byates5637

I have not had sex in 2 months since my long term relationship ended. I have not had GOOD sex in about 7 months because my ex was very "shy" in bed near the end. I feel somewhat ashamed about not having sex. I don't want to waste my youthful vitality on nothing better then masterbating to porn. But my problem is I have these morals that make me feel guilty and dirty when I have sex with a girl I am not in a steady relationship with. And i don't want a steady relationship right now because i am trying to find myself and learn to be single. So how do i solve my sexual frustrations? Should i just try to forget about my morals and try to pick a girl up this weekend? Or do i just suffer with not getting any action for a long time until I am ready for a relationship? Anyone know what i mean?

It really depends alot on the guy. There is no one answer. I love the type of girl with a small waist, cute face and natural look. By natural i mean she is not wearing a pound of make up and slutty outfit. I find myself attracted to the type of girl who dresses to have fun, not one who dresses to be the center of attention. But what catches your eye only matters a little bit. It is the quality of the conversation/connection that is what will really lead to a girl being able to pick me up.(i live in a fantasy world where women "pick up" men)

I love the cure I cry on a sledom occasion. Very rarely. I have cried recently, but i have also gone for several years without shedding a tear. The reason i didn't cry was not because i felt i had to conform to a masculine gender role. I was just incapable of it. At times i would feel very depressed, but i just couldn't bring myself to cry. I have even TRIED to cry on a couple occasions because i was told it would make me feel better. Never could squeeze out more then 1 tear. So i assume there are more reasons boys don't cry besides that society tells them not too. But if you do cry, never be ashamed!

haha, yes i have. I have thought about it WAY too much for the past 2 months. Time to start thinking about other things. Glad i could inspire you. I still have sad lonely depressed times, but lately i notice them fading away and the good times starting to come back. -brandon

Me and the girl i dated were together for 3 years. At times we thought we would be together until death. I was her first true love. She was my second love...but means far more to me then the first does. She broke up with me 2 months ago because she no longer "felt the flame." She said she felt her feelings for me slipping so she had to end it. She still loves me with all of her heart and cares for me much more then anyone outside of her family. She wanted to be "best friends" after we broke up. She still wanted to be close, but she was no longer in love with me. For the last 2 months i have tried everything i could to get her back. Cycles of NC and breaking NC. Playing hard to get. Making her jelous. Having heart to heart conversations and telling her how much i love and care about her. We talked about the past, what went wrong and how we could fix it. I tried it all and none of it worked. We tried the "best friend" thing. We would spend whole days together. We would go out to dinner and bars. Sometimes we would cuddle and massage each other. But bottom line - I was still head over heals in love with her and she just didn't feel as strongly about me as she used too - she didn't want to get back together and it broke my heart every day. Yesterday we had a talk on the phone and she suggested we don't talk for a while. She said she cares about me too much to keep hurting me like this, and she wants to see me be happy again. I agreed that it was a good idea to no longer talk. She said she would call me in a month. I told her not to bother calling. I told her to only ever call me again if it is because she regrets breaking up and wants to try again. I told her i will only ever call her if i am over her and want to try a friendship, but i also told her i don't think we will EVER be able to be friends. It was a very bitter sweet conversation. I know she cares about me so much, and it hurts her almost as much as it hurts me to let go. But we both know it has to happen. She will be going away to school 600 miles away in 4 months. I will be moving to school too, but i'm only moving 30 miles away. So in a way our relationship had to end anyway. We both are starting a new chapter in our lives and closing an old one. I feel happy for both of us, but sad it had to turn out like this. I worry about her moving so far away by herself because she has never left the comfort of her parents home yet. But she is strong and i know she will be OK. When i asked her why she had to go so far away to school her reply was "Sometimes I am just so scared about change that i have to change drastically to get over my fear" I wonder if this applies to our relationship too... Yesterday was the first day since we broke up 2 months ago that i have really been able to give up hope of getting back together and accept what is happening. I know in time i will feel better. Right now I am faced with a bad case of dating anxiety, and feel like i will be unable to meet someone new. I am not looking to jump into a relationship right now - but i need to get my women attracting skills back. I hope this comes with time as well. In hindsight I realize that my relationship with her was far better then my relationship with the first girl i loved. I hope i learn from this relationship so I can make my 3rd one better then the rest. From my first relationship I learned what type of girls to not date (manipulative, decietful.) From my second relationship i learned what I have to do to make a women feel good and keep her around. I kind of sabatoged my relationship with my ex...I broke up with her 3 times because of commitment problems/thinking she would always be there for me when i wanted her back. Last time I broke up with her was last summer. She took me back after 2 months of me proving I changed. I did change and i treated her with the utmost respect and love since then...but things have never been the same since last summer. I will never do this to a girl i love again. And so today, day 1 of NC, i become a new man. Slowly but surely I am moving on and entering a new stage in my life. And while i have given up all hope of a reconciliation in the near future, i still do hope that years down the road, after we are both healed and moved on, and we are both older and ready for commitment, me and my ex can find each other again and spend eternity together. But i am not waiting for this. I am moving on and living for me. Starting today.

