drinks and enjoy his time with his friends, but does he ALWAYS have to get that drunk? I dunno, do I have a reason to be worried? I've discussed this issue with him several times and he would say to me, next time please do not let me drink that much . . . and I've tried and he just ends up ignoring me and accuse me of not letting him have a good time. I just don't know what to do anymore . . .

Hi everyone ~ I've been out of college for almost 3 years now and I'm still having a hard time managing the debt I've accumulated since school . . . i.e. school loans, credit debt, etc. I was just wondering if anyone out there has gone through the same thing and can possibly provide some advice on how to better manage my finances, any help is appreciated! thanks!

hi sun_ray! Haha we are on the same boat! I've been together with my man for over a year but I still find it extremely difficult to communicate my feelings to him sometimes. I've had two long-term relationships before him and they were totally different than my current bf. They weren't very communicative either so we never really felt the need to do so. But my current bf is totally different! He's very emotional and he wants to know what I'm thinking all the time! I'm not a very expressive person so it's very hard for me to get used to this. It's really weird because it's SO easy for me to express my feelings to my close girlfriends, but I just could not open up to my bf! We have gotten into fights because of this issue! Like everyone else said, it would help if you tell him that it's hard for you to be expressive sometimes and that he needs to understand that and work with you on it together. My bf has told me that he's not a mind reader so he can't always predict what I'm thinking! (besides, 75% of the times he's wrong anyway! lol). But you know what made it easier for me? I started writing things down. Trust me, it works! We got into a huge fight one time and afterwards I wrote him a couple of long emails expressing everything I felt towards him (which I couldn't do if it's in person) and those emails made such a big impact on him because he was not aware of 1/2 of the things I had mentioned on there and he never knew I had such strong feelings toward certain things. We then had a talk face-to-face and he told me how happy he was to find out all of those things I had said on the emails. He understands that I'm not a very expressive person but we're working on it together . . . he's still the one to initiate most of the talking, but I think I am starting to get better at it. Bottom line is, if you are not happy about something, you need to tell him! I used to just get mad at him and gives him the silent treatment and he would have no idea why I'm mad. And then I'll just try to forget about it and not let it bother me. But that's not doing us any good because it's not really resolving anything . . . I was just trying to avoid the problem. But me being more communicative def brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger. I hope this helps!

Does he enjoy outdoor activities or is he just be lazy? My bf complains to me that he has gained a little bit of weight so he'll try to get me to play tennis with him (I've never played in my life!). Even though I'm horrible at it, I think he got a great workout out of it because he was chasing my balls most of the time! I think it's great, we are both having a good time and getting a workout out of it. I'm also trying to get him to teach me how to play basketball. Do you guys share a favorite sport or outdoor activity? Maybe a sport that he's really good at that he can teach you so you guys can do it together? Personally I don't like running that much, it's kind of boring for me. What about biking? If the weather stays nice, even swimming is a great workout. If he's just being and doesn't wanna do anything, maybe dieting will be easier. Perhaps you guys can cook a healthy meal together? That's always fun. My friend and her fiance went on the low-carb diet together and they'll both encourage each other to go to the gym or eat healthier.

Hmmm I'm like that sometimes too. Sometimes I just don't feel like having sex or cuddling . . . I feel like I just wanna be alone and do my own thing. Not that I'm getting tired of my bf or anything, but sometimes I just feel like I need some alone time . . .

Well you've definitely made the right choice of letting him go. I can't get over the fact that this guy can say to you that he sees a future with you, with a house and white fences, but yet refuses to make a commitment to you in this relationship. If he truly loves you, you should be the only person he wants to spend time or have sex with. Personally I am not a big fan of open relationships. I mean, what's the purpose of that? I would be really upset and hurt that my so-called boyfriend would be dating and sleeping with other women besides me. You've already expressed your feelings for him but yet he's still being indecisive. I don't think you should wait around for him . . . move on, you deserve so much better! I know it's tough because you have really strong feelings for him. But please try to cut off all contact with this guy! At the meantime, keep yourself busy with work, friends, or family . . . good luck!

