ElektraHere

Mr Olympia?????

I think that even if they werent nice you can still have enough couth to show some respect. If it werent for them YOU wouldn't be here.

Nice what a way to care! Are you saying this for shock value or are you really an uncaring, unemotional, immature young boy?

Good Grief! And you think that fighting is respectable? I think if a man can show a range of emotions actually is an evolved man. Yes there are men that don't cry but to chastise a man for it... come on! Also what is so respectable about someone who uses an avatar of themselves with no shirt on? That loses more respect points with me than a man who cries.

If he REALLY wanted to be there he would be moving heaven and earth to be there. Unfortunatley he is fine where he is. One thing I hope you DONT do is give him money to help move him out. I would say that this is a BIG sign to what is coming. Do you really want someone who takes no initiative and plays videos rather than getting a job. Once a lazybones always a lazybones. I take it things aren't that bad for him where he is at.

Yes, because I have done that before. Thinking to myself that I could "change" their mind. However, I just hurt myself even more. I would really bring it up and be very adament that there is NO hope or chance for this to go anywhere but friendsville. I think the true test is that if you started to date how would she take it. If she really just wants to be your friend it won't phase her. If she wants more that will be a bone of contention with her.

Honesty, Honesty, Honesty. The key words for no miscommunications. You are probably right that she is trying to see if you will like her more to date exclusively. I think in order to save her more heartache and allow her to move on that you need to tell her right away. One thing is don't avoid her or put her off. That is not fair to her. If you know that this is what you want be strong enough to tell her face to face or over the phone. Just my two cents about that.

I think we could sit here and talk to you till we are blue in the face. You may want to think about breaking it off and working on you. Perhaps find out why you need to have control, why you can't have separate lives from someone you are dating, and to have a little more self knowledge about you.

Massari, I have followed your posts and I must say....you need to relax. You have no trust in your g/f. You think just because you are dating that you MUST spend all yor time with each other, you also talk about her friends as "easy" and "bad." You know what those friends were there before you and will be there after you too. If you keep up this smothering and thinking she is going to do something wrong she just may. Ever hear of self fullfilling prophecies? You keep giving this energy you will lose her. What are your thoughts on women and relationships? You view may need a little tweaking or you will continue to have these problems over and over again.

Hun, They DO NOT CHANGE!!! So you better really like this guy if he's moving all his cookies over to you. Time to start reconsidering your options..

You know when I was younger I just wanted my dad to die. I really did not like him. Although the older I got the more I realized who he was. He was just a neglected young boy thrown away by his mother. A young boy who lost his father, a young boy who never had birthdays. Just a scared, hurt, young boy. That young boy is now in his 60's and he still has the coping skills of a young boy. He gets angry not as easily as before but still can make me flinch when he screams even if it isnt directed at me. I have forgiven him but still the scars of his words are emblazoned in my brain. I believe that I have this 1000 piece puzzle and I was putting it together as I was growing up and then I stopped putting it together. Now I am back at the table trying to figure out where I left off and how to go about putting the pieces into place. HHWH - I need to change my inner dialogue. I need to repeat another mantra then the one I have been for years and years!!

What books did you find the most helpful?

Hello, As some of you know I have been going through a tough time of it. I am realizing things about myself I MUST change. I also am realizing more and more the reasons of why I am the way I am. Why my relationships with men are so horrible, well at least why they end so horribly. A lot of it comes down to the relationship I had/have with my dad. I being the oldest child and the only girl in the family he wasn't really sure how to go about being a dad to a daughter. His dad died when he was younger and after that his life was full of abuse, boy's homes, and eventually joining the military at 17. So he did not have anyone to watch or observe on how to 1. Be a father or 2. Raise children. He was verbally abusive towards me when I was growing up. You know the "your never going to amount to anything but trailer trash." One thing I notice about him is that when he steps over the line; either saying something truly nasty or now where he sees how hurt and broken I have been in the past couple of years he offers me money or things. One time we were on a family vacation and my little brother was acting up. So like all siblings we were fighting. My dad came in slapped me accross the face. I didn't even do anything but I was the closest to him and he was mad. Anyways he realized that it was my little brother who as being the brat and that he slapped me for no reason. The next AM he gave me $50 to buy something really nice. That's one example of an action with a monetary apology. Then last night we were celebrating my brother's birthday. He knows about my tough times via my mother. Anyways he asks me if I would like a 27" flat screen TV? Again another way he tries to make things better. He is not one that will tell you his feelings unless its anger. I have wanted his approval and love that's all. Not $$$ nor material things. All I have ever wanted was an "I am so proud of you S." That I believe is why I am so hard on myself and continually find fault with everything that falls apart as MY fault. This has been seeping into my adult relationships. I love my dad; I just don't love how he treated me growing up. Does anyone know of any great reading materials or resources about the correlation of father/daughter relationships and the effects it has on her future relationships? Is it really true we seek out a man that is the image of our father?

Well first off how tall are you?

Ummmm YES!!!! They will know,,,parents ALWAYS know.

Hun, I thought that I had met my mr perfect too and you know what? He wasn't. I always think work is not a good place to find dates. If they dont work out then you are stuck with this person 8 hours a day. NOT GOOD. Online can have its pros and cons. Have you thought of going to church? I know some churches have virginity groups. The last time I read a Susser Tod thread he was trying his hardest but this gal was playing games with him. But I digress.....I really think that reading your posts you have a real problem with men and sex and what a relationship is. Did you grow up in California?

Have you listened to any of the women who have responded to your posts? You have this issue with being a virgin and then you are crying over a man who just wants your friendship. You want a man but you are wrapped up mentally with this guy. Plus you have to get the thing about men only wanting casual sex from you out of your head. Do you really have a problem with yourself being a virgin. Another question where are you meeting men at???

I have to say dont you think that your attitude is coming out and men can see that? What you put out is what you get back. No I am not talking about "putting out" I mean if you are putting out the vibe that men only want casual sex or you have this preconcieved notion "ALL" men are the same...what do you expect to get back?

I agree with DN. I think that this is something that only the two of them understand. They know the emotions and feelings that go along with this. You should let your husband have this piece to himself. As long as he isnt crossing the line with being inappropriate I would not be that upset.

Why did you feel the need to confront Ariel and his school? Did that offer anything positive to you? Or did it end up opening up the wounds again? Have you talked to your therapist about this today? I would think he or she would advise you doing these things. Its counterproductive to you and your recovery.

Thank you Sheyda!! That is exactly what I was conveying..

Hey Crazy, If you have EVER read my past post I do not promote sex nor do I promote promiscuity. I think you can't put a crown on someone who may or may not be a virgin. I was a virgin until I was 20 so hun I know what it is like to hold on to it. If you want to stay a virgin hey more power to you, but before you a attack me read what I have ever wrote. I never said I was better nor anyone who has had sex is better. Come on get real!

Can you call his mother or any other family member of his?

I am not so sure that a virgin respects herself more than a non virgin? I think there are many people who have had sex that have pride and respect for themselves. There are also virgins who dont have pride and respect for themselves with other parts of their lives. I am not advocating promiscuity but come on that is a bunch of hooey that just because someone is a virgin makes them so much better than others.

What is going on right now??? Why is it you feel this way? Do you really feel this way or do you want just someone to listen to you. I empathize with how you feel but as people have told me tomorrow can always be a better day.