Tell him you still love him but now you don't know what you want. Tell him you have to figure yourself out for a while. Wait a month or two and see if he is still interested. If he is then it may be legit and you could give it a try

I have alot of guy friends and i hang out with them all the time, but it doesn't help very much. I go to the gym 4 days a week...only a little help. I have done 4 weeks of NC and at the end i missed her more then i did in the beginning Well i guess i am not spending easter with her after all. She called me early this morning when i was sleeping - i didn't answer. I called her back when i woke up. I told her we were leaving in an hour and she said she has a bad hangover so that is not enough time for her to get ready. Great....I guess NC starts now...again...

Wow that is similar. Sometimes i think having 2 back-to-back 3 year relationships makes healing even harder. It is kind of like a 6 year relationship ended because it has been that long since we have been alone. But i try to look at it this way - How many 22 year olds can claim to have already been through 2 long term relationships? Not many. We are ahead of the game because we have so much experience for our age. I plan on being single until i am comfortable being alone...and then trying to find a new girl. I don't want to jump into a new relationship where i am so scared of the girl leaving me because i still don't know how to be single.

disruptors- i'm with ya man. Same age. I also had a 3 year relationship. I thought she was the one...and i still can't picture anyone else being more compatible with me then her. I'm still working on doing NC faithfully...i can do it for a while, but then i keep going back to her. I have been through this once before with another girl. Same deal - we dated for 3 years - i thought she was the one - i thought i would never heal. But then i fell for my most recent ex and the girl of the past lost control over my feelings. I keep trying to remind myself that the same thing will happen again eventually. And i hope for both of us the good days are not too far off.

Hey man - it was a good analogy but not exactly true. I have smoked for 7 years. I was smoking 1.5 packs a day. I quit two weeks ago - and let me tell you - quitting smoking is very hard - but it is a hell of alot easier then getting over someone who you were in love with. I don't really want a cig right now - but i would do anything in the world to make my ex love me again.

very interesting. I think about this kind of stuff alot. i wrote a poem about it a few weeks ago...it is in the poetry section and titled "Why?" If the point of life is to find ultimate happiness, and my progress is measured on a number line i must be around -50. For all you fellow math nerds out there.. i could model my happiness as a function of time as a damped sine wave. The highs and lows have already passed and i am left with a jaded, numb feeling. In my youth i was much happier. Life was simple and easy. I didn't need much to be happy. But with age comes corruption and pain. You gain knowledge, and that knowledge lets you see how things really are. It's not a pretty picture. So as for the purpose of life i draw a blank. Could it be our purpose is to simply reproduce and die? But then that brings about another question, what is the point of reproducing if we already know the cylical pattern of existence? Sometimes is seems for me that the purpose of life it to determine the purpose of life. But then again maybe i am just at a bad point in life, and when things get better i will realize the purpose of life is arbitrary as long as we enjoy ourselves.

Hey man - my 3 year relationship was ended about 2 months ago. Unlike you, my ex has not found anyone new and is not even looking. But i think your situation is better then mine. My ex does not want a new boyfriend, and i have found myself still in her life. I am no where closer to getting her back, and i am still only like 10% healed. Sometimes i wish she would find a new boyfriend because it would force me to move on and start the healing. So maybe you should take this as a good sign, an inevitable setback. Now you can finish healing for real, because the worst has already happened.

I can't help but feel that everyday the sanctity of love is fighting a losing battle against opportunity. People are so quick to tell you they "love" you. And these same people are so quick to violate your trust for thier own self-interest. I have dated so many girls during my short existence. More then i can remember. Some of them are small blips in my fading memories. Some of them i cared for deeply, and i would still try to help them if they needed anything. But only two of them ever heard me utter the words "I love you". And both of these girls "loved" me back. Notice the past tense. When my relationsips ended with these women, i would have done anything i could to save what was left and start again. But on the other hand, they both were completely ready to never be with me again. So whats the deal? When i tell somebody i am in love with them, it means i will try my best to keep us together and not let anything come between us. My interest in them may vary in time, but i still want them with me. How can someone be able to walk away from the one person who knows them better then anyone? The one person who will, without fail, be there for them. The one person who they have spent most of thier time with for years. The one person they claim to love. How could they do this, without looking back? Is this what love is?