I totally agree with renaissancewoman that you need to give your man some words of encouragement. Also, if your man is stressed out at work, I would probably suggest giving him a call while he's working (if it doesn't interfere with his work). When my bf has to stay at work late he loves it when I call him just to chat . . . he said that hearing my voice always cheered him up. Or you can always send "just because" notes or cards to his work too. If you think he's someone special and you think you're willing to work on this relationship then tell him so! Seems like both of you are being wishy washy and one of you guys has to put the foot down! I don't think you should give up just because it's long distance . . . good luck!!

chigal28, I know how you feel. My bf moved to another city that's about 1 - 1.5 hours away a year ago. We see each other about once every 1-2 weeks. He doesn't have a car, so he usually takes the train down to come see me, and he would leave on Monday morning and go straight into work. He comes in on weekdays occasionally if he's not swamped at work that he would be able to leave early. I usually drives into the city to go visit him, but sometimes I'll take the train when the gas prices are too high (it's about $16 roundtrip for me) I think seeing each other once a week is good enough for me because it gives me the space I need. I love spending time with my bf but sometimes I just wanna be alone and do my own thing. I really like your date night idea though and I think you guys def should try it out! In fact, I think I might suggest that to my bf as well Also, you mentioned that you guys are still "dating"? or are you guys official? Cuz if you guys haven't been together for very long, I wouldn't recommend moving in with each other. And why is he sleeping on the couch or the air mattress by himself when he comes to see you? shouldn't you be sleeping with him on the floor together or something? I think you should also cut him some slack on coming in late that one night . . . although he's really tried and stressed from work, he still came in and visited you didn't he? Sometimes my man gets so much work that sometimes he'll be doing work at home whene I visit him, but I don't get mad at him or anything cuz I know how much stress he's under from work. I think you guys both need to work on being more understanding and learn to compromise the visiting situation. If you guys can afford to, maybe take a Friday off one of these days and just spend a long weekend together? Or maybe take a vacation or make a spontaneous trip to another city together?

After going out for about a year my bf and I went on a break for about a week and then he came over the one night and we had a little talk. He wanted a breakup but I convinced him to stay with me and work things out. One week later he broke up with me again and it was pretty tough on the both of us. We still kept in touch after that and would email each other occasionally because we wanted to remain friends. The time apart gave me a lot of time to look back at our relationship and re-evaluate everything. I was sad over the whole thing but I didn't let myself get all depressed and fall into a slump. I tried to move on with my life and went out and hung out with my friends. It made me stronger in a way because I've learned some much from this relationship than my previous ones. A couple of weeks later he contacted me and wanted to talk . . . apparently the breakup made him realize how much he missed me and he wanted me back in his life. I was skeptical because I didn't want to get hurt again . . . but I love and care for this man so much that I decided to give it another shot. Well that was about two months ago and I am happy to say that we're still going strong I've learned to open up to him more and we've both learned to make compromises (he used to complain that I never tell him what's on my mind).

Hi Ihatethiscity, I know exactly how you feel! I'm not an expressive person either and I find it extremely hard sometimes to let my bf know exactly what's on my mind. I think I get too embarrassed or something when I have to say it to his face I think it bothered him a lot not knowing how I feel towards him. My suggestion would be to start off things slow . . . do you guys talk on the phone much? If not, I'd suggest calling her or texting her and tell her that you love her and that you miss her. You don't have to go all out, just be like, "oh I really missed you today!" Or "I wish you were here with me right now . . . "Also I find it easier for me to put my feelings down in writing than actually doing it verbally. I'd write emails to my bf out of the blue telling him what I love about him and that I miss him and if we spent a weekend together I'd write about how much I enjoyed spending time with him and etc. And he really appreciates that cuz he knows I have difficulty expressing my feelings. Just start off slow and eventually it will be become easier . . . hope this helps!