I wish there was a drug i could take to forget about her. I tried alcohol and weed but they just make it worse ;( I feel so empty. How can she do this to me? How can someone's feelings change so much? Love is such a cruel cruel feeling. I have loved 2 girls in my life, i still love both of them, and i would be willing to rebuild a relationship with either one of them(of course i would much rather have it be with my most recent ex). But niether of these girls want me anymore. I just don't understand how you can be passionatly in love with someone at one time, and then not so long later feel nothing towards them. I think after easter i am really going to try my hardest to do NC. I really hope i suceed this time....but i have never been able to do it before. I might go to see a councelor...

Hey sorry to hear that man. Pretty bad situation for you. I have been hanging out with my ex lately and worry that i am becoming friendzoned and may end up like you. The longest i have been able to do NC for is about 4 weeks. It sucks staying in this in between state for so long. Only difference in my story is that my ex was with me for 3 years, i am her first and only love, and she has not been with anyone else since we broke up. On top of all this, last summer we split for a little while, i debated doing NC vs staying friends...i did NC at first but then decided to be friends...and before i knew it she was telling me she wanted to get back together. I wish NC was easier.

yea beyondthesea, you are right. It is way to hard to keep myself hanging like this. I can't focus on anything i need to do in life because i am always thinking about her. We broke up 2 months ago. I have tried NC twice already. First time was from the day we broke up, until a month later. Then we started hanging out for the next few weeks. Then about 2 weeks ago i exploded on her over the phone and said all kinds of mean things to her. I figured she would never want to talk to me again. So i did 9 more days of NC and then i caved and called her. She was happy to hear from me. So since then we have been hanging out again. I can't ever keep NC. I always give in when i start missing her too much, because i know she is always available and will come see me whenever i want her too. She is moving accross the country in 4 or 5 months to goto school. I am very worried about her because she is going all by herself and she has never been on her own before. But i figure if i can't force myself to do NC before then...it will happen anyway. But then again yesterday she told me she will pay for me to come visither at school....

Hey i am guilty of doing the same thing to the girl i used to date. Trying to pressure her into anal, she said i could try, i started to poke it in and she said to stop because it hurt, and i kept trying anyway. Two points i want to make about this. 1. I was with the girl i did this with for almost 2 years at the time, we were in love, i have never done anything to hurt her physically. She knew she could trust me. Forgive your man if he has been showing you love for a long time now. If he is a new guy who hasn't built up trust and love with you yet....get rid of him. 2. When i was trying to force it into my ex when she said it hurt...i was thinking that once it got in it wouldn't hurt anymore. I thought i just had to get past the entranceway and then it would feel good for her. So maybe your man thought the same thing...

I wish i knew the answers to those questions DN. She tells me she still loves me and cares about me so much, but our relationship just didn't work out. She says she still wants me in her life. This girl used to be head over heals, would do anything, in love with me. I really don't understand how after 3 years of being like that, now she can want to have this completely platonic "best friend" relationship with me...sooo confusing. And i don't know why i am allowing her to do it. I guess i have just become this weak insecure guy who is trying to hang on to any part of her that is left for me. I wish i could find my strength again. Also...she is not dating anyone else. In fact, i am the only guy she even talks to outside of her family. It makes me feel like i have a shot...even though i probly don't

I have been hanging out with my ex alot lately. we spent the whole day together yesterday. I talked to my mom when i was with her, and my mom suggested i invite her to spend easter with us. So i did....even though i had serious doubts about doing it. She said yes. I feel like i am going crazy because i love my ex so much but she just doesn't want me back. She does want to spend alot of time with me and do things like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. For example, last night we went out to eat at a nice resteraunt and everone there just assumed we were a couple. The waiter called me her boyfriend, and it was never clarified that we were ex's. So sometimes her actions do seem like we are still dating...but everytime i try to ask her about if we could try to get back together she says no. Yea i know i need to do NC...but it is just so hard. So now i am stuck with her coming to easter with my family. I want her to, but i know it is going to be a bad idea. I feel like i can't uninvite her though.

When i was younger i stole a close friends girlfriend. They were together for about a year. Then me and the girl started spending alot of time together and i fell in love with her. I felt so guilty about what i was doing, but my love for her was too strong to deny. She ended up leaving him for me and we dated for 3 years. My friend hated me for a while and we didn't speak for years. Nowadays we are friendly to each other, and we talk online every couple of months...but we will never have the same friendship we had before. My point - I do believe in "bros before hos" in almost all situations. But sometimes if your feelings for someone are too strong there is really nothing you can do. So if you really like this guy curtis and could see yourself getting into a long term relationship with him...then you have to go for it. But if you just have a little crush on him and just want a fling...then your best leaving it alone and not messing up a friendship.

Hey i'm in a similar situation Yesterday my ex pleasured me. First time in 2 months...I really don't know if it is a good idea...but i'm feeling pretty good about it so far. Everyone else on here will probly tell you it is a bad idea. But as long as you are not interested in anyone else, and he isn't either, and you know this for sure, i don't see any harm.

Well 9 days went by without communication. Yesterday i was really bored and none of my friends were around. My roomates were gone for the day and i was feeling lonely. So i caved in and gave her a call. Suprisingly she was really happy i called her, and was not mad at me for the things i said to her last week. In fact, she told me she was just about to write me a letter saying she wishes we could still see each other. So we decided to go to the dog park together. It was a fairly strange day. I realized that i can treat her like sh*t if i want too, I can do whatever i want and she will still be there for me. So I basically have almost all the control over our friendship now. What i say goes. I can see her whenever i want, or not see her whenever i want. It is really a nice feeling. We ended up spending almost the whole day together. At one point she left to do some things, but I told her to come back at 7:30 to pick me up. She was going to come along with me to my pool tournament and watch me shoot. Sorry if the next paragraph is kind of graphic... Around 7:00 i decided i wanted to pleasure myself. She showed up early. Around 7:05. She came in and asked me what i was doing, and i told her straight up. Basically she ended up finishing me off. It did take some pressure on my part to get her to do it, but i could tell she wanted to from the beggining. I just had to erode her morals a little bit. I told her about a free trip i am going on to cancun this summer and how i need someone to take along. She said "Take me" I said "you are the 3600th person on my list of people to invite". Later she asked me if i will come visit her when she goes away to school next year if she pays for my expenses. I told her no. Yea i am very rude to her nowadays. And i think she likes it. All night long i kept catching her staring at me when i wasn't looking. For some reason she started talking about how my shoelaces were falling apart. I told her to get me new ones and she said "Ok i will bring them to you tomorow" I told I was busy (I wasn't) It is obvious this girl still cares about me so much...i don't know what the hell she is so scared about. I guess for now i am going to keep seeing her when i feel like it and see what happens. I know almost any day of the week she would hang out with me if i just asked her. One problem is last week i told her a little lie about how i have a new girlfriend. Now i am stuck with this lie. And she asks soo many questions about my new girlfriend. I tell her it is not very serious, and the rest of the details are none of her business. I don't want to be a liar...but i am kind of stuck with it right now. I also really don't understand why she is not interested in any other guys at all. She said she probly won't start dating anyone else for at least a year. I mean, guys hit on her all the time cuz shes a good looking outgoing girl, but she really is just not interested in any guys. I know in my heart that it will be years before she will ever find a guy that she loves as much as she loves me. And i think she knows this too. Bottom line- this girl is the most confusing person i have ever met, but as long as i feel like i have this much control, i like seeing her. She told me to call her tomorow if i want to see her...and i think i will.

Everyone gets depressed sometimes. Clinical Depression is defined as a persistent state of depression with no cause other then a chemical imbalance in your neurotransmitters. I don't think medicane would be right for you because your depression was caused by events in your life, which is normal and everyone experiences it sometimes. Medicane should be a LAST resort. Try improving your health with excersize and a good diet. Try moving to a new area if you don't like where your at. Find a new hobby. Take a class at school. Make some new friends. Learn how to play an instrument. And if ALL else fails and you are still depressed, then talk to your doctor about what medicinal options you have. Hope you feel better

I like a tall woman, but not taller then me (im 6 foot). I like hair that looks natural, not hair with a pound of styling products in it. I know i may get alot of hell for this, but i kind of like the boyish slim figure. A or B cup boobs and a small waist. I have a small waist myself (31) so i don't really want a girl with a bigger waist then me. But of course i also find girls attractive that dont meet any of the criteria above. Personality means alot.

My long term girl left me 6 weeks ago. I have done on and off NC since then. I try to do NC, but she always would find a way to string me along. She would always call and invite me to hang out, or come over and cuddle, etc etc. 9 days ago i said alot of mean things to her in response to the way she was stringing me along. She said "i don't want to talk to you right now", and i said "I don't want to talk to you ever again". So that was that and we havn't talked in 9 days. At first i felt too much anger and resentment to be sad. Now the anger is fading away and i am finding this void and emptiness inside myself. I have started to think about her all the time again for the last couple of days. Today at school i almost broke NC. I feel kind of pathetic about what i did... She gets to school at the same time i leave school. Well today, instead of going where i normally go, i went out of my way to walk the path i know she walks up to get to school. I didn't see her, so i circled around and walked the path again. I did this about 3 times, then i went down to the parking lot and spent 5 minutes searching for her car to see if it was there. I didn't find it. I almost called her from a blocked number to see what she is up too. I know the pin# to her voicemail because we told each other when we were dating. I wanted to call just to see if any guys left her messages. I feel really low about what i did this morning...but i just miss her so much. I am still on NC, mainly because i don't think she wants to talk to me at all after all the things i said to her last week, and i don't feel i owe her an apology for it either. I feel she owes me the apology. i wish i could feel normal again. I'm getting so tired of this